Backlash (Winter's Wrath #1)

by Bianca Sommerland

  Sliding out of his bunk, he went to check on her, keeping quiet so he wouldn’t bother the other guys.

  He spotted Danica at the front of the bus, whispering to Jesse, who was driving.

  “Aren’t you tired?”

  “Naw, I took a nap while Skull was driving.” Jesse sounded alert, as he always was behind the wheel. The scent of coffee filled the bus, so he’d probably had a travel mug filled up, sitting in the cup holder beside him. “You must be exhausted though. Still not used to sleeping in the bunk?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not that. I just…I got spoiled, sleeping beside Alder for a few nights. I’ve never had trouble sleeping alone, but now even the tiny space on the bed beside me feels so empty. You know what that’s like?”

  “Unfortunately, no. I’ve never had a guy willing to stick around that long.”

  Alder swallowed hard, not sure why Jesse’s admission felt like a fist to the gut. At one time, he would have been more than happy to rest his head on Jesse’s shoulder while they slept. Or let Jesse use him as a pillow.

  Once he’d let Jesse go, accepting his relationship with Brave, he hadn’t looked back at what might have been. And he’d been lucky enough to find Danica. There was nothing missing in his life, so why dwell on the past?

  But he’d assumed Jesse was doing fine with Brave.

  He doesn’t sound fine.

  Not that Jesse would come to him about problems with his brother. Obviously. But he seemed comfortable talking to Danica, which was good.

  He stood back in the shadows, loving that Danica had found a way to be there for his best friend when he couldn’t.

  She put her hand on Jesse’s shoulder. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Why?” She bowed her head and sighed. “Wait. Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”

  “What isn’t? Why I chose Brave?” Jesse had lowered his voice so Alder had to strain to hear him. Even if any of the other guys were awake, there was no way they’d catch a single word. “Why I didn’t see what an amazing man Alder is? Our friendship means everything to me. And maybe that could have lead to more, but I was too fucking scared to risk it.”

  Fuck. Alder pressed his eyes shut, backing up a few paces. He couldn’t listen to this anymore. He was with Danica. He was falling in love with her, even though he wasn’t ready to tell her so. Whether or not things worked out between Jesse and Brave had nothing to do with him.

  Yeah, he wished he could fix this for Jesse. Even though he’d let him go, the man still owned a piece of his heart. And that piece was fucking hurting for him. He wanted to drag Brave out of bed and tell him to smarten up. But that would only make things worse for Jesse.

  There was absolutely nothing Alder could do to improve the situation.

  Danica could be there for Jesse in ways he couldn’t though. Which was the only thing that made it possible for him to climb back into his bunk and close his eyes. The bumpy rhythm of the bus lulled him into a restless sleep.

  Because, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he knew there had to be more he could do.

  Anything.

  Fuck, even a single word he could say.

  Or even… I’m sorry.

  Jesse expected Danica to head back to bed after he’d blurted out way too much in response to her one word question. He wasn’t even sure why he’d opened his damn mouth. The girl was with Alder and she was going to see him as a threat.

  “How Alder can make a person feel is scary.” Danica moved her hand to the side of his neck. Stroking lightly with her thumb and sending a pleasant little chill down his spine. “He scares me sometimes. And I’ve known him for about a week. But from the moment I met him, I felt comfortable. Like he belonged in my life.”

  Jesse nodded, not taking his eyes off the road. “I felt the same way.”

  “Does it bother you? Talking to me about him?” Danica pulled away. “I could change the subject if it makes you uncomfortable.”

  With a rough laugh, Jesse glanced over at her. “It doesn’t bother me, but I don’t get why you’re okay with it. I mean, I told you we fooled around. And we’re still close. Isn’t that weird for you?”

  “Not at all. Picturing you and him together bugs me less than the idea of groupies.”

  “Me and him together?”

  “Yeah. It’s kinda hot, actually.” She had a wicked little smile on her lips. “Would it be bad of me to ask for details?”

