For Sure

by France Daigle

  “That’s Brigitte.”

  Zed looked more closely at Brigitte.

  “You two look alike. Like sisters almost.”

  The idea made Élizabeth smile:

  “No, it’s better that she’s my friend rather than my sister.”

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  Élizabeth II

  MEANNOW: n. m. — 2005/2013; lively bait fish. “I never see’d so many meannows afore dat, a dozen schools all fightin’ fer de worm.” (Daigle/Majzels) — MAR. lively minnow, ideal bait. — FIG. Particularly immature adult male. “A mannow, you can argue it’s not his fault. A meannow is so headstrong he’s beyond help.” (Daigle/Majzels)

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  Fictionary

  Terry, Carmen and the children had begun to spread their sleeping bags in the tent when the owner of the field came out to see them.

  “De wife’s cooked up a whackin’ great big stew o’ green beans an’ salted pork fer dinner. Why don’t ya come in an’ eat wid us?”

  Carmen and Terry looked at each other.

  “Dat’s awful kind of you, but just campin’ out in yer field is perfect.”

  “Right now dis minute, de blueberry pie’s cookin’.”

  “Booberries!”

  That was Marianne, her fingers and lips stained purple, who could not restrain her enthusiasm. The large, sturdy man bent 90 degrees to address her:

  “I’d say der’s someone ’ere wot likes de blueberries… eh?”

  Marianne nodded yes. Carmen, meanwhile was worried about the supper, and felt the need to point out that they’d promised the children to…

  “’Tisn’t that we wouldn’t like to, only . . .”

  “An der’s a whole lot of bread an’ molasses if dey don’t like de stew. Bum-cheeks bread an’ small rolls de wife made ’erself dis mornin’.”

  Terry joked:

  “Did she know we was comin’, den?”

  The man, whose neck and arms the sun had turned to copper, left it at that:

  “Alright den, let’s say in a half-hour or so?”

  “Tanks a bunch! We’ll be der!”

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  On the Road

  There are a variety of bingo games: the straight line — horizontal, vertical, or diagonal — the postage stamp in five numbers, the four corners, the hollow diamond in 14 or 15 numbers, the bonanza in 53 or 55 numbers, the gold ball, lucky ball, coverall in 50 numbers, the X in 18 numbers, the B and O in 14 numbers, the treasure hunt, the winner’s circle, the 50/50 draw, the jackpot, coverall jackpot, and the progressive jackpot. Some games are triathlons, in which the winner must complete the hollow diamond and the treasure hunt, and hit the lucky ball. The pre-bingo is merely a warm-up period. All this requires a good understanding of the equipment and the ratios, particularly the luck/number of cards and luck/number of cards/cost per card ratios. Calculating the cost per card requires knowledge of the number of sheets per booklet, which varies depending on whether the booklet is small, big, or free.

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  Sports

  “Myself, I never been golfing. Not dat I never had a chance to. I know a whole lot of people dat golf.”

  “I like it when you can walk, take your time. But that’s increasingly rare.”

  Élizabeth imagined what it would be like to play golf with Zed, a beginner:

  “It’s a sport that’s funny at first, even ridiculous. Then, with time and practise, something else settles in. A kind of complicity. Or love.”

  Zed had heard a great many things said on the subject of golf, but never this.

  “Hun! Now golf’ll give us love, you say? Well, dat would explain how come so many folks’re playin’ it.”

  With that, he turned right on the red light at MacBeath Avenue and Mountain Road, one of the city’s main arteries, which leads up to Magnetic Hill.

  “You ever been to Magnetic Hill?”

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  Élizabeth II

  Burn-beating consists in loosening and burning the topsoil along with plants and roots, thus producing ashes, which enrich the soil.

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  Techniques

  “Eat, eat! Takes a shockin’ long time to make a good stew like dis ’ere one, so you’re best to eat yer fill when it comes time.”

  Terry did not need to be told twice; he gladly accepted a second helping piled as high as the first. Carmen only took a few more string beans because she’d already helped Marianne, who’d done her best with the generous helping Madame Gaudet had served her. Étienne, who’d eaten his entire portion without complaining, was now ready for some bread and molasses.

  “You wants bread an’ molasses as well! Good Laird, dis boy’s hungry sometin’ fierce! Do you folks not feed ’im?”

  Monsieur Gaudet — Terry and Carmen had still not managed to call him Alcide, as he’d insisted several times they should — was becoming increasingly talkative.

  “So den, yer off to Caraquet! I knows a couple o’ fishermen out dat way. Big fisherman.”

  Hearing this, Étienne concluded that Alcide was declaring his affinity for individuals as corpulent as himself.

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  On the Road

  Noyer le poisson: French expression, literally to drown the fish, meaning to confuse the issue so as to confound the person being addressed. Comparable to the English red herring?

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  Tactics

  “I never knew me real fawder neider. Me mudder met dis ’ere fellow when I was six. So den, ee’s like my fawder.”

  Zed and Lauzia Hébert were sitting at the kitchen table. The elderly woman had layed out tea and white cake for Zed. Chico was in school.

  “I had no cocoa fer de frostin’.”

