The Great Powers Outage

by William Boniface

  “What happened to your . . .” I started to say.

  “My accoutrements?” he finished my sentence, but not with the word I was searching for. “I deemed it prudent to remove them—at least until the mystery of these vanishing powers is solved. To lose my power while fully armed could be lethal.”

  Of course he had no way of knowing that Pinprick Manor’s supply of Dr. Telomere’s chips would keep their powers maintained. That was a secret I needed to keep.

  “But regardless, welcome,” he continued. “To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit?”

  “It’s the Red Menace,” I said. “He’s behind the vanishing powers, and I don’t know what to do. That’s why I’ve come to see you.”

  “I suspected his involvement,” Lord Pincushion said with concern. “Come, let’s find the Animator. It’s just about time for our evening cocktails, so I expect we’ll encounter him in the conservatory.”

  Striding briskly through the marvelous house, Lord Pincushion led me to a room that was small but well decorated with expensive-looking furniture. As he had predicted, there we found the Animator. He was bent slightly, examining some roses in a vase. They were bright red and vibrant looking.

  “That really isn’t a solution,” Lord Pincushion said as we entered. “They’re still dead, and your animating them won’t change that fact.”

  “Well, at least they’ll look good while we’re sitting here. I’ll pick new ones tomorrow,” he added as he turned around and spotted me.

  “Ordinary Boy!” he said and his face lit up. As he turned his attention to me, the roses instantly turned drab and wilted.

  “I didn’t think your power worked on living things,” I said with amazement.

  “Oh, it doesn’t.” He shook his head. “But when they’re dead, it’s a different story. The only problem is that it takes my full attention.”

  He turned back to the flowers and they revived again, looking fresh and alive.

  “I guess I’m just lucky to still have my power.” He shrugged.

  “That’s why the boy has come,” Lord Pincushion explained as he motioned me toward one of the chairs. He and the Animator sat as well. “It appears that the Red Menace has shown his hand, and is in fact the person responsible for this astounding occurrence.”

  “It’s true.” I nodded. “And I need to know how you defeated him the last time.”

  “Ah, yes, that’s quite a story,” Lord Pincushion reminisced, “but in truth a very simple one.”

  “It was thanks to MagnoBox,” the Animator explained. “We utilized his power to overcome the Red Menace.”

  MagnoBox was another of the original members of the League of Goodness, along with the Bee Lady, my two hosts, and Zephyr, who died several years ago. MagnoBox could broadcast real-time events on the TV that sat atop his shoulders.

  “We took a page right out of the Red Menace’s playbook,” Lord Pincushion explained. “In the same way that he had used Captain Radio to spread his message to all Superopolis, MagnoBox did him one better. Television was a new technology in those days, and not one the Red Menace fully understood.”

  “It proved his downfall,” the Animator commented.

  “Indeed,” agreed Pincushion. “We let the Menace capture us, and in the process he fell right into our trap. Not understanding MagnoBox’s power, he told us everything he truly thought about the people of Superopolis and explained exactly how he planned to manipulate them. MagnoBox broadcast the whole thing, and the whole city finally saw the truth.”

  “That broke his spell and the Red Menace was finished,” the Animator concluded.

  “I don’t suppose it would work again?” I asked. It was a long shot, but I needed some way to get my message out now that the mayor wasn’t an option.

  “Unlikely.” Lord Pincushion shook his head. “MagnoBox is too old and has most likely lost his power as well. And the Red Menace would never fall for the same trick again anyway.”

  “I wasn’t thinking of MagnoBox,” I said as I pulled out my copy of the Li’l Hero’s Handbook. “I was thinking of Captain Radio.”

  I flipped to his entry, but then quickly realized how impossible that idea would be.

  LI’L HERO’S HANDBOOK

  PEOPLE

  NAME: Captain Radio. POWER: Possessing all the powers of radio waves, the Captain could broadcast over them, pick up their transmissions, and travel instantaneously by way of them. LIMITATIONS: A failure to understand the full reach of his abilities. CAREER: The greatest hero of his generation, his reputation was destroyed when he became the unwitting accomplice of the Red Menace. CLASSIFICATION: Riding the airwaves from supreme arrogance to utter humiliation left Captain Radio a broken man till the day he died.

  “I’m afraid he’s been dead for decades,” the Animator explained. “He never did recover from the humiliation of having aided the Red Menace. He lived for quite some time after that event, but his career and reputation were destroyed. He died a very bitter man.”

  “Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t still help us,” Lord Pincushion said to my complete shock as he rose from his seat. “I think it’s time we paid him a visit.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Cold Storage

  The sun had set and the moon was sitting high in the sky as I followed close behind the Animator and Lord Pincushion. They both moved slowly as we made our way to the industrial park in the southern part of town.

  What they had in mind was a complete mystery to me. One minute they were talking about how Captain Radio was dead, and the next they were discussing what he may be able to do to bring down the Red Menace. Had senility caught up with the two elderly heroes? That suspicion grew stronger as we came to a halt in front of the Corpsicle Coolant Corporation.

  “My mom works here!” I exclaimed.

  “Does she?” the Animator asked in surprise. “Do you know what she does?”

