Embody

by Jamie Magee

  I could feel a longing inside her; it was as if she were only half of what she should be. “What do you mean, ‘as lucky as others?’” I asked, turning my head to look at her.

  Stella smiled at herself, and I could feel her remembering something that had made her happy. “When we were little, we overheard our dad talking to a man with dark skin at our house. The man talked about another dimension, a beautiful place full of color. Our father begged him to take us there, but the man said only soulmates could live there,” Stella said, laughing quietly. “We used to daydream together about the day our soulmates would find us and take us away...I still do.”

  I knew the grief I felt inside her was not only for my dying, but also for a love she’d never felt. I squeezed her with what little strength I had. “Well, then, I’m sure he will - and then you won’t be alone anymore,” I promised her.

  Stella sighed. “He would have come long ago if he was real. I’m already twenty four,” she said, holding back her tears.

  The pain in my stomach started to loosen, and my head stopped throbbing. I then closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

  A loud bang on our door woke us up. It was daylight again; at least we’d made it through to the dawn. Stella’s fear was immediate, but I knew whoever was on the other side of the door was excited and confused all at once. Stella rushed to the door. I tried to sit up, but the pain in my stomach brought me back down, and I immediately felt sick. An old woman came in the room; she was wearing the same black coats that we wore. She laid a tray with bread and milk on the bed we hadn’t slept in and handed Stella a rolled up scroll. She nodded in my direction, then left without a word. Stella sat on the bed. Her hands trembled as she held the scroll; she was scared to read what it said.

  “Those aren’t the execution papers, right?” I said, half-joking, thinking that at least death would relieve this pain.

  Stella shook her head slightly, telling me no. “This means we’ve been reassigned.”

  “Is that bad?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you want me to read it?” I asked, feeling how nervous she was.

  She shook her head no and unrolled the scroll. Her emotion shifted to the same excitement and confusion that I felt from the woman that brought us the food.

  “It must be good,” I said, squinting through the pain and holding back the nausea.

  Hearing the pain in my voice, Stella put the scroll down, then rushed to her coat, pulled out the pills, and handed them to me. I protested and turned my head; I was sure that the chalk would make me throw up.

  “Evee, this takes the pain away, which will stop the nausea.” She believed what she was saying.

  As I pulled myself up, my head spun, and so did the room. I took the pills one by one, blocking out the taste of chalk.

  “You need to eat something,” Stella continued.

  I shook my head no, realizing that would be asking a lot of my stomach. “Evee, I can already see almost every bone in your body...you have to eat,” she ordered.

  Feeling her concern, I reached for the bread and began pulling off small pieces. “What are we assigned to?” I asked.

  “The Blakeshire Estate,” she answered, confused.

  “I thought that was on the other side of the world?” I commented.

  “The main palace is on the other side of the world; they have estates in every major city. It’s odd that they’re here now. They only really come here in the winter when it rains the least - and even that’s rare.”

  “Maybe they’re coming because of the storms,” I said.

  “You’d think they’d stay away because of the storms,” Stella said to herself.

  “Are they still bad people?” I asked. As she raised her eyebrows, I realized that if they ruled this world - they must be.

  “I’ve never seen them up close. There’s the old man Donalt and old woman Perodine -then there’s a younger man, Drake. Some say that he’s their son; others say he belongs to the high priest, Alamos. No one has really been brave enough to clarify...either way, Drake will rule one day.”

  “Will it be better when he does?” I asked

  Stella shrugged her shoulders. “It just depends on who you ask. Some think he’ll carry on in Donalt’s path; others think he’ll bring back the sun,” she said. From her lack of enthusiasm, I knew she didn’t believe that Drake would redeem this world.

  “How would he even do that?” I asked, confused by all the myths she’d told me.

  “With Willow,” she said in a sad tone.

  “What?” I said, trying to focus on what she was saying.

