It is the most difficult thing in the world to eat sandwiches with immense fur and woollen gloves on, and I think we ate almost as much fur as anything, and choked exceedingly during the process. Minora was angry at this, and at last pulled off her glove, but quickly put it on again.
“How very unpleasant,” she remarked after swallowing a large piece of fur.
“It will wrap round your pipes, and keep them warm,” said Irais.
“Pipes!” echoed Minora, greatly disgusted by such vulgarity.
“I’m afraid I can’t help you,” I said, as she continued to choke and splutter; “we are all in the same case, and I don’t know how to alter it.” “There are such things as forks, I suppose,” snapped Minora.
“That’s true,” said I, crushed by the obviousness of the remedy; but of what use are forks if they are fifteen miles off? So Minora had to continue to eat her gloves.
By the time we had finished, the sun was already low behind the trees and the clouds beginning to flush a faint pink. The old coachman was given sandwiches and soup, and while he led the horses up and down with one hand and held his lunch in the other, we packed up — or, to be correct, I packed, and the others looked on and gave me valuable advice.
This coachman, Peter by name, is seventy years old, and was born on the place, and has driven its occupants for fifty years, and I am nearly as fond of him as I am of the sun-dial; indeed, I don’t know what I should do without him, so entirely does he appear to understand and approve of my tastes and wishes. No drive is too long or difficult for the horses if I want to take it, no place impossible to reach if I want to go to it, no weather or roads too bad to prevent my going out if I wish to: to all my suggestions he responds with the readiest cheerfulness, and smoothes away all objections raised by the Man of Wrath, who rewards his alacrity in doing my pleasure by speaking of him as an alter Esel. In the summer, on fine evenings, I love to drive late and alone in the scented forests, and when I have reached a dark part stop, and sit quite still, listening to the nightingales repeating their little tune over and over again after interludes of gurgling, or if there are no nightingales, listening to the marvellous silence, and letting its blessedness descend into my very soul. The nightingales in the forests about here all sing the same tune, and in the same key of (E flat).
I don’t know whether all nightingales do this, or if it is peculiar to this particular spot. When they have sung it once, they clear their throats a little, and hesitate, and then do it again, and it is the prettiest little song in the world. How could I indulge my passion for these drives with their pauses without Peter? He is so used to them that he stops now at the right moment without having to be told, and he is ready to drive me all night if I wish it, with no sign of anything but cheerful willingness on his nice old face. The Man of Wrath deplores these eccentric tastes, as he calls them, of mine; but has given up trying to prevent my indulging them because, while he is deploring in one part of the house, I have slipped out at a door in the other, and am gone before he can catch me, and have reached and am lost in the shadows of the forest by the time he has discovered that I am nowhere to be found.
The brightness of Peter’s perfections are sullied however by one spot, and that is, that as age creeps upon him, he not only cannot hold the horses in if they don’t want to be held in, but he goes to sleep sometimes on his box if I have him out too soon after lunch, and has upset me twice within the last year — once last winter out of a sleigh, and once this summer, when the horses shied at a bicycle, and bolted into the ditch on one side of the chaussee (German for high road), and the bicycle was so terrified at the horses shying that it shied too into the ditch on the other side, and the carriage was smashed, and the bicycle was smashed, and we were all very unhappy, except Peter, who never lost his pleasant smile, and looked so placid that my tongue clave to the roof of my mouth when I tried to make it scold him.
“But I should think he ought to have been thoroughly scolded on an occasion like that,” said Minora, to whom I had been telling this story as we wandered on the yellow sands while the horses were being put in the sleigh; and she glanced nervously up at Peter, whose mild head was visible between the bushes above us. “Shall we get home before dark?” she asked.
The sun had altogether disappeared behind the pines and only the very highest of the little clouds were still pink; out at sea the mists were creeping up, and the sails of the fishing-smacks had turned a dull brown; a flight of wild geese passed across the disc of the moon with loud cacklings.
“Before dark?” echoed Irais, “I should think not. It is dark now nearly in the forest, and we shall have the loveliest moonlight drive back.”
