Ambitious Love

by Rosie Harris

  It wasn’t simply a bed, a table and a couple of chairs; it was so many other things, such as curtains, pots and pans, cups and saucers, sheets and blankets. Even second-hand these all added up to far more than she could afford.

  An unfurnished room would probably cost less but it looked as if for the present, there was nothing for it but to take a furnished room or else to go on living where she was even though it made life difficult for Glanmor.

  Glanmor Williams felt unsettled. For a start he didn’t like having to work shifts in a factory but so far he’d said nothing to his mam because the money was good and it made things at home easier for her. Lately, though, she kept going on about how things would be better if they had a bit more space so that he could have a room of his own. He wished she wouldn’t do it in front of Fern because he was sure it was making her feel uncomfortable. He couldn’t for the life of him see what was wrong with where they were.

  Fair-dos, it had been his idea that Fern should come and live with them but at the time he’d been little more than a kid himself and hadn’t realised all the problems it would entail. Not that she was any trouble. She got on well with his mam and he was glad that he’d been able to get her away from Angelina Street and that wicked devil Bryson Jenkins. If she’d gone on living there, heaven alone knows what might have happened to her.

  It was just that now they were both older his mam kept going on about them needing a bit of personal space. He wasn’t sure if Fern felt the same way or not. The box room that had once been his wasn’t big enough to swing a cat round in but then she didn’t have all that many personal possessions and at least she could shut the door and be on her own whenever she needed to be.

  When he was working nights and needed to sleep during the day he was quite happy to sleep upstairs in his mam’s bed out of her way, so why did she have to keep bringing the matter up?

  Fern was taking no notice, but he wasn’t sure whether it was because she was content with what she’d got or whether she was secretly saving up to move to a place of her own. He wished she would open up and tell them what she was planning to do.

  He hated working at the factory and had only taken the job because his mam had said she couldn’t manage on the money he was earning. Yet now he was giving her quite a bit more, and so was Fern, if it came to that, but she still wasn’t satisfied. He was sure she could manage on it well enough if she wasn’t squirrelling so much of it away with the idea of getting a bigger place.

  When he was at home during the day, if she was there as well, he kept out of her way as much as possible. When he wasn’t sleeping he went down to the Pier Head and watched the boats, like he’d done all his life for as far back as he could remember.

  Going to sea was still what he really wanted to do, he reflected. He wanted to sail out over the ocean and visit all those places with strange names that were thousand of miles away.

  In a few weeks’ time he’d be eighteen, old enough to fulfil his dream; that was if he had the courage to do so. The fact that his mam relied on him so much and that she’d be very upset if he left home worried him. Fern would still be there to keep her company, of course, but would that compensate for his absence?

  Fern. The moment she came into his thoughts he had to admit that she was the main reason why he wanted to get away. He had never in his life thought he could have feelings for anyone like those he had for Fern.

  He’d noticed her the very first day she’d arrived at Eleanor Street School. When he’d seen the others teasing her he’d stepped in right away because she’d looked so defenceless. At the time he’d no idea that they were related and when he’d discovered that they were cousins, he’d been over the moon. Well, that was until his mother had started going on about it not being right for cousins to marry each other and somehow that had spoiled his friendship with Fern.

  He’d still felt very protective towards her and worried about her, but he knew his mother wouldn’t approve of them getting too fond of each other.

  His new job had made it impossible for him to meet her every night when she finished work and to walk home with her. He’d also made it the excuse for not going out with her at the weekends as much as they used to do.

  Whenever they did, whether it was for a walk or to the pictures, he had an overpowering urge to hold her hand, kiss her, cuddle her and tell her how much she meant to him. He was even ready to admit that he loved her.

  Only the thought that she might inadvertently tell his mother made him keep his distance. Sometimes, though, when she grabbed his arm, or teased him by giving him one of her special looks from those expressive dark eyes of hers, he would feel his blood rising and he longed to grab hold of her and kiss her.

