Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  Chapter Eleven

  A couple days after the phone call finds me standing behind the bar at Jaxon’s pub watching him at the other end talking with a couple of guys. He looks so relaxed and at ease. He’s casually leaning both hands on the bar. Of course, he’s wearing a black shirt again. This one is long sleeves, but he has them pushed up his forearms, displaying his multitude of tattoos. I wouldn’t mind being given the opportunity to study them.

  The morning after he snuggled with me in bed I woke up refreshed, peaceful, and in a wonderful mood. It was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a very long time. It was because I didn’t dream that night about Steven or the horrible things he’s done to me. It’s been months since I’ve slept and not had nightmares. I can only account that to the fact that Jaxon was there to chase them away. Even before I had my nightmares my dreams were restless because I didn’t know what the next day would bring with Steven.

  After I realized that Jaxon was no longer in bed with me I grabbed the pillow he used and hugged it to my face and chest, taking in his lingering scent. I loved falling asleep in his arms.

  I watch Jaxon stand up straight from the bar and reach into his back pocket and pull out his phone. When he glances at it, I see his eyes get a hard look and there is a visible tick in his jaw. He swipes his finger across the screen and puts it to his ear. Whoever he is talking to has obviously made Jaxon lose his lighthearted mood. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but I can tell that whatever it is it’s said in heated words.

  After standing there talking on the phone for a couple of minutes, he lifts the bar partition and lets it slam back down. He then stalks towards the hallway.

  I wonder who he is on the phone with. Whoever it is I already don’t like. Jaxon is one of the sweetest men that I’ve met, but I also know he has an intense, angry streak to him as well. I hate to see that side of him. Not because I’m afraid of it but because someone as kind as Jaxon should never be pushed to that level.

  “Hey, sugar, you mind getting us a couple of beers, whatever’s on tap?” I’m brought from my thoughts of Jaxon and turn to see a couple of regulars standing at the bar. Their names are Ethan and Jesse. They’ve been in here before and have shown me nothing but respect. I give them a smile and tell them that I’ll have them ready in just a moment.

  After I set their drinks down in front of them Ethan leans his elbows on the bar and asks, “So, Bailey, what’s your deal? You seein’ anybody?”

  I’m taken aback by his question, not expecting it. I’ve never been the type of girl that garnered a lot of male attention. I know that I’m passably attractive. Before Steven, I was hit on occasionally but not very often. After I left Steven I figured my scar would scare off any unwanted attention from guys. So far it has worked until I came to Jaded Hollow. It’s like the people here don’t see my scar, even when I pulled my hair back. I’ve been hit on and flirted with more since I came here than I have in my entire life. I don’t know what to do with it. It’s flattering but even more so it’s unnerving.

  Looking into Ethan’s eyes, I see honest curiosity. No malicious intent or leering eyes. There’s appreciation there, but nothing that makes me too uncomfortable.

  “No, I’m not seeing anyone,” I tell Ethan and watch as interest enters his eyes.

  “Would you like to get a drink or have dinner sometime?” He asks in a hopeful voice.

  Ethan is a very good looking guy. He has dark blonde hair that he keeps cut close to his head. His eyes, which are a rich chocolate color, are kind. He’s tall and carries himself with confidence, but not in a cocky way. He dresses well in a pair of black slacks and a dark gray button up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It looks like he just came from the office and is here to relax a bit. Even through all this I can’t see myself going out with him. First, the thought of going out on date with a guy gives me the hives. Second, it would be pointless because I’ll eventually be leaving. And third, he doesn’t make my heartbeat quicken and my breath shallow, not like someone else I know.

  “Thank you, Ethan, that’s very sweet of you, but I’m not looking to date right now.” I smile at him to try to soften my rejection.

  He takes it in stride and smiles back at me before replying, “Okay, that’s cool. If you change your mind you let me know.” He and his friend pick up their drinks and walk away.

  Phew! That wasn’t so bad.

