Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  Forcing myself to break the hold he has on my eyes I glance back down to our fingers.

  Jaxon starts tracing them again. “I take it you haven’t had a lot of support throughout your life?”

  I laugh but, there’s absolutely no humor in it. “You could definitely say that.”

  I look back up to see Jaxon is watching me with a frown on his face. That’s another expression from him that I don’t like to see.

  “What about your family? Friends? Surely there is someone that you can count on.”

  I really don’t want to talk about my family, if you could even call them that, but I don’t want to appear rude and ignore his question. I give him only what I am able to give him.

  “I haven’t seen or spoken to my family is years. I prefer to keep it that way. As far as friends, I only have one, Chris.”

  I see something flicker in his eyes and his brows pull down low. It looks like disappointment, sadness, and, if I’m not mistaken, jealousy all mixed together. It’s the jealousy that confuses me the most.

  “Chris?”

  “Chris. She’s been my best friend since third grade. She’s the only one I can count on. She’s always been there for me when I needed her. I love her fiercely and I know there is no way I can pay her back for everything she’s done for me.”

  Immediate relief appears in Jaxon’s eyes once I start talking about her and all at once I realize why I saw the jealousy. He thought Chris was a guy. The thought brings a smile to my face.

  “You thought Chris was a man didn’t you?” I’m still smiling when I ask him.

  He chuckles lightly and replies, “Well, can you blame me? It’s not very often you come across a woman named Chris.”

  “No, I guess not.” I laugh with him. “It’s short for Christabelle. It’s a mouth full so she decided to shorten it.”

  We lapse into a comfortable silence after that. We are both looking down at our hands on the table. He still hasn’t stopped moving his fingers over mine. I shift my fingers a little to separate them and he glides his between them. It tickles a little but still feels very nice and comforting. I’ve grown accustomed to the sensations it’s causing and am disappointed when he removes his hand when Maggie stops at our table with our food and orange juice.

  “Here you go, dears,” she says as she sets down two plates in front of me and four plates in front of Jaxon. My eyes bug out at the amount of food he has ordered.

  “Thanks gram. It looks great.” He tells Maggie as he picks up his fork and digs into his eggs.

  She laughs at him while she watches him shovel food into his mouth. She turns to me and says, “That boy has always known how to put food away. You’d think he was starved as a child, but I know better. Between his mama and me it’s a wonder he wasn’t a fat child. Even now, I wonder how he can eat so much and stay so lean.”

  Jaxon puts down his fork and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “You know why I was never a fat kid. You and mama always had me running errands or helping out around here or the house. As for now, I run and lift weights when I can.” He shrugs when he says the last.

  “Well, whatever you’re doing now is definitely working. There’s not an inch of extra on you, dear. You’ve grown into a fine looking young man. Don’t you agree, Bailey?”

  Maggie looks at me for a response and I start to blush. I hate being put in the spotlight and this situation is worse than others. Jaxon must know he looks good and doesn’t need me to reassure him. Maggie knows this as well. I may not want to say it out loud, but Jaxon is one of the best looking men I’ve ever encountered. He’s not only good looking on the outside, but I’m discovering he’s pretty darn fine on the inside as well.

  Still blushing profusely I stutter out my response. “Uh..umm...yes ma’am, Jaxon is a very good looking man.” I’m looking anywhere but at Jaxon. I know he sees the color on my cheeks, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I know it may sound immature or childish of me but I never had a chance at a normal relationship before I was thrown into an unconventional one. During college my total focus was my studies, until I met Steven, so I never got a chance to completely notice guys and how relationships and flirtations worked between a man and a woman.

  “Leave it, Gram. I know what you’re doing and you need to stop.” Jaxon says in a stern voice.

  I finally turn my head to Jaxon and see him giving his Gram a pointed look.

  She lifts her hands in mock innocence and smiles. “What? I’m not doing anything that any grandmother wouldn’t do for her good looking grandson.”

