Coastal Erosion

by Rachelle Paige

“You need to get out of my house and stay away from me,” she growled, her tone low and menacing. Her eyes turned dark with a rage he’d never seen before.

  She was mad at him? She had some nerve, after what she’d done. Landon stuffed his hands into his pockets. He didn’t want to say or do anything else. He needed space to clear his head and think over this revelation. Because the woman he’d loved would never have aborted their child. The pregnancy had been a surprise and of course poorly timed, but he’d never doubted it was meant to be. Clearly, she’d had a lot of doubts, about him and their relationship. He crossed through the doorway, holding the door open with his foot, to lean back and leave her with one last thought.

  “We aren’t done talking about this,” he said, his voice flat and emotionless.

  No sooner had he stepped out of the way then the heavy door crashed closed behind him. She didn’t waste time. Apparently, she never had. Landon hopped in his car and turned the engine over. He drove as fast out of East Beach as he could. He needed solace and fresh air. The wind whipping through the convertible over the Torras Causeway inspired him to cross the even steeper Lanier bridge. He turned onto Jekyll Island and ended his drive in the parking lot of the historic district.

  He hadn’t been to Jekyll Island since middle school, when he’d last talked Grandmother into taking him to the water park. His son or daughter would have been the perfect age to enjoy the wave pool. Landon put a hand to his face and pulled it off quickly. His fingertips were wet. He’d been crying without even realizing. He’d lost so much more than he’d ever thought he had. He didn’t know if he’d ever get answers from her now.

  The Spanish moss draped over the gnarled branches of the live oaks swayed gently overhead. He stared at the spiky plants, feeling just as twisted and contorted. Coming to St. Simons had been complicated. He’d been led by love and loyalty—for her, for their child, and for his grandmother.

  Taking in a deep breath, his nostrils filled with the scents of his past. Usually the faint hint of coconut suntan lotion mixed with the brackish smell of the sea brought him warm memories. Not today. He closed his eyes and messaged his temples. The pieces of information didn’t fit. The woman he loved would be incapable of killing, especially not their child. And why would she have done it? They were happy and engaged and excited for their future.

  Rolling his neck from side to side in a vain attempt at easing the tension, he replayed their conversation. She was wrong. He hadn’t come here just for the baby. He’d come for her and for himself. He’d made a mess of everything but he couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave without her. The only way through was forward.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The steps groaned under her feet as Kim climbed and held firm onto the handrail as she kept moving. After she’d slammed the door behind Landon, she’d given in to her feelings and let herself crumple to the ground. He thought she’d killed their baby? How had he for one second not realized the truth? She would never have left and run off with their child. She’d been terrified of becoming a mother, but the one thing she held onto was his support. And then when she’d needed him, he’d said those awful words.

  And she’d been alone.

  She gave herself five minutes to sit on the floor, stunned and shocked. Then the imaginary timer beeped in her head. She refused to feel sorry for herself any longer. She would not let him ruin her. If he believed those terrible things about her, then she was better off without him. The sting of that realization burned as if she’d fallen asleep at the beach and forgotten to reapply her sunscreen. He had been as bright as the sun, and he’d scalded her too in the end.

  She pushed herself off the ground and pressed her cool hands against her cheeks. She needed distraction so she drove to the bar on the corner in the Pier Village, parked in the alley, and climbed the back stairs to Trish and Phil’s home. She raised her hand to knock on the door when it opened before her.

  “I heard the creak as I was cleaning up,” Trish offered as she pulled open the door. “Come on in. You’re here early. I thought I wouldn’t see you until later.”

  “Change of plans. I don’t suppose I could take you up on that drink?”

  “Of course, come on in.”

