Love Held Captive

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “And yourself,” he pointed out.

  “Yes, sir. And myself.” She stared at him intently. “I’m curious as to why you are judging me so harshly, Major Kelly. You fought on battlefields. Instead of dying, you lived. I know from Devin that you also survived a lengthy imprisonment in enemy territory. I would think you would have seen far worse than a desperate woman choosing to survive.”

  “You risked your reputation.”

  “I did. And I lost it as well. It was a gamble I had to take.” She tilted her head to one side. “I must confess your disdain for my actions surprises me. Aren’t you a gambler now?”

  Her point, because it was valid, stung. And he wondered just how much Devin had told her about his friends. “My current occupation has nothing to do with this discussion.”

  “I beg to differ. We’re discussing weighing probabilities of life and death.”

  “We are not. We are discussing your less-than-illustrious past.”

  “I’m not going to apologize to you for the choices I’ve made.”

  He shifted. She was right—to an extent. But she was also very wrong. Maybe she’d been alone so long that she’d forgotten what it meant to have close friends who looked out for each other.

  Or maybe she’d been so self-serving that she forgot the rest of the world would judge Devin Monroe for courting a woman of her reputation. Devin had not let on that his acquaintance with her had come to that when he’d seen him days ago, but an understanding between him and this woman seemed obvious now.

  “Bushnell used to talk about you,” he blurted. “He talked about his ladybird.” He’d used far coarser words, actually.

  To his surprise, instead of being shocked, a faint glimmer of amusement entered her eyes. “I imagine Daniel did talk about me. He saw me as ornamental, you see. Having me made him feel important.”

  In contrast to the gleam in her eyes, her voice sounded empty. Almost hollow. “And you didn’t find that distasteful?”

  “Not enough to give up eating or having a roof over my head. Not enough to sacrifice my grandmother for misplaced honor.”

  “Is she still alive?”

  “No. She died not long after my arrangement with Bushnell began.”

  “So you could have ended it.”

  “Not easily. The colonel and I had a business agreement. As you’ve just pointed out, it was very far from a love affair.”

  “Did you even try to break things off?”

  “What, exactly, are you doing, Major Kelly? Are you attempting to understand why I did what I did? Or hoping to devise a way to make sure Devin distances himself from me as far as possible when he awakens?”

  Her questions hit the mark.

  She was smart. Smart and quick and proud. It was obvious why Bushnell had been so proud to call her his. She was beautiful, strong, and had gumption.

  But she was also very far from the type of woman Devin deserved. He needed someone sweet. Innocent. A woman worthy of his honor and reputation. “Maybe I’m doing both,” he admitted.

  “Why? Do you imagine that I would have kept my past from Devin?”

  Devin had told him what she was. And why. Still …

  “Devin Monroe is a great many things, but wise to the ways of women is not one of them. How much did you admit to him about what you did?”

  “What I did?” she scoffed. “Do you desire details, Major?” she asked, her voice thick with sarcasm. “Do you want to know what Daniel made me do when he visited my house when he was on leave? Is that the kind of thing you enjoy hearing?”

  Her implication was shocking. So much so, he didn’t even try to read the sarcasm in her expression or attempt to match her tone. “No,” he bit out. “Of course not.”

  Her voice turned even more brittle. “Then what do you want from me?”

  He knew in his heart that she was playing a role. She had put on a shield, acting in a way she must have perfected when so many people looked down on her.

  But he, however, was not acting. His only concern was Devin, and Lizbeth. He didn’t want this woman near either of them. Lizbeth was too fragile and Devin was too weak. “I want you to leave,” he said, not feeling a trace of remorse. “I want you to walk away from Devin and give him space. Allow him to find a woman who is more worthy to stand by his side.”

  Even in the dim light, he could tell his barb had met its mark. He’d wounded her.

