Players, Bumps and Cocktail Sausages

by Natasha Preston

  I shouldn’t have said that. Dropping my eyes to the floor, I bit my lip.

  “Holly,” he said, and I could tell he’d regretted pushing me. His voice was low, deep and intense, and it sent a shiver down my spine. He got to me so much because I was completely in love with him.

  “Please. I need you to give me some space to think. ”

  He stepped forwards, pressing his lips to my forehead and rubbing his thumb over my belly. “Okay,” he murmured against my skin. “Call if you need me. ”

  “I will. I just need some time. ”

  Stepping back, he nodded.

  “I get it. These last few months have been pretty intense. ”

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  He turned and walked away.

  I sat down when I heard the front door close behind him. I thought I’d feel better once he was gone, but I didn’t. He worried, and I wasn’t helping by sending him away rather than trying harder to talk to him.

  If we couldn’t find a way to communicate and resolve our issues then we were going to have a tense relationship, and our relationship was now going to have last forever – as parents, if nothing else. I swung my feet up on the sofa and laid down.

  “Morning,” Oakley said.

  “Hi. How come you’re in on your day off?” I asked her.

  She smiled sympathetically, and I knew straight away – Jasper.

  “He called me last night,” she said, “and told me what happened. Then he asked if we could swap days. ”

  “I’m sorry. ”

  “Don’t be. I know how he is, and it can be pretty intense. He’s scared, Holly, and he doesn’t do feeling scared well. For the last eight years, he’s been the strong one, and although he worried himself sick about us all I think it’s really hitting him hard now that he’s going to be a dad. ”

  “I feel awful for sending him home last night. ”

  “No, you were right to. It’s not healthy, and you can’t just go along with it because you’re afraid of upsetting him. You’ve got to be honest about how you feel, or you’re going to end up resenting him. ”

  Being honest about how I felt about him would not do me any favours right now.

  “Yeah. I don’t want to lie to him, and we’ve both said we need talk openly. It’s hard to tell him he’s not staying at the hospital when I know why he wants to. ”

  “I know,” she said and smiled. “He’ll be fine though, and he wouldn’t be allowed to stay anyway. Don’t let it get you down. He’ll come around when he’s had time to think it through. ”

  “Has he been to see Dr Hales again?”

  “Not recently. He went a few times after he split up with Abby but not recently. I’ll be talking to him about that because I really think Carol can help him get some perspective and realise what he needs to do to move on. ”

  “What do you think he needs to do?” I asked, eager to hear her thoughts.

  “I think he needs a conversation with our dad. ”

  That I did not expect. I thought she was just going to tell me he needs regular therapy and to talk to Dr Hales about what happened and how it affected him.

  “Really?” I must have sounded as surprised as I felt.

  She shrugged.

  “He hasn’t talked to Dad since he was arrested. He’s had no closure and none of the questions he has have been answered. Up until now he could deal with that enough for it not to affect his everyday life too much but now he’s faced with bringing an innocent baby into this world, and I’ll put a lot of money on it eating away at him. ”

  “You think he’ll be okay?”

  “I won’t let him not be,” she said.

  Neither will I.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jasper smiled sheepishly at me as I opened the door. “Hey,” he said.

  I stood back so he could come in. “Hi. ”

  “Are you parents home?” he asked and walked inside.

  “No, everyone’s at work. ”

  “Good. ”

  I followed him into the living room, and we sat down.

  “Hol, I’m sorry. These last couple of days have sucked. I hate arguing with you. ”

  “I hate arguing with you, too. ” But I still didn’t know how we were going to resolve anything properly.

  “Can we stop worrying about everything that might happen in the future and concentrate on getting ready for this one?” he asked, glancing at my belly.

  I knew that didn’t include him stopping worrying about the baby’s safety. It had to, and he had to want it to, but he wouldn’t face his demons.

  “Sure,” I replied, knowing if I brought it up again we’d just fall straight back into the same argument. I knew Sarah and Oakley had been through it with him a few times too. “I’m about to watch a birth video, want to join me?”

  He frowned. “Do I?”

  “Probably not but if I’m watching it you are too. ”

  “Why did you ask, then?” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist as we walked into the living room. It was so nice to have things back to normal between us. It had only been a couple days, but I hated arguing and not talking.

  “Sit,” I ordered and went to put the DVD on.

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  He got comfortable and raised his arm as I walked back to the sofa. A thrill ran through me that he wanted to snuggle up as we watched probably the most gross DVD we ever would. I wanted to know what my body was going to go through, but at the same time a part of me wanted to go into it naïve and utterly unprepared. If I didn’t know how bad it was, then I wouldn’t be able to freak out about it.

  “You ready?” Jasper asked as I pressed play on the remote.

  I curled into his side and shook my head. “Not at all. ”

  “You’ll be fine when it’s our turn. ” He pressed his lips to my temple and whispered, “I’ll never let anything happen to either of you. ”

  I closed my eyes and squeezed my arm around his waist as my heartbeat went crazy. I hated Abby for what she’d done to him and wished she’d broken up with him before she slept with Brett so he wouldn’t have been as hurt and closed off to future relationships.