  “Some people - most people - think that Willow and Drake will rule one day and bring back the sun,” Stella said, sighing

  “But not you...?,” I said.

  “No, and not you either. We know that there’s another world full of light, full of love. We heard the man, we lost our parents. It makes no sense for Willow to be with someone like Drake; darkness cannot create light,” Stella said. Her cheeks were flushed, and I felt her frustration.

  “We’re the only ones that doubt that Drake and Willow will rule, aren’t we?” I asked

  She nodded. “Just forget that I said anything; that idea would get us both killed,” she said

  “I just don’t understand...yesterday, that Tim guy wouldn’t even say her name because he was afraid he’d die – but know you’re saying that most people think she’ll rule one day. That doesn’t make any sense,” I said

  “Donalt will have to fall before anyone else can rule; he has ruled for longer than anyone can recall. The beliefs I told you are only whispers in the wind; the truth is, no one really knows. Willow could be a foolish story told to calm young children,” Stella said solemnly.

  I had my doubts that any of the stories that Stella had told me held any truth; her soul seemed so youthful, so naive. I began to worry about my death - not for my own selfish reasons, but for her sake...I felt protective of her.

  “Does Drake wear a hood on his coat?” I asked.

  Stella looked at me, confused. “Only the priest do, and those who are in charge...why?”

  “I just noticed that those are the ones that I can’t feel - and if I can feel the Blakeshires, then maybe I can make sure we’re OK,” I said, regretting that I’d eaten the bread. It took everything I had not to get sick.

  Stella shook her head in disbelief; I knew she was uncomfortable with my new senses. “This says that Drake Blakeshire and his priest are coming. The others must be staying behind.”

  “And that’s not normal?” I questioned.

  She shook her head no. “We’ve never seen him up close, but I’ve heard he’s very charismatic.”

  “What do we have to do there?’

  “We won’t know until we get there. We need to bathe and change; we have to leave here in one hour,” Stella said, pulling our things together.

  I nodded and pulled myself up. Stella carried our things, and I followed as diligently as I could. At the end of the hall was a large room. Several other women were showering along the walls, and they turned and looked in our direction as we entered. I could feel the jealousy coming from most of them. I wondered if they knew about our assignment; it must be a good thing to cause such an uproar of envy. I was sure Stella felt it, too, but she kept her eyes down and helped me take off my clothes. I realized then that she was right: I could see all of my ribs and pelvic bones.

  Though it wasn’t nearly warm enough, the water felt good. My hair still had blood in it from yesterday, and washing it out proved to be a painful experience in and of itself. I was so dizzy, I had to catch my balance over and over again. We dressed in the corner of the room in long black dresses, covering them with black coats. As I waited patiently for the pain medicine to take effect, Stella must have seen it in my face.

  “You have to block it out; that’s what you told me you did before,” she whispered. I nodded. “Are you still hearing voices?” she whispered.


  “No,” I whispered. I regretted that; I wanted to hear it, and I felt foolish for being afraid of it yesterday.

  Downstairs, we lined up with two other older women. Damien was waiting for us. He smiled at me, and a chill ran down my spine. He then walked to my side and slowly ran his hand down my back. Stella saw that he was touching me, and she pulled me forward. Damien chuckled and walked over to a desk to speak with another man in a hooded cloak.

  “Evee, he is not allowed to touch you. He’s toying with you,” Stella whispered.

  My face must have shown the confusion I was feeling. “Evee, did he touch you yesterday when you disappeared?” she asked in a harsh whisper.

  I nodded, embarrassed. “He said I was his toy,” I whispered back to her.

  “He’s lying- you are no one’s toy,” Stella said, glaring in Damien’s direction.

  “Should we tell someone?” I asked

  “Are you crazy? Do you really think they’d take our side?” she said in a harsh whisper.

  I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that Stella was right. Damien walked over to where we stood and stretched out his hand, telling us to walk on, then one of the older women came to my side and helped Stella balance me.