  She closed the door behind her as she crossed the open living room, dining room, and kitchen to take a seat at Trish’s big dining table. Somehow, despite living over a bar in the middle of the Pier Village, St. Simon Island’s unofficial downtown, Trish and Phil had created an oasis of calm. The hardwood floors and trim gleamed from polish, the kitchen smelled like pasta, and the overstuffed chairs and large couch beckoned her to sit down and relax for a while. Their home over their business could not have been more different from the gorgeous, immaculate, and magazine ready mini mansion they’d lived in on East Beach. She remembered rooms perfectly staged that no one even set foot in. But that house on a grand scale had always felt cold. Taking a step back from their careers to focus on their family had changed their entire situation for the better.

  “I have beer in the fridge and can probably find Phil’s scotch or a bottle of wine in the liquor cabinet,” Trish said interrupting her thoughts.

  “Actually I’m not much of a drinker. Do you have tea?”

  “Tea, no. Sorry. But I do have coffee and cocoa. A lot of cocoa.”

  “Seems a bit early in the season for that.”

  “True. But Charlie saw a show and had to have cocoa. I picked up a huge box when we were at the warehouse store in Jacksonville, stocking up. Unfortunately, it turns out I can’t get the cocoa to the perfect temperature for him. Either it’s too hot or it’s too cold. I did stock up on mini-marshmallow while I was there too, if that further entices you.”

  “That sounds great, thanks.”

  Trish crossed the few steps into the kitchen, filling up the teakettle and turning on the stove.

  “Can I ask how your not date went tonight?”

  Kim winced.

  “Sorry, sorry, don’t answer that.” Trish waved her hands in front of her face.

  Never one to pry, Kim had always appreciated that with Trish. She’d been a sounding board for ideas over the years but didn’t know much about Kim’s life before their friendship. Even their relationship had limits. While Kim had helped out when Trish had been on bed rest and they’d worked craft fairs together, they’d never gone to the movies or met up for coffee. Kim had kept many people at a distance, except for her Grandma Rose. Maybe it was time she stopped.

  “Have you thought at all about when you might be free to help with the bathrooms here?”

  “Yeah, I should have some time. I have an upcoming meeting at the SCL that I’m not looking forward to, discussing what we think went wrong in losing the bid. And I have a booth at the next craft fair. But otherwise, I should be free.”

  “Okay great. My cousin Shannon but we call her Shazz is coming for a visit. I’m hoping to convince her to come stay for a while and help us out. I’d like to get the bathrooms done in the next few months too.”

  Kim flattened her hands on the tabletop, forcing her shoulders to relax as well. Make small talk, act normal. She felt the very opposite of normal, wound tighter than a stripped screw.

  “What does your cousin do?”

  “A little bit of everything. She’s between jobs at the moment. But she’s been an au pair, a cruise ship entertainer, a European tour guide, and most recently a historic interpreter. Through it all though, she’s bartended and she’s pretty good. We could use her help especially now…”

  The whistle of the teakettle on the stove cut her off. Trish pushed back from the table, filled two cups with cocoa power, and poured the water over top. She brought the mugs over to the table with spoons.

  “You know what? I think we need something stronger than marshmallows.”

  Before Kim could protest, Trish grabbed something out of the fridge and plopped it on the table. Whipped cream. Perfect. I could use an entire container to clear the taste of bile from my mouth.

&
nbsp; Trish generously swirled the canned confection over both cups of cocoa and raised her mug for a celebratory clink. Kim obliged and then took a quick sip of the rich, chocolaty treat. She drank her tea black with only a fresh slice of lemon, if she had it. But nothing could come close to the taste of hot cocoa, even on a still-warm evening.

  “Why is your cousin coming?”

  “I have news. We are pregnant again. And you remember how complicated everything got the last time.”

  Using both hands, Kim carefully placed the mug on the table. She rested her elbows on the table and steadied her face in her fingers. The world started to rock and sway. Kim felt nauseous. Too much.

  “Kim, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  When Trish’s arm came around her shoulders, the sobs started. Shaking her entire body, tears rushing down her face, she could barely take in a deep breath. She hadn’t cried in a long time. Not since she’d been recovering after her surgery.