“But it is surely very dangerous to let a man who goes to sleep drive you,” said Minora apprehensively.
“But he’s such an old dear,” I said.
“Yes, yes, no doubt,” she replied tastily; “but there are wakeful old dears to be had, and on a box they are preferable.”
Irais laughed. “You are growing quite amusing, Miss Minora,” she said.
“He isn’t on a box to-day,” said I; “and I never knew him to go to sleep standing up behind us on a sleigh.” But Minora was not to be appeased, and muttered something about seeing no fun in foolhardiness, which shows how alarmed she was, for it was rude.
Peter, however, behaved beautifully on the way home, and Irais and I at least were as happy as possible driving back, with all the glories of the western sky flashing at us every now and then at the end of a long avenue as we swiftly passed, and later on, when they had faded, myriads of stars in the narrow black strip of sky over our heads. It was bitterly cold, and Minora was silent, and not in the least inclined to laugh with us as she had been six hours before.
“Have you enjoyed yourself, Miss Minora?’ inquired Irais, as we got out of the forest on to the chaussee, and the lights of the village before ours twinkled in the distance.
“How many degrees do you suppose there are now?” was Minora’s reply to this question.
“Degrees? — Of frost? Oh, dear me, are you cold,” cried Irais solicitously.
“Well, it isn’t exactly warm, is it?” said Minora sulkily; and Irais pinched me. “Well, but think how much colder you would have been without all that fur you ate for lunch inside you,” she said. “And what a nice chapter you will be able to write about the Baltic,” said I. “Why, it is practically certain that you are the first English person who has ever been to just this part of it.”
“Isn’t there some English poem,” said Irais, “about being the first who ever burst—”
“‘Into that silent sea,’” finished Minora hastily. “You can’t quote that without its context, you know.”
“But I wasn’t going to,” said Irais meekly; “I only paused to breathe. I must breathe, or perhaps I might die.”
The lights from my energetic friend’s Schloss shone brightly down upon us as we passed round the base of the hill on which it stands; she is very proud of this hill, as well she may be, seeing that it is the only one in the whole district.
“Do you never go there?” asked Minora, jerking her head in the direction of the house.
“Sometimes. She is a very busy woman, and I should feel I was in the way if I went often.”
“It would be interesting to see another North German interior,” said Minora; “and I should be obliged if you would take me.
“But I can’t fall upon her suddenly with a strange girl,” I protested; “and we are not at all on such intimate terms as to justify my taking all my visitors to see her.”
“What do you want to see another interior for?” asked Irais. “I can tell you what it is like; and if you went nobody would speak to you, and if you were to ask questions, and began to take notes, the good lady would stare at you in the frankest amazement, and think Elizabeth had brought a young lunatic out for an airing. Everybody is not as patient as Elizabeth,” added Irais, anxious to pay off old scores.
“I would do a gr
eat deal for you, Miss Minora,” I said, “but I can’t do that.”
“If we went,” said Irais, “Elizabeth and I would be placed with great ceremony on a sofa behind a large, polished oval table with a crochetmat in the centre — it has got a crochet-mat in the centre, hasn’t it?” I nodded. “And you would sit on one of the four little podgy, buttony, tasselly red chairs that are ranged on the other side of the table facing the sofa. They are red, Elizabeth?” Again I nodded. “The floor is painted yellow, and there is no carpet except a rug in front of the sofa. The paper is dark chocolate colour, almost black; that is in order that after years of use the dirt may not show, and the room need not be done up. Dirt is like wickedness, you see, Miss Minora — its being there never matters; it is only when it shows so much as to be apparent to everybody that we are ashamed of it. At intervals round the high walls are chairs, and cabinets with lamps on them, and in one corner is a great white cold stove — or is it majolica?” she asked, turning to me.
“No, it is white.”
