Embody

by Jamie Magee

  The same woman and man from yesterday entered the room. They both froze in front of the painting, and I could feel their awe and happiness as they looked at it. They slowly turned and looked in my direction, disbelief covering their faces. The woman was carrying another tray of food, full of fruit and cakes. She walked into the room and placed it across my lap. The man was carrying clothes and soaps. He sat them on the foot of the bed, and his eyes raced between the two of us as he debated who was responsible for the painting.

  “Stella, you are to come with me to docks to gather supplies for the estate. You must wash and be ready to depart in one hour,” the woman said. “The wash room is through that door. I do hope you are feeling well Evelyn,” she continued. She then turned, the man followed, and they both stopped again and gazed at the painting before leaving.

  Stella reached for a strawberry, savoring the taste. I shook my head, realizing that it was very possible that I was demented and that Drake was a darkness trying to consume me. A sharp pain tore through my stomach, and I leaned forward and braced myself. As tears pooled in my eyes, I realized that I didn’t care if he was bad - I just wanted the pain to go away...I wanted him.

  Stella pushed the tray away and held me as tight as she could. Seconds passed, and the pain began to dwindle, then I sat up slowly and took a deep breath. I tried to smile, but I couldn’t summon the strength.

  “I’ll help you bathe before I leave,” Stella whispered.

  “Is it safe for you to leave me?” I asked.

  Stella looked at me and raised her eyebrows. “You tell me,” she said, mocking my senses.

  I rolled my eyes; I knew that the woman didn’t intend to hurt her.

  We gathered the clothes and soap and walked through the door on the left side of the room. Even I could recognize the beauty of the bathroom. A large tub centered the room with mirrors lining the wall, and there was another door that circled a shower. I walked slowly to the mirror; I’d never seen my reflection and was fearful of what I might see peering back at me.

  The girl looking back at me was very thin and pale, and her eyes were as black as night. In the center, though, I could see what looked like a small sparkle looking out at me. My hair was long and dark, and I could see the resemblance between me and Stella; I felt she was so much more beautiful than I. Suddenly, a flash came across my memory: I remembered looking at green eyes, emerald green eyes, and olive skin; the girl was young, sure of herself, happy, and very much alive.

  “Does she look familiar?” Stella asked sympathetically.

  I shook my head no and lowered my eyes, ashamed, wondering who the green eyed girl was and wanting to be as confident as she seemed to be. I leaned against the counter and waited for Stella to bathe. I felt her emotions shift from fear to doubt, then to grief. I knew she was letting my words sink in; she had to know that whoever she thought I was is gone, and now I had two choices: to die - leaving her alone - or live - demented, and protect her. I wanted to stay alive long enough for her to find someone one, anyone to love her.

  Once dressed, she helped me bathe. I could feel the pain in my stomach intensifying; with a heavy surge of guilt, I hoped my body would find Drake’s touch soon. I dressed in a long black dress and made my way to the couch in front of the window. Stella covered me up with a blanket and kissed my forehead.

  “I should be back by nightfall...remember, don’t trust anyone,” she whispered.

  I nodded and watched her leave, then lay there, trying to conceive how Drake’s touch was so powerful. I let each memory I’d found surface and tried to place them. My eyes closed, and silence took over for a while - then I heard footsteps approaching. Keeping my eyes closed seemed to be a reasonable thing to do. I felt someone’s hand on my wrist, and immediately I knew it wasn’t Drake.

  “This body cannot pass through the string, and we do not have the time to travel by ground,” I heard Alamos say.

  ‘String?’ What’s a ‘string?’ I thought.

  “We will go and get what we need tonight and bring it here – you make sure this body survives four more days,” I heard Drake say.

  Four days...that’s all I have left? What’s he going to get? I felt my heartbeat rise and desperately tried to make sure that they couldn’t detect it.

  “What about the other girl?” Alamos asked

  “She’s keeping her balanced. Keep her close for now. I’m sure when this over, she’ll still want to make sure she’s safe,” Drake said.