  Zed was revelling.

  “It’s perfect just as it is. Been a while since I ate a real homemade cake. It’s shockin’ delicious!”

  Madame Hébert seemed a little sad. Zed would have liked to cheer her up:

  “Yer welcome to come along wid us if you like.”

  “No, I don’t tink I’ll go. Maybe anudder time. Last time I went, it put me in a desperate state.”

  “Dat’s understandable.”

  “Dey tell me I oughtn’t to overtop me mind wid it . . .”

  But the poor woman did not look convinced.

  “I try, I do. ’Tain’t all dat easy when ’tis yer own child. I can’t very well abandon de boy.”

  “Fer sure.”

  “Fawder Cormier comes ’round from time to time. Do you know ’im?”

  Zed had to admit he did not.

  “Ee’s a comical fellow, sometimes. Ee says ’tisn’t healty to be prayin’ all de time.”

  “Awh, is dat right?”

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  Yielding

  Wings beating, fervour soars above techniques and tactics to go to the heart of things. Fervour believes the heart of things belongs to her by right. She sees techniques and tactics as inferior processes seeking to restrain her ardour. The concept torque-clash is an excellent example of fervour. It illustrates clearly that fervour prevents neither errors (remarry-mule), nor pleasures (sprite-spoons), nor excesses (career-lees).

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  Fervours

  That evening, as he was roasting his seventh marshmallow, Étienne learned that he was sometimes confused.

  “In Moncton, sometimes, it’s confusing for dem, French an’ English, I mean.”

  “Der’s some dat mix French an’ English so much dey don’t even realize der speakin’ two different languages. Dey tink some English words is French.”

  “We was tinkin’ to show dem places where everyone speaks only French. I meself grew up in Dieppe. Might as well say I grew up bilingual. So, I
sometimes mixes up me French and English words.”

  Alcide Gaudet had his own personal take on things:

  “I surmise it’s like de lobsters. Dey wants dose chunks o’ dogfish, dey’ll do summersaults to get ’em, next ting dey know dey’s in de trap.”

  Terry and Carmen agreed, laughing. For a moment, neither could think where to get a handhold on the analogy in order to continue the conversation.

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  On the Road

  Fantasy has no need to justify itself, for it exists in the absolute and exposes itself without restraint. Liberated, supposing itself above and beyond, de-posing itself. So much so, that one might say fantasy is precisely this, an excess in the economy of thought. A glove-factor. A quake-breaks. A dwarf-drench. A tears-mirror.

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  Fantasies

  “Most time, I go to bed at night hopin’ I won’t be wakin’ up in de mornin’.”

  Zed was acutely conscious of the incongruity of the situation: eating a delicious cake while listening to the old woman talk of her pain.

  “Der’s times I’s afraid fer Chico. Ee’s a good lad all de same . . .”

  “Have you no one to help you, den?”

  “I’ve good neighbours. Dey take me to de store an’ to church.”

  Madame Hébert poured more tea for Zed.

  “I never used to be such a glawvawn, complainin’ all de time. ’ere, you ’ave anudder piece o’ cake, now. Der’s plenty more where dat come from.”

  Zed cut himself another slice.

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  Customs

  The paradox being that, even to admit something to oneself, one must go through the Other.

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  The Unavowed

  The next morning, after generous helpings of lobster omelette, the little family went gathering stones and shells on the shore before repacking the van for their departure.

  “Lucky fer us youse didn’t know ’bout de campgrounds just over by de way, or we never would’ve met ya.”

  Madame Gaudet, who had rapidly fallen for the two children, took them by the hand, and spoke to them:

  “When youse come back next year, we’ll go out on de boat. Eh? Would you like dat?”

  Monsieur Gaudet handed Carmen the bag of provisions his wife had prepared:

  “Alvina boasts she grows de best cucumbers east o’ Waltham. A fellow knows enough not to contradict a woman who tinks so highly of her cucumbers.”

  Carmen took the bag, and shook his hand warmly.

  “Really, thanks a whole bunch. We’ll not ferget you.”

  Terry, for his part, kissed Granny Alvina.

  “If you don’t stop spoilin’ us like dis, you’ll have us on your hands a whole lot longer dan you hoped for.”

  And Terry handed Alcide Gaudet the scrap of paper on which he’d written their address and phone number.

  “If ever we can do sometin’ for you in Moncton, don’t be shy. An’ come an’ see us sometime when yer out dat way. We’ll be proud to show you round de neighbourhood.”

  Alvina Gaudet wiped away a tear as she watched the van go out of sight.

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  On the Road

  Backstitch, long-armed cross-stitch, Smyrna cross-stitch, reversible cross-stitch, Assisi or Holbein stitch, plaited cross-stitch, Roumanian stitch, whipstitch, straight stitch, gridded half-cross stitch, ¾ cross-stitch, star stitch, hexagonal half-stitch, point carré stitch, triangular stitch, pin stitch, stem stitch, backstitch, buttonhole stitch, isolated dove’s eye stitch, fly stitch, regular row, offset row, Kloster block, eyelet, basket filling, mosaic filling, chessboard filling, drawn trellis filling, square filling, half-chevron filling, window filling, beehive filling, ribbed wheel, braided flange, picot, oblique loop, dove’s eye, openwork, ladder stitch, serpentine hemstitch, knotted cluster stitch, double hemstitch, and antique hemstitch.