  Jaxon picks his fork back up and points it at her. “Well, don’t. I don’t need any help.” He lowers his fork back down to his food.

  She looks between the two of us for a couple of seconds, her smile still in place. She finally nods like she’s satisfied with what she sees. She bends down to kiss Jaxon on the cheek and then moves over to do the same with mine, shocking me, before straightening back up. “Let me know if either of you need anything, you hear.”

  “Yeah, Gram, will do.” He says around a mouth full of food.

  During their conversation I just watch the two of them. You can tell that they care deeply for each other. They act like a real family should act. Even though the conversation made me feel uncomfortable it was still a blessing to watch.

  Once she leaves I pick up my fork to cut into my waffle. I have a bite halfway to my mouth when Jaxon starts talking.

  “Sorry about that. Gram has been known to meddle where she’s not wanted, especially with Anna, Mia, and me. She likes to think she’s helping, but it only complicates things.”

  I put the fork back down and reply, “It’s okay. She only does it because she loves you. I can’t fault her for that. You’re lucky to have her.”

  “I know and I love her, but she needs to know when to stick her nose in and when not to.”

  Picking my fork back up I take a bite of my food. After a swallow I mutter, “I still think it’s sweet. I would have loved having a Gram like her growing up.”

  We finish our food in silence. Like the other times I’ve eaten at Maggie’s, the food is delicious. It has a home cooked taste to it that makes it much better than the bland food you taste at other restaurants. Even though I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, the small meal that I ordered fills me up. I’ve had to scrimp on food lately so it doesn’t take me long to get my fill.

  I sigh and lean back in my chair once my plate is empty. I look over to Jaxon and see he is already leaning back in his seat, his multiple plates empty.

  “I can’t believe you ate all of that. There was enough food there to feed me for a week.”

  He twists his lips into a smirk and says, “Told you I could put away some food. I don’t eat like I should at night because of the bar so I eat as much as I can during the day.”

  I laugh lightly. “Well, I’m definitely impressed.”

  “So, Angel, tell me about yourself.” He says while crossing his arms over his hard chest, the muscles in his arms bulging out of his t-shirt.

  I knew it was coming, but I dread it all the same. I have no idea what to say to him. I can’t tell him about my childhood or my time with Steven. Well, I can, but I really don’t want to. It has the potential to cause a lot of problems, problems that I don’t need. My plate is full enough and I don’t think I can take anymore. I can bypass all the entire negative and just give him snippets of the good, the little there is anyway.

  Nervously twisting my hands that are sitting on my lap under the table I ask him, “What do you want to know?”

  After taking a sip of his coffee, he places it back down on the table. “Hmm...let’s see. Where did you grow up? What were you like as a child? Do you have any siblings? You mentioned college. What did you major in? What do you like to do for fun? What’s your favorite color? Food? Movie? I want to know anything and everything about you.”

  I start laughing as he spits out the multitude of questions. “Wow, that’s a lot of questio
ns. You sure you want to know all that? I’m a pretty boring person.”

  He watches me for a few minutes with a smile on his face before he says, “For some reason I think I’ll find that not to be true.”

  “Okay, let’s start from the beginning and you’ll see just how dull my life's been.” Taking a deep breath I start telling him the pieces I allow myself to reveal.

  “I grew up in a medium size town in the south. We lived in a dull neighborhood that had no other kids. I was a small, quiet, and shy child. The only friend I had was Chris and I didn’t get to see her that much, except in school. School was not fun for me because I was so withdrawn into myself. The only highlight was seeing Chris. I have no siblings. It was just me, my mom, and my dad, which I told you earlier I haven’t spoken to in years. And please don’t ask about them. I’m not ready for that conversation.” I tack on the last because I see the questions swirling in his odd eyes.