  I knew then that I’d have to play whatever part he wanted me to in order to keep Stella alive, and I was prepared to do so.

  “Wake her. I’m sure the pain will resume shortly. I’ll go and get her medicine,” Alamos said.

  I heard his footsteps leave. Silence took over for a moment, then I felt the heat of a body near my face. Suddenly, his lips were on mine, and a warm sensation swept through me; it was as if my body were craving it. I kept my eyes closed and kissed him back, forcefully wrapping my weak arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer to me. He reached his arms around my back, then pulled me up as his body relaxed; as he did, I was almost certain that when I responded to his kiss, I was sending his sensation back through him. The guilt I felt last night grew even heavier in my stomach as I saw the blue eyes again and remembered the feeling I’d had in the street when the voice in my head told me that he loved me. I made a silent promise to those eyes and that voice that I had to do this for the sake of Stella’s life.

  Drake slowly pulled away from me, and I opened my eyes to see him smiling.

  “Careful, little one; I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, caressing my face.

  I heard Alamos returning to the room and pulled myself up slowly. He handed me the pills. I looked at Drake, questioning why I had to take them if he was so close. He smiled impishly at me.

  “Did you dream? Alamos asked.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Are you dizzy?” he asked. I looked at Drake and blushed.

  I was, but I was sure it was because of him. Alamos looked from me to Drake, then back at me. He sighed deeply. “This body is weak; you need to be careful with where you place your energy,” he warned. He then looked at Drake, and I couldn’t figure out what was going to happen in four days.

  “That will be all,” Drake said.

  Alamos bowed his head and left the room. Drake then picked me up and slid his body under mine, cradling me in his arms. As he covered me with the blanket, I felt immersed in the blissful warmth.

  “Do you know when Stella will come back?” I asked. I wanted to be sure of what I overheard him say, that she was balancing me and that her safety was my main concern.

  He smiled, tracing my eyes. “She should be here just after nightfall,” he answered. I let my face fall. “Don’t be sad. I’ve placed her in charge today. She won’t have to do any hard labor. They must go to the other side of the city and wait for the boats to arrive.”

  I looked down, knowing that if I could feel his emotion or see his intent, I just might believe him.

  “I promise,” he whispered, seeing the doubt in my expression.

  I leaned back and stared forward, studying all of his perfect features, knowing that I’d already known him. As his eyes followed mine, he seemed to peer inside me at something that I couldn’t even recognize.

  “Does the sun ever shine?” I asked, breaking our stare and peering out at the gray sky behind him.

  “It will shine very soon,” he answered, still staring at me.

  I had flashes of blue skies, beautiful sunsets, and a clear night’s sky with a blanket of stars. I wondered for a moment how long it had been since the sun had shown itself here.

  “When my memory comes back to me, will you be in it?” I asked, reaching to trace his dominant profile. He smiled and nodded. “Good memories?” I asked

  Drake sighed. “I think so,” he said, smiling.

  “Will you tell me, to help me remember?” I asked, growing a little excited.
<
br />   “The memories I have are not of this time, and I don’t want to confuse you. Just know that you and I had a passion like no other...we moved each other...even in the most heated arguments – we’re always pulled to one another,” Drake said with a seductive smile on his face. “At times, I’d think that you lived to fight; passion comes from every part of you when you have a point to make, and anyone would find you a worthy adversary.”

  I shook my head in utter disbelief, wishing I had that strength now.

  “Do you feel strong enough for a short walk?” he asked.

  I nodded and slid off his lap. He stood and wrapped his arm around my waist, then led me out of the room and down the hall. At the end, we turned to the right this time. He opened a double doorway to an open room full of windows, and a large doorway was centered in the glass windows. He led me there.

  The view was depressing; outside the gates of the estate, I saw a sea of gray, complete with a gray sky and gray buildings. On the streets, I could see people all dressed in black, carrying out their mundane day. From where I stood, I could feel their deep sorrow, as well as a sense of betrayal. My eyebrows furrowed as their pain became mine.