“There are a great many lovely big windows, all ready to let in the air and the sun, but they are as carefully covered with brown lace curtains under heavy stuff ones as though a whole row of houses were just opposite, with peering eyes at every window trying to look in, instead of there only being fields, and trees, and birds. No fire, no sunlight, no books, no flowers; but a consoling smell of red cabbage coming up under the door, mixed, in due season, with soapsuds.”
“When did you go there?” asked Minora.
“Ah, when did I go there indeed? When did I not go there? I have been calling there all my life.”
Minora’s eyes rolled doubtfully first at me then at Irais from the depths of her head-wrappings; they are large eyes with long dark eyelashes, and far be it from me to deny that each eye taken by itself is fine, but they are put in all wrong.
“The only thing you would learn there,” went on Irais, “would be the significance of sofa corners in Germany. If we three went there together, I should be ushered into the right-hand corner of the sofa, because it is the place of honour, and I am the greatest stranger; Elizabeth would be invited to seat herself in the left-hand corner, as next in importance; the hostess would sit near us in an arm-chair; and you, as a person of no importance whatever, would either be left to sit where you could, or would be put on a chair facing us, and with the entire breadth of the table between us to mark the immense social gulf that separates the married woman from the mere virgin. These sofa corners make the drawing of nice distinctions possible in a way that nothing else could. The world might come to an end, and create less sensation in doing it, than you would, Miss Minora, if by any chance you got into the right-hand corner of one. That you are put on a chair on the other side of the table places you at once in the scale of precedence, and exactly defines your social position, or rather your complete want of a social position.” And Irais tilted her nose ever so little heavenwards.
“Note it,” she added, “as the heading of your next chapter.”
“Note what?” asked Minora impatiently.
“Why, “The Subtle Significance of Sofas’, of course,” replied Irais. “If,” she continued, as Minora made no reply appreciative of this suggestion, “you were to call unexpectedly, the bad luck which pursues the innocent would most likely make you hit on a washing-day, and the distracted mistress of the house would keep you waiting in the cold room so long while she changed her dress, that you would begin to fear you were to be left to perish from want and hunger; and when she did appear, would show by the bitterness of her welcoming smile the rage that was boiling in her heart.”
“But what has the mistress of the house to do with washing?”
“What has she to do with washing? Oh, you sweet innocent — pardon my familiarity, but such ignorance of country-life customs is very touching in one who is writing a book about them.”
“Oh, I have no doubt I am very ignorant,” said Minora loftily.
“Seasons of washing,” explained Irais, “are seasons set apart by the Hausfrau to be kept holy. They only occur every two or three months, and while they are going on the whole house is in an uproar, every other consideration sacrificed, husband and children sunk into insignificance, and no one approaching, or interfering with the mistress of the house during these days of purification, but at their peril.”
“You Don’t Really Mean,” Said Minora, “that You Only Wash Your Clothes Four Times A Year?
“Yes, I do mean it,” replied Irais.
“Well, I think that is very disgusting,” said Minora emphatically.
Irais raised those pretty, delicate eyebrows of hers. “Then you must take care and not marry a German,” she said.
“But what is the object of it?” went on Minora.
“Why, to clean the linen, I suppose.”
“Yes, yes, but why only at such long intervals?”
“It is an outward and visible sign of vast possessions in the shape of linen. If you were to want to have your clothes washed every week, as you do in England, you would be put down as a person who only has just enough to last that length of time, and would be an object of general contempt.”
“But I should be a clean object,” cried Minora, “and my house would not be full of accumulated dirt.”
We said nothing — there was nothing to be said.
“It must be a happy land, that England of yours,” Irais remarked after a while with a sigh — a beatific vision no doubt presenting itself to her mind of a land full of washerwomen and agile gentlemen darting at door-handles.
“It is a clean land, at any rate,” replied Minora.
“I don’t want to go and live in it,” I said — for we were driving up to the house, and a memory of fogs and umbrellas came into my mind as I looked up fondly at its dear old west front, and I felt that what I want is to live and die just here, and that there never was such a happy woman as Elizabeth.
April 18th. — I have been so busy ever since Irais and Minora left that I can hardly believe the spring is here, and the garden hurrying on its green and flowered petticoat — only its petticoat as yet, for though the underwood is a fairyland of tender little leaves, the trees above are still quite bare.