  “Kim? What’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

  With a shuddering breath, Kim swallowed her last sob, nearly choking on it. She rubbed her tear-stained cheeks with the back of her hands. Trish pushed back from the table to fetch the box of tissues off the side table by the couch and a glass of cool ice water. Kim took both gladly, loudly blowing her nose and taking a long drink.

  “I… I’m sorry. I’m really, really happy for you. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” Trish mumbled.

  “Please know that I’m so excited for you.”

  “I do,” Trish reached over and grabbed her hands. Kim jumped at the touch and Trish pulled back. “What’s going on?”

  Kim didn’t know where to start or how much to divulge. She’d carefully erected a wall to hide all of her feelings behind. With each stone, she tucked away another piece of her heart so she wouldn’t get hurt again. Of course, Landon had come in like a demolition crew and taken a sledgehammer. And then he’d walked away.

  “Did I ever tell you I was engaged?”

  “You are?”

  “No, I was. We met the end of college, the very last semester. By the third date, we were practically living together and we went away together for spring break. It was my first relationship ever, and I just kind of let myself get swept away.”

  Trish nodded and Kim took another sip of water. A hint of cucumber enhanced the plain beverage and turned it into something much more refreshing. Leave it to Trish to have such an everyday luxury on hand for a guest. Maybe one day Kim could learn a few of her tips and tricks. But first, she had to get through this mess she called her life.

  “I found out about a month before graduation that I was pregnant. And when I told him, he proposed on the spot. I don’t know if he wanted to get married because it was the right thing to do or if he wanted to get married. His family has a name in his hometown.”

  At Trish’s nod of encouragement, Kim continued, taking in another shaky breath.

  “Anyway I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled, my first one for the Tuesday before graduation. We were all set to go the appointment together. But Monday I started cramping and I didn’t feel good.

  “Landon was out of town. He’d gone home for the weekend. He’d told me to discuss his plans with his parents. I don’t know how any of it went. I never met them. We lived in a wonderful, dreamy bubble in college without any of the real life hassles to contend with.

  “Anyway, I started bleeding Monday afternoon, and I called him to tell him I was worried. He encouraged me to go the doctor without him. Over the phone, his voice was stressed. I could hear the strain and exhaustion. I have no idea what happened that weekend. I was scared for the pain I was feeling. I mentioned I was worried something was wrong with the baby and his words.”

  Kim shuddered. Those words had haunted her for years. They’d tainted every good memory, every happy moment, all the joy they’d shared.

  “He said, ‘Well it’s not like we wanted this baby anyway.’”

  Kim stared at her hands, clasped in her lap. She couldn’t feel them. She’d left her body, her mind somehow taking her out of her physical space, maybe to prevent her body from feeling any of the phantom pains associated with the rest of the memory. She heard Trish’s quick intake of breath. She didn’t need to glance up to know Trish would be shocked. Kim had been shocked. Landon who’d always been so smooth and such a charmer had sliced through her heart with those words at exactly the wrong moment.

  “So I went to the doctor and the pregnancy wasn’t viable. Actually, it was ectopic and further along then I’d realized. And the way it was attached meant emergency surgery and a hysterectomy.”

  Trish reached out again with an arm to comfort her. But Kim was out of tears.

  “Landon didn’t make it back in time. I called him a hundred times before I gave up. He wasn’t answering my phone calls. My grandma Rose did. She rushed to be by my side. So I made a choice. I didn’t want him to stay engaged to me when I couldn’t give him the family I knew he would one day want.”

  “I missed graduation. I missed my last few finals. I was able to get permission for the medical emergency to take the tests a couple weeks later. And then Grandma Rose brought me back here. She helped me find a place and a purpose and I’ve been moving ahead steadily ever since.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Trish whispered.

  “Trish, it’s okay,” Kim replied between halting breaths.