  Just then, Andrew walks up to me and places his arm around my shoulders. “Hey, there sexy mama. How’re you doin tonight? Gotten into Jaxon’s pants yet?”

  I choke out a laugh at his question. Andrew definitely doesn’t mince words. He gets straight to it. He always says what’s on his mind. Sometimes it’s hilarious what comes out of his mouth and sometimes I wonder how he doesn’t have a perpetual black eye. He’s such a joker at times it is difficult to tell whether he’s serious or not.

  I look at him now and the first thing I notice is his shirt. It’s white and in big bold purple letters it says ‘Idropthesoap@hotmale.com’. I let out a laugh and shake my head. Every day he wears another ridiculous shirt that’s bound to make me laugh.

  When I look up into his face, I see a twinkle in his eye, but I also see open curiosity. He wants to know but is still giving me the opportunity to take it as a joke in case it embarrasses me or I don’t want to answer. I can’t really fault him his curiosity. He knows that Jaxon and I have been spending time together lately.

  I jab him in the ribs and joke back with him. “Now Andrew, you know a lady never tells her secrets, but if you must know I have no plans of ‘getting into Jaxon’s pants.”

  He pats the top of my head like a child. “Oh pretty girl, you don’t need any plans to get in his pants. He has enough plans for the both of you for you to get there. And when you two do get down and dirty I want all the raunchy details!”

  “Andrew! Seriously? You have no shame at all! I absolutely will not share any details with you! Besides, you’re wrong about Jaxon. He’s just a sweet and noble man being nice to someone that he feels deserves it.”

  He bends at his waist and bursts out laughing. I personally don’t see what’s so funny.

  “You really are diluting yourself, Bailey. That man has the hots for you. Like really has the hots for you. And noble? I would have never used the words ‘noble’ and ‘Jaxon’ in the same sentence, but with you, I think you may be right. Jaxon’s had a lot of women in his bed and he’s never had to work for it. If he did, he would just skip them. There’s only ever been one woman that he had a long-term relationship with, everyone else was a fly by the minute woman. With you though, I see a difference in him. He doesn’t mind the work. He knows in the end it will be worth it.”

  His words make me pause. The more I know about Jaxon, the more curious I get. I wonder who the woman is that Andrew mentioned and what happened between them. I also wonder if she is the cause of Jaxon not wanting anything long term.

  As far as Jaxon being willing to work to get what he wants from me, which from Andrew’s standpoint is in my bed, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that. It’s flattering to think Jaxon feels I may be worth it and it sends a thrill through me. It’s also ludicrous because I’m not worth it. I’m used goods with a magnitude of problems. No way could Jaxon think I would be worth that much trouble. What makes me so special for him to break his habit of sleeping his way through women? He may feel protective of me because he suspects something terrible happened, but for him to give up his playboy ways for a girl like me? Not possible. He may have told me the other day that he wants to take me to bed but that doesn’t mean he wants to keep me there. What’s to say I wouldn’t be like all the rest of his girls? Even if the thought of willingly having sex didn’t terrify me, I know that I would never be the type to have a fling.

  I need time to think so I tell Andrew that I’m going to take my break in the kitchen with Hoots while there is a lull in the crowd.

  He bends slightly and kisses my cheek. He whispers in
my ear, “It’s okay to feel, pretty girl. Jaxon would never hurt you. Of that, I am certain. You know how I feel about him. Jaxon looks at you the same way I look at him. Only with you, there’s a possibility of something truly special coming out of it. I get that you’ve been hurt in the past, but don’t let it ruin your future. Whatever the bastard did to you is not worth it.”

  I pull my head back and stare into Andrew’s eyes. Andrew may be a joker but when it comes down to it, he can throw in some heavy stuff as well. I ache for him because we both know his ‘one’ is someone that will never return his feelings. The thing about Andrew is, he is completely unselfish. If he can’t have Jaxon for himself, he would still want to see him happy with someone else. He really is something special and I hope that he finds someone that can make him happy and feel special.

