by Alex Wolf
My mouth moves against his as though we haven’t spent thirteen years apart.
His large fingers bite into my hips and I run my hands through his hair just like old times. His tongue presses against the seam of my lips and I open to him completely. His kiss still makes me weak in the knees. I’ve missed the touch and taste of him, but this is wrong. I’m still married to that bastard. Maybe I’m a horrible person but wedding ring on my hand or not, I’m only married on paper, not in my heart. My heart has always been with Jaxson.
He pulls away much too soon with a dark look in his eyes. “This won’t happen again.”
“You still feel something for me.” I challenge him to tell me differently.
“You’re a client. Nothing else.” He adjusts himself and steps away, my body instantly missing his touch.
I can’t do anything but stare at him wishing I knew what he was thinking. God, he looks good in his suit. It fits him perfectly.
I don’t know what to expect now.
But Jesus, that kiss. I miss him so much.
Jaxson
Fuck me. I wasn’t expecting for things to go that far. I can still taste her on my lips hours later as I meet up with Maxwell at the bar. It’s not far from the office and it’s a nice place to unwind. We hang out here a few times a week. Brodie and Weston used to join us, until they became pussy whipped. Kryptonite pussy. Jenna’s the only one who has it, and that ship has sailed.
Brodie won’t admit it, but he’s falling hard for the sexy stripper he knocked up. He’ll be married before he knows it.
“So how long until I’m in here by myself every week?” Maxwell grins.
“What?”
“Heard you were making out with a client earlier.” The cocky bastard smirks at me.
“Were you wearing a raincoat rubbing one out in the corner or what?”
“Pffttt. Please. Girls were giggling about it in the break room.”
“You heard wrong.” I knock back my drink trying to get the image of Jenna out of my mind. I’m not going there. Too much bad history and shit I don’t want to think about.
“Who was she?”
“No one special. Old acquaintance.”
“Right. She need a job?”
My brow lifts. “You burn through another assistant?”
He shrugs and runs his fingers through his hair. “You know me.”
“What’s wrong with this one?”
“Shit at making coffee and fucked up my schedule. Booked an appointment pro bono for a murder defendant. One of those ‘I didn’t do it even though all evidence points otherwise’ fuckers who can’t pay. I’m not a charity worker and I’m too lazy for that shit.”
I chuckle and a brilliant idea pops in my head. “I know a hard worker and you’d never dream of touching her or I’d kick the shit out of you.”
“Who?”
“My sister.”
He sighs. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No. She called yesterday. Looking for a new job. The company she works for is on a downward spiral. Owner’s filing bankruptcy and closing up shop.”
“Let me get this straight. You want your sister. To work. For me.”
I shrug. “Why not?”
“All right. Send her resume over. If she’s qualified, I’ll set up an interview.”
I stare at him like he’s an alien. “I put her through college. She’s more than qualified to make your fucking coffee.”
He shakes his head. “Jesus. Some acquaintance.”
“Huh?”
“That chick from earlier has you all worked up.”
I don’t answer. That flash drive she handed me earlier damn near burns a hole in my pocket. I haven’t taken a look at it yet.
Thinking about it sends anxiety coursing through my blood. You can tell a lot about someone by their bank accounts and personal files. I might not like what I find. In fact, I know I won’t.
They’re old wounds that should stay in the past.
“Want another drink?”
“Naw. I’m good.”
“You sure?” He looks past me. “Two targets just walked in. I feel generous enough to share.” His mouth twists into a smile.
“They’re all yours.” I should join him and the two hot blondes he’ll most likely fuck later, but I have too much shit on my mind.
Jenna fucking Jacobi.
I smack Maxwell on the shoulder. “Don’t end up with bugs on your dick.” I flash him a grin.
“Eat my ass.”
I laugh and leave him to it. “Later.”
“Later, bro.”
When I get home my sister, Claire, waits by the door. Tears stream down her cheeks.
Jesus, how many emotional women can I deal with in one day? I stare up toward the ceiling and shake my head at God. It’s like he’s torturing me.
“What’s wrong?” I unlock the door.
She’s always been sensitive. Our father coddled her too much because she was the baby and the only girl in our family. Our mother passed away during childbirth with her.
Dad was never the same afterward. Treated her like she was made of glass.
“Brian broke up with me.” She hiccups on a sob and follows me into my apartment.
“That guy was a fuckbag. He did you a favor.” I sigh as soon as I say it. I should be more understanding, but for fuck’s sake. I can’t handle this shit right now. Part of me wants to go beat the shit out of Brian’s bitch ass. I don’t know if it’s because him breaking up with Claire has created an inconvenience for me, or because he’s broken Claire’s heart. Probably a combination.
“I loved him. I really thought he was the one.”
I stand there and stare, shaking my head at her for a second. Finally, I sigh and muss up her hair like when we were kids. “He didn’t want commitment. He wanted what he couldn’t have. You were a challenge. He wanted in your pants. He either got what he wanted or gave up and got it elsewhere.” Someone has to be honest with her. “Listen to me. Men are pieces of shit. All of us. Even me.”
