Love Held Captive

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Yeah, right.

  When Ethan was here two days ago, he’d promised to ride to San Antonio as soon as his other business was done—not just to find and confront Bushnell for the honor of Lizbeth but also for the honor of Julianne, even if he’d never see her again.

  But he doubted he’d ever forget the look she gave him when he coldly told her he was leaving. She’d been crushed, yet also unsurprised.

  And that was what had stayed with him. She hadn’t expected to be treated better by him. She’d grouped him in the same category as a blackguard like Bushnell. That had hurt. Worse, he feared she might have been right on the mark.

  Because the fact was he had behaved abominably. When had he decided he was fit to judge others?

  For that matter, when had he become so cold? Hadn’t she told him Bushnell had deceived her? That she and her grandmother had been suffering? Hadn’t she told him she’d practically been forced to accept his offer because she’d been ruined and they’d been cold and hungry?

  What did it really matter if she had done what she had to do to survive? Was that very different from some of the things he’d done during the war?

  Julianne was lovely. When she was desperate, she used what the Lord had given her, just as he used his gifts to lead men into battle.

  He’d left her feeling ashamed, but he knew that, in actuality, he had shamed himself. Tainted much of what he was.

  No, turning his back on a woman wasn’t who he was. Especially when he was already half in love with her.

  He had to go back.

  Once he’d made the decision, it was suddenly so easy. Not only would he see Julianne, but he’d also follow through on his promise to join Ethan in San Antonio and hunt for Bushnell. Although Ethan could have already resolved his dilemma with Bushnell. Or perhaps the scoundrel had even left the area after Ethan threatened him. But he’d made a vow never to let his friends down when they needed help, and he wasn’t going to start now.

  Within fifteen minutes, he had walked to the barn, saddled Midge, and started toward Boerne. Pleased that he had a goal to accomplish, he felt better than he had in days.

  Once in Boerne, he rode directly to Julianne’s, even though the late-afternoon light was waning. He wasn’t sure how he would be received, but he was willing to chance her displeasure for the opportunity to apologize.

  When he got to her door, he knocked before he could talk himself out of it.

  Almost immediately, he saw the curtains in a front window move. She had seen him.

  Minutes passed. Then several more. He knocked again.

  At last the door opened and Julianne stepped out onto the porch.

  She was dressed far differently from the last time he saw her. She was wearing her glasses, her rich auburn hair was confined in a loose knot on the top of her head, and she was wearing a brown dress that was so shapeless it not only washed out her complexion but made her appear a bit like a baked potato.

  Behind the glasses, he could see shadows under her eyes. There was a new wariness about her. Almost as if all her joy had been suctioned out of her.

  “Yes, Captain?”

  “Miss Van Fleet,” he began after he bowed slightly. “May we talk?”

  “I don’t believe we have anything more to discuss, sir.” Her hand was curved around the edge of the door. He knew he had mere seconds before she closed it in his face and turned around. With that same certainty, he knew he would not get another chance. If he could not smooth things out between them at once, she would never acknowledge him again.

  “Miss Van Fleet, please reconsider. I won’t take up much of your time,” he continued in a rush. “Perhaps we could even talk out here.” Even though it was getting colder outside.

  She sighed. “Captain, I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “Just your time.”

  “I gave you that, and it ended badly.” Before he could apologize, she continued. “You seem to forget I never sought you out. I was also honest about my past.”

  “You are exactly right. I sought you out. You are beautiful, that is true. But there was something more that struck my fancy. I wanted to get to know you better.”

  “And you did.” Wrinkling her nose, she murmured, “You don’t have to feel any kind of misplaced guilt, sir. I didn’t expect you to understand my circumstances.”

  “But that is why I am having such a difficult time. I know I disappointed you. But I disappointed myself as well.” He straightened, holding himself so stiffly he might as well have been standing at attention. “I expect better of myself, you see.”

  “So this is about you.”