  I leave Andrew behind the bar with a peck on the cheek and a heartfelt ‘thank you’ and make my way to the kitchen. Once I reach the hallway I see that Jaxon’s door is closed. I wonder again who is on the phone and if he’s okay.

  When I walk into the kitchen, I greet Hoot and grab a bottle of water out of the industrial size fridge. Hoot is a big burly man in his sixties with a head and face full of gray hair. He may look intimidating because of his size but he’s really just a teddy bear in disguise.

  “Hey, there Bailey. How’s your night?” He asks while I pull up a stool to the island that’s in the middle of the kitchen.

  “I’m doing well. How has your night been so far?”

  “Not bad, not bad. Been working on a new appetizer. I’m thinking chicken balls wrapped in jalapeño cheese fried in a special batch of flour I’m creating.”

  “Mmm...that sounds wonderful!” And it does. At the mention of food I’m reminded that I haven’t eaten since this morning. My stomach is empty, but I don’t want to eat yet. I’ve got my leftover lasagna that I’m looking forward to warming up when I get off work.

  Jaxon walks into the kitchen a few minutes later and looks around until his eyes land on me. I immediately know something is wrong. I can see it in his eyes. They look devastated and haunted.

  He walks to me and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Take a ride with me.” His voice is raw and filled with emotion.

  There is no way I can say no to him. Not when he’s in this state. I know he needs me right now. He has done so much for me and been there when I needed him from almost day one. I not only want to be here for him right now but I need to be.

  I wave and say goodbye to Hoot before Jaxon drags me out the door. We walk back to the front just long enough for Jaxon to yell at Andrew and Mia, “Bailey’s done. I’ll be back later.” We make a pit stop in his office to grab a helmet.

  Back in the kitchen when he asked me to take a ride with him my only concern was taking care of Jaxon. Now, though, as we make our way to his bike I feel a hint of trepidation enter me. I’ve never been on a bike before and the thought of getting on one now frightens me. I pull myself together and force my feet forward. Of course, the forcing my feet forward part is unnecessary because Jaxon is still pulling me along.

  We reach his bike and Jaxon turns to me and places the helmet on my head. He must sense my nervousness because in his deep voice he asks me, “Ever been on a bike before?”

  “No.”

  “Nothing to worry about, Angel. I would never let anything happen to you.” He finishes snapping the strap underneath my chin.

  I know he wouldn’t. It’s the crazies that are going to be around us that worries me. I don’t tell him that though. I merely nod my head.

  After he gets on his bike Jaxon turns his head and tells me to get on.

  “What about your helmet?” I ask him.

  “Don’t need one.”

  “Umm...and what if we get into a wreck? Your head will be splattered all over the road.”

  His lips twitch at my dramatics. I don’t find it funny. I shoot daggers at him from my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.

  “What part of your brains becoming part of the cement do you find funny?”

  His gaze softens and they lose the glint of humor. “Nothin, Angel. I never wear a helmet while riding. I’m careful. Now, grab my shoulders and hop on.”

  Instead of arguing with him, which is something I want to do because regardless of how careful he is accidents still happen, I do as he says and grab his shoulder and swing on behind him.

  “Make sure you keep your feet on the pegs at all times. And lean with me, not against me. Got it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, wrap your arms tight around me and hang on.”

  Again, I do as he says and wrap my arms around his middle and latch onto his shirt. He grabs the outside of my thighs and pulls me forward so I am flush against his back. The sensations I get between my legs and my chest are intense. Jaxon is warm and hard and feels so nice. My face flames with the knowledge that I’m enjoying this.

  Jaxon starts the bike and off we go on my very first bike ride. It’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once and I love every minute of it. Anyone could see this by the huge grin on my face.

  I am utterly transfixed from the vibration running through my body, wind in my hair, and the warmth of Jaxon pressed to my front. I don’t realize we’ve reached our destination until he pulls to a stop. Having laid my head in the middle of his back, I reluctantly lift it and look around.