  The tears had evaporated but the sobs continued. Her chest heaved with short bursts of emotion. She slowed her breathing, taking in a deep gulp of air and holding it in. The smells of home and comfort, chocolate mixed with cleaners, had undone her and made her emotionally volatile. Now the same scents calmed her down.

  “Believe me this had nothing to do with your news. I know how difficult your last pregnancy was. I can only imagine the complications this time for you.”

  “And being told at every appointment that I’m an advanced maternal age hasn’t helped. But still, I’m so sorry. You are so much stronger than anyone I know.”

  “I’m not. Because my ex just came back into my life. And it turns out, he thought I was hiding his child all these years. And when I didn’t have a kid at my house, he accused me of killing our baby. Which I guess I did.”

  “No, no, you did not do that.”

  “I wish you’d tell him that.”

  Kim took another long sip from the water. She’d never had to explain what happened to anyone. At the hospital, the doctors had filled in Grandma Rose while she’d been sedated. Grandma Rose had been her lifeline. Kim had lost her mother shortly after her tenth birthday and her reclusive dad had never understood how to interact with her. Kim had spent most of her time over at her grandparents’ house, helping in the garden, building puzzles with her grandpa, watching her grandma dance around the kitchen. She’d been heartbroken when Grandma Rose had moved away but she understood. And after she lost out on her future, she wanted to get away to a fresh start too.

  “So your ex is here?”

  “Yep, he came over to my house. And he’s the developer who won the land off Lawrence Road.”

  “Whoa.”

  “Yeah, whoa. Sorry, I didn’t mean to emotionally unload on you like that.”

  “Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?”

  Trish dropped her arm from Kim’s shoulder and patted her hand. She’d never had a ton of friends. She’d never been good at sharing her feelings with a lot of people. Maybe she only needed a few people in her life that she could count on. Too bad Landon couldn’t be one of them.

  “So what’s your plan?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Come on, Kim. I’ve never known you to sit around. You’re always busy, always moving. You’ve become a part of this community. You pretty much work for the SCL for free. I’ve seen you give and give and give of yourself. What’s the point of having a community built up around you if you can’t count on them when you need them?”

  “I guess I haven’t figu
red out anything. I was put on Landon’s project and I have to see it through. Unless he asks to have me removed which maybe he will.”

  Kim rested her chin in her hand, giving in to a moment of self-defeat. Trish drummed her fingers on the tabletop. The message in the taps against the wood was clear. Act. Kim had never been one to be at the mercy of fate, except around Landon.

  “You need to move on from this guy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out on a date.” Trish pushed back from the table slightly to cross her legs.

  “Are there eligible men here? I’ve never seen one. Besides, what can I offer? I’ll never have a family.”

  “That’s not true. There are plenty of options, both for men and for having a family. Regardless, you need to move on from this guy. Sounds to me like he came here to confront you, not to win you back.”

  “I guess so,” Kim mumbled, her stomach dropping.

  The problem was she didn’t want to move on from him. She never had. Even after hurling accusations at her, her heart still ached to be with him. Landon had been her only love. Was now the time to give up and move on? Was that why he’d come? She’d hoped he’d come back to fight for her. But instead he’d come to destroy her life. She’d figure out a way to get him to stop his plans on Lawrence Road. It was time to double down. Against him.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The bright blue sky filled with fluffy clouds mocked him. A weekend spent cruising past Kim’s cottage to see if she was home and then speeding away when she was had done nothing for him. How had everything gone so wrong? Yes, he’d come to St. Simons Island to confront her and find out the truth. But he had come back for her too. No, scratch that. He’d come back for her first and foremost.

  In the early morning hours, when sleep had eluded him, he’d paced the guestroom in his grandmother’s house. His shadow on the thick Aubusson carpet centered in the room had grown with each minute as the sun rose. He hadn’t intended to bungle the whole thing. Confronting her had never been his goal. In the heat of the moment, he’d been grasping at whatever he could say to stall her. Maybe he’d lashed out too, to hurt her, he’d admit.