Finding Love (Behind Blue Lines Book 3)

by Christine Zolendz

  “Everybody needs to quiet down. We need to listen for a baby.”

  Maybe I missed somewhere. Did I check the bathtub?

  I ran through the hallway and rounded the corner into the bathroom, slamming into another officer.

  “Is there a baby in there?” I sobbed.

  “No baby on the entire first floor, Detective.”

  “First floor? There’s another floor?” I stammered.

  “A basement, but—”

  I didn't stay to hear the rest. I spun around and bolted for the kitchen and the door to the stairwell. I forgot they had a basement with a laundry room. But Ben wasn't there. The machines were empty. He wasn't downstairs or upstairs. My hands went to my mouth to cover my sobs. Behind my eyes, my head throbbed in sharp, hot bursts.

  Where was Addison? Addison was here during the whole mess. Would she remember? Would she be able to talk about it? Would she know where Ben was? Was she okay? Someone was probably talking her through things now. They most likely had a calming female officer sitting somewhere with her, going over the events of the night.

  I stomped up the steps and through the bodies of blue until a hand grabbed onto me. “Callie? Callie! I came as soon as I heard—” Ryan pulled me into an embrace and kissed my forehead. “How can I help?”

  I stopped and looked around, hoping to see someone carrying a baby. But everyone was talking and searching and trying to figure out what the hell happened. The room was suddenly stifling.

  “We can’t…we can’t find Ben!” I grabbed his shirt in my fist and crushed it with my fingers. “He’s only five months old, Ryan. I can’t find him!”

  Ryan pulled me through the house, half dragging me, half holding me upright. We stumbled through the front door and down the porch steps. Outside was freezing, and Ryan tucked me under his arm to stop me from shivering.

  “Talk me through what you know,” he whispered, rubbing warmth into my arms.

  I shook my head repeatedly. "I don't even know! I…I was here earlier, and I made myself leave, and then I was in bed, and then I heard screaming and glass breaking…"

  “Okay.” He rubbed my arms faster. “What else?”

  “I ran over. Looked in the windows. Called it in. Addison was screaming. They were looking for money…and…and I can’t find Ben!”

  I cried. What was wrong with everyone? Didn’t they realize? The more time that passed was excruciating for me. With every second that ticked by, I became more and more hysterical.

  “Ryan, they can’t find Ben!”

  He gently grasped my chin in his hand and softly turned my face out toward the street. “Everyone is looking,” he whispered.

  Ryan wasn't lying. I hadn't noticed before, but my street was swarmed with cops armed with flashlights, canvassing the area. Dozens of patrol cars were parked haphazardly across lawns and over curbs. Sheri sat in the back of one, thudding her head against the side window. Had she taken Ben somewhere? He was only five months old. Someone had to know where he was put; he couldn't have gotten anywhere by himself. I needed to find him.

  “Where’s Addison?” I said, struggling to get out of Ryan’s grasp.

  “They’re questioning her right now.”

  "Dylan? Is Dylan going to be okay?" The world spun too quickly around me. My head was splitting in two; I couldn't figure out how to be the detective or the family of the victim. I didn't…I couldn't figure out how to focus my thoughts on anything other than Ben was lost and Dylan might already be dead – and Addison witnessed it all.

  Suddenly, everything that swirled in my stomach surged upward and I dropped to my knees and retched violently into the grass. I knelt there for a while, my legs scraped and cold, gravel and twigs biting into the palms of my hands, all while everything I ever consumed erupted painfully out of my body and splattered over the icy ground.

  Eventually, Ryan handed me a handful of bunched up tissues, and I was able to clean myself. And as I climbed to my feet, the sight of the K-9 unit pulling up flooded me with warm relief.

  “K-9! Let’s get something that was Ben’s.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t want to rest after that puke fest?” Ryan asked, steadying me. “I took you out here to calm down, get your head straight for a few minutes before you demonstrate you’re not capable of —“

  “Don’t say it!” I spit, pushing his hands away from me. “I need to help find Ben, now."