  Perhaps if he went to sea it would be good for both of them. Being parted might break the invisible thread that seemed to keep them so close. If it didn’t, if he found that she was still dominating his thoughts night and day even when he was thousands of miles away, and that he couldn’t wait to get back home again to be with her, then that would make him reach a decision.

  It might take a great deal of courage to defy all his mam’s warnings and tell Fern how he felt about her and to ask if she had similar feelings for him. Deep down, he thought he knew what her answer would be.

  There again, a long absence would prove whether he was right about that or not. The way she welcomed him when he came back would be answer enough.

  His only problem was to find a ship that needed extra crew. At the moment there were so many men who’d come home from the war who were still unable to find work that he supposed he should think himself lucky that he had a job.

  He kept turning the matter over in his mind but, as always, it was still unsolved when he drifted off to sleep, and it was still there, dominating his thoughts, when he woke again several hours later.

  As soon as he’d had something to eat he went off down to the dockside. This time, he didn’t hang around the Pier Head day-dreaming but made his way to where some of the larger ships were berthed and stevedores were busily unloading their cargo.

  He spoke to one or two of the men but they completely ignored him. Moodily he perched on one of the bollards, lit a cigarette and contemplated them morosely. He didn’t even rouse himself to move away when a middle-aged bearded man dressed in a merchant navy officer’s uniform came briskly down the gangplank and walked over to where he was and spoke to him.

  ‘What are you doing hanging around here?’ he asked, suspicious. ‘Are you looking for work?’ he questioned before Glanmor could say a word.

  Glanmor shrugged his shoulders. ‘Not as a stevedore,’ he said dismissively.

  ‘As a deckhand?’

  Glanmor looked at him with interest. ‘I might be; are you taking on new crew?’

  ‘It’s a long trip, not a run round the coast,’ the man answered, studying him keenly.

  Glanmor felt the excitement mounting inside him. Was this the chance he’d been waiting for, the answer to all his longings as well as his present problems? he wondered.

  ‘How long? Six months, a year?’

  ‘Possibly even longer than that,’ the officer replied. ‘Perhaps eighteen months. We’re setting sail for the Baltic; do you know where that is?’

  ‘You mean you’re going to Russia?’ Glanmor couldn’t hide the surprise or excitement from his voice. He knew that since the end of the war and the revolution in Russia all the ports there had been virtually out of bounds.

  ‘Are you married? I’m not interested in hiring you if you are. I want some new crew with no strings or attachments of any kind. There’s good money to be made if you’re hard-working and adventurous.’

  ‘Why is it that you have to take on new crew?’ Glanmor asked suspiciously. ‘Why aren’t the men you already have staying with you for your next trip?’

  The officer shrugged dismissively. ‘This is our third run to the Baltic and back and one of the present crew is homesick. He’s a married man and he wants to have a spell ashore wi
th his family and the young baby he’s barely seen. That decision is up to him, of course, but it’s the reason why I’m looking to replace him with a young chap like you who has no family responsibilities. I’m Captain Mulligan, by the way, the master of this ship.’

  ‘A year to eighteen months, that’s a long time to be away from home,’ Glanmor muttered doubtfully. He studied the ship. ‘The Saturn. I’ve never heard of her and I know most of the ships that come into Cardiff,’ he said dubiously.

  ‘You need only sign on for one trip,’ Captain Mulligan went on, ‘that gives me a chance to see if you are made of the right stuff. We sail on the tide tomorrow night.’

  Glanmor desperately wanted to go but the thought of leaving Fern behind, of not seeing her for almost a year and a half was a tremendous deterrent. The other problem was telling his mother that he was going to sea because he knew it was something she didn’t want him to do.

  ‘Wait there and I’ll fetch the papers you have to sign,’ Captain Mulligan told him.

  Glanmor studied the long, slim shape of the SS Saturn more closely. It was a fine-looking vessel and, judging from the amount of cargo being unloaded on the dockside, it had a good reputation. If they were sailing on the next day’s high tide, then he had to decide quickly.

