Mirrored Hearts

by Emily Sheppard

  *~*~*

  Matt encountered Upholder Lapira—or Shannon—again a few days later. He bumped into him outside a music store. Matt had just purchased a new set of headphones; his old pair had been on the fritz for weeks after the wire had been bent to oblivion. Shannon was talking to a pair of people, seemingly in an informal way though he was still in uniform. He was chuckling good-naturedly and happened to glance Matt's way when he exited the store. Matt hadn't exactly wanted to draw his attention, but went ahead and put on a smile when he caught Shannon's eye. Things had ended awkwardly, after all, so he wanted to make a more positive impression.

  "How are you?" Shannon called casually.

  "I'm okay," Matt said, coming closer. To his immense surprise, one of the people Shannon was chatting with was a friend of Ayesha's, whom he had met at Gloss. What was her name… Ava? Ivy?

  "Oh hey, I think I know you," the woman in question chirped, with hesitant recognition on her face. "Umm, Matt, right?"

  "Yeah," Matt said with a friendly grin. "But I'm sorry, I forget your name."

  "Eva."

  It was weird being social when there was an Upholder standing right there, but Matt made a conscious effort to act casual.

  They made some small talk until Matt excused himself with a, "Well, I'm gonna try these out," indicating the headphones.

  "And I have to get back on the beat," said Shannon. He chuckled self-deprecatingly. Then abruptly, "I'll walk with you a ways, Matt. That is, if you want."

  Matt wasn't immediately taken aback by the notion, so he nodded. "Okay."

  They turned away and strolled in the direction of Matt's home street, Corundum. It was a good twenty minutes away, so plenty of time to talk.

  "Sorry again about… before," Shannon said. "That was incredibly unprofessional of me."

  Matt shrugged. "I just don't usually do… that. Ever."

  "What, flirting?" Shannon turned his helmeted head to look at him.

  Matt shook his head. To distract himself, he scanned the people bustling around. Several were giving them strange looks; he was willing to bet most of them had never seen a civilian walking with an Upholder unless they were under arrest.

  "Okay, I won't bother you about it again."

  From nowhere, the strange urge prickled at Matt to say exactly why he didn't flirt. But it went away just as quickly. He barely knew this man, and it wasn't a piece of information one just volunteered to anyone.

  "Thanks," he said instead.

  "So what do you do?" Shannon asked conversationally.

  "I'm a graphic designer for Blue Light."

  "Ah. What made you choose to do that?" Even as he was speaking, Matt noticed Shannon's gaze roaming the vicinity, looking for signs of unrest.

  "Making visual art has just… always come easily to me." Matt's mouth twitched. "I guess I'm creative." Though it sure didn't feel like it at work, surrounded by other, equally talented people all passive-aggressively competing with each other.

  Matt knew that the expected thing to do was to ask Shannon why he had chosen to become an Upholder, but he hesitated. He was still wary of the whole bunch, and it could be personal, besides. But in the space of a few seconds, he decided throw caution to the wind and ask anyway.

  Shannon was silent for a moment. "Well, if you really want the truth of it, I saw what many of the Upholders were like, and I wanted to make a difference. I decided to be the difference."

  Matt was struck dumb by this revelation. But he was just one against so many… a needle in a haystack, to use the phrase differently. Matt didn't think the Upholders would ever stop attracting to their force individuals who craved power over others.

  Shannon must have seen Matt's skepticism because he grinned wryly. "Going against the current only makes me more determined."

  Well. That was a good frame of mind to have, because it was a daunting task. But Shannon was full of hope anyway. Matt couldn't find it in him to call it foolishness.

  A thought occurred to him. "Is this your first city?"

  "No, I'm originally from Providence. I applied for a transfer to Bayfield when I heard what the situation was like here."

  That made sense, though Matt still had a hard time believing someone would choose it. "But… you could have had it easier in another city."

  Shannon shook his head. "Like I said, I wanted to go where I could make a difference, even if it's just me. With every interaction, I try to make people less afraid and have less hatred of the Upholders."

  With that, Matt let the conversation lapse into thoughtful silence.

  They ended up walking all the way to his apartment building. Shannon bid him a polite farewell, but before he could walk away, Matt said, "Wait." Just like on the previous occasion, Shannon paused inquisitively.

  Matt took a moment to gauge his feelings. Even though Shannon was a part of the feared law enforcement, this was someone worth keeping in touch with. "If you wouldn't mind just being friends," he ventured, "I'd really like that." He gave his best friendly smile.

  Shannon's smile was instantaneous. "Of course," he said easily. "If I'm not in the middle of something, I'd love to chat whenever you see me."

  *~*~*

  Matt waved his citizen identification card in front of the door to his apartment. The dark sensor beeped once and the lock disengaged, sweeping open before him. The metal door whooshed shut as soon as Matt had crossed the threshold, and he was back in his own little pocket of peace.

  Shelves made of a light metal pulled out from the walls at varying heights, entirely customizable. Matt had decorated his walls sparsely: only a potted plant and two framed photographs substantiated the place. A love seat and 3D-printed chair sat against one wall. In the corner of the apartment, there was a standard-sized bed that could be folded away for company. A bathroom and kitchenette abutted the main room through doors further in. Everything was designed with the intent to save space. The floor was a white variant of plasteel, easy for tenants to clean.