Growing up, I practically raised Claire. Dad wasn’t around much. He was too busy working and he couldn’t afford daycare or to hire a sitter. Our older brother was out the door the moment he turned sixteen. He was heavily into drugs and last I heard he was living in a halfway house in California. I tried to help him get his life together, but he didn’t want it. He wasn’t ready to help himself.
Whenever Claire needs anything she counts on me. Hell, maybe I’m as bad as our dad.
When I went off to college I felt guilty for leaving her behind, but I worked my ass off and sent home what money I could.
We’re definitely close.
She looks like she wants to die. I don’t usually deal with these things. Maybe if I change the subject…
“May have a job lined up for you. Maxwell needs an assistant.”
Her eyes brighten, and she sniffles, rubbing her nose with a tissue. “Really?”
“Just talked to him about it. Dust off your resume and get it to him tomorrow. The benefits are great, and you could probably move up quick at the firm.”
“You know I don’t want to be a lawyer. I hate the whole corporate scene. I love to write.”
I try not to roll my eyes. Claire has been writing her epic novel since she was fifteen. She refuses to let anyone read it until it’s perfect. I tried to get her to send it to one of my contacts in New York from my college days, but she refused and said she wants to make it on her own. I don’t know a lot about the publishing business, but I know few people succeed at it. It has to be hard to get your foot in the door. Why would someone turn down a guaranteed meeting with a fucking agent?
People baffle me. Even my sister.
She’ll change her mind once she gets tired of Maxwell bossing her around.
I take one look at her and I just can’t be a prick to two people I actually care about in one day. It’s exhausting, mentally and emotionally. “Call in some takeout.”
“Chinese?”
“Whatever you want.” I loosen my tie and head to my room to change out of my suit.
Claire smiles. Good enough for me. Maybe she’ll help take my mind off that fucking kiss earlier.
I doubt I’ll be able to eat. Maxwell was right. Jenna has me in fucking knots. That goddamn kiss. I had no intention of doing it but when she was staring up at me all helpless, it was like I was transported back in time and we were two stupid kids in love again.
I’d never admit that to anyone in my life.
I pull out Jenna’s flash drive and plug it into my laptop, then join Claire on the couch for some ridiculous reality show.
“I ordered pizza. Got your favorite. Ham and pineapple. It’s disgusting.”
“Better than that shit you eat with barbecue sauce.”
“Whatever. We’re in Texas. It’s like a sin not to love barbecue on everything.” She grins.
I grab the remote and turn the TV to an MMA fight.
“So barbaric.” She scrunches her nose and sighs.
“That’s nothing compared to what I’ll do to Brian if you end up crying by my door again.” He wouldn’t be the first asshole I fucked up for hurting her.
“Seriously, I’ll be fine. It just sucks.”
A while later a knock sounds at my door. Must be our food.
I look through the peephole. Maxwell’s holding a pizza box.
I open the door and he just walks on in. “Got the wrong apartment. Would’ve kept it if it didn’t have that shitty pineapple on it. You need help for eating that shit. You owe me thirty bucks.” He smacks me in the gut after setting the pizza box on my kitchen counter. His head whips over to the couch. “Oh, hey, Claire, didn’t see you.”
“Hey.” She offers him a soft smile, waving as she hangs over the back of the couch staring at us.
“Be at my office next Monday if you want a job.”
Her face lights up. “Great! Thanks.”
“Thanks, man.” I give him a head nod and hand him thirty bucks.
“No problem.” He pops the top of the box open and steals a slice. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” He leans next to my ear. “I have two blondes that need some dick.”
I shake my head and grin as he walks out the door. “Later, bro.”
Claire and I fill our plates with pizza and plop down on the couch.
Jenna’s still running through my mind. I don’t even touch my food. Probably look like a damn zombie.
“You okay?”
“Do you believe in ghosts?”
“I don’t know. Never really thought about it, why?” She takes a bite of barbecue bullshit.
“I saw one today.”
Her nose scrunches up and she laughs. “What?”
“I saw Jenna.”
Claire’s jaw drops.
“Had the same reaction.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“I don’t want to talk about it yet.”
“Seriously? You can’t drop a J-bomb on me and not say anything else.”
“I can’t say anything. She’s a client.”
“Oh.”
It’s one of the perks of being a lawyer. Even when it’s not true, if I don’t want to talk about something I bust out attorney client privilege. People always buy it.
“Yeah.” I sigh and take a drink of my beer.
At least I have pizza and beer. It’s the one constant in my life that never gets shitty. Pizza and beer.
Jenna
I can’t believe Jaxson kissed me. I can’t stop thinking about him and his tempting lips. I know he’s right. It shouldn’t have happened, but I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want him. He’s all I’ve ever wanted.
When I left him waiting, I thought I’d lost him forever. But what if I haven’t?
That kiss spoke to me in so many ways.
I mean, it was definitely hot. But, it was possessive too. It also showed Jaxson still wants me, or at least feels something.