  Though he knew she wouldn’t believe it, he was sorry. He wasn’t cruel by nature. But like a parent disciplining a child out of love, he felt he had no choice. “Miss Van Fleet, I’m sorry to speak so severely, but you mustn’t be surprised. I’ve gone to hell and back with Devin, and I’d do it again to keep him safe from harm.”

  He was so focused on her face, on her tense expression, that the words he heard caught him off guard.

  “Ethan Kelly, if I didn’t have a hole in my back, I would beat you bloody,” Devin rasped. “Apologize right now.”

  Julianne gasped and rushed to his side. “Devin!” she exclaimed as she fell to her knees next to him. “Look at you! You’re awake. Oh, thank the Lord!”

  Ethan didn’t seem able to move. He stood frozen while Julianne kneeled next to Devin, her hands reaching for his, tears already running down her face.

  Slowly, the captain’s fingers curled around hers. Gently.

  But he was still staring at Ethan as if he were an enemy.

  His spine prickled in unease. “You know I was only trying to help you.”

  “Let us not play games. I am not an innocent woman susceptible to your verbal innuendos.”

  Julianne ran a hand along Devin’s jaw. “Devin, I’m fine. Please, don’t worry yourself.”

  “What I heard was not fine,” he said softly before staring at Ethan again. “You were being deliberately cruel. Disrespectful. After she’s come all this way. You were taking advantage of the fact that I was lying here, unaware.”

  Each word was harshly stated. Each word was punctuated by scorn. Seen from Devin’s perspective, maybe Ethan deserved his friend’s contempt. But surely he wasn’t so naïve as to think people who cared about him wouldn’t hesitate to protect him. “If I overstepped my bounds, please accept my apology.”

  “That is not good enough,” Devin rasped, his tone still cold. “You are apologizing to the wrong person.”

  Taking a deep breath, he continued. “Miss Van Fleet, I am sorry for the way I spoke to you. It … it was uncalled for and undeserved. Please accept my apology.”

  His mouth was dry. He wasn’t surprised. He felt as if each word had been pulled from his insides. But Julianne didn’t even turn to look at him. She didn’t do anything but bend her face over Devin’s hand. “I’ve been so worried, Devin,” she murmured. “I prayed so much, I doubt there’s an angel in heaven who didn’t hear my prayers.”

  Ethan listened, dumbstruck. It was as if he didn’t exist for her.

  It seemed only Devin did.

  Devin whispered something to her before glancing at Ethan once again. No emotion flickered in his gaze. It was as if they were strangers. Definitely not friends.

  Ethan felt that loss. His fists loosened as he racked his brain, wondering how to fix what was beginning to seem unfixable. “Devin, if I may—”

  “Leave us.”

  He stepped forward. Ready to argue. To press his point. “But—”

  Devin cut him off again. “Allow me to make myself perfectly clear,” he rasped, his light-blue eyes glinting like shards of ice. “Get out, Major Kelly.”

  His voice was sharp. Hard. And his glare? Well, Ethan never would have imagined it would be directed at him. Not only because of Ethan’s rank, but because of all they’d been through together.

  Appalled at the situation, Ethan turned and strode from the room. Neither Devin nor Julianne acknowledged his departure.

  When he was out in the hall, Ethan rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He felt sick. Obviously, he had gone too far.

 
“Sir?” a young maid asked as she walked down the hallway. She was the one who had helped Lizbeth with supplies when they first brought Devin to this suite. He was surprised to remember her name. It was Cassie. “Sir, are you all right? Do you need something?”

  He laughed grimly. “There’s nothing you can do for me, miss. Not a single thing in the world.”

  When she scurried away, he straightened and walked down the hall. Lizbeth had refused him; Devin had almost died. And he’d just gone out of his way to offend a perfectly decent woman.

  It was time to pray and make plans … before the day got any worse.

  23

  Devin found it hard to believe Julianne was kneeling by his side. When he’d awoken in the strange room, at first all he could surmise was that his shoulder burned as though it were on fire, but he was alive.