  I rushed back inside the house and stood inside Ben's room. I needed something that still had his scent on it. I dug into his baby hamper with blurry eyes and pulled out a cute little pair of overalls; they were what he wore a few hours before. They were so soft and blue, with a small, furry lion on the front pocket and smelled just like him.

  I yelled out orders and overstepped my superiors, but I think that because of my closeness to the family, I was given such allowances; on any other day, I would have probably been reprimanded in front of everyone. I didn’t care. I needed the dogs to search for him. There wasn’t too much time that had passed since I first got here, but any more time would be a death sentence if Ben were outside in the cold for too long.

  The K-9 dogs sniffed around the house, inside the house, but there was no sound of barking. I walked the perimeter of the yard as I waited to hear them until I was called into one of the vans because Addison was distraught and wouldn't talk to anyone until she saw me.

  They slid open the van door for me, and she lunged into my arms, trembling and crying. Her tears soaked my shirt instantly. “That bad man, he pushed Daddy down!”

  “I know, Addison. I know.” I held on to her tight, weeping into her hair. She snuggled in closer to me, sniffling and hiccupping. “Addi,” I said, sliding down to my knees to look into her eyes. “Addi, where’s Ben? Did you see where—”

  Her eyes immediately shifted around us, and her head shook violently. "Shhhhh! Ben's hiding, so they don't push him, too!" she whispered harshly.

  The world fell away, drained of all sound, and the only thing I saw was the innocent blue of Addison’s eyes.

  “What, Addi?” I swallowed quickly, holding back a gasp. “What? Where’s Ben, Addi? Tell me so I can make sure he's safe."

  She blinked at me, pursing her lips.

  I stumbled back against the side of the van and plopped down before I fell. I needed her to trust me. Didn't she believe in me? Ben could be in danger.

  "Addi, I promise you, I won’t let anyone push Ben down. But you need to tell me exactly where he is, right away.” I squeezed her hands softly in mine. “I need to make sure he’s safe, okay? Please tell me?”

  Tell me! I shuddered.

  She leaned forward and nodded secretively. "He's in the little house."

  The little house? What the fuck is the little house?

  I gripped her hands slightly tighter. “Okay, Addi. Where’s the little house?”

  “The one in the back yard with the naked lady angel.” She turned away and reached out to point her finger into the street.

  In the back yard with the naked lady angel? Dylan didn’t have a little house in his yard. He didn't even have a shed or a garage. He certainly didn't have a naked lady angel. Naked lady angel?

  “Is the naked lady angel…is it a statue?”

  She nodded her head, and the nape of my neck tingled. I was struggling to breathe. “He’s in the yard down the street?”

  I scooped her tiny body into my arms and held her tightly. "He's in the back yard with a little house and a statue of an angel!" I yelled as I ran in the direction Addison had pointed. The instant pounding of footsteps behind me told me we weren’t alone, and the smell of Ryan’s cologne let me know he had my back.

  “Tell me which house, Addi,” I said as I ran with her.

  “The yellow one!” she screamed, reaching her arm out to show me the way.

  Two houses down, I skidded to a stop at the gate of a yellow shingled home. There was a dim light on in the front room and a lone swing that swayed in the cold
breeze on the front porch. I touched Addison's feet to the ground and jumped the fence.

  "Addi, wait for me right here. Don’t you move!”

  Inside the house, a dog barked and another light flickered on. I ran through the side yard and rounded the corner into the back yard, sweat stinging my eyes.

  Please don’t let me be too late. Please let him be okay! He's just a baby!

  The little house was just a few feet away. An inhuman wail bubbled up from my throat when I saw the top handles of Addison’s tiny doll stroller and the still lump of a child sitting listlessly inside it.

  No, no, no. How long has he been outside in the cold? How many times will I have to relive the worst day of my life, the day I witness the lifeless body of a child I love? How many times will I have to live through losing people I care so deeply for?

  I slammed into the play cabin, heart racing, lifting the entire thing off the ground and shoving it over. It crashed back loudly.

  “He’s here! He’s here!” I roared, throat closing, eyes blurring with tears. Ben’s glazed eyes stared up at me, his tiny body shaking violently. “Oh Ben,” I whispered, collapsing in front of him to unbuckle the toy stroller straps.

