Home to Heal

by Lois Richer

  “Wait till I tell Ella,” Mia yelled enthusiastically, hopping from one foot to the other.

  “An’ the kids at Sunday school.” Zoe and her sister shared huge grins.

  “Wait! Girls.” It was up to him to clear this up and he knew it. Problem was, for the life of him Zac couldn’t figure out how to tell them there wasn’t going to be a wedding. He’d destroy their excitement and maybe even ruin this Father’s Day surprise they’d arranged. He couldn’t do that.

  But wasn’t it funny how absolutely certain Zac was that marriage to Abby could never be a mistake?

  Chapter Twelve

  “So you’re getting married?” Miss Partridge clomped up the deck stairs energetically. “I thought since we’re friends, you might have told me first.”

  “Married?” Abby dropped her mending to stare. “Who told you that?” She had a sneaking suspicion she already knew the answer, but her friend’s response wasn’t what she expected.

  “It’s all over town. It was the first thing the twins announced at their day camp this morning.” Miss Partridge peered at her fingernails as if they were of immense interest as she recited, “You and Zac were kissing in Peace Meadow. Now you’re getting married. So when’s the big day?”

  “There isn’t one,” Abby said firmly, though inside she mourned saying the words. “I am not getting married. To anyone.”

  “But...?” Her friend leaned back, obviously waiting to hear the story.

  “The twins and I made a Father’s Day celebration for Zac in the meadow. He and I were talking while the girls played. I was talking about Ken,” she added meaningfully.

  “Ah.” Miss Partridge nodded. “Go on.”

  “I started bawling and he was trying to comfort me.” Abby’s face grew hot with embarrassment. “The girls saw it and thanks to something Ella had told them, mistook our joined hands as a prelude for upcoming nuptials.”

  “Rats!”

  Abby gaped at the older woman, totally disconcerted by the huge grin she wore. “Sorry?”

  “I was really hoping the two of you would get together without a nudge from me.” Miss P. sighed. “I guess not. Okay, then.”

  “Miss Partridge—Grace. Please don’t do anything. Zac and I aren’t going to get together. He doesn’t love me, and anyway—” Abby knew she was going to have to come up with a strong reason to stop this determined woman from meddling. “I’m not sure I want to give up my plans to travel and stay here, with him.”

  “What?” Miss P. reared back in astonishment. “But you said—”

  “I made a mistake. I got caught up in the idea. I mistook the thrill of being here—in this wonderful place with Zac, who is like no one I’ve ever met—as something more than just friendship. But it isn’t.” Abby met her searching stare. “We’re not getting married.”

  “Huh.” Miss Partridge slumped in her chair. “I was so hopeful...” She let that go and glanced around. “Where is Zac?”

  “With Bonnie. She told him about two ladies who have issues trusting horses, thinking Zac might be able to help them.” Abby smiled. “Then he’ll be busy preparing a talk to give at that men’s thing at the church tonight.”

  “He agreed to do that? But the pastor said he’d completely shot down the idea of public speaking.” The lady looked shocked. “Last I heard, the men were hosting some visiting salesman.”

  “Apparently he canceled. Drew asked Zac, and when he refused, Drew insisted on a dart challenge. Zac lost so he has to give the talk.” She shrugged. “I don’t know the details, but Drew was gloating and Zac didn’t seem too upset by it.”

  “As boys, they used to compete in a dart throw to settle their arguments.” Miss P. frowned. “Zac has an excellent shot. I’m surprised Drew won.”

  “Well, he did.” Abby shrugged. “Zac won’t do anything formal, just an off-the-cuff talk about his life in Africa. I think he’s going to record it so Melanie can hear.” She put her mending to one side. It was so much more interesting to talk with her friend. “Do you need to see him?”

  “Not necessarily.” Miss Partridge made a show of peering into the distance. “He mentioned at church that he had something he wanted to share with me so I came to find out what.”

  “Do you want me to call him?” She didn’t like the librarian’s glum expression.

