Backlash (Winter's Wrath #1)

by Bianca Sommerland

  “Nothing.” Alder’s brow furrowed. “I wouldn’t cheat on you, Danica. I thought you knew me and Jesse are friends. And that’s it.”

  “That doesn’t have to be it.” And this wasn’t how she wanted to approach the subject, so she made a dismissive gesture, slipping past him when the elevator door opened. “Is Jesse all right?”

  Stopping short, Alder put his hand on her arm. He shook his head and took a deep breath. “No. And I should probably catch you up before you see him. Something happened. Part of the reason we canceled the show.”

  “Is he hurt?” Maybe Alder wouldn’t have called her. If it wasn’t serious enough for Jesse to be at the hospital—well, then it wouldn’t have been serious enough to cancel the show? She bit her bottom lip. “Please just tell me. I spent most of the drive trying not to imagine the worst.”

  Alder inclined his head. “Okay…well, there’s no way to tell you that’s not messed up. He—we—walked in on Brave with Connor. And Tate. They were smoking up and fucking in the back lounge.”

  She winced at the jolt of pain in her chest, imagining how Jesse must have felt. “I’m sorry, Alder, but your brother is an asshole.”

  Letting out a bitter laugh, Alder shook his head. “Things only got worse from there. He didn’t stop and he decided to lash out at everyone. Malakai looked ready to kill him. He walked away though. Jesse got him calmed down.”

  “Focusing on someone else would have helped him. That was smart of you.”

  Alder shrugged. “Brave had done enough damage. I spoke to him alone and it’s obvious he doesn’t give a fuck anymore. The only thing that he even cared about was canceling the show, but we’re getting to the point where he’s going to do something he can’t come back from.”

  Pressing her lips together, Danica touched the back of Alder’s hand, which was fisted around the handle of her suitcase. “Has he?”

  “Not yet. The guys will still hear him out when he’s ready to fucking explain himself.”

  “Will you?”

  He looked surprised. “Of course. He’s my brother. Hell, I wasn’t sure about leaving. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it took a talking to from Skull to get me gone.”

  The tightness in her throat loosened up and she inhaled, relieved. If anyone could get through to Brave, it would be Skull. “The next show is here, right? Maybe this will give Brave the time he needs to sort out whatever’s pushed him over the edge.”

  “I hope so.” Alder continued down the hallway, stopping in front of a door near the end and pulling out his key. “Jesse was still sleeping when I got up to meet you, but he’s a light sleeper, so he’s probably awake.”

  “Good. I’d like to speak to you both.” Danica hesitated as Alder held the door open. “Do you trust me?”

  Alder nodded. “Yes. But I have a very bad feeling about this.”

  She laughed, patting his cheek as she passed him. “Don’t. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

  Taking off her mid-length, leather jacket, she folded it over her arm, blushing when Alder reached for it at that very moment. After handing it to him for him to hang it in the small, mirrored closet in the entryway, she slipped out of her boots and followed him into the living room.

  The apartment had a nice open concept; the walls were all a nice, sharp blue tinted white, with modern, black furniture everywhere. The huge sectional splitting the living room from the dining room was matte black microfiber. The table and chairs in the dining room were black. The only thing not black were the massive appliances in the alcove kitchen, which were all stainless steel.

  She spotted Jesse in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter, a mug tipped to his lips. Her eyes traveled down his bare chest, over all the hard muscles that tensed as though reacting to the touch of her gaze. She swallowed hard when she reached the V of his pelvis.

  Then she forced herself to look away. He wore only a pair of snug, boxer briefs. And parts of him were wide-awake. A part anyway.

  A part she needed to not be staring at before she and Alder had that talk.

  “Good morning, Danica.” Jesse set his mug on the counter. “Do you want some?”

  She bit her bottom lip and looked over at Alder, who’d stepped up to her side. Why would Jesse ask something like that? He’d caught her staring, obviously. She couldn’t hide that she thought he was fucking sexy. No wonder Alder had lusted after him for so long. Being on tour, seeing Jesse like this every day? Only a straight man, one who read the bible twice a day and had sex only for the purpose of reproduction, could ignore Jesse’s allure.

  But they had to discuss where their—relationship? Yes, relationship—they had to discuss how to handle it first. Jumping right to her ‘wanting some’ was wrong on so many levels.

  He had to know that?

  Yes, because he’s suddenly become a mind reader?

  He didn’t have to be a mind reader to slow down a little.