  His skin was ice. His ears and nose bright red, the rest of his skin a sickening pale blue. I lifted him from the stroller carefully and held him to my chest. For the rest of my life, I will never forget the feeling of his tiny rib cage and shoulders, his chubby little legs and feet, shivering violently in my arms.

  Chapter 24

  Dylan

  Bright, white light slipped painfully through my closed eyelids. I blinked them open, but somewhere above me, glaring lights beat down against them, blinding me.

  Where was I?

  I tried to lift my head and felt a pull across my face, just under my nose. It felt as if a piece of tape was stuck on my upper lip. I felt the same sensation on my hands as well. I reached up to try to pull the tape off; both my hands felt strange, heavy.

  My fingers touched something foreign before I could find my face. What was on my face? I traced the smooth object with the tips of my fingers, and panic set in. There were tubes all over me. Stuck to my face. I needed to rip them off. Where were my kids? Where was I? What the hell was happening?

  “Dylan?” The sound of an angel’s voice called out my name. “Dylan, no. Don’t tug on that,” the voice said sternly as a warm hand covered mine.

  Once again, I tried to squint my eyes open. My temples throbbed with the effort. I was lying in an unfamiliar bed—it had rails on each side and heavy white blankets—it made my entire body achy and sore.

  "Where?" my voice croaked. My throat was dry, and I had the worst case of cotton mouth ever; my mouth tasted like it was coated in shit.

  “You’re in the hospital, but you’re okay.”

  Hospital? What the hell?

  The warm hand gently pulled my hand off the tubes. “Callie?” I asked – no, I prayed. I prayed she was the voice of the angel. If Callie was here, that meant my children were safe and I had someone to rely on.

  “Yeah, Dylan. It’s me.” Her warm fingers traced the skin on my arm, sending shivers over my body.

  “Addi? Ben? What happened?”

  My thoughts were muddled, confused. I remembered a fight somewhere. I remembered Addison screaming for me. My mind raced to figure out how it all led me to where I was. I just couldn't see what happened clearly.

  “The kids are fine. They’re safe,” she whispered, giving my arm a small squeeze. “Do you remember anything?”

  Finally, her face became more focused on me. Her skin was too pale, her eyes swollen and ringed red. I tried to lift my head again, attempted to move closer to her and find out what was wrong, but my head spun and nausea washed over me. A cold sweat sprouted across my forehead.

  “What happened? Callie, are you okay?”

  A stab of fear clenched deep in my stomach.

  I swear to God, if anyone hurt her or caused her any pain…

  A smile pulled up at one corner of her lips. "You're the one in the hospital bed, and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

  She shook her head and touched her hand to my cheek. The touch filled my heart with something I hadn't felt in years: hope. Hope and love. Whatever love she would accept from me, I wanted to give her until she could one day love me back. I could love this woman enough for both of us. I could love her for the rest of my life. My kids loved her. I wanted her, needed her. It was over between Sheri and me…

  The image of Sheri in my house stopped my thoughts cold. Sheri had come home. I remembered now. She came back for some of her things she said. She brought a friend. Some guy she was messing with. Some guy who tried to…he tried to kill me.

  “Sheri came home. She was high,” I said through the haze of memories that were flooding my brain.

  There was blood everywhere. He hit me with a wrench. Addison was screaming for them to stop. I remembered blocking her from them. I remembered the crunch of his arm when I broke it. I remembered Sheri's face, her uncaring face when our daughter screamed for her.

  Callie gently pushed me back. "Lay back. You shouldn't move too much." She sighed, and tears glazed in her eyes. "Sheri came back high, yes. She had a friend with her, and they attacked you."

  “Yeah. My wrench, right?”

  She stilled, eyes fixed on mine. She didn't want to tell me, did she? Did she think I'd be embarrassed that I got my ass handed to me? I wasn't. He used my damn wrench, and I knew I broke his arm. I knew there was blood all over, and it wasn't just mine.

  “You were stabbed. Multiple times with a pair of needle nose pliers.”