  “No, thanks.” Miss Partridge’s scrutiny intensified. “He said he might know someone,” she finally blurted.

  “Someone...? Oh.” The truth dawned. “Someone special for you. I’m sorry, I don’t know who that might be, but I will tell Zac you stopped by,” she promised.

  “You know, it’s odd that you suddenly decided you don’t want to stay here.” Miss Partridge’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me again why that’s changed.”

  “It’s not a change so much as a realization.” Abby decided to be completely honest. “For one thing, even if Zac did care about me, I might fail him, as I failed my husband.”

  “More like your husband failed you!” The woman gave a unladylike snort.

  “Maybe we failed each other. Anyway, I’ve stopped trying to figure it out.” Abby shook her head. “I’ll probably never know why God didn’t protect me from Ken’s betrayal any more than Zac will learn why God allowed someone to destroy his life’s work. And even if I knew, what can I do about it? I must move on.”

  “You’re focusing on the future,” the lady murmured.

  “Yes. I’ll always miss Levi, but I can’t keep mourning him. He’s safe with God. In Africa I buried myself in caring for needy kids so I wouldn’t be alone, so I didn’t have to think about having no one. Then the government closed down my orphanage. I came here to start over. It’s time for me to really live, to face my future, though I’m not exactly sure how to do that,” she admitted. “I want a full, happy life, but where do I start?”

  “You’ve already started. Here, with this family.” Miss P. leaned forward and placed her hand over Abby’s. “You’re not alone. The twins adore you. Ben and Bonnie think you’re fantastic. Drew and Mandy keep singing your praises. Zac depends on you to keep things going for him and build his spirits.” She squinted. “You know, maybe you and I could come up with something you can do on the Double H, so you won’t have to leave.”

  “Like what? Nursing?” Abby chuckled. “Everyone here is too healthy.” She looked at the sky, hoping for some revelation. “I greatly admire Zac’s spirit. He’s slowly taking what he’s been dealt and working it through. It isn’t easy for him, but he doesn’t give up. I won’t, either. God has a purpose for me. I just have to find it.”

  “That’s the spirit, my dear.” Miss P. hugged her, headed for the stairs but then stopped. “Oh. I almost forgot. I came to invite you for dinner. I’d like us to celebrate our friendship over a meal. Would two weeks from Saturday work?”

  “Thank you, I’d love to, though I’ll have to check with Zac.”

  “Do that, but don’t mention the dinner. I don’t want him to be jealous.” With a coy smile, Miss P. waved, then descended the stairs. “Bye.”

  As Abby watched her leave in a cloud of dust, something about the woman’s hasty departure niggled at her brain. But the more she puzzled over it, the less she could determine why it bothered her. When Zac returned and invited her for a walk, all thoughts of Grace Partridge fled.

  She strolled beside him, toward the meadow, of course. They always seemed to gravitate there. Only now he moved more confidently. He was regaining his self-confidence and she was so glad about that.

  “Uneasy about your talk tonight?”

  “Of course. Who am I, with all my questions about God, to be talking about faith and trust?” He shoved his dark glasses up onto his nose with a grimace. “I’m hardly a sterling example of faith, Abby.”

  “Having questions isn’t a sin,” she scolded with a smile.

  “No, but mine are so many
that I feel I’ve lost my connection with God.” His fingers found the back of the chair and he sank into it. “I’m so tired of feeling betrayed and confused and uncertain.”

  “Then stop.” Abby sat down beside him.

  “Great idea.” He shot her a mocking look. “How?”

  “Fight it. Refuse to indulge in those thoughts,” she said firmly. “God loves you, Zac. Whether you choose to believe it or not has no relevance. He does. You can’t change that love or make it fit the way you want. You either believe in His love or you don’t. And if you believe it, and I think you do,” she said with a quick smile of reassurance, “then all your fretting and fussing and trying to make God answer to you is useless. God is God. He knows what He’s doing, whether you trust that or not.”