  Alder put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “Yes.” She scowled at Jesse. “And no, I don’t ‘want some’. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not at all if you’re going to be so blunt.”

  Jesse’s eyes widened. “Umm…all right? Have I mentioned I don’t understand chicks? Not sure how I offended you with coffee, but I’m sorry?”

  Coffee?

  Oh my god. Could you have any more of a one-track mind? She pressed her eyes shut as the little voice in her head laughed at her. Dumbass.

  Well, since she’d stuck her foot in her mouth already, she should probably be honest before Jesse started wondering what the hell was wrong with her.

  Too late for that.

  She took a deep breath. “I didn’t know you were talking about coffee.”

  “Oh.” Jesse picked up his coffee. His brow furrowed as he brought the mug to his lips. Then his eyes went wide again as he spilled the coffee over his bare chest. “Oh—Oww!”

  Shit! She hurried across the room, grabbing a dishrag from the handle of the stove and pressing it to Jesse’s chest.

  His mug slipped from his hand and crashed on the black tiled floor.

  “Don’t move.” Alder joined them, crouching down to pick up the broken mug. “I think I’ve got it all, but be careful until I get the vacuum. While I clean this up, both of you go sit in the living room. And by the time I’m done hopefully one of you will be able to explain what the hell just happened.”

  Both Danica and Jesse took a wide step to avoid any little shards, going to the sofa as they’d been told. Only once she’d taken a seat did Danica dare meet Jesse’s eyes.

  The amusement she saw there made her want to throw something at him.

  “Oh, don’t get mad. I think it’s cute that you’ve come up with some kind of crazy plan—” He paused at the sound of the vacuum. “A threesome? You clearly have no idea how to pull it off, but let me guess.” Jesse leaned back into the sofa, thoughtfully scratching his scruffy jaw. “We all get ‘some’ and I’m out of Alder’s system.”

  Danica shook her head. “No, that’s not—”

  “One problem though, sweetheart.” Jesse continued, ignoring her protest. “Alder is with you. Which means he’s not thinking about me at all.”

  “Do you really believe that? He just stopped loving you because he met me?” She leaned forward as Jesse dropped his gaze. “You’re right. I don’t know how to pull this off. That doesn’t mean we can’t.”

  “Why even risk it, Danica? You’ve got something great with Alder. Between the band, and the groupies, you both have enough of a challenge to make this relationship last.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Why add me?”

  “You’re not a challenge, Jesse. You’re an amazing man. I can see why he loves you.” She hated the way Jesse cringed when she said that. How could he not see it? Or was he just afraid to? “Right now, I’m on tour with the band, but I won’t always be. You will.”

  “If you’re afraid he’ll cheat on you—”

  “I’m not. I
hate the idea of him seeing the man he loves with someone else. I can’t stand him losing you again and again and never getting the chance to show you how he feels about you.” She hugged herself, knowing she was going against what any other woman would do in her position. But Alder had put everyone else’s wants and needs before his own for so long. He’d stood back and watched Jesse choose his brother.

  And from what she’d seen, he’d done nothing but worry that Brave would treat Jesse like shit. Which he had. And Alder was being a good friend, supporting Jesse in every way possible.

  She wouldn’t bring up Brave, because that would be cruel after what Alder had told her. But she liked Jesse. A lot. She wanted him to be happy and he would be with Alder.

  Jesse rested his elbows on his knees and lowered his head to his hands as the vacuum shut off. He let out a soft sigh. “He’ll never go for it, sweetie. Even if I was willing to go along with this crazy idea of yours, he’ll focus on the obvious. You don’t think you’re enough for him.”

  “That’s where you’d both be wrong.” Danica heard Alder putting the vacuum away. And spoke quickly, because this wasn’t how Alder needed to be added to the conversation. “I can be all he believes he deserves. We could build an amazing life together. But when I love someone, I don’t settle for what’s easy. I want to give him everything. I want to help him be part of a band that will go down in history. I want him to look in the mirror every day and be fucking proud of the man he is, because he should be.”

  “And you can give that to him.”

  “I can. But you’ll always be the one that got away.”

  “Only, I didn’t get away. I’m right here.”

  “If you decide you want to be, then yes.” She had to be very very clear with him. He was right about all the objections Alder would bring up. “The idea of you scares me a little. I’d be crazy not to wonder if he’ll get to the point that he feels he has to choose between us.”