  Matt deposited his bag against the side of his desk by the door, toeing off his shoes as well. He crossed the room and sat down in his love seat, then reached for the remote that balanced on the fabric arm. With a click and a whir, a metal arm slowly swung down from the ceiling, holding a flat-screen television only a little on the small side. The TV and disinfected mattress had come with the apartment, but Matt had had to buy everything else himself. It was a pretty good bargain, though, all things considered. At twenty-four, this was his first place away from home. As long as he budgeted carefully, he wouldn't need to ask his parents for money. He was determined not to.

  He flipped around, first checking the listed guide on his favorite five or so channels. Eventually, he settled on a psychology show, but he found his mind drifting to Shannon.

  They had exchanged personal comm sequences, and had chatted with each other just a bit over the past several days. All small talk. Matt knew that Shannon was probably still attracted to him, and he didn't want to make Shannon think he had changed his mind.

  He sent off a message now, asking what he was up to. Shannon replied a few minutes later.

  Having a late lunch/early dinner before going back on the beat. You want to swing by?

  Matt replied, I had a big lunch earlier, but thank you.

  Another stretch of time went by, during which Matt got back into the TV show. Then Shannon sent him another message:

  I have the day off on Thursday. Do you want to get some frozen yogurt? I know a nice place on 7th

  Matt liked frozen yogurt, but the shop closest to his home sold product that tasted like chemicals. Not that any other outlet's yogurt would have fewer chemicals, but at least a person didn't have to be reminded of it with each bite. He tapped back:

  That sounds great :) I'm off work at 4pm. Where should I meet you?

  We could meet at 7th and Brass, that's about halfway :) There's a hover repair place there. Meet me in front

  Matt assented and put his comm back in his pocket.
He continued watching the show until it ended, half his mind still on the forthcoming meeting. He decided to not expect anything in particular and just wing it. He was confident in his instincts. Eventually he fell asleep with his head lodged awkwardly against the armrest.

  *~*~*

  On Thursday, Matt took a different route from work. Generally, he never walked through this part of the city. He wasn't afraid of getting lost—all mobile comms had a built-in GPS. The government claimed it was for safety, but some people said it was just another way for the higher-ups to track every citizen, make sure they weren't up to anything. Up to what, Matt had no idea. Anyone could leave the city if they wanted to. But why would anyone want to leave when the environment beyond the cities was so inhospitable?

  Humans had mined and chopped and burned the planet to a wasteland. Decades before, when cutbacks weren't working and it appeared that there would be no return, the world's governments had created safe havens for the populace to live. Now all their air and water was recycled, a last-ditch effort to save the species. The only positive thing to come from all this was that war had dwindled to almost nothing, with countries focused on their own internal problems. There was only the occasional desperate skirmish over resources that was quickly—and violently—resolved.

  Matt turned onto 7th Avenue. Now the meeting point was only a couple streets away. The steel passages teemed with their usual activity: people going to and from work at various times of day, or else off to enjoy some entertainment. Every once in a while, a hover flitted overhead, but the vehicles were expensive, and anyway, citizens rarely needed to go far. Almost every convenience one could want was within walking distance of every residential unit. The air filters' chugging was slightly louder here.

  Just ahead he saw the repair shop, an enormous garage with a roll-up overhead door that revealed two dismantled vehicles inside. On top of the building, a neon sign blared the shop's services. In function, though, it just ended up blending in with the rest of the colorful city. He quickly spotted a familiar figure dressed in casual clothes, though this was his first time seeing Shannon without his dark-visored helmet. Matt wasn't quite sure it was him until he received a wave and wide smile. There was that familiar, easy-going grin. Matt saw that he had large brown eyes and dark hair.

  Matt walked over to him, now with his own smile. "Hey," he greeted. "I hope you weren't waiting too long."

  "Just twenty minutes or so," Shannon replied. "Let's get going." They turned to walk down the street, Shannon leading the way. "So how is work?" he asked.

  Matt shrugged. "Pretty much the same as always—we all try to have the most cutting edge designs, bring in the most customers for the product."

  Shannon raised his brows. "Sounds like a lot of pressure."

  "You're one to talk." Matt chuckled. "I mean, you told me why you decided to be an Upholder, but doesn't it ever get to you? Dealing with… negative situations on a daily basis?"

  "Oh, there aren't that many serious criminals here," Shannon said, waving a hand. "Mostly it's just people who are desperate, or who are upset with the system. There is a lot of corruption, but you didn't hear that from me."

  Matt nodded.

  "But I try to stay optimistic," Shannon said with a smile.

  Personally, Matt thought Shannon was a little too happy for this field of work, but if he wasn't showing signs of burnout yet, then that was something to be admired. He glanced at Shannon in his peripheral vision; his long-lashed brown eyes matched his rich olive skin. Shannon's nose was angular, somewhat bony. His hair was black with a hint of curl, and his eyebrows seemed to be in a permanent quirked position. Matt looked away before he could be caught. Shannon seemed very observant, even taking into account his calling.