  “You don’t mince words, do you, Abby?” Though he studied her, she found it impossible to gauge his reaction to her comments because of the darkened tinted lenses that shielded his eyes. “You’re saying I should accept God, period. Don’t expect Him to answer to me. Give up everything I’ve believed about Him since I was seven?”

  “Maybe your childhood beliefs about God need to grow, change. Deep inside you know the truth of what I’m saying.” She squirmed uncomfortably under his continued stare, but she had to finish her thought. “Doesn’t it all boil down to the basic tenet of trust in God? All the way or not at all.”

  He was quiet for a long time. She didn’t interrupt, content to let God do His work.

  ‘“Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God,’” Zac quoted softly. “That’s you, Abby. You have this sweet, genuine trust that God will work out everything.”

  “You make me sound gullible.” Her face warmed. “I’m not some silly Goody Two-shoes. I’ve had lots of faith issues to work out. I’m still working on some. But I believe the Bible when it says all things work together for good for those who are called by God, according to His purpose.”

  “You’re okay with whatever He decides?” His lips thinned.

  “Yes, Zac.” She slid her hand into his. “I’m okay with letting God be God, because as His beloved child, I trust that His purpose is what’s best for me.”

  * * *

  After speaking at the men’s dinner, Zac was invited to give presentations at three different events in three different counties, all in the same week. At the end of each talk, people sought him out to ask if they could meet with him privately. He agreed and set up appointments simply because he couldn’t turn them away, but also because Abby’s words lingered in his brain. Was this some kind of new ministry for him?

  The days flew past as folks came to the ranch. In the solace of Peace Meadow, over Abby’s carefully prepared snacks and cool drinks, each one poured out their pain and anguish, desperate for help, as if Zac had answers for years of parental neglect, for a spouse’s unfaithfulness, for a beloved child’s betrayal, for a friend’s damaging gossip. He didn’t, but somehow the words came to him, mingled with verses that seemed to bring relief to their battered hearts.

  On Friday night, bemused and wearied by the sheer numbers who had shown up, Zac asked Bonnie to babysit while he unburdened his heart to Abby in Peace Meadow.

  “It’s so strange,” he confessed. “I personally have no answers to their problems. But they talk and a verse springs to mind. When I say it, it’s like a light switch flicks and God is illuminated instead of their problems.”

  “So God’s using you to heal hearts and souls, just as we ask Him to do each morning after breakfast.” She smiled at him as if he’d done something wonderful. “What’s the problem?”

  “Me. I don’t have anything special to tell them,” he argued, feeling totally at a loss. “I don’t have the answers they seek.”

  “You don’t need to. You know God, Zac. You’ve known him since you were seven. He hasn’t changed.” Her palm against his cheek, then touching his chest, left a trail of warmth glowing inside him. “You just have to remind them that God’s their Father and He’s there, holding those verses you memorized so long ago because He knew you’d need them for yourself and for the people who look to you. He’s drawing them to Himself through you because He’s the only one who can comfort their hurting hearts. He who was, who is and who always will be our Father.”

  “Sometimes it’s very hard to hear their stories.” He loved that Abby came, listened, stayed and always drew him back to God. If he really was ministering, then she was partnering with her constant, steady support. “These are people living confused lives. They’re in desperate pain. They make my issues seem small. That’s why I can’t send them away.”

  “And that’s why you’re so successful, my dear, dear man.” Abby’s hand squeezed his, her touch like a blessing.

  “But I don’t feel genuine. I still have questions. I still can’t wholly trust God,” he reminded her. “I still need answers, Abby.”

  “The apostle Peter questioned why God didn’t take away his affliction,” she reminded.

  “He asked for healing, three times,” Zac reminded her.

  “And he said God didn’t heal him. How frustrating that must have been when he was suffering so much to spread God’s love. But this affliction didn’t stop Paul from his ministry,” she reminded. “He kept going. He had perseverance and dedication. So do you. That’s what makes a missionary a missionary.”

  “But I’m not a missionary. Not anymore.” It didn’t seem as hard to admit that as it had been.