  The DVD started, and the excitement from the parents was infectious.

  “Maybe this won’t be that bad,” I said.

  Twenty minutes later and I realised I’d jinxed it. Big time.

  I stared at the screen in horror as the baby pushed its way out of its mother.

  “Jesus. Fuck! That’s not natural,” Jasper said, wide eyes and looking traumatised.

  “Well it’s alright for you!”

  “I can’t look away,” he whined. “Why can’t I look away?”

  “I’m having the epidural. ”

  “Holly, make me look away!”

  “Can you stop now? You don’t have to worry about this, I do!”

  The mother screamed as the baby’s head popped out and then there was definite tearing.

  Jasper heaved, and for a second I thought he was going to be sick on my mum’s new sofa. He pressed his fist to his mouth and squeezed his eyes closed.

  I wanted to look away too, but whatever was preventing him earlier was now stopping me. Women did this more than once? What on earth was wrong with them? My own mum did this twice. How could she not hate us?

  “I’m scared,” I whispered, wishing I’d never agreed to watch it. Oakley was wrong; this wasn’t helping me understand what was going to happen to my body during birth, this was making me wish I could opt for a caesarean.

  “Me too,” Jasper replied. “Is it over yet?”

  “I’m not talking about the video! I’m talking about the fact that I’m going to have to do this in three month’s time. ”

  He gulped and turned his body to face mine.

  “I’m so sorry, Holly. ” His eyes dropped to between my legs, and I hit him. “You’re tight
so I don’t even know how it’s going to happen. ”

  My face burst into flames. “Shut up!”

  “I can’t believe you’re still a prude after we had sex in the back of my car, at The Centre, in the bath-”

  “Okay! Please can you stop now?” I didn’t need him to list all our indiscretions.

  He grinned. “Alright. Seriously though, what the hell are you gonna do?”

  I shrugged. “Lots of drugs. Remember me saying this now; I want everything. Don’t let them try to push me into having a natural birth. ”

  On the screen, the mum gave one last, long scream that didn’t sound human, and the baby slid into the midwife’s arms. My mouth fell open. Wow. The camera zoomed out to the two crying parents as they shared a quick kiss, and then their child – which was announced a boy – was placed on his mum’s chest.

  Jasper fell silent. His hand found mine, and he weaved our fingers together.

  Oh, that’s why women do it more than once.

  The little baby boy, who had a good set of lungs on him, wailed, but his parents stared down at him in wonder, amazement and love.

  “I can’t wait for that part,” Jasper said. “I’d go through that for what they’re feeling right now. ”

  “I wish you could,” I replied, and he laughed. He let go of my hand, and I felt colder. But only for a second as he wrapped his arm around my back and drew me closer to him. I laid my head against his shoulder, and when his hand rested on my bump, I almost cried. This was what I wanted. Me and him and our baby.

  “I can’t wait until he or she is here now. ”

  “Me neither,” I said. “It’s going to be amazing. And exhausting. ”

  “I’ll be here as much as I can. ”

  “I know you will. You’re going to be a fantastic dad, and you know you’re welcome here anytime you like. I’ll never say no to you seeing the baby. ”

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  He shifted slightly, and I looked up. He was nervous.

  “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. ”

  “About what?”

  “About me staying here some nights. Or you two staying at my place. It’s not fair that you do every night feed; I want to be equally as exhausted. ”

  “Where would you sleep here?”

  “On the floor in the baby’s room? I don’t care where I sleep; I just want to be here where I can look after her. ”

  We were both still so confident it was a girl.

  “We can sort something out, I’m sure. The baby will be in my room for the first few months anyway. ”

  He nodded once. “Well, maybe I can stay in your room too?”

  “Unlikely,” Dad said, flicking the switch on the wall. Light flooded the room, and I groaned. Thanks for ruining the moment, Dad! We had only just got back on track, and I really didn’t want to fall out with him again. I hated us not being friendly, and I missed the flirting too.

  “Ah, come on, Carl, after what I’ve just seen you have nothing to worry about. ”

  I elbowed him in the side and he laughed, flashing me his million-dollar smile. He was joking; I could tell by the glint in his eye and the way his fingers dug into my lower hip ever so slightly. Heck, after what I’d just seen I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted that again!

  When it was time for Jasper to leave and go home to his flat, I walked him to the door, wanting nothing more than for him to stay or for me to go too. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Definitely,” I replied. Thank God uni was over for Christmas break, I hated missing him and weekend visits weren’t enough any more.

  “Good. You’ll come to Cole and Oakley’s for dinner too, right?”

  “Yes. ” I’d already said I would, but I loved that he wanted to confirm, like he wanted to make double sure I was definitely going with him. Like I’d say no.

  Jasper kept his hand on my bump, waiting to be kicked again. He wanted to feel the baby move almost all the time, so his hand was practically glued to me. Not that I minded, I loved his touch. He was already head over heels in love with our little one; it was so touching to watch.

  After the scan they said that although my bump was measuring a few weeks behind, the development was on target, so they put it down to my petite size and, ‘some are just smaller, that’s how we get averages’. It made sense, but I still worried. They estimated she would be around five, and a half to six pounds when she was born, I hoped she stayed inside me a week or so longer, just to get her up to a more ‘average’ weight.