  Could he afford to forgo such a wonderful opportunity? he asked himself.

  There would be no time for long, drawn-out farewells; no time to listen to his mother pleading with him to change his mind. He need never go back into the factory again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Fern was heartbroken and Alwyn was extremely angry when Glanmor arrived home and told them excitedly about his chance meeting with Captain Mulligan, announcing that he was going to sea and would be leaving home that very night.

  ‘Going to sea! Are you out of your mind, boyo?’ Alwyn said in a furious voice. ‘Whatever’s put that notion into your head? You’ve got a good job, a comfortable home and money enough in your pocket, what more do you want?’

  ‘I want to have some real adventure; I want to get away and see something of the great wide world before I settle down,’ Glanmor said defensively.

  ‘Settle down!’ Alwyn’s voice rose higher and higher and her eyes gleamed with anger. ‘Duw anwyl, boyo, what on earth are you talking about? Settle down? What the hell do you want to settle down for at your age?’

  ‘I don’t. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Mam. I want to get out and see the world.’

  ‘Why all the hurry, boyo? You haven’t gone and got some girl into trouble, have you?’ she questioned angrily.

  ‘Of course not, mam!’ His face flamed. ‘I want to get away and do something else, though. I don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end job in a factory all the days of my life.’

  ‘I suppose if the war was still on, then you’d have been one of those headstrong young fools who’d have rushed to sign up and then volunteered to go overseas to the Front even before they sent you there,’ Alwyn stated scathingly.

  ‘No, Mam, but you know I’ve always wanted to go to sea and this is my big chance,’ he retorted belligerently. ‘Meeting up with Captain Mulligan today and his offering to take me on as a deckhand is like a dream come true.’

  ‘I wish that’s all it was, a bloody dream!’

  ‘Yes, it does seem like that, Mam; it’s what I want, and to have it handed to me on a plate like this is almost too good to be true. It’s the chance I’ve been waiting for; the sort of adventure I’ve dreamed about all my life.’

  ‘Forget it, boyo. I need you here; you’re all I’ve got.’ Her voice was no longer angry but soft and pleading. ‘A good Saturday night out with your mates and a few pints inside you is all the adventure you need at your age,’ she added.

  ‘It’s too late; I’ve already signed the papers.’

  ‘What papers?’ She glared at him, her arms akimbo, with a shocked look on her face.

  ‘I told you, I met Captain Mulligan of the Saturn down at the dockside and he’s taken me on as a deckhand,’ he repeated.

  ‘You never said anything about signing any papers, though,’ she gasped.

  ‘Well, I did. I’m officially one of the crew and we sail tonight at high tide.’

  ‘Not if I can help it!’ Alwyn said firmly.

  ‘No, Mam, you’re wrong. I’m not letting this opportunity pass me by. I’m going to start packing right now because I’ve not got all that much time left.’

  ‘Where did you say you would be going?’ Fern interrupted.

  Her intervention eased the tension between Glanmor and his mother.

  ‘I thought I told you, we’re going to the Baltic, right to Russia,’ he retorted a trifle impatiently. ‘I’ll be away for at least a year, possibly eighteen months.’

  ‘If you must go to sea, then why couldn’t you sign on for short trips; ones that bring you back into port again every couple of months?’ Alwyn grumbled.

  ‘This will be far more exciting.’ Glanmor’s face lit up. ‘I’ve heard about Russia, read about it in the newspapers, but I’ve never met anyone before who has been there.’

  ‘I’ve heard about it as well; all about the revolution that’s been going on out there,’ his mother stated. ‘They sound like savages; men killing their neighbours sounds even worse than war between foreign countries.’

  ‘You’ve got it all wrong, Mam . . .’

  ‘Oh no I haven’t. It’s a bloodthirsty place and you won’t be safe there. I’ll be out of my mind worrying about you, afraid you’ll be assassinated, the same as their leader, the Tsar, or whatever he’s called. Not only him; most of his family were murdered as well, by all accounts.’