  “Yes, Zac. You are.” The intensity of Abby’s voice held him captive. “A missionary isn’t just one who leaves his homeland for a foreign country. A missionary is one who ministers no matter where he is. There are mission fields in the most unlikely places, even here in Montana. Perhaps Peace Meadow at Hanging Hearts Ranch is your new mission.”

  She drew her hand away, leaving Zac reeling at the loss of her tender touch. It was all so confusing, and now eyestrain had given him a pounding headache. He rubbed his temples.

  “Your head hurts.” She rose, moved behind him and soothed the knot in his neck. “Better?” she asked before she sat down again.

  “Yes, thank you.” What would he do without her? She’d slipped into his world and given him hope, and he doubted she realized how great a gift that was.

  “Zac? I need to tell you something.”

  “Okay.” He held his breath, worried.

  “I think I’ll be moving on after next week,” she said in a rush. “You don’t really need me here anymore. Actually, you probably never did need me. But I’m so glad I came.” The smile lighting up her face revealed a joy he envied. “You’re seeing now. You can get around. You can administer your own eye treatment. The girls are comfortable here. They’ll be okay with a nanny to watch them. There’s not really much more for me to do.”

  “There is a lot for you to do,” he argued as his stomach sank to his toes. “Every day you teach the girls things their mother would have taught them. You pray for us, especially this new work I’m doing. You lead all of us by your strong faith example. My parents love having you here.”

  “But they don’t need me,” she said with a hint of sadness. “No one does.”

  I do. The thought shocked him into silence.

  “You’re all getting on with your lives. I’m glad. That’s exactly the way it should be.” Her smile, her beautiful smile. What if he never saw it again? “I need to get on with my life, with finding my place and discovering where God wants me.”

  Here. You belong here. With me.

  “I want you to know that wherever I go, whatever I do, I won’t forget Hanging Hearts Ranch or the ones who live here. You’re all in my heart now and I will continue to pray for everyone, especially you,” she added. “I’ll pray that you will learn to truly trust God with all your heart. Because there’s no other way to be happy except to trust and obey.”

  A text from Bonnie saying Mia was calling fo
r her made Abby jump to her feet. After ascertaining there was nothing wrong, Zac urged her to go and leave him to find his own way back. He claimed he wanted to think for a while, but the truth was he couldn’t shake her words.

  Abby was leaving. Their long walks and never ending discussions about life, God and learning His ways would be over in a little more than a week. He would be alone. Again.

  Why did it feel like he was about to lose his left arm?

  Because you love her.

  That still, small voice inside gutted him with the truth. He did love Abby. He loved her beauty, internal and external. He loved the care and attention she showered on everyone she came in contact with. Even strangers who arrived to talk with Zac were welcomed with freshly baked cookies and a cool beverage. People with whom she had no relationship, and yet she made their lives better just by being available, by caring however she was able.

  Even aloof Miss Partridge had found a soul mate in Abby. Why? Because Abby saw past the lady’s pretense of self-dependence to the aching heart beneath. She cared so much she was willing to help Miss P. achieve her dream of love.

  Zac loved Abby.

  I love her. He tested the words in his mind and reveled in a deep satisfaction. Abby belonged here, with him. He wanted her to stay permanently, to help him figure out this new path he was on, to be the voice of reason and truth in his world, to keep pointing him back to God.

  But what had he, a jobless, half-sighted man with no future, to offer a woman as beautiful both inside and out as Abby?

  “God? Can’t You do something?” he pleaded. And then he voiced his deepest fear. “Are You taking her away from me, too?”

  * * *

  Loath to leave this place that now seemed like home, Abby spent as much time as she could with the dear ones at Hanging Hearts Ranch. She’d grown to love each as if they were her own family. The girls’ bubbling laughter helped change her memories of Levi to joyful recollections that honored his memory. She rested in the knowledge that she would see him again one day, but until then, God cared for her son. Time with Zac had healed her heart from Ken’s abuse, too, allowing her to finally and irrevocably turn her mistakes over to God.