  “No.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  He felt his cheeks heat. Oh, but he was handling this badly. “It was wrong of me to leave the way I did. Please forgive me.” Her expression softened. “You are sincere, aren’t you?”

  “Very much so.”

  “I … I appreciate your words. But I feel I must remind you that nothing has changed. I can’t change my past, Captain.”

  “I can’t change mine either. Please don’t give up on me yet.”

  She wavered, then opened the door farther. “Obviously I’m not dressed for callers.”

  “You look fine.”

  Placing her glasses in a pocket, she almost smiled. “Not so fine. If you would like, you may come inside. It’s too cold for me out here.”

  “I would like to come inside. Thank you.”

  She smiled then. “I just made a pot of hot chocolate. Would you like some?”

  He would consume anything she offered if it meant he could stay near. “Of course. Thank you.”

  “Entertaining again, Julianne?” a caustic voice called out behind him.

  Julianne stiffened, and Devin turned.

  Before he even realized what he was doing, Devin stepped in front of Julianne and faced the one man he’d hoped he’d never see again—even though he was planning to go to San Antonio to help Ethan find him.

  Bushnell looked to be taken aback by his presence, but only for a moment.

  “Sniffing after my castoffs, Devin?” he asked as he sauntered closer, finally stopping a few feet away.

  Behind him, Julianne gasped.

  And for the first time in memory, Devin acted without forethought. He punched the man hard in the jaw.

  Bushnell flew back on impact. Then, surprisingly, he righted himself quickly and fisted his palms.

  When he heard Julianne’s cry behind him, Devin struggled for control. He could not lose his temper again, not if he ever wanted a chance with her. If Bushnell wanted to fight, he would fight him, but someplace far from Julianne. “You deserved my fist for what you just said about Miss Van Fleet,” he said. “But if you think we’re going to continue this discussion here, think again.”

  Daniel smirked. “What? So I’m supposed to just take that and walk away?”

  “That is your choice. If you want to fight, I’ll gladly do that. But I don’t intend to beat you to a bloody pulp in front of Julianne.”

  “Like she matters?”

  Comments like that were why Devin was so eager to pummel him into submission. “I’m warning you. I won’t take kindly to you disrespecting her.”

  “Disrespecting her?” Bushnell spit on the ground. “She was my mistress, Devin. Nothing more than that. She lay on her back for my money.”

  Seeing red, Devin stepped forward. It seemed it was inevitable. He was going to have to beat this man on Julianne’s front porch and pay the consequences later.

  Just then Julianne placed a hand on his shoulder. “No, Devin. Please, don’t trouble yourself.”

  “See? She knows what she is.” Bushnell smirked.

  Devin suddenly wished they were back in the army. At least then the strict code of conduct would have forced Bushnell to watch his mouth—or Devin to curb his temper.

  Instead, he looked at the other man coldly. “I am advising you now to stop any and all interest in Miss Van Fleet
. She is no longer your concern.”

  “Or else?”

  He should have known that was coming. “Or else I’ll make sure everyone knows about the secrets you sold during the war.”

  “What secrets? I was no traitor.”

  Devin knew he wasn’t. But he also knew—thanks to what had happened to Phillip Markham in Galveston—how easily information could be twisted and misconstrued. “Good luck convincing everyone of that. One word from me and there won’t be a man in the state who will give you the time of day.”

  Bushnell glared. “You have made a serious mistake, Monroe. I won’t forget this.”

  “Neither will I. I can promise you that.” Devin stood motionless, never taking his eyes off the man until Bushnell walked away, mounted his horse, and left. His only regret was that he’d not determined where he and Ethan could find him next.

  Devin could hear Julianne breathing hard a few steps behind him. He moved to stand in the doorway until Daniel Bushnell was out of sight. Only then did he step inside, close the door, and face her.

  As he suspected, she was in tears and pale. Staring up at him, her blue eyes looked murky with worry and dismay.

  And, it seemed, fear.

