Home to Heal

by Lois Richer

  “How very generous of you, my dear. It would be a great relief not to have to trouble Miss Partridge to make these trips so often.” Bonnie smiled. “I’ll speak to Dr. Metcalfe about it today. Do you mind if he calls you at our place?”

  “Not at all. I’d be glad to speak to him, and to help you and Ben however I can,” Abby assured her. “You only have to ask. It’s the least I can do. You’ve both been so generous to me.”

  “It’s our pleasure. Well, time to go.” Bonnie’s smile widened as the twins regretfully released the puppies and exited the petting zoo. “You can always come back,” she promised them.

  They all waved goodbye as Miss Partridge drove the couple away a few moments later, then reluctantly returned to their dandelion necklaces. Abby couldn’t help wondering how Zac’s conversation was going. Her concerns ballooned when Leo emerged from the house a short time later with his head tucked into his shoulders. Hadn’t Zac been able to help him?

  “Abby?”

  “Yes, Zoe?” She smiled at the two sweet children who’d captured her heart the first day they’d arrived in her home.

  Normally Abby refused to allow herself to bond so closely with children, certainly not immediately. Losing Levi had made her protect her emotions. Oddly, she’d felt an immediate and very strong connection with the Calhoun girls.

  “Why won’t Daddy let me and Mia ride the horses?” Zoe demanded with a frown. “Ella rides.”

  “You’d have to ask him.” Abby wasn’t going to criticize Zac, and yet she didn’t want the twins pressing him when he still wasn’t comfortable with letting them go far from him. “Sometimes parents make rules for your good that they can’t explain to you.”

  “Like when God says in the Bible that we’re not supposed to lie and doesn’t say why not?” Zoe wondered.

  “Sort of like that.” Abby found all kids’ simplicity irresistible, but especially these two. “I’m sure that eventually your father will teach you to ride the horses, but right now, with his eye problems, he can’t see if you get in trouble and he can’t see to help you. Your daddy doesn’t want you to get hurt, girls. He loves you too much.”

  “But Uncle Drew could—”

  “Honey, I think your daddy wants to be the one to teach you how to ride horses.” Abby brushed their dark heads consolingly. “Perhaps he wants to make it a very special time when you’ll do it as a family. Together. Does that make sense?”

  “I guess.” Mia and Zoe looked at each other and shrugged, accepting her explanation. For now. “I’m hungry. Can we go make cookies again? All the other ones got eated up.”

  “Maybe we’ll chop some fresh vegetables to make soup for supper,” Abby suggested. “If you’re hungry, you can each have a glass of milk and then you won’t be too full to eat a good meal.”

  “I like soup.” Mia grinned.

  “I like cookies better,” Zoe chimed in with a grin. “But maybe not for supper.”

  Abby helped them clean up their mess, then watched as the twins raced up the stairs and into their new home, calling out excitedly to their father. They were so full of life and boundless energy. But they needed more to do. She allowed them some time to tell Zac about the petting zoo before following.

  How could she phrase her questions about Zac’s discussion with Leo?

  I’m here, Lord, she prayed silently. Show me what to do to help this family. And Zac.

  Once the vegetables were chopped and simmering on the stove, the twins had gone to their room to play with their dolls until supper, and Abby had tidied the kitchen and prepared biscuits to go with the soup, she finally sat down across from Zac.

  “So? How did it go with Leo?” she asked.

  “I’m not sure I was much help,” Zac said, defeat echoing through his words. “There are said to be five stages of grief. In my opinion Leo is through the first two.”

  “Denial and anger, if I remember correctly,” Abby murmured.

  “Yes.” Zac looked carelessly handsome as he lounged on the tan leather sofa, his head tilted upward, one hank of hair flopping over his covered left eye. “He’s heavy into bargaining now. ‘If I did this or made amends for that, maybe God would undo what He’s done.’ Leo knows it isn’t true, but he’s struggling to find a way out. I wish I had some of my old college texts. And I wish I could see to read them,” he added with a grimace.