  “It’s almost a mile there; don’t push yourself...lean on me if you need to,” Stella said.

  “Are you sure this is safe?” I whispered.

  Stella looked over her shoulder, then back forward. “We really don’t have a choice in the matter,” she muttered.

  The woman to my left looked down in my direction. She was excited about going to the Estate; she seemed like a very content person. I felt as if I could trust her. People were still clearing the streets from the previous day’s storm. I could feel the envy coming from the young girls that passed by, and I hoped that this was something to look forward to. My steps were measured, and my breath was short. The pain had shifted from a constant sensation to measured, sharp stabs. I could breathe through most of them, but others were so razor-sharp, I had to stop - only to be scolded by Damien. At one point, lying down in the street seemed to be worth whatever punishment I’d receive - but I knew that Stella would pay the price for my weakness, so I endured on.

  In the distance, I could see a long gray wall, and behind it was a very large building, seven stories high. Though it was gray - like everything else here - it seemed to be much more elegant. The windows were large; some led to balconies, and others were odd shapes, like squares triangles. Men in long black cloaks lined the rooftop, staring forward.

  “He must already be here,” the woman next to me said.

  I was grateful we were close; I didn’t think I had the energy to make it much further. Just inside the gate, I stopped again to catch my breath - but Damien pushed me forward. Stella and the woman all but carried me the rest of the way. In the center of the Estate were several steps that led to two doors that were well over twenty feet high.

  We stepped inside the large wooden doorway. The front room had more color than I’d seen in the entire city. The floors where a white tile, and the walls were a glossy wood covered with paintings. Stella and the others took a deep breath; I was sure they’d never seen such color before either.

  We lined up among four other women; two of them were very old, and two were older than we were, but still young. There were also four older men. I wondered for a moment why we were the only young girls here, but Stella was calm, so I saw no cause for alarm. Besides, I wasn’t sure I’d have the energy to be defensive if I needed to be. Damien stood to my left, and Stella stood to my right. The others formed a line facing forward. Another man in a cloak stood at the opposite end of the line, another behind us, and one in front of us.

  Standing there, I started to sway; I was so dizzy. Stella did her best to help me hide it, but her efforts were in vain. Damien jerked my arm closer to him and whispered. “Go ahead, act out – and when they tell me to kill you, I’ll take you to my place, and you’ll be my toy without distraction.”

  My heartbeat rose in my ears, and I held back the tears that wanted to fall. I couldn’t feel Damien, but I was certain he wanted nothing more than for me to fall in the presence of Drake Blakeshire.

  I heard footsteps coming toward us, and I felt the fear in my companions rise. I looked forward and saw a strikingly handsome young man, tall, lean, and perfect in every way. He was wearing a suit, and he was flanked by two men in long robes with hoods. As they approached us, none of them had an emotion that I could feel. I was certain, though, that he’d seen Damien jerk my arm, and I feared that I’d ruined Stella’s chances of staying in this beautiful place. The young man’s pace picked up as he approached us, and he stopped just a few feet in front of the line that we’d formed. I felt the admiration and respect coming from those with me. Suddenly, a pain shot through my stomach, and I held my breath, keeping inside the scream that wanted to escape. I squinted my eyes closed, then opened them again, and I watched the room spin.

  The man in front of the line said, “Your Majesty, your staff is accounted for.” Drake nodded, then smiled a crooked smile while looking across the line ending with me. When his eyes met mine, I felt a surge of energy rush through me. I was captivated by his dark eyes and perfect face, and I looked away before my admiration made itself known on my expression. Drake turned in the other direction and passed by each person, looking them deeply in the eyes. Once at the end of the line, he circled behind us. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as he touched each of the women on the shoulder, hesitating for a moment, then passing to the next. I knew that their emotions didn’t change, so I had no fear as he approached me; instead, I focused on a painting of an older beautiful woman with green eyes on the wall in front of me. I reasoned that if she moved, that meant that I was swaying.