  “I went to college and got my degree in education. I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. For reasons I would rather not discuss, that dream never came to fruition. I haven’t really had a chance to do stuff for fun but I do enjoy reading. It’s a passion I recently discovered and I love it. My favorite color changes often, depending on the things I see around me. My current favorite is steel blue.” Of course I don’t tell him that the reason it is my current favorite is because of the times I’ve seen his eyes change to that color.

  Even though he may not know the reason I still blush and look down to my lap. When I look back up, I see him watching me intently, like he’s absorbing every word that comes out of my mouth.

  I finish up the answers to his questions. “My favorite food is my home made lasagna, which I might see if Maggie wants to try putting it on her menu because everyone needs to try it. My favorite movie is Sleeping With the Enemy.”

  When I finish he has his elbows resting on the table and he’s leaning towards me. I know that I’ve left a lot unanswered. I also know he is dying to ask me questions I’m not ready to answer. I can see it in his eyes. I just hope he listened to me and doesn’t ask his questions.

  In the end, he asks a question that I didn’t expect. It’s a question that I have to answer delicately for fear of revealing too much.

  “Why is your favorite movie Sleeping With the Enemy, Angel?” He asks me quietly. There’s a tick in his jaw and the look he has in his eyes is intense. There’s a mixture of worry and anger. I’m assuming the two emotions are there because of what my answer might tell him about me and my life. I do have a specific reason why it’s my favorite movie, but I can’t tell him that so I decide to go with the most basic answer I can.

  I shrug my shoulders and answer his question as if it’s no big deal. “The woman went through hell with her husband. I find it amazing that she could find the courage to run away from that and start a new life on her own. Although she was still terrified when she left, she didn’t let that fear hold her in place. She got herself out of that situation with the little she had to use. Even when her husband found her she didn’t just meekly cower down, she took a stand. That takes a lot of courage and I admire her for it.” I don’t tell him that it was after I saw that movie while in the hospital that helped give me courage to escape my own situation. The guy in the movie would have eventually killed his wife and I knew that our situations were similar. It was just a waiting game.

  Jaxon is still watching me with fierce eyes. He was very smart to catch onto the whole movie thing. When I told him my favorite movie, I thought nothing of it. That was stupid on my part. I should have known that he would pick something up from that. I can sense that he knows there’s more to it than the answer I gave him but luckily he doesn’t pressure me to reveal more.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes just watching each other. Just as it is starting to become uncomfortable Jaxon gets up and reaches his hand out to mine. I guess our breakfast is over. Not once does he release my hand while he pays for our food or during the walk back to the apartment.

  When we make it to the door to my apartment I pull the keys from my purse to unlock the door but he scoops them from my hand and does it himself, handing them back to me after he does so. After depositing my purse and keys on the small table by the door, I turn to him.

  “Thank you for breakfast,” I say sweetly looking up into his eyes.

  “It was my pleasure.” He responds while taking a step closer to me and lifting his hand to my face. His proximity is a little unsettling but welcome as well.

  I close my eyes, knowing what’s coming next; him kissing my forehead. I’m looking forward to it. It’s such a sweet thing for him to do, and for someone like me that hasn’t had much sweet in her life, I love it all the more. I’m starting to look forward to these intimate gestures from him.

  What I don’t expect and completely takes me by surprise is the warm lips that lightly settle on my own. Jaxon uses his thumb under my jaw to gently tip my head back. I’m still stunned and comply immediately. His kiss is soft and tender, like he’s afraid he might scare me. I have to admit that I am a little scared, but I’m also excited.

  Jaxon timidly runs his tongue across the seam of my mouth and in a bold move I never thought I was capable of, I open my lips to him. He swoops in immediately and tangles his tongue with mine. He tastes of mint and coffee and I love the combination.

  As if Jaxon knows that if he pushes too hard I’ll withdraw, only his lips and hands are touching me. There’s still a couple inches separating us and I can’t help but be disappointed in the space. This is a big step for me and I’m surprised I haven’t started freaking out yet. Yes, I’m nervous and unsure but it just feels right. I can only assume it is because Jaxon doing the kissing. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Even the thought repulses me.