  “You want to keep refreshing your knowledge?” she guessed.

  “Because I’m out of step. Counseling methods have changed.” His chiseled face tightened. “I’d like to help the guy if I could. But how? I don’t really know what to tell him.”

  “People are people all over the world, Zac. You’re a doctor and a missionary.” Abby kept her voice light. “Your work encompasses body, mind and spirit. Doesn’t it?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I have an idea.” Abby had been longing for someone to give her a specific list of tasks to complete, a goal to strive for so that her thoughts wouldn’t keep returning to the past, reviving the same old questions about how she’d failed at marriage. Maybe Zac’s issues could offer the diversion she craved. “What if we contacted your Dr. Dave and got some more information from him, like studies or papers that deal with grief?”

  “Good idea,” Zac agreed, then added in a droll tone, “Only I can’t see to read them.”

  “I can,” she said, excited by the prospect. “I could read them aloud to you after the girls are tucked in for the night. Would that help?”

  “It’s a very generous offer,” he said immediately. “But—”

  “Please, Zac. Just accept,” she begged. “Otherwise I am going to be bored to tears with nothing much to do.”

  “But it’s not part of your job,” he protested.

  “My job is to help however I can,” she insisted. “I do as much as I can for your parents, but I don’t think your mother wants me hovering over her too much. She’s finding satisfaction in accomplishing things for herself as she heals, which is perfectly normal. Anyway, I really want to do this.”

  It didn’t matter how much Zac tried to dissuade her. Abby had caught just the barest tinge of hope in his voice and she intended to build on that.

  “When we were first married, Ken didn’t like my nursing hours so I cut back, but I kept active with volunteer work.” Abby chose her words carefully. “I hate sitting around. I need to feel useful.”

  “It’s kind of you, but you’re already watching the twins,” Zac argued.

  “They don’t require much watching, though I think we’ll have to make a trip to the town library.” She exhaled. “I’m happy to do whatever needs to be done around here, including read to you, if it’s helpful. But if all you need is someone to watch the girls, apply your drops and change the dressings, a nanny and a community nurse are your answer. I need to do more, Zac. Otherwise I’m afraid I’ll start feeling homesick.”

  “I didn’t realize...” It took Zac less than ten seconds to decide. “If you’re sure you want to do it, and you promise to let me know if it becomes too onerous, I’ll gladly accept your help, Abby.” He thrust out his hand. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  As Zac’s strong fingers gripped hers, Abby felt a zap of connection shiver up her arm. At the same time a warning whispered inside her head.

  Careful.

  Chapter Five

  Two days later, from his chair on the deck of his home, Zac unabashedly eavesdropped on Miss Partridge and Abby, who were chatting around the corner of the house. The former had apparently just finished her riding lesson with Mandy.

  “It’s such fun on that horse, Abby, I don’t know why I waited so long to do it,” Miss Partridge said. “You should get those two young girls up on horseback, too.”

  “I’m sure Zac will see to that at the right time,” came Abby’s quiet response.

&nbs
p; “It’s always easiest to start young,” the lady pronounced. “Anyway, I hope these are the books Dr. Dave requested.”

  “You’ve made a good start.” It seemed to Zac that a smile always wove through Abby’s words. “Thank you so much for getting these so quickly.”

  “My pleasure. Reminds me of the old days when I used to get him books for his schooling. How’s Leo doing?” Miss Partridge asked in a quick subject change.

  “I don’t know. The discussions between him and Zac are private.”

  “And I shouldn’t ask.” Miss P. chuckled. “I won’t, though I will say Leo looks worse than before. I was hoping Zac could help him but...”

  “These things take time. Losing a child is very difficult.” Abby stopped suddenly.

  Zac heard the not-quite-hidden pain underlying her words and realized she was remembering her own lost boy. Compassion for this hurting mother mushroomed inside him. Somehow he never thought of Abby as mourning, and yet she must be.