  That hit him hard. “Don’t be afraid of me,” he said, stepping forward. “I would never hurt you.”

  “What have you done?”

  He drew up short. “I kept you safe.” He’d also been marking his territory, establishing his regard, and setting ground rules. Now if Bushnell ever contemplated approaching Julianne again, he would think twice. And maybe he’d done enough to keep him from Ethan’s Lizbeth as well. When the man calmed down, he was bound to realize he and Ethan were still friends, still in touch. Maybe the thought of the two of them coming after him would be a deterrent—at least for the time being.

  Julianne shook her head. “He is very powerful, Captain Monroe.”

  “Not so much.”

  “He has powerful friends. And a lot of money. I have no way to fight what he wants or anything he tries to coerce me with.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  When she stared at him in confusion, he murmured, “You are not alone anymore, Julianne. Please. Calm yourself and don’t worry.”

  “Don’t worry. You make that sound possible.”

  “It is. He is not going to bother you again. I know he is not.”

  “You don’t know that. Besides, what am I going to do when you leave and he comes back?” Her bottom lip trembled. “Now he’s going to think we are more to each other than we are.”

  Her bitter tone. The way her arms were curved around her middle, as though she was attempting to comfort herself. Those words. That lack of belief in him … It all came together. Made something snap.

  And so he did what he shouldn’t do, what she was no doubt afraid of, what was undoubtedly a very bad idea.

  He took the last four steps to her side, grasped her upper arms, and pulled her into his embrace.

  She stumbled forward and braced her hands on his chest.

  He almost smiled. That was exactly where she needed to be. Exactly where he wanted her.

  “Captain—”

  “I’m not your captain,” he said, his voice rough. “My name is Devin. Call me by my name.” Then, before she could protest again, he bent his head and claimed her lips.

  She gasped. He took advantage and deepened the kiss. Then did what he had been dreaming about since the first moment he’d spied her across the town square. He pulled her closer and kissed her again. More thoroughly. And when she melted against him, he felt such a thrill that he groaned and continued.

  Her hands reached up, curved around his neck. Her touch was so sweet. So precious. So exactly what he’d been imagining that he lifted his head to smile.

  When he looked down into her face, what he saw there made all the pain and suffering in his life worthwhile.

  Because Julianne Van Fleet was gazing at him in wonder. Her lips were slightly parted, and her blue eyes were bright with passion.

  She’d desired him too. He felt triumphant.

  Until she slapped him. Hard.

  Hard enough that he flinched in response. Rubbing his hand along his jaw, he studied her curiously. “What was that for?”

  “Need you ask?” Fire, mixed liberally with condemnation, burned deep in her eyes.

  She was upset with him. Blamed him. Had he hurt her? Horrified, he drew back. Dropped his hands from where they’d curved so perfectly around her waist. “I thought you wanted that kiss as much as I did. Julianne, I swear I didn’t think I forced you.” He knew he hadn’t. He was enough of a man to know when a woman welcomed his touch.

  Enough of a man to know when she didn’t.

  She was trembling now. “Please leave.”

  “Leave?”

  Breathing heavily, she nodded. “And do not come back.”

  After that kiss? After he’d confronted Bushnell about her honor?

  Then, finally, he noticed she didn’t look frightened of him. No, it was more as if she was frightened of the things she was feeling. Maybe she was just unsure of his intentions, or what she meant to him.

  “Julianne, I know you enjoyed that kiss as much as I did.”

  She inhaled. “I …”

  He almost smiled as he continued. “Don’t deny it.” Lowering his voice, he murmured, “Maybe, like me, you are hoping I will hold you in my arms again soon.”

  She paled as disappointment flowed from her. “Is that why you came here today, Devin Monroe?” she asked quietly. “Did you come to claim my charms? Have you decided to become my new keeper?”

  “Of course not.”

  “I have no desire to be another man’s mistress.”

  He would have laughed if he hadn’t been so disappointed that she thought he would ask her to do such a thing. “I did not come here to ask you that. I don’t want a mistress.”