  Drake was studying my face carefully. He then moved behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “You feel them, how sad they are?” he whispered into my ear.

  I sighed, feeling his breath on my neck, then nodded. “Who betrayed them?” I asked, feeling that that was the emotion that weighed them down more than any other.

  Drake’s embrace around my waist tightened. “They think that you and I have,” he said in a low tone. I turned slowly to look up at him; his eyes were full of sorrow.

  “Why us?” I asked in cracked voice, wanting to undo whatever I had done to those poor people.

  “They’ve been waiting for me to find you, for you to join with me and bring them color to their dark world; they’re ready for Donalt’s rein to end.”

  I turned and looked out the window again, realizing that I’d never be able to help them...I couldn’t even help myself.

  “I’m dying,” I whispered.

  “I won’t allow it,” he said in gentle tone.

  I looked back to him, doubting his every word.

  He searched my eyes for understanding. “I was to find you when the blue moon of your eighteenth year rose. Just before that night, my father, a man I deeply admire and respect, betrayed me; he led you to another man. They convinced you that I was bad, that you didn’t belong to me. When I asked you to be my queen, to release these people, you pushed me away with the power that belongs to us.”

  I felt the air leave me, and the room began to spin. How could I? Why would I? My mind raced, trying to give myself some kind of reason, but I couldn’t recall anything. Stella’s story of Willow came to me; she was the one Drake was to join with, not me.

  “Is my name Evelyn?” I asked in a shaky voice.

  His eyes filled with compassion. He gently kissed my neck, sending an addictive rush through me. “I’ve always called you, My Love,” he whispered against my skin.

  My body froze; I was terrified at the idea of being someone or something else. He slowly raised his eyes to meet mine, and I lost my breath in the color of midnight.

  I couldn’t feel him, but I thought I saw truth in his dark eyes. My mind rushed in every direction. Does he think I’m Willow? Am I demented? What’s was going on? I even considered that - because I was demented - my mind was telling me that I was someone I was not. I felt my heart race, and the room started to sway.

  “I don’t understand. There has to be more to the story than that...why did Stella not tell me any of this?” I asked, trying to put everything I knew and remembered in order.

  He shook his head and placed his finger on my lips, ending my rant of questions. “Stella doesn’t know - and if you were to tell her, to tell anyone, you’d bring them more harm than good, I assure you.”

  I swallowed, fearing that I’d grown too comfortable with him. “Why would your father betray you? Does he not want you to take over his rule?” I asked.

  His eyes engulfed in pain; he sighed and looked past me at the people in the streets. “Donalt is not my father; he’s merely a mentor,” he answered.

  I kept silent, too afraid to overstep the boundaries he seemed to have drawn. He looked down to me again, and I could see the pain in his eyes intensify; he was staring beyond the surface of my body.

  “My father was a traveler, a man that moves between worlds,” he said with a sigh. “I ask myself everyday why he would have wanted to bring me so much pain.” As my eyes questioned his words, across his face I could see the pain of which he spoke. “The night I came for you, he stood in my path. I pushed him away, but my force was too strong, and I hurt him; he lost his life. I’ll never know why he didn’t love me,” Drake said, looking down at the ground, then up at me.

  I put my hand on his chest, trying to heal the heartbreak I could see in his eyes. He covered my hand with his and kissed my forehead tenderly.

  “Did you ever ask me why?” I whispered. “Why I could be so selfish?”

  He laughed under his breath, then tucked a small piece of my hair behind my ear. “You were under the spell of another; he never left you alone - not even when you dreamed. I knew that you didn’t mean to hurt me - though I’m almost certain...you’ll hurt me again,” he answered.