  “The death of a child would challenge one’s faith in a good God,” Miss Partridge agreed. “I do hope Leo is healing.”

  “I know Zac will do what he can.” Abby’s confidence sent a frisson of pleasure through Zac.

  “Now about the community family night this evening. You are coming, aren’t you, Abby?”

  Zac recalled that Miss Partridge had been in charge of family nights even when he was a teen, though he’d never understood why a single woman without children would have that task. Still, he had to admit she had a gift for making those get-togethers memorable. Also, Miss P. used the event as an excuse to visit older folks around the community, encouraging them to attend while learning if they needed anything.

  “I think the family should go without me,” Abby demurred. “I have some thank-you notes I should write to folks back home.”

  “Write them tomorrow,” the former librarian ordered. He could almost visualize Miss P.’s fingers fluttering through the air in a motion that said Abby’s letters weren’t as urgent as family night. “You mustn’t miss this opportunity to familiarize yourself with folks in Sunshine. It’s a fantastic community.”

  “I’m sure it is, but—oh, hello, Zac.” Abby seemed surprised that he’d managed to find his way to the edge of the deck, just above where they were standing. “Did our gabbing wake you?”

  “I wasn’t sleeping.” He was disgusted. Did he look like he needed a morning nap? “Hello, Miss P. Yes, we’ll be there tonight, I’m sure. Though we might have to find a driver.”

  “Well, you let me know if you do. I have a list of drivers. It’s going to be so fun.” The woman laughed gaily. “I must get going. Things to do, people to see and all that jazz. Ta ta, dears.”

  “You don’t have to find a driver. I have an international driving license.” Abby’s footsteps on wood alerted him that she was joining him on the deck. “I just love that woman.”

  “Love? Miss P.?” Zac startled. “Why?”

  “She has such a zest for life. Projects and plans galore. She bounces from one to the next.” Something thudded, probably the books Abby had received from Miss Partridge. “She gives new meaning to aging gracefully.”

  “Huh. Never thought of her that way.” He accepted Abby’s offer of iced tea and when she returned with it asked, “Where are the twins?”

  “Guess.” Abby’s lilting voice made Zac think she’d be as lively as Miss P. when she aged.

  “I don’t really like guessing. I like knowing things,” he said with a frown.

  “Ain’t that the truth?” There was a tinkle as Abby set down her glass. She sighed. “The girls are helping your mom in her flower garden, Zac, but you must pretend you don’t know anything about it.”

  “Why?” Zac wondered.

  “Because they want to surprise you.” He knew she’d moved to the porch swing because of the rhythmic creak. “It’s so beautiful here.”

  “You’re not homesick for Africa?” He was reminded of what she’d said before about needing to keep busy.

  “Sometimes. Mostly for the heat when those mountains send a chill down after midnight,” she teased. “But honestly, it’s hard to stay homesick in a gorgeous place like this. The sky is such a rich clear blue. The mountains’ pretty top hats of snow and the sparkling waterfalls that tumble down their ragged sides take my breath away. The lushness of Peace Meadow just invites you to relax in it. There are such pretty wildflowers strewn across hill and dale. If I were a painter, I’d commit this view to canvas for all the world to appreciate.”

  “You have quite a way with words.” He could tell Abby was embarrassed by her loquaciousness.

  “Being here makes you appreciate God’s magnificent creation. Seeing the horses and cattle roam those luxurious green fields and smelling that freshly mown grass Drew cut this morning—it’s the light and the warmth and the people. It’s...everything, I guess,” she finished, sounding sheepish.

  “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I was hoping you wouldn’t become bored too quickly.” Saying that made Zac sound unappreciative for the ranch, and he wasn’t. He simply couldn’t get past his frustration at what he’d lost. “What books did Miss P. bring?” He nodded as she read the titles. “That’s a good start. But I hate that reading them to me will take away from your free time.” He’d tried and failed to figure out another alternative on his own.