  They arrived at the frozen yogurt place. It was sort of between a stand and shop; there was nothing beyond standing room indoors, but there were dainty little tables to sit at outside. The chairs had swooping heart designs as their backs. Everything was striped in pastel colors. Overall a very cutesy place.

  There were all manner of flavors, spanning from natural—chocolate, strawberry—to artificial concoctions with names like Blue Frost. When they got to the front of the line, Shannon ordered mango for Matt and something called Apple Joy for himself. He tried to pay for both of them, but Matt refused, reaching around him to swipe his card as well. They took their foam cups from the narrow counter and headed toward the tables.

  As they settled into the small metal chairs, Matt noticed Shannon giving him another once-over, but this time it was less appreciative, more curious.

  "If you ever feel comfortable enough to tell me what's bothering you…" Shannon started off carefully, "I'm here. I won't judge. I like to think of myself as fairly open-minded."

  Matt was silent for a few moments. He dug his spoon around in his yogurt and casually took a bite. Shannon had been nothing but kind to him in the few weeks he'd known him. And he had shown that he would be fine just being friends with him. Matt had had bad experiences with a few people who had doggedly pursued him sexually, not understanding his many hints that he wasn't available that way. But he dared to think that, as he was among the Upholders, this man was different. So he decided to give it a shot.

  "The truth is," he mumbled, and took a breath, "I'm asexual." He flicked his gaze up to gauge Shannon's reaction.

  Shannon's eyes widened minutely before he let out a comprehending, "Ohh…"

  Matt searched his eyes for disgust or pity… but found none, just the bloom of understanding. Matt's posture softened, tension draining out of him that he hadn't even known was there. He sat quiescently, waiting for Shannon to say something.

  "Well, I think I understand you a little better now," Shannon said with a small grin.

  Matt replied in kind, his mouth quirked up at the corners. "So… you see, when you were flirting with me, before…"

  "You couldn't exactly reciprocate," Shannon finished for him.

  "Well, I mean—" Now came the nuance. "I'm not aromantic. It's just the physical stuff, the lust, that I don't…" Matt shrugged pointedly. Then he soldiered on. "I do form crushes. But I've had a tough time with relationships since they all seem to want to hop into bed sooner or later."

  Shannon dipped his head. "I see."

  There was a companionable silence that lasted for a few minutes. People jostled around their little table, coming and going with their frozen yogurt. Their own delicacies were starting to melt at the edges. Matt scraped the edge of his spoon around the thawed parts and savored the mango flavor on his tongue.

  "What does that taste like?" Matt asked suddenly.

  Shannon looked up, and a slow smirk crossed his face. "Like Apple Joy," he said simply.

  Matt rolled his eyes. "I mean what normal flavor would you compare it to."

  Shannon's eyes twinkled. "Well, there's apple, as the main taste. And then there are other fruits mixed in, at least one citrus. And then there's something I can only describe as… confetti."

  "Ew." Matt wrinkled his noise.

  Shannon laughed, and Matt felt an answering swoop in his chest. If he weren't careful, he could really fall for this guy. Even if he seemed to understand him and accept him, he would want to get physical eventually, and Matt didn't want to deny him what everyone else found the norm. Not that he found sex disgusting per se, but he would never initiate anything. And Shannon deserved a relationship that met all his needs.

  With that in mind, Matt felt himself start to droop before mentally shaking it off. That was silly. He was more than happy to be Shannon's friend. He looked up with a smile, but Shannon was eating his yogurt again.

  Afterward, they decided to take a leisurely stroll along the nearby strip. They had a good time people-watching and looking at the various booths and street artists. People couldn't draw or paint directly on the ground like decades before, but they managed with crafting sculptures out of wood or metal, or else bringing their own sheet of paper to sketch on. One woman had a spread
of jewelry made from recycled wires and bits and bobs. And there were two different dancers, each with their own music player. A group of little girls romped around while their parents talked. And off to one side, a few teens stood close together, playing co-op on their handhelds.

  Matt looked over some metal sculptures with interest. He was usually drawn to the abstract, but there were some very realistic animal models here. In particular, he was taken by a gleaming wolf, about as long as his forearm and frozen in mid-prowl. The texture of its fur was fascinating, like points of an ice storm all swept back. Its minuscule claws were polished to shining, and its eyes were set with a sort of blueish stone—lapis lazuli, maybe.

  Shannon came over to his side. "Thinking about buying that?"

  Matt smiled wryly to himself. "I shouldn't. I need that money for food. I guess I could buy it, but then it'll be tight this month."

  A contemplative expression crossed Shannon's face. "I'm guessing you won't let me buy it for you outright," he said, then quickly continued when he saw Matt's reaction, "so how about we split the cost like we did with the yogurt?"

  "Yeah, but this is just for me," Matt protested. He had always been uncomfortable with people buying him things. He felt an awkward mix of being in debt to that person and not being worthy of their hard-earned money in the first place.

  "Don't worry about it," said Shannon. Then he lowered his voice. "Upholders get paid a comfortable wage. More than, even."

  "Well…" Matt was wavering, but he knew Shannon could see him starting to give in.