  My eyes searched his wildly; the blue eyes, the voice, the vision - they painted a life that was so beautiful, not one that was under a misguided illusion. I felt torn between those eyes and Drake. I knew without a doubt that I did hurt Drake, but I had no way of knowing if he deserved it - or if that life or this one were really illusions. I feared that this body would not allow me the time I needed to unravel the mystery before me now.

  “I don’t want to hurt anybody,” I said, searching his eyes.

  “I know, but you only have one heart...you cannot love us both,” he answered.

  “Am I being punished for my actions? Is that why I cannot remember, why the pain is so bad?”

  “No, my love. This is a gift; you now see me for who I am, not what others have told you. This,” he said, reaching for the wound on my head, “has given this world - and our love - another chance.”

  I felt his sensation and closed my eyes. I didn’t know who to trust, who to believe. I couldn’t conceive how I could be someone like Willow - but I knew if Drake thought I was, Stella’s life was safe.

  “I want to save those people,” I said, looking up at him.

  He smiled down. “Just trust me; first, we must save your life, my love.”

  In the distance, I could feel someone peaceful approaching with the intent of finding Drake. I pulled away from him slowly, then looked in the direction from which I knew it was coming. His eyes followed mine. A beautiful woman walked in the room; she was wearing a very elegant flowing black dress, and her eyes met mine. Though she smiled, I could feel her sadness and regret. Drake led me in her direction, smiling confidently. “I would like to introduce you to my mother...Beth,” he said.

  She smiled warmly at me, then at her son. I could feel the profound amount of love she had for him, and I told myself he couldn’t be as dark as Stella thought he was if this woman could love him so dearly.

  “How are you feeling, dear?” she asked softly.

  “I’m well,” I answered quietly.

  For a moment, I was sure that I knew her, too, but the memory I had of her was a sad one.

  “You’d be amazed by her strength,” Drake said, smiling at me.

  Two men with hoods on their cloaks walked in the room. Their arrival caught me off guard, and the void they had was very annoying. “May we have a moment?” one of them said to Drake. I could see his disapproval, but their tone gave him reason to comply.

  Beth smiled at me. “Come, dear, I’ll walk you back to your room.”

  I held my eyes down, afraid I’d done something wrong. Beth looped her arm around me and led me down the hall. I
could feel her sadness building; she was in pain. I looked behind me to ensure myself that we were far enough away not to be heard by them.

  “Will you tell me why you’re sad?” I whispered.

  A shock came through her, then she looked to her side at me. “I suppose those pills aren’t capable of stripping you of all your insights,” she said quietly.

  As we walked in my room, I stopped her with my hand. “You knew me before,” I accused.

  She looked at me for a moment. I could feel her remorse.

  “No,” she said.

  I knew she was lying. “Yes, you did,” I argued, feeling the temper that Drake said I had rise within me.

  “I don’t know you...we were never introduced,” she defended herself, regretting having underestimated me.

  “Everything Drake told me is true; I’m supposed to be with him...I was taken from him,” I said, knowing that no matter what she responded with, I’d be able to see if it were the truth.

  I felt a surge of sorrow and dread rise in her.

  She sighed and looked down. “In your heart, you should already know if that were true...there is no doubt when you find your soulmate,” she said.

  I felt a small sense of joy take the sorrow’s place as she remembered something.

  “He said his father betrayed him, hurt him.”

  “His father loves him beyond reason and only wanted what was best for him. Drake will see that one day.”

  Confusion was all over my face. His father kept him from me, so that must mean that I’m bad. What did I do?

  “It’s my fault, isn’t it? If Drake hadn’t wanted me, his father would be alive,” I said, trying to hold back tears.

  “It’s not your fault; you’re just as much a victim as the rest of us,” Beth said in a sincere tone.

  “’Rest of us?’” I repeated.

  Beth looked over me and sighed. I felt her struggling; she felt torn between two things that she loved. “I’ve lost so much in my life. I’ve mislaid three of my sons, and the only man that I’ve ever loved. Drake is all that remains. If betray him, I’m telling the rest of my children that their pain was in vain - and I cannot bear that.”