  Cole and Oakley had just taken Everleigh upstairs to get her pyjamas on ready for bed, so I made small talk with Jasper and Oakley’s parents and Cole and his sister, Mia’s parents.

  “Why are we here then?” Sarah said to Cole’s mum, Jenna and his sister, Mia.

  As soon as Cole and Oakley stepped out of the room they’d been gossiping about why we were really here. It was as if we didn’t all get together regularly.

  “She kicked!” Jasper exclaimed, grinning so wide I thought his face would split.

  Sarah and Jenna were over in a flash, laying their hand on my stomach. They’d asked me the first time and now just assumed they had free reign. I didn’t mind though; they were family. It was strangers that I didn’t like touching without permission.

  “And it might be a he,” Sarah said.

  “You only want that because you’ve already got a granddaughter,” Jasper replied.

  “I don’t care as long as we get healthy. ”

  I didn’t care either, but I still thought girl. I could just see me and Jasper with a fair-haired daughter, hopefully with Jasper’s gorgeous grey eyes.

  “You feel that?” Jasper said, smiling at me.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I felt every movement!

  He laughed and for a second I though he was going to kiss me, but he looked away, startled by Leona’s giggle as she placed her little hand on my bump too. Cole’s niece was so cute and such a big sister figure for Everleigh. I had no doubt that even though she wasn’t related to my baby, she’d be just as protective and caring.

  Sarah beamed, obviously picking up on our almost kiss too. She’d never said anything to me about my relationship with Jasper, but I could tell she knew I wanted to be with him. I suspected she never mentioned it because she knew he wasn’t ready for anything new yet and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I understood the situation, and I could wait. Jasper was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with so what was a few months or a year in exchange for a lifetime? Or what I hoped would turn into a lifetime.

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  “Does it hurt?” Leona asked.

  I shook my head. “Not really. It just feels weird. ”

  “I miss that,” Cole’s mum, Jenna said. “Feeling your baby moving around inside you is incredible. ”

  “Have another one,” Sarah joked, making Jenna laugh.

  “Oh I don’t think so. I’ll settle for more grandkids. ” She looked at Mia who shook her head, determined that Leona was going to be her only child. “All down to Cole then, I guess. ”

  Jasper scowled.

  Suddenly Everleigh squealed. We all looked up, but no one moved because as I’d come to understand – from a few almost-heart attacks – that was her excited squeal.

  “Nanna! Grandma!” she screamed, running into the room. Cole and Oakley were right behind her, arm around each other, laughing. In the hand that she was waving around was a scan picture. “I’m going to be a big sister!”

  Everyone immediately leapt up to congratulate all three of them. Oakley had said they wanted more children but weren’t trying just yet. Perhaps her pill didn’t work either. A chorus of ‘Congratulations’ and ‘I’m so excited’ echoed through the room.

  “How far along are you?” Sarah asked, gripping Oakley’s hand once we all sat down again.

  “Fou
rteen weeks. I’m due on the 14th of June. ”

  “You’ve known all this time, and you didn’t tell me?” Jasper said, frowning.

  Oakley sighed. “We wanted to wait for the twelve-week scan. ”

  “You’re fourteen weeks. ”

  She leant into Cole’s side, and he kissed the top of her head. They were so sweet together. I wanted that too. “I know, but the scan was closer to thirteen weeks and then we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a while. Plus we were worried how Eveleigh would take it. Turns out she loves the idea of a brother or sister. ”

  “Fine,” he replied, grumpy, and I elbowed him in the side. “I’m happy for you both. ”

  The side of Oakley’s mouth pulled into a smirk as she noticed what I’d done.

  “Thank you, Jasper. ”

  He gave Oakley a hug and then it was my turn.

  I smiled; excited to share this experience with Jasper’s sister and excited the baby would be my child’s cousin.

  Christmas morning in my house was always hectic. We opened presents, played Christmas songs, danced around the living room, picked at chocolates and cooked the dinner as a family, messing around as we went.

  I’d just finished moving my presents up to my room to clear space for later, when my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandparents arrived in the afternoon, when my bedroom door was pushed open.

  “Hello?” I said, and took a step towards it, and then jumped as Jasper sprang through the doorway in an elf costume. I burst out laughing.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Merry Christmas!” he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug.

  “Again, what are you doing?” I asked, still laughing.

  He pulled away and jingled the bell on the end of his green hat.

  “I promised Eveleigh I’d be an elf months ago. I hoped she’d forget but…”

  “Well I’m very glad she didn’t. ”

  “I’m on my way there now so don’t think I’m crashing your Christmas. ”

  As if I’d think that.

  “I just wanted to stop by and let you laugh at me – and to give you this. ” He pulled a red velvet pouch out of his pocket, and that was when I saw the red and white striped tights.

  I bit my lip to stop myself laughing, and focused on what he was giving me.

  “Hold up your hand,” he said.

  I held my hand out, palm up and he tipped a necklace out. It was a simple oval-shaped white gold necklace with tiny diamonds framing the edge.