  Then, little by little, he’d come to the realization he wasn’t back on the battlefield. He wasn’t recuperating in a field hospital on a make-shift cot with a score of men surrounding him in worst straits than he was. Instead, he slowly became aware of the tangy scent of lemon oil in the air and a soothing warmth emitting from the fireplace across the room.

  Then, as if he’d conjured it, he’d inhaled a familiar rose scent. It was one he knew he would always associate with Julianne Van Fleet. He’d been stunned, especially since he was in San Antonio, not Boerne. She would have traveled to get to his side.

  And then the fogginess in his brain subsided and he comprehended what Ethan was saying.

  That was when he’d felt an anger the likes of which he’d never experienced surge through him. It was as unexpected as it was explosive and hot. If he could have stood on his own two feet, Devin was fairly sure he would have slugged Ethan.

  Thank goodness he’d only had the strength to demand he leave.

  Now he was alone with Julianne and at a loss for how to soothe the pain she must feel after Ethan’s words.

  “I’m so sorry,” Devin said when he felt he could speak in a coherent manner. “I don’t know what got into Ethan. He usually is everything kind and gracious.”

  As Julianne rose to sit beside him in a chair, she raised one shoulder in a gesture that said so much. She was hurt but hadn’t expected much else. “He cares about you.”

  “That was no excuse. His accusations were uncalled for.” Glad her hand was still in his, he ran a finger along the delicate skin on the back, feeling the faint outline of the bones and veins underneath. “I don’t agree with anything he said. I hope you know that.”

  “He wasn’t exactly wrong, Devin. You are a celebrated officer. Everyone who admires you would no doubt hope to see you with a woman who is your equal.”

  “Of course you are that.”

  She looked down at her lap. “Let’s just say a woman of better reputation.”

  “I don’t want to discuss our pasts or reputations anymore. They don’t matter. Times have changed.”

  Lifting her head, she cast him a doubtful look. “Not that much. People are more accepting, but not of a woman’s reputation.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me.”

  “But it will to other people,” she said haltingly. “We can’t live in a cave, Devin.”

  “No, we can’t. But we can’t live filled with apologies and regrets either. What matters is that I’ve found you.” He slid his hand over hers, linking their fingers together. Maybe his grip was too tight, but he was willing to risk it. She needed to know he wanted never to let her go.

  She blinked before gifting him with a tremulous smile. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Captain.”

  “I’m not. I guess you’re bringing that out in me.” Realizing he was a new recruit to relationships, he added, “Is it too much?”

  Julianne chuckled. “No. I seem to like it.”

  “Good.”

  “I never thought I was especially romantic either. But it seems we’ve been waiting for the right time, haven’t we?”

  He smiled. “I’d ask you to lean down and kiss me, but I don’t think my heart could take it.” He no doubt smelled to high heaven too.

  “I guess I’ll just wait in anticipation, then.” Lines around her eyes formed as she smiled again. “Now, though, we need to see if we can make you better.” Getting to her feet, she leaned over him, gently curving her hands around his uninjured shoulder and under his opposite side. “Sit up, sir, and I’ll straighten your bedding and get you some water.”

  It hurt, but he bit back his moan of pain and let her move him about. Her hands were soft and cool, and her touch was gentle. So different from the way he’d been treated the last time he’d sustained a bullet wound.

  “Are you all right? Am I being too rough?”

  “Not at all. I was just thinking about the last time I was injured.”

  “During the war?”

  “Yes. I was in a hospital tent, being treated by a medic and a volunteer nurse who was burlier than me.”

  As he’d hoped, she laughed. “I bet you were afraid of her.”

  “I was afraid to cross her.” Remembering the woman, he said, “We were all a little afraid of her. I was as obedient toward her as I’ve been to anyone. Probably even more so than toward Lee himself!”

  “She sounds impressive. And frightening.”

  “She was indeed. She probably saved more lives than anyone realizes.”

  After she helped him take a few sips of water, she looked at him in a worried way. “I could use another nurse at the moment. I want to give you some beef broth, but I don’t want to leave you alone.”