  The girl is killing me! Jesse shifted in his seat, staring out at the dark road. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. His dick was getting hard just thinking about laying in the dirt, holding Alder, their hard bodies grinding together.

  But he was dating Brave. Kinda.

  If being used and discarded constantly could be given any kind of label.

  At least Brave was a heavy sleeper, so he didn’t have to worry about the man overhearing the conversation. Alder and Tate were the light sleepers, but Tate would be banging around the kitchen if he was awake. And Alder would probably come see why Danica wasn’t sleeping, so the only concern was whether or not he was comfortable being open with the woman.

  He hadn’t known her very long either, but he already considered her a friend.

  And he needed one. Now more than ever.

  “If I give you details, you have to swear you won’t get all bitchy with me after. Alder isn’t a cheater and dudes that are in a relationship aren’t my thing.” His lips thinned. Apparently, his ‘thing’ was guys that treated him like shit. He seriously needed to figure out where he and Brave were going with their ‘relationship’. If anywhere.

  Brave needs you.

  He had to believe that. If not, he’d have to face that he was wasting his time.

  But every time he wondered if he was, he heard Brave, telling him all the things he’d waited so long to hear.

  “I wanna prove you wrong. I wanna prove I can have something good and not fuck it up.”

  Whatever Brave did to him, he couldn’t stop caring.

  Why?

  He wasn’t even sure he could answer that question. He’d been silent for a long time, and he was surprised Danica hadn’t given him a little nudge to keep talking, but when he looked at her, she was staring out at the road, lost in her own thoughts.

  So he let his own drift.

  A couple of years ago, long after Alder had given him plenty of reason to not judge Brave for the ice cold front he put up for anyone he didn’t give a shit about—which tended to include his own brother—Jesse had gone to the Trousseau household to pick up the guys before another long tour.

  Their mother had let him in, looking way too young to have adult sons. She was actually wearing the band’s latest T-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans. She’d invited Jesse in and sat with him while her sons finished packing. Drinking beer and talking about travelling, he’d felt welcome.

  Until her husband joined them.

  “Brave will never learn. You’re drinking? Before driving my sons?” Gallant Trousseau—the family had a history of weird names—sat at the other end of the table, glaring at Jesse. “I’m sure it’s expected in the ‘lifestyle’, but is it possible for you to make sure both my remaining sons make it back alive?”

  Jesse set down his beer, feeling like an idiot for accepting the drink, even though the man’s wife had insisted. He cleared his throat. “Uh…Alder likes driving. I brought my car, because my sister will pick it up after work so we don’t pay for parking. I won’t drink again today.”

  “Right. But you’re all driving around the country in a fucking van.”

  “Brave told me you’re a mechanic. And that he learned from you.” Jesse forced a smile, hoping their father would find some assurance in his next words. “He keeps the van in good shape. You’ve taught him well.”

  “If he listened to anything I’ve taught him, he would be home, working with me.” The man snorted. “But he gets all kinds of pussy and dick on the
road, doesn’t he? Which matters more than a respectable career.”

  This sounded too much like the conversation with his own parents. Right before his father had told him to get the fuck out. Jesse ground his teeth, hoping Alder and Brave would hurry up so he didn’t have to deal with their father any more.

  He’d had more than enough dealing with his own after a wild party ended up with him drugged up on rohypnol, and in the hospital, getting tested for STDs. Since he was gay, he’d asked for everything that had happened to him.

  According to his father, anyway.

  “Your sons are very talented. I imagine you’re proud of them.” Jesse held his stiff smile as he met the man’s eyes. “If you’re not, well, that’s your problem.”

  While Gallant grumbled, his wife took Jesse’s hand. Her eyes flooded with tears. “Please understand, we just want what’s best for our boys. Brave is obsessed. That same obsession is what took Valor from us. We know Brave is too far gone, but Alder… Can you promise me you will bring him home? Maybe you can convince him to give up this crazy dream of his. We can’t lose him too.”

  As if Brave was already lost. As if they’d given up on him.