I didn’t see a wedding ring on his finger. He could still have someone. But why would he kiss me that way?
Maybe it’s just silly thoughts of a fairytale ending after all. Does anyone ever stop wanting that? I have no idea who he’s become. What kind of man he is now. But people don’t change. He has to still be that sweet boy I fell in love with so many years ago, the kind soul I never stopped loving.
The house is empty when I arrive. For some reason I feel lighter. Free from the chains for now.
For the first time in as long as I can remember I stare at my reflection in the mirror and don’t hate what I see. I feel something I haven’t felt in a long, long time—hope. Maybe I can get back parts of me I thought were lost forever.
I go to the bar and pour myself a drink.
I need a fresh start.
A mulligan.
The first thing I do is take off my wedding ring. My hand feels strange without it. It was my grandmother’s ring, and I should’ve never worn it to begin with. Not for Leonard.
I walk to the bedroom and yank Leonard’s clothes off the hangers. The rage builds as I stare at all the expensive suits paid for with my family’s money. I want to hurt Leonard like he’s hurt me.
Burning his shit won’t do anything but piss him off but it’ll make me feel a hell of a lot better.
He’s usually gone for two weeks or more at a time when he goes to Vegas.
When he comes back his shit will be nothing but ashes as he’s served with divorce papers.
I’m not brave enough to watch it in person, so I’m having security cameras installed with the little money I do have tucked away on the side. I want to make sure I have evidence of him receiving the documents.
God knows he’ll make everything as difficult as possible.
If he knew about my rainy-day account, he’d have drained it years ago. I’ve been siphoning here and there for years and figured anything extra I’d use to revive a charity my mother had started.
I stare around at the house, knowing that not many people are aware of what really happened behind these walls. Dad told everyone she died in her sleep from a heart condition that had gone undetected, but truth is she took her own life. She took a bottle of sleeping pills. Couldn’t bear the thought of all the things they’d done. I don’t know if it was because of the deal Dad made for me, but I think it might’ve played a role.
I was staying at the house while Leonard was in Vegas. She told me goodnight like she did every night.
Kissed my father’s cheek and went upstairs. She dressed in her favorite nightgown.
She was already dead by the time Dad went to bed. He slept next to her all night long. Was too drunk to notice.
It wasn’t until this that something happened—it wasn’t until he woke up next to her and she hadn’t moved, that it really sunk in.It was the only time in her life that she didn’t wake up and cook breakfast for everyone.
I fell into the same pattern. Doing the same things. Cooking for Leonard every morning. I became the docile wife that stood by, afraid to do anything.
I take another drink straight from the bottle as I think about all the horrible things I’ve endured.
The pain sears through my heart like a hot knife.
I’m angry but not bitter. Seeing Jaxson today and feeling his lips—lips I never thought I’d taste again—I have hope.
I deserve better.
I deserve Jaxson. I know I do. He needs to know the truth. But how do I tell him?
As I carry Leonard’s belongings to the firepit out back, I feel rejuvenated. Every step is like reclaiming my life.
Dousing his stuff in lighter fluid, I smile to myself, wishing I’d have been strong enough to do this years ago. I should have run away. What would have been? I’ll always live with that regret.
I walk back in the house and look for anything I can burn. Anything that links me to Leonard—I want it gone. My wedding dress comes to mind. As I rifle through the attic I find a box I haven’t come across in y
ears. My memory box full of letters and keepsakes from Jaxson.
I hold his class ring in my palm. It still has the embroidery thread wrapped around the band so it would fit on my finger.
The day he gave it to me he promised one day he’d replace it with an engagement ring. He said it was his promise to me. If only I’d given him an opportunity to keep that promise—I wouldn’t be where I am now.
So many nights I spent thinking about the life we would’ve had.
Jaxson would’ve worked his way through college and I’d have gone to vet school. Tears roll down my cheeks thinking about the kids we’d have running around. I could’ve been so happy. He wouldn’t be so cold. We could’ve had such an amazing life.
Things weren’t supposed to be like this. I guess life has a way of being cruel. The world can be a very cold place.
I want to go back and do it all over again.
Slipping his ring on my finger another tear drips onto the plywood floor.
The look he had on his face when he first saw me today was like plunging a dagger into my chest. Part of him hates me, and I don’t blame him. Even if he never gives me another chance, I owe him the truth. He needs to know I did it for him and his family.
I love him.
Rubbing my finger over the stone of his ring I know I always will.
I’ll never stop.
How could I?
He was meant to be mine.
We were made for each other.
I smell the blaze from the backyard as I make my way back down the stairs. I wonder if this place can ever feel like home again.
I don’t think it will. Maybe I should burn the house to the ground. Without this house I have nothing left for Leonard to take. Nothing worth fighting me for in the divorce.
He’s taken everything already.
I drag my wedding gown and memento box into the backyard. The train of the dress rakes through the dirt and I want to stomp on it.
The fire burns hot on my face and I want the house gone. Want nothing to do with all of this.