  Jaxon slowly pulls away but places two more sweet kisses against my lips. He then rests his forehead against mine. His breathing has become labored. Mine isn’t much better. The kiss couldn’t have lasted more than a minute, but it feels like it was hours.

  I’m left with not knowing what to say while he stares into my eyes. His is searching mine to make sure that I’m okay. I give him a reassuring smile to let him know that I am. In return, he gifts me with a smile as well and places another kiss against my lips.

  “I’ve got to go,” he murmurs there.

  “Okay,” I whisper. I don’t want him to go, but I’m also relieved. I need time to think about the kiss.

  “I’ll see you tonight.” He murmurs again.

  “Okay,” I whisper back, already looking forward to it.

  “I don’t want to leave.” He says while staring into my eyes. I stare back, transfixed by his beautiful gaze. The one is my favorite color again. Steel blue.

  Reluctantly he drops his hand while pulling away and reaches behind him to open the door. He takes a quick step back to me and lands another sweet kiss on my lips.

  “Later, Angel.” He says softly with a smile.

  “Later Jaxon,” I reply just as softly with my own smile.

  “Lock the door behind me.”

  “Okay.”

  I heard his heavy boots against the floor once he hears the turn of the locks.

  Chapter Ten

  Over the course of the next several days, I find myself developing a routine. In the mornings, I get my first hit of coffee while sitting at the table overlooking the main street of town. Sitting there, I watch the pedestrians and wonder what their lives are like. Are they happy with where they are in their life? Are they married? Did they have any kids? Where did they work? What are their hobbies? Where are they going that day?

  I’ve always been fascinated with others’ lives. Even as a child I would love to watch other people. When I got older sometimes I would fantasize that I was one of the people that I was watching. I would make up these elaborate stories in my head that had me working as an elementary school teacher. Each day I would come home to my loving and dedicated husband. He would be someone tha
t showered me with attention and loved me unconditionally. He would be a hardworking man that doesn’t shy with helping me around the house. We’d have three beautiful kids, which we both adored. We’d live in an average house in an average neighborhood. My fantasies weren’t real fancy, but they were my own and I could make them into whatever I wanted.

  Every once in a while I would see an Amish cart ride but I think what held my attention the most was watching the kids walk to school. I have always wanted children. I’ve never really had the opportunity to be around them that much but I know, even as a kid myself, that I wanted them when I got older. They are so innocent and carefree, with no worries of the world. Even though my own childhood was a disaster I knew that I would cherish my child and protect them with my life.

  After I would sit and watch the world go by I would get dressed and be ready for when Jaxon would stop and pick me up for breakfast. I was a little skeptical at first when he kept asking me to have breakfast with him, but I’ve grown to love the time I get to spend with him. He may look tough and dangerous with all his tattoos and piercings, and he probably is, but with me he is one of the sweetest and kindest men I’ve ever met. I may not have known him long, but I feel safer with him than I have with any other man. It’s an unusual and exciting feeling.

  We usually eat our breakfast, drink several cups of coffee, and then sit and talk for a couple of hours. I reveal little bits of my past, the pieces that aren’t tainted, and he tells me about himself. He has also told me a little bit about the town. I learned that he and his family have lived in Jaded Hollow for generations.

  I also learned that Jaxon’s pub was originally built by his great-grandfather, who was also named Jaxon, and when he passed away several years ago from lung cancer he left it to him. Maggie’s Diner has also been in the family for years. His family consists of him, his grandmother, mother, Mia, Anna, an aunt and uncle and a few little cousins. He also has some extended family members from his father’s side that he hasn’t seen in years. When Jaxon revealed that his father ran off a few years ago, I could tell there was more to the story than what he was telling me. There was hurt and betrayal written in his eyes. It was obviously a sore subject so I didn’t try and pursue it.