  “What the fuck?” I looked down over my body, hidden under the hospital sheets. Was I stabbed? “No. No, he hit me with the wrench. I would know if I was stabbed.”

  “Dylan, you don’t remember because you lost a lot of blood. You almost bled out in the ambulance. You…you almost died. He tried to kill you.”

  “How bad? What? My head’s foggy. I don’t understand. He just hit me with the wrench.”

  “You needed blood. You lost a lot. We all gave you some. But Dylan, yeah…he stabbed you. He stabbed you a few times.”

  “Addison? Addison saw it all?”

  She looked away from me and wiped at her tears. "She remembers them pushing you. I'm not sure she understands what happened." She looked back quickly at me, eyes wide. "But I had her talk to someone. Someone who deals with children who lived through a trauma. I don't want this to mess her up.”

  I laid my head back on the pillow—it felt cumbersome—too heavy for my neck to keep holding up. “What’s going to happen next? With Sheri and—" I vaguely remembered Sheri telling me his name, but I couldn't recall what it was. "Whoever her little punk-ass friend was."

  “His name is Gerard Wright.” Her voice was soft, comforting. “And they were both arrested on various charges, one being attempted murder.”

  Irrationally, hearing it didn’t seem to faze me. I didn’t feel anything. An image of Sheri laughing at me with blood smeared all over her shirt flashed through my mind—and Addison being dragged along the floor as she tried to stop her mother from hurting me.

  “I’m so sorry, Dylan.” Callie’s tone was dark, full of regret.

  “Sorry?” I asked, stunned. I wanted so badly to be able to move toward her, hold her in my arms, and reassure her I—we were okay. “Of all the things I want you to feel right now, sorry isn’t one of them.” I reached out my hand to touch her face, only to be held back by the IV tubing.

  She stared at me, confusion pulling her brows together. "How am I supposed to feel? How do you want me to feel right now? You're my friend, and you were brutally attacked by someone you—“

  “Don’t say it,” I interrupted venomously. “I didn’t love her any longer. You knew that. And I think we can both agree we are way past being friends. At least I have been. For so long now, I've been holding back with you." I tried to turn my body and angle it more toward her, but I got
nowhere fast. "Ugh. Honestly, all I want to do is kiss you, just touch you right now, and I freaking can't!"

  Callie leaned in quickly, touching her lips to the corner of mine. "Please stay still," she whispered against my cheek.

  Somewhere next to us, the beeping of one of the monitors sped up, and I smiled to myself, knowing this woman did things to my heart I’d never felt before and I couldn’t wait to get out of this bed and get into hers.

  “We’ll talk when you’re out of here, okay?” She pulled back slowly, her cheeks bright red and her eyes shiny.

  “Callie?” I asked, wondering what she was thinking. What was there to talk about? We’ve done enough talking already. I just needed her; all of her.

  A single tear streamed down her face. I didn’t want to see her cry.

  "Callie, please don't cry," I whispered, again struggling to pull myself up. My side ached, and my body spiraled with pain, but I didn't care. "Why cry? You know how we feel about each other—”

  More tears came. “I just don’t want to mess this up, Dylan. I’m broken. In pieces, Dylan. You shouldn’t want me. I can’t give you anything you need.”

  “What I need? You are everything I need, Callie Ward. I need honesty, your love, your time,” I said, feeling my own eyes well up with tears. “I need your sobriety. Your body, your heart. I have everything else. All I need is you.”

  Out in the hallway, I could hear my daughter's voice. I wanted to say so much more to Callie, but it wasn't the right time, and probably not the right place.

  "We'll talk about this when I get out of here, okay?" I whispered quickly. "Just promise me, promise me, Callie, you will give us a chance."

  “Us?” she asked low.

  “Yeah, us. I come as a package deal, remember?” I smiled...well, half-smiled—half-winced in pain.

  She blinked at me and touched her hand to her heart.

  Then, in the doorway was Sergeant Max Kannon and my Addison. "Daddy!" she yelled, running in. "You're not sleeping!” She raced to the guardrails of the bed and began climbing over them earnestly.