  “Don’t worry. Ethan will come back eventually.”

  “I’m not so sure about that. You told him to leave.”

  “I did. But he knows I need him.”

  “Another woman was here when I arrived. Maybe she’ll return.”

  Devin didn’t care about broth. “Tell me how you got here. What happened, Julianne?”

  “Daniel returned to my house. He told me he shot you. Bold as brass, he was.”

  “I can’t believe he had the nerve to do that.” The ire that had settled after Ethan left slowly burned hot again. Hating that he was lying in bed so helplessly, he looked her over. “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

  “I’m all right. I was actually talking to two … well, friends of mine. A young man and his sister have adopted me, of sorts.”

  “Is that right?”

  “There’s a story there, of course. But what matters is that the three of us were having tea when Daniel arrived. He was full of bluster, saying he took care of you.”

  “Thankfully, not yet.”

  “He said he’d be back.”

  “And?”

  She bit her lip before continuing. “I think he wants what you might expect, Devin,” she said softly. “He wants me to welcome him back into my life with open arms. He said he owns me.”

  “Over my dead body.” When she flinched, he cursed his choice of words. “I do beg your pardon.”

  Her expression softened. “No worries. I knew what you meant. But it doesn’t matter anyway. I sent him on his way.”

  Staring at her, watching the array of emotions run across her face, he was sure much more had happened than that. Knowing Bushnell as he did, knowing her as he was beginning to, he worried he had threatened or hurt her and that she was keeping it from him. “Julianne, don’t shield me from the truth. I want to know what he did.” So he could give those reasons to Bushnell when he beat him to a bloody pulp.

  “Nothing you need to worry about, Devin. I handled things myself.”

  His eyes lit with admiration. “Good for you.”

  “To be honest, I don’t know who was more shocked by my gumption!”

  “I know I’m proud of you.” He was proud of her and glad she’d stood up to the man. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to go after him the first chance he got. But for now? He was suddenly exhausted. “Julianne, if I lie still, could you rest next to me?”

  “Cert
ainly not.”

  “I’m under the covers. You could lie on top of them,” he coaxed. “You could just stay for a few minutes.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t. You’ll make me feel better.”

  “Devin, now is not the time,” she protested, but not very strongly. Her voice was warm. Her gaze was too.

  “You can see my scars, Julianne. This is not the first time my body has been injured. I have spent my fair share of hours in hospital tents. When I close my eyes, those memories come back.”

  “I’ll stay by you.”

  “They’ll dissipate if you lie down next to me. And if you rest on my good side, I’m sure I’ll hardly be aware of anything except your perfume.” And the way she felt against him. And the way it felt not to be alone.

  “Devin …”

  Ah. She was wavering. “Come now. I know you must be tired too. No one is here, and they are unlikely to return anytime soon. Your reputation wouldn’t suffer.”

  “If your friend discovers me there, it will discount everything I tried to prove to him.”

  “You have nothing to prove to him. But no worries anyway. He’s not going to step in here for hours. After all, as you said, I was very firm with Ethan.”

  “I suppose that is true.”

  “Good.” He patted the mattress. “Now, have pity on me, Julianne. I’m injured and exhausted. Come rest next to me. I’m not hungry now. Help me sleep.”

  “I’m beginning to think you survived by your wiliness instead of your expertise in the battlefield.”

  “I’d comment on that, but you’d realize I have no modesty.”

  She smiled. “I suppose I’m going to have to let you have your way. I don’t seem to be able to resist you.”

  He might be lying in the bed, but her words made him feel as though he were a hero. He made sure not to look too pleased, though. “I think I should apologize in advance. I fear I won’t be able to keep awake much longer.”

  Looking as if she were half afraid a bunch of scandalized women were about to step out from behind the curtains, Julianne crossed to the other side of the double bed and lay down beside him.

  “You should take off your shoes.”

  “Certainly not.”

  “Whatever you wish, miss.”