  “Oh? Is that simply how you greet all women you know?”

  “Of course not.” Becoming frustrated, he said, “Don’t twist my actions into something dishonorable, Julianne.”

  She blinked. Her posture eased. “Maybe you could explain yourself.”

  She didn’t sound as mortified now. How could he begin to explain the mixture of emotions he felt toward her? It was likely impossible.

  But still he tried. “I came here for the very reason I told you when I first arrived on your doorstep. I wanted to apologize. I was wrong. I hold you in high regard. But then, that blasted Bushnell came and you were crying … and—”

  “And you decided to kiss me without my permission?”

  For the second time in ten minutes, his temper snapped. “Julianne, as much as I respect you and have worthy intentions, let’s not start pretending you are an innocent miss.”

  She gasped. “Sir—”

  “Let me finish. Listen to what I have to say. I don’t want an innocent miss. And for the record, that wasn’t my first kiss either.” He edged closer. Close enough to smell the faint scent of roses in her hair. “But no kiss I’ve ever experienced was like that. It was perfect.”

  Her eyes were stormy as she gaped at him.

  “Do you disagree?”

  For a second, he was sure she wasn’t going to reply. But then she shook her head. Almost imperceptibly.

  Making him feel triumphant again.

  Glad his emotions were coming in check, he said, “I wasn’t going to tell you this because I didn’t want to scare you, but I aim to marry you one day soon.”

  “Marry? Captain—”

  “Devin.”

  “Devin, you don’t know what you’re saying. I cannot …” Obviously flummoxed, her voice drifted off.

  “Finish that thought, Julianne. I want to hear what you have to say.”

  She pressed her fingertips to her lips. “But …”

  He decided to make it easy on her. “I think it’s time for a bit of space. I am coming back in one week. Please plan for me to take you out to dinner.”
/>   “We can’t discuss marriage. We hardly know each other.”

  “That’s exactly why I’m coming back. And if Bushnell returns, don’t answer the door.”

  “I hardly know what to think.”

  He laughed. “Good. Now you know how I’ve felt from the moment I first saw you. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how to act. All I know is that I want to know you better. I want you in my life.”

  “Devin …”

  “If I’m going too fast, well, I’ll slow down. I’ll wait until you are ready. But I’m not going to change my mind about us.”

  “You sound so sure.”

  “I haven’t been this sure about anything in quite a long time. Trust me, Julianne. Believe me when I say I am coming back and that my intentions are honorable.” Staring at her hard, he said, “Okay?”

  Tears pricked her eyes as she gave a purely feminine, adorable shrug. “Well … um, okay.”

  Pleased that he’d gotten his way, his tone gentled. “Good. Now, don’t forget about Bushnell. Stay away from him.”

  She nodded. “I will.”

  “Good.”

  “You don’t have to leave this minute. Would you like to come sit down?”

  She was too tempting. So tempting, he knew he needed advice. He needed to go see Ethan. “I cannot. I need to go to San Antonio. I’ve got an old friend there, a fellow former prisoner with whom I need to confer about some personal business.” Such as how to ruin Daniel Bushnell. “Major Kelly is a bit of a gambler now, but I know of no finer man. He’s staying at the Menger Hotel there.”

  “Will you promise to be careful? Daniel was so angry …”

  “Always.” Reaching out, he cupped her cheek with one rough palm. “See you in one week.”

  Before she could ask any more questions or think of another argument, he bowed and then strode out her front door.

  If all went well, he would be in San Antonio by nightfall and seeing Ethan Kelly shortly after. Hopefully, he could already shed some light on Bushnell’s present occupation and usual whereabouts. Then, together, they could decide what else needed to be done to get him out of their lives—and out of their women’s lives too.

  It was time.

  15

  Devin took care to follow the curve of the river as he rode east toward San Antonio. Though there was a bite to the air, it felt exhilarating. Fresh.