  I heard Drake’s footsteps. He stopped behind me and gently placed his hand on my shoulder; when he did, a warm sensation swept through me, mesmerizing and blissful. I let out a breath of relief that couldn’t be restrained, and Stella’s fear rose as she heard it escape. When Drake moved his hand from my shoulder, the pain hit me like the weight of the world. I stumbled forward and fell to my knees, then Damien kicked me as hard as he could in my side and screamed something at me that I couldn’t comprehend through the pain. Seeing me on the floor without the strength to stand, Stella broke rank and ran to my side – but the man raised his hand to hit her.

  Drake reached out and stopped him, then glared into his eyes. He then looked at Stella; her emotion was near horror, which matched the others. “Has he treated her this way all day?” Drake asked.

  Stella hesitated and nodded. “Worse,” she said, looking down at me with tears in her eyes.

  Drake’s jaw tightened, then he turned sharply to Damien. “Have you let your hands wonder over something that does not belong to you?” he said through his teeth.

  “No, sir. They’re lying. They are nothing more than savage traders. Send them with me; I will take this trash out for you,” Damien said, glaring down at me.

  I tried pushing myself away on the floor - even though I knew any attempt to escape would be in vain. Drake let Damien’s hand fall, then smiled. Damien smiled widely back at Drake - and I closed my eyes, wishing for death. Suddenly, I heard a loud punch, and I opened my eyes to see Damien lying on the floor next to me. “I have been here less than an hour and already have cause for an execution,” Drake growled through his teeth. The man’s face hardened; Drake’s look was daring him to stand. “Take him,” Drake said out loud. Two men in hoods approached and pulled Damien up, then escorted him away. Drake looked to the hooded man at the other end of the line and said, “Give the others their assignments.”

  Drake reached down and gently picked me up, cradling me in his arms; I sighed, feeling his touch and the relief from the pain. I also felt the shock come from the others in the line. “Tell Alamos I need him,” Drake ordered to someone. He then looked at Stella and said, “You – come; you are keeping her calm.” As Drake held me tight against his
chest, the mesmerizing sensation intensified, and another breath escaped as I found my relief. If I had the nerve, I would have asked him never to let me go. I opened my eyes to see him smiling, sure of himself. As the sensation coursed through me, I felt every part of myself relax, and I drifted away.

  When I opened my eyes again, I was lying in a large bed covered in a canopy. To my right was a wall of windows, and darkness was behind them. In front of the bed was a large doorway that led to another room. I could see two men standing there, wearing coats with hoods; one was very old, and the other was late in his years as well. They were whispering, and they had no emotion or feeling that I could feel. I felt Stella close to me. I had no pain at all; I felt like a new person. I sat up, slowly making sure that the dizziness was gone.

  Stella was at my side immediately. “How do you feel?” she whispered.

  “I feel...really good,” I whispered. I then reached for my stomach and sighed, feeling peace for the first time.

  “Listen, they’re in the front room. They’ve been asking me all kinds of questions. Don’t tell them about the voices.”

  “Do you think they know? Are they going to kill us? Where’s Damien?” I asked in a panicky voice.

  “Drake meant what he said – they executed him,” Stella said, feeling grateful. I raised my eyebrows. “That’s never happened before,” she said, smiling and tasting the revenge she felt.

  I searched my memory, trying to recall anything before the storm; still nothing.

  “Why do you think they’re being nice? Is this a trick?” I asked

  “I don’t know...we can’t trust any of them...I think Drake likes you,” Stella said, blushing a little.

  I looked in her direction; if I’d done my math correctly, I was sure I was older than Drake - and I knew that Stella alone was breathtaking.

  “Does he realize...does he know about the tumors?”

  “I would guess he now knows more about your condition than we do. The priests have been working on you constantly. For a moment, I thought you were gone...but then you took another breath and came back,” Stella said solemnly. I felt her grief and relief all at once.