  A sharp throat clearing made them both jump. Alder sat on the back of the sofa behind her, arms crossed, lips drawn in a tight smile. “Well, that answers that question. I’m fascinated by how you’re both planning this out for me. Really.”

  Jesse stood, holding his hands out in front of him like he wanted no part of whatever Alder thought was going on. “Not planning anything. Just crazy talk. And when did you get so quiet, man? You should really stomp a little when people are talking about you behind your back.”

  Alder chuckled. “Sit down, Jesse.”

  “Right.” Jesse sat.

  Danica scooted sideways to look up at Alder. “Please don’t be mad. This isn’t how I wanted to bring up the subject.”

  “Clearly.” Alder shook his head. “I’m not sure how this even became a ‘subject’. Aside from Jesse teasing you with details of us making out.”

  Scowling, Jesse moved to stand again. “I didn’t—”

  “Sit.” Alder’s tone hardened as he pushed off the back off the sofa. Jesse staying put didn’t seem to satisfy him. He paced like a wild animal that had shaken off the affects of a tranquilizer and found himself behind the bars of a cage. “I won’t lie. I love you both, but right now, I’m fucking confused. Are you seriously considering the three of us being together?”

  “Why not? You just said you love us both.” Which meant he didn’t hate the idea, right? Danica slid off the sofa, needing to be close to him. To make it clear, if he did hate the idea and decided he never wanted to discuss it again, she would accept that. She took his hand, relieved when he let her. “There are so many ways I could have done this better and I’m sorry I didn’t. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I needed to see what we had was strong enough first. And then I wasn’t sure if that mattered.”

  “Because if I wanted him, you’d let me go.” Alder’s eyes darkened with frustration. “That’s what I can’t wrap my head around. I love you, Danica. I told you I don’t need anyone else.”

  “But you love him too.”

  “Yes. And I could live my whole life, loving him as a friend.”

  “What if you didn’t have to?”

  Alder pressed his eyes shut. He shook his head and let out a rough laugh. “Not something that would have ever occurred to me, but sure, let’s go with that. I don’t have to choose. I can have everything.”

  Now we’re getting somewhere.

  He cupped her cheeks in his hands, holding her gaze. “What about you? And him? You put up with one another to make me happy?”

  She frowned. “Why not?”

  “Because that will get old, very fast. I know what I have with you. I’ve considered what I could have with Jesse in the past.” Alder’s lips curved slightly. “But if we’re in this together, what will you be to one another? Friends sharing a lover? Because I’m not okay with that.”

  “Jesse’s gay. He’s not interested in me.” She had to be honest. Most of her fantasies had revolved around seeing Alder and Jesse together. She’d hoped Jesse wouldn’t be uncomfortable with her time with Alder, but they could always take turns?

  Jesse snorted. “Jesse would love to be included in the conversation.”

  “Jesse is more than welcome.” Danica frowned at him, not liking that he was still sitting on the sofa, observing from a distance. His support would have been appreciated.

  “Jesse prefers men. As far as I know, he’s never been with a woman.” Alder winked at her, sliding his arm around her waist as he turned to face his best friend. “Are you interested in my woman, Jesse?”

  The amused smile on Jesse’s lips faded. “She’s with you, so I consider her off limits.”

  “What if she wasn’t off limits?”

  “I…” Jesse tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, which made it hard not to stare at his mouth. His eyes filled with lust as he met Danica’s steady gaze. “I get what you see in her.”

  “Good. Then let’s not make this all about me.” Alder curved his hand around the back of Danica’s neck, running his thumb up and down the side of her throat. “Maybe a hint that you’re not completely repulsed by one another might be more convincing.”

  She wasn’t repulsed by Jesse, but she wasn’t sure what to do with Alder’s suggestion. And the arousal Alder was stirring in her from touching one of her trigger points made it difficult to think.

  Inhaling deeply to slow her racing pulse, she tried to focus. Making this all about Alder had been easy. He loved Jesse. She had been willing to step aside if Alder chose him, but she had no objection to an unconventional alternative.

  But her and Jesse? Their friendship was new and tended to revolve around concern for Alder. She was attracted to him in the same way she’d be attracted to any man that could melt panties with a smile and looked like a wet dream with his shirt off. Several of those men strutted across the screen whenever she got the chance to watch her favorite TV shows, but if she met them in person?

  From past experience, that kind of lust didn’t translate to real life. Many fantasy men were best left as stroking material. Like the pages she bookmarked in her favorite