  We are completely surrounded by blackness, except for the moon shining on what looks like a body of water. I can see the moon sway gently from the motion of the water. There are no other lights and from what I can gather from the shine of the moon there are no buildings or cars. I do notice the shadows of trees though.

  Jaxon taps my hand and I know he wants me to release my grip. I do so and climb off the bike. Jaxon gets off as well and reaches to take my helmet off.

  “Where are we?” I ask him, turning this way and that way trying to get a better view of my surroundings.

  “The back side of my property. I come out here sometimes when I need a moment alone.” After placing the helmet on the seat, he grabs a blanket out of the saddle bags, takes my hand, and starts walking.

  We stop at a grassy spot close the edge of the water and Jaxon lays the blanket out on the ground. Once done, he sits down and pulls me with him. We both lie back, hand in hand, and stare up at the sky. It’s a clear night so millions of stars are out shining. It’s beautiful, quiet, and peaceful. We lay there in silence for a few minutes just listening to the lapping of the water, the crickets singing, and each other breathing.

  “I heard from my dad tonight. He called me.” Jaxon says quietly. He starts slowly drawing patterns on my palm.

  I don’t say anything, knowing that he needs to tell me in his own time. After a couple of minutes, he continues.

  “He and Cara are having a baby. She’s four months pregnant.” I can tell by the way he spat Cara’s name that she’s not one of his favorite people. I can also tell that the idea of his dad and Cara having a baby upsets him.

  “I take it you don’t like this Cara person,” I ask timidly. I want to understand why this person upsets him so much.

  “No, seeing as how she used to be my fiancée.” He answers with a hard edge to his voice.

  I suck in a breath and jerk my head in his direction. He doesn’t stop playing with my hand.

  “Yeah, my fiancée dumped me for my dad and they took off together, got married, and are going to have a baby.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper to him. I stop his hand play by grabbing his and giving it a squeeze. He squeezes mine in return. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling right now. I wish I could help him in some way, help him through the pain, but all I’m able to do is lay there and listen to him. Be the ear that he needs to release some of the pressure of betrayal.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me, Bailey. I’m over it, have been for a long time. They can go jump off a cliff for all I care. What gets me is them having a baby.” He lifts our hands and places them
on his chest, right over his heart.

  “That’s understandable. I’m sure you pictured yourself having a baby with her. I know it’ll be hard for you to think about your dad with a woman your age, a woman that you loved, having a baby.”

  My heart aches for him. Not only because his dad took away his dream of becoming a father, but also because the woman that he was supposed to trust explicitly betrayed him, with his dad. He lost two people that he loved in one go.

  He gives a harsh laugh. “Oh, I pictured it alright. As a matter of fact, I still have the picture.”

  What? He’s confusing me. I don’t understand what he’s saying. I know that he had to of mentally pictured himself having a child with Cara, but what he is saying sounded like....

  Oh my God! No!

  Jaxon reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He opens it and brings out a small, shiny, crinkled piece of paper. I know what’s on the paper as I’ve seen my fair share of them.

  He holds it at an angle so we can see it from the light of the moon. On it is a black background and a bunch a white squiggly masses. Right in the middle is a white blob in the shape of a peanut.

  The hand that Jaxon isn’t holding flies to my mouth and tears form in my eyes and start sliding down the sides of my face.

  “She was eight weeks along when this was taken. At ten weeks, she walked into a clinic and came back out no longer pregnant. She went into that fucking clinic and killed my baby. One week after that she was gone, and so was my dad. I didn’t find out until later that they had been seeing each other for six months. I wondered for a while if the baby was even mine, but found out soon after that it was. Cara and my dad always used protection. One of the two times that we didn’t was when she fell pregnant.”

  A strangled sob escapes my throat and I start crying hysterically. I sit up abruptly and bury my head in my hands. I know it was selfish of me to lose it like this. Jaxon was the one that was in pain and needed comforting. I can’t help it though. The thought of willingly killing a child is too much for me.