February was gone before I well knew that it had come, so deeply was I engaged in making hot-beds, and having them sown with petunias, verbenas, and nicotina affinis; while no less than thirty are dedicated solely to vegetables, it having been borne in upon me lately that vegetables must be interesting things to grow, besides possessing solid virtues not given to flowers, and that I might as well take the orchard and kitchen garden under my wing. So I have rushed in with all the zeal of utter inexperience, and my February evenings were spent poring over gardening books, and my days in applying the freshly absorbed wisdom. Who says that February is a dull, sad, slow month in the country? It was of the cheerfullest, swiftest description here, and its mild days enabled me to get on beautifully with the digging and manuring, and filled my rooms with snowdrops. The longer I live the greater is my respect and affection for manure in all its forms, and already, though the year is so young, a considerable portion of its pin-money has been spent on artificial manure. The Man of Wrath says he never met a young woman who spent her money that way before; I remarked that it must be nice to have an original wife; and he retorted that the word original hardly described me, and that the word eccentric was the one required. Very well, I suppose I am eccentric, since even my husband says so; but if my eccentricities are of such a practical nature as to result later in the biggest cauliflowers and tenderest lettuce in Prussia, why then he ought to be the first to rise up and call me blessed.
I sent to England for vegetable-marrow seeds, as they are not grown here, and people try and make boiled cucumbers take their place; but boiled cucumbers are nasty things, and I don’t see why marrows should not do here perfectly well. These, and primrose-roots, are the English contributions to my garden. I brought over the roots in a tin box last time I came from
England, and am anxious to see whether they will consent to live here. Certain it is that they don’t exist in the Fatherland, so I can only conclude the winter kills them, for surely, if such lovely things would grow, they never would have been overlooked. Irais is deeply interested in the experiment; she reads so many English books, and has heard so much about primroses, and they have got so mixed up in her mind with leagues, and dames, and Disraelis, that she longs to see this mysterious political flower, and has made me promise to telegraph when it appears, and she will come over. Bur they are not going to do anything this year, and I only hope those cold days did not send them off to the Paradise of flowers. I am afraid their first impression of Germany was a chilly one.
Irais writes about once a week, and inquires after the garden and the babies, and announces her intention of coming back as soon as the numerous relations staying with her have left,— “which they won’t do,” she wrote the other day, “until the first frosts nip them off, when they will disappear like belated dahlias — double ones of course, for single dahlias are too charming to be compared to relations. I have every sort of cousin and uncle and aunt here, and here they have been ever since my husband’s birthday — not the same ones exactly, but I get so confused that I never know where one ends and the other begins. My husband goes off after breakfast to look at his crops, he says, and I am left at their mercy. I wish I had crops to go and look at — I should be grateful even for one, and would look at it from morning till night, and quite stare it out of countenance, sooner than stay at home and have the truth told me by enigmatic aunts. Do you know my Aunt Bertha? she, in particular, spends her time propounding obscure questions for my solution. I get so tired and worried trying to guess the answers, which are always truths supposed to be good for me to hear. ‘Why do you wear your hair on your forehead?’ she asks, — and that sets me off wondering why I do wear it on my forehead, and what she wants to know for, or whether she does know and only wants to know if I will answer truthfully. ‘I am sure I don’t know, aunt,’ I say meekly, after puzzling over it for ever so long; ‘perhaps my maid knows. Shall I ring and ask her?’ And then she informs me that I wear it so to hide an ugly line she says I have down the middle of my forehead, and that betokens a listless and discontented disposition. Well, if she knew, what did she ask me for? Whenever I am with them they ask me riddles like that, and I simply lead a dog’s life. Oh, my dear, relations are like drugs, — useful sometimes, and even pleasant, if taken in small quantities and seldom, but dreadfully pernicious on the whole, and the truly wise avoid them.”
Delphi Collected Works of Elizabeth von Arnim (Illustrated) Page 14