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  Intro Embroidery

  “De udder ting people have got all muddled about . . .”

  !

  “De Bible says, ‘an eye fer an eye, a toot fer a toot.’ Well, you’d tink dat means de punishment ought to fit de crime, wouldn’t you? Say a body kills a fellow, well dat body ought to be killed, as well, right?”

  . . .

  “Or, let’s be a wee bit less extreme, an’ say you go an’ steal sometin’, well, you gets yer hand cut off.”

  . . .

  “Only ‘eye fer an eye, toot’ fer a toot,’ dey said dat to stop folks punishin’ too harsh. De very opposite of wot we’s tinkin’! On account of dey were handin’ out terrible harsh punishments. Like, somebody steals a loaf o’ bread, well, dey gets a bit of a punishment sure, but you don’t cut der arm off, fer heaven’s sake.”

  . . .

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  Knowledge

  “Lex talionis is wot dey call it.”

  . . .

  “Nice shot.”

  snow white worry-free

  teasing a dwarf non non non

  here comes paw-paw bear

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  Haikus

  Twice the presenter had spoken of avatars.

  “Did you catch wot ’e was sayin’ ’bout de avatars?”

  “Naw. Der’s a whole lot I didn’t catch, fer dat matter.”

  “Same ting ’ere, but it don’t bodder me. ’Twas right interestin’ all de same. ’Twas a kind of challenge.”

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  Avatars

  An advertisement for New Brunswick oysters with photographs of the Caraquet, the Mallet, the Saint Simon, and the Beausoleil.

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  Photocopies

  Terry was at a loss. What sort of love story was this woman looking for?

  “Do you know dis one ’ere?”

  Terry showed her Belle du Seigneur by Albert Cohen.

  “Is it any good?”

  “Well, I ’aven’t read it, only lots of folks who ’ave tell me it’s de best book dey ever read. An’ it’s a love story.”

  The woman took the book from him.

  “It’s awful tick . . .”

  And the millions of tiny letters inside were irritating beyond measure.

  “No. I’m not so keen on readin’ wot everybody an’ ’is uncle’s readin’.”

  Terry put the book back on the shelf, and continued his search. It occurred to him that the woman might be on the edge of a kind of burnout or something of that nature.

  “Well, would you be lookin’ for someting more modern, den?”

  “Wot do ya mean, modern?”

  “Someting dat’s happenin’ in our time, or would ya prefer someting older?”

  “Someting older, dat might do de trick.”

  Terry continued to look, but nothing jumped out at him. Finally he decided to gamble.

  “Don’t know, only I read dis ’ere book, an’ I tawt it was shockin’ good! An’, besides meself, I don’t know anyone else dat’s read it.”

  Terry showed the customer Zorba the Greek. Alright, so he’d lied a little.

  “Is it awful sad?”

  The woman eyed the book warily, reached out and delicately took the volume from Terry’s hand. The fact that Terry had read it meant that she had to treat it with some consideration.

  “It’s like a love story ’bout Greece.”

  The woman rifled the pages of the paperback, read the excerpt on the back cover, and decided to get rid of Terry:

  “Looks alright. I’ll tink about it, an’ take anudder look ’round.”

  “No problem. If you have udder questions, don’t be shy.”

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  Love

  At times, an expression can contain e
verything at once: techniques, tactics, fervour and fantasy. The French expression “bouillon d’onze heures,” for example, which means literally “eleven o’clock broth,” and refers to a poisoned beverage.

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  The Other

  “Mum, when are we gonna ’ave our godfawder an’ godmudder party?”

  From the beginning, Terry and Carmen had explained to the children that they would organize a big party to celebrate the event.

  “Afore too long.”

  “Only, afore too long when? I can’t wait much longer.”

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  Ceremony

  . . .

  “All dis waitin’s tirin’ me out someting terrible.”

  Robin peck and peck

  apple won’t fall from the tree

  sound branch to sup on

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  Haikus

  “Wot would be de opposite of inventin’ yerself?”

  “I don’t know, do I. Inventin’ de udder feller, I suppose.”

  “Hey, dat’s not bad! I never tawt of dat. Most folks would’ve said destroyin’ yerself, or some such ting, but not to go an’ invent anudder fellow.”

  ?!

  . . .

  “Wot is it den dat intrigues ya so ’bout opposites, anyhow?”

  “Don’t know. Only I’m drawn to it is all. Someting neutral to tink about, I suppose.”

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  Opposites

  Although the French language may be widely thought of as the language of love, the French have not been inclined to write love stories, especially not those with happy endings. It seems that love, in the French novel, serves mostly as the driving force for tales of obstacles and constraints. Perhaps the French have always known somehow that love is really a chemical affair rather than an affair of the heart, as Jean-Didier Vincent argues in his Biologie des passions (Biology of Passions), which La Biliothèque idéale ranks among the 49 best works in the “Sciences.”