  Jesse stood and inclined his head. “I’ll make sure both your sons make it home in one piece. Thanks for the beer.”

  As he’d turned away to go tell the guys to hurry up, he’d seen Brave, standing in the doorway, looking absolutely crushed.

  Brave had headed to the car with his bag, not even saying goodbye to his parents. Jesse waited while Alder got hugs and kisses and supportive words from them both.

  Whenever they were in Detroit, and Mr. and Mrs. Trousseau came around, it was the same thing, all over again. They missed Valor. They worried about Alder.

  Brave might be harder to love, but he didn’t deserve it any less.

  Danica had asked him about his time with Alder though, and for some reason, the idea of her getting all hot and bothered, imagining them together, amused him.

  If he was a nice guy, he’d make it seem like nothing.

  Only, he wasn’t feeling particularly ‘nice’ at the moment.

  “You still want details, or you thinking it would be a bad idea to know just how easily I could get your man off if I tried?”

  Eyes wide, Danica stared at him. “I wasn’t sure you wanted to tell me.”

  “Not sure I do. I like us being friends.” One last chance to let it go, sweetheart.

  She simply nodded. “This won’t change anything. I like being friends with you too.”

  Jesse tightened his grip on the steering wheel, focusing on the road as he took a wide turn. “All right, so we finally had a bus. Was the middle of the summer and I swear, we hit almost every fucking state in three months. And we were heading up to Canada in a couple of weeks. We’re still dealing with the same rental company, but they’d warned us to get the bus checked after a certain mileage. Our bad that we didn’t. The bus died in the middle of the night. I pulled off on the side of the road in Kentucky and checked it out, but I’m no mechanic. I had no fucking clue what was wrong with it. The engine light went off, then the whole thing just gave out.”

  He really wanted a cigarette. Or a joint.

  That night he’d felt the same. And he’d gone outside to light up, smoking two cigarettes and a joint, not wanting to wake any of the guys up since they’d been up for half the night at a crazy after party. Every single one of them was plastered.

  Since he knew he’d be driving, he hadn’t had a drink—he never did before heading out, because fuck that. He expected his men to be smart drivers and he wouldn’t mess with the lives of the band. Or the people they might pass on the road.

  Anyway, for some reason, that night, the bus breaking down messed him up. Maybe it was because his mom had left him a message, telling him his dad had a stroke. And he’d spent the whole drive thinking about how he couldn’t go home. His dad had made that pretty fucking clear.

  Skull had pulled up in the van a few minutes later. He’d looked ready to strangle Jesse for getting stoned. Told him they needed a tow.

  When Alder came out, stumbling and squinting in the headlights, Skull pointed up the road and told them to walk until they got cell reception.

  So they’d started walking.

  Danica’s laugh pulled him from his detached recount of that night. “I’ve never seen either of you that out of it.”

  He smirked. “We learned from our mistakes. I’m not sure who was holding who up. For me, everything was blurry. I never smoke that much anymore, but that night, I had rolled up a fatty and finished most of it before Skull showed up and tore me a new one.”

  “Now that I can see. Skull is awesome.”

  “He really is.” Jesse smiled, even though, at the time, Skull had made him feel like a stupid kid.

  He let himself drift back into the memories as he continued telling Danica about that night.

  Tired from the show, and the party, Alder had made it over the next hill, then decided he needed to sit down for a minute.

  Right on the side of the road.

  And he was hot, so of course he took off his shirt.

  Spreading it out on the gravel by the road, Alder laid down, laughing when Jesse tried to pull him to his feet.

  “Give me a minute. I’m about to pass out.”

  Jesse sat down beside him, scowling. “You’re gonna get me fucking fired. If Brave wakes up and sees you gone, he’ll—”

  “He won’t give a shit.” Alder dropped his arm over his eyes. “Go back and tell him I’m dead. You’ll see. He’ll be relieved.”

  “Fuck, Alder. Don’t talk like that. You know it’s not true.”