  ‘Mam, that has nothing at all to do with shipping. We’ll be transporting cargo and once we’ve unloaded that on the dockside, the ship will be turned round and we’ll be heading for home again.’

  ‘Not much point in going all that way if that’s all you’re going to do when you get there,’ Alwyn told him tartly. ‘I thought all this talk about adventure and so on was so that you could see these foreign places for yourself.’

  Fern tried not to smile. She knew that Alwyn was trying to ridicule what Glanmor was doing but she also understood how much this trip meant to him.

  ‘We’re both going to miss you but we’ll be looking forward to hearing all about your travels, what you see and the people you meet, when you get home again, Glanmor,’ Fern assured him.

  ‘I’ll miss you, Fern, but I know you’ll take care of my mam for me while I’m gone,’ he said with a warm smile.

  ‘That’s your job, not hers,’ Alwyn reminded him. ‘I can’t understand what’s got into your silly head even to be thinking of doing such a damn silly thing as signing on as a deckhand. Now why don’t you get yourself washed and come and sit down and have your meal and forget all this nonsense.’

  Glanmor shook his head. ‘You’re not taking a word of what I’m saying seriously, are you, Mam? I’m leaving tonight.’

  ‘The SS whatever it’s called sails at midnight, does it? Well, it will be sailing a man short because you’ll be here tucked up safe and sound on the sofa, if I know anything about it.’

  ‘No, Mam. My mind is made up,’ Glanmor said firmly. ‘It’s a great opportunity and I’m not going to miss out on it.’

  Alwyn made one last effort. ‘Don’t be such a young fool, Glanmor,’ she pleaded. ‘What about your job at the factory? By the time you come home again that will be gone. Some other chap will have taken it and you won’t be able to get it back.’

  ‘I don’t want that job back. I can’t wait to get away from it. I’ve hated working at that factory since the first day I started there. I’m not going to change my mind, so there’s nothing to be gained by talking about it or saying anything more. I‘m off to pack.’

  Tears sprang to Alwyn’s eyes. She clutched at Fern’s shoulder. ‘Go after him, tell him that you want him to stay, perhaps then he’ll change his mind,’ she urged.

  Reluctantly, Fern did as
Alwyn asked. Her own thoughts were in turmoil. She would miss Glanmor so much but she understood his yearning to get away, so was it right to put obstacles in his way and try to stop him? she asked herself.

  She knew Alwyn was listening as she went over to where Glanmor was taking his clean clothes out of the cupboard. As he piled them up on a chair and began looking around for something to put them in she knew that although it was breaking her heart that he was leaving she had to support him.

  ‘I’ve got a fibre case you can have, if you really think you are doing the right thing, Glanmor,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Thanks, cariad!’ He flashed a smile at her that made her heart beat faster and, for a moment, she wondered if perhaps Alwyn was right and she ought to try and persuade him to stay. Then, her sense of fair play overcame her own feelings. ‘Would you like me to fetch it for you?’ she offered.

  He looked at her quizzically. ‘Do you mean the one you keep underneath the bed with all your treasures in?’

  ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Fern felt her colour rising. ‘It will do all right, won’t it?’

  ‘It will be fine, but where will you keep all your bits and pieces if I use it? Isn’t there a spare shopping bag or even an old sack that I can put what few things I have in?’

  ‘I don’t think so. Anyway, I’d like you to have it,’ Fern told him. ‘You don’t want to turn up with your belongings in a sack, now do you?’ she added quickly

  ‘No, not really.’ He grinned. ‘If I had the time to do so, I’d go out and buy myself a proper canvas kitbag, the sort that I could sling over my shoulder.’

  ‘And I suppose you’d buy a parrot as well to sit on the other shoulder,’ Fern teased.

  ‘Maybe. Perhaps I’ll have both the next time I come ashore,’ he retorted with a laugh.

  The two women watched in silence as Glanmor started getting his things together; neither of them offered to help. Alwyn lit a cigarette but she didn’t offer one to Glanmor, not even when he looked across at her expectantly.