  “She freezes things.” I shrugged. “That’s her power.”

  The two heroes exchanged a knowing glance before turning and heading up the main sidewalk toward the entrance. When we got to the front door, it was obvious the building was closed for the evening. That didn’t stop Lord Pincushion though, who rolled up his sleeve to reveal that he still had one sharp item stuck in his forearm—a thin, delicate pick.

  “This should do the trick,” he said. With lightning-like speed he inserted the pick in the lock of the door and in only a second had it opened. “Quick, let’s get inside.”

  The three of us entered and found ourselves in a dark lobby. I had never actually been inside the place where my mother worked. I looked around, but it was difficult to make out my surroundings in the dimly lit space. As best I could tell, it looked about as warm and inviting as a dentist’s office. My two coconspirators quickly headed for another door and I hurried to stay with them.

  “The Corpsicle Coolant Corporation is involved in a number of businesses. I fear it may be a bit of a surprise to you as to what one of them actually is,” Lord Pincushion explained as we made our way down a long, sterile-looking corridor and stopped in front of a large, thick door. “But it really isn’t so strange if you think about it.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about, and my curiosity only grew as he pulled open the door and a blast of chilled air hit us head-on. Without additional comment, Lord Pincushion entered the room, and I followed him. The Animator brought up the rear. We were now standing in another long corridor, this one lined with glass doors, not unlike the frozen foods section of the Mighty Mart.

  As I looked through the first of the glass doors, I realized this was no grocery store. The case held the body of a man—and he was completely frozen. What’s more, I recognized him. It was Zephyr. Only he had died fifteen years ago.

  “W-what’s going on here?” I asked in alarm. “Is that really Zephyr?”

  “It is.” Lord Pincushion nodded somberly. “Shortly before he died, he made the decision to be frozen. As did all these other heroe
s and even a few villains.”

  He waved his arm down the extensive row of glass coolers, and my jaw dropped.

  “But why?” was all I was able to say. “And how?”

  “For an opportunity to live again, of course,” the Animator explained.

  “At some point a hero will come along who has the ability to cure the incurable,” Lord Pincushion explained. “Or, more amazingly, restore life.”

  “The Zombie Master was able to do that—sort of,” the Animator interjected.

  “Well, yes, but that was a rather unfortunate incident,” Lord Pincushion said, dismissing the comment. “We’re talking true life. And that’s what these individuals are all patiently awaiting.”

  He hadn’t answered the “how” part of my question, but he didn’t need to. I couldn’t believe my mother did something so cool and had never told me about it! The two older heroes led me down the central corridor of the chamber. As I rubbed my bare arms in an attempt to stay warm, I glanced at the frozen figures. I didn’t recognize any of them after Zephyr—until we reached a specific case and my tour guides came to a halt. The hero behind the glass may have been frozen solid, but I recognized him immediately. It was Captain Radio.

  For a moment, I wondered again why we were here. And then I remembered the Animator’s power and what he had done with that vase of wilted roses. An instant later, the frozen corpse of Captain Radio slowly began to open its eyes.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Dead Giveaway

  There was a light morning fog all around me as I stood below Stench’s window and tossed pebbles at it. It only took three before his head appeared at the window. From the way he was rubbing his eyes, I could tell that I had woken him up.

  “What’s going on?” he said, partly curious and partly annoyed. “You know it’s seven A.M., don’t you?”

  I knew. My parents had been up even earlier. They, the rest of the New New Crusaders, and now the laid-off members of the League of Ultimate Goodness were getting an early start at Dr. Telomere’s Potato Chip Factory.

  “It’s an emergency,” I said, whispering as loudly as I could. “Get dressed and meet me at headquarters.”

  Ten minutes later as I sat in our tree house base of operations, Stench’s head popped through the entrance in the floor, his hair still a rumpled mess.

  “This better be good,” he said as he stifled a yawn.

  “It’s incredibly important,” I explained. “I’ve found out that the Red Menace is definitely behind everybody’s stolen powers, and we’re the only ones who can stop him.”

  “It’s AI’s chips.” Stench smacked a fist into his hand. “I knew it.”

  “Right,” I said. That was the story I needed everybody to believe. “And this morning he’s planning on getting AI to sign the chip business over to him altogether. Once that happens, it might be impossible to stop him.”

  “Can’t we just tell everybody the chips are taking away their powers?” he asked.

  “You saw how difficult it’s been to get people to stop eating them even when we tell them face-to-face,” I said. “I even tried to find Mayor Whitewash, so he could convince everyone, but the Red Menace still has him under his power.”

  “I see the problem,” Stench said, deep in thought, as he turned for the first time toward the club’s couch. It was only then that he noticed the figure seated there covered with a sheet.

  “What the heck is this?!” he said in alarm.

  “This is how we’re going to destroy the PseudoChip business once and for all,” I grinned. I probably should have explained in more detail, but before I could Stench lifted up a corner of the sheet.

  “Aaahhh!” he practically screamed as he leaped away from the couch. “There’s a dead guy under here!”

  The noise he made had to be audible for at least four square blocks. I probably would have laughed if I hadn’t been concerned about attracting unwanted attention.