  “I’m not Valor. He loved Valor.” Alder pressed his lips together, turning away from Jesse. “Fuck, I’m drunk. Don’t listen to me. Just leave me here and keep walking. I’m gonna say something I’ll regret.”

  “I’m not leaving you. And you’ll forget it all in the morning, so no worries, okay?” He wasn’t sure why he wanted to touch Alder, but he did. He put his hand on the side of Alder’s face, leaning down as he spoke, completely focused on Alder’s lips. They looked so soft. And Alder wasn’t the determined, career obsessed man he’d come to know. He was vulnerable and hurting and Jesse wanted to make it all better.

  Alder had stared up at him. “What are you doing, Jesse? You have to know I won’t forget you?”

  “Won’t forget me what?” Jesse bent down, kissing Alder, not seeing a single thing wrong with how fucking good the man’s mouth tasted. How the little sounds of pleasure Alder let out made him feel. He tasted like smoke and whiskey; a combination that Jesse didn’t usually go for, but on Alder’s lips was fucking addictive. “Taking advantage of you?”

  Fisting his hand in Jesse shirt, Alder ground up against him. “You can’t take advantage of the willing.”

  “Fuck.” Jesse ran his hand down the hard chest beneath him, loving how those tight muscles jumped at his touch as he worked his way down to the belt of Alder’s jeans. “The things I want to do to you…”

  “What’s stopping you?”

  Shaking his head, Jesse kissed Alder again so he didn’t have to answer. Alder was too fucking young, living a crazy life on the road, and rarely this impulsive. Jesse liked the kid too much to risk hurting him, but maybe he didn’t have to stop. Not yet.

  “Jesse…”

  “Jesse?” Danica chuckled when he looked up at her and blinked. “So you were making out on the side of the road? That’s it?”

  “Yeah…pretty much.” Was that all he’d told her? At some point, he’d stopped recounting the whole encounter and started reliving it in his head. He had a feeling he’d stopped talking somewhere around Alder’s shirt coming off. “My phone started going off in my pocket and Cole flipping out ruined the mood. We sobered up real quick and that was it.”

  She nodded slowly, not looking convinced. “All right, well no reason at all for me to feel threatened then. You don’t know if you could get Alder off
if you tried. You never have.”

  Jesse arched a brow at her. “Should I have fucked him in the dirt? He would’ve let me, but even stoned, I had—and have—too much respect for him.”

  “And your friendship was too important for you to ever go there again.”

  “Exactly.”

  “And now?”

  He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, his lips curving slightly. “He happens to have a very sweet girlfriend. Lucky for her, I’m not looking to steal him away.”

  She sighed, as if that hadn’t been at all what she’d wanted to hear.

  Have I mentioned lately that I don’t get chicks?

  Thrumming her fingers on his shoulder, she caught his eye in the reflection of the black windshield. “Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for more details about you and Alder.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Maybe I should have just asked you to show me.” Danica giggled when he playfully cuffed her arm with the back of his hand. “G’night, Jesse.”

  “G’night, Danica.”

  He heard her pad back to the bunks, hopefully to finally get some sleep. The girl needed to get used to the bus if she was going to be doing this for a month.

  Not that he minded the company.

  The conversation though…he wasn’t sure what to make of that. She was lucky he was with Brave. If not?

  Show you? Sweetie, you have no idea what you’re asking for.

  One day, she might find out.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After they’d been on the bus for at least a year—all right, just a week, but Danica felt like it had been much longer—Danica found herself falling into a comfortable new routine. Most of which consisted of reading, then moving around the bus, then reading some more. She hadn’t had this much time to read in her entire life, and she’d already finished a few books. One from each of the authors she’d met.

  All of which she loved, but left her in a very uncomfortable position on a bus surrounded by men she couldn’t help compare to the heroes in the books. Watching Connor lift weights outside the bus, his muscles swelling with each rep, sweat dripping down his bare chest, got her staring, appreciating how an athlete could be perfect eye candy.