  “I wouldn’t have said I wanted to do it if I didn’t,” Abby chided. “Let’s not second-guess that decision. Now, you should know that I intend to go to town with Mandy this afternoon to get some groceries. Anything you need? I’ll take the twins along. Leo’s coming again, isn’t he?”

  “So he said.” Zac sighed. “You know, I’m not sure this whole counseling thing is a good idea. What if I can’t help him?”

  “Maybe you can’t. Maybe you’re not supposed to,” came Abby’s calm response.

  “Then why...?” He blinked in confusion, wishing for the hundredth time that he could see her expression.

  “Maybe what Leo needs most isn’t someone who thinks they have to have all the answers. Maybe he really needs someone to just listen to him. You can do that, Zac.”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to say the wrong thing or cause him more pain than he’s in,” he shot back in irritation. “I feel like I’m walking a tightrope around him.”

  “You’re thinking about yourself too much. It’s not about you, Zac. It’s about Leo and his pain.” Abby’s quiet chiding held his attention. “Try to forget yourself and focus on him and his needs. Anyway, you know all that,” she said. “Counseling isn’t new to you.”

  “No, you’re right,” he said, considering her words. “It isn’t about me.”

  “I think we as Christians often do that,” she said, sounding as if her thoughts were on something far away. “We get focused on our own problems in our own little world and we don’t see that God put us where we are because there are hurting people all around us who need us to care about them.” Her words echoed around the covered deck. “At least, that’s what I’ve found. My issues dissolve when I think about the other person and what they need.”

  “Which is how you were able to minister to such needy kids.” Zac knew it was true. “You put your mind to making their world better.”

  “And, in the process, improved my own,” she added cheerfully. “Until—” It went suddenly silent on the deck. Abby must have risen because he heard the screen door creak open. “I’d better get lunch started,” she said hurriedly just before the door slammed.

  Stupid. Zac reamed himself out for not tiptoeing around the memory of her husband and son. Of course Abby couldn’t forget about their deaths any more than he could forget about Maria’s.

  He lifted his foot to rest it on the coffee table. As he did so, his shoe bumped a book. He reached out, let his fingertips outline the hard binding and thin pages.

 
For a moment he considered moving the coverings over his eyes just enough to test whether or not he could see the words on the page. But the sounds of the twins returning nixed that thought. Maybe he’d try to see something, like her face, next time Abby changed his dressings. He desperately wanted to know if he’d ever be able to see again.

  And if I can’t? What then?

  Uncomfortable with that question, Zac sat up straight.

  “Zoe. Mia. Come and tell me what you’ve been doing.”

  The girls tried to keep their secret of planting seeds with Bonnie, but in their excited chatter they quickly gave away their surprise. Listening to them helped dim his dark thoughts for a while. But when Abby called them in for lunch, Zac knew there would be no permanent escape. Eventually he’d have to face his worst fear.

  What are You doing, God? he demanded silently as he negotiated his way to the table. Why is this happening to me?

  God, it seemed, was not ready to explain.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you,” Mandy apologized as she drove Abby and the twins into town two hours later. “I just get so bogged down sometimes.”

  “Don’t apologize.” Abby shook her head. “You have a life to get on with and we can’t upset that. If you’d give me something to do, I’d gladly do it. I’d love to help out in any way you need.” She shrugged. “But don’t worry about us. We’ve been familiarizing ourselves with the ranch. The girls are loving it.”

  “Hanging Hearts Ranch is so fun, Auntie Mandy.” Zoe giggled when Ella tickled her.

  “Yeah, fun,” her sister repeated.

  “So you’re not bored?” Mandy said with a wink at Abby.

  “What’s bored, Mama?” Ella spared her mother a scant second for the reply before turning her focus back on her doll. “Never mind.”

  Abby and Mandy shared a grin.

  “I certainly am not bored,” Abby assured her. “The ranch is gorgeous and there’s so much to see. Yesterday I went for a walk behind Zac’s place and found this wonderful little meadow full of wildflowers. Peace Meadow, Bonnie called it. What an unusual name.”