  “Well, yeah,” I admitted, “I guess you could look at it that way.”

  “Who is he?” he asked as he stayed safely away from the couch.

  “This is Captain Radio,” I explained as I removed the sheet entirely. The corpse had thawed and was creating a puddle on the floor and a big wet spot on the couch. “He’s the last person the Red Menace will expect.”

  “Obviously,” Stench said, still horrified. “He’s dead! Have you gone insane? And what is he even doing here?”

  “He walked here last night,” I replied, knowing that I sounded completely nuts. “The Animator revived him. He was frozen, though, so he wasn’t moving very fast. By the time we got to our neighborhood, we decided it was best to stash him here for the night and let him thaw out. Despite the difficulty of getting him up here.”

  “Oh, well I guess that makes sense,” Stench responded in a tone so sarcastic that even the corpse couldn’t have missed it. “I see where he’d be a real threat to the Red Menace.”

  “Who’s a threat?” a familiar voice asked as an unfamiliar head popped through the floor of the tree house. “No one’s a bigger threat to you punks than me. And it’s payback time for all the noise you’ve been making this morning.”

  While he definitely sounded like Fuzz Boy, he just didn’t look like him. The hair on the top of his head had been buzzed to practically nothing. And his usual attempt at sporting a goatee or a mustache or some sort of facial hair had become impossible with the loss of his power. His mom had used the opportunity to haul him in for a haircut. Turning to Stench, as he entered the club, he had his back to the inanimate guest on our couch.

  “Even though he’s younger,” he started to say, “my brother has always been strong enough to defend himself from me. But not anymore.”

  With that Fuzz Boy attacked Stench, his fists raised. I don’t know which of the two was more surprised as Stench effortlessly lifted Fuzz Boy into the air, and with barely a grunt, threw him across the clubhouse and onto the couch.

  LI’L HERO’S HANDBOOK

  PEOPLE

  NAME: Fuzz Boy. POWER: The ability to grow hair on anything he touches. LIMITATIONS: The effects only last a couple of hours. CAREER: Makes good money growing beards on his friends to get them into movies they’re too young to see. CLASSIFICATION: When a situation gets hairy, it’s a good bet he’s around.

  “Stench! Your power is back!” I said, a big grin spreading across my face.

  “It’s about time,” he said with a bluster that only slightly hid the enormous sense of relief in his voice. “I stopped eating those chips four days ago.”

  Of course I knew the real reason behind the return of his power was the Dr. Telomere’s chips I had given him two days ago, but that thought was interrupted by a horrible scream.

  “There’s a dead guy here!” Fuzz Boy shrieked, as Stench and I both turned to find he had landed right in the lap of Captain Radio.

  Just as Fuzz Boy tried scrambling to get away, Captain Radio’s eyes suddenly shot open, and his ice-cold hands closed around Fuzz Boy’s wrists. I had never in my life heard a more bloodcurdling scream.

  “AIYYIIEE!!!” Fuzz Boy’s wail pierced the morning fog. “Get him off me!”

  He struggled frantically against the reanimated corpse until his hand broke free of Captain Radio’s grip.

  “W-who is this clean-cut young man, and why is he so frightened of me?” the captain asked in a shaky and confused voice. “Am I still a pariah?”

  Before I had a chance to answer Captain Radio’s question, Fuzz Boy made a frantic dash for the exit and let out another scream as he missed a rung on the ladder and fell to the ground. As I looked down after him, it came as no surprise that there were two other figures standing there.

  “Based on this lad’s reaction, I assume that our guest is still up there,” Lord Pincushion commented dryly as he watched the fleeing figure of Fuzz Boy. “The Animator probably shouldn’t have activated his power until we had assessed the situation.”

  “Never mind about him,” I call
ed down to the two legendary heroes. “We’ve got all Superopolis to save.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  A Radio Revival

  It took us forever to reach the hospital. Not to be critical of the walking dead, but “stumbling dead” would have been a more accurate description for Captain Radio’s degree of mobility.

  It wasn’t completely his fault, though. The Animator was expending a huge amount of energy to keep the captain animated. But he was no youngster himself and he regularly lost control. Whenever it happened, Captain Radio reverted to a corpse and fell flat on his face.

  “Oh, dear,” fretted the Animator during the most recent occurrence. “I never expected this to be so draining.”

  He immediately reasserted his power, and Captain Radio lifted his head from where it had plopped into a curbside bed of geraniums.

  “So tell me again,” he said, continuing the same conversation he had been engaged in when he had lost power, “have folks finally tired of the fad of television and returned to the wonders of the radio?”

  I glanced up at Lord Pincushion, who, to my relief, decided to field this one.

  “Indeed,” he fibbed, but then added a hint of truth. “Superopolis actually has more radio stations than it did in your glory days.”

  “I am picking them up,” Captain Radio announced, “but all I can get from them is the most horrific sort of cacophony and announcers offering to give away tickets to hear more of it. It’s truly baffling.”

  “So your power is working?” I asked eagerly.

  “Yes, my reception is fine,” he said. “I haven’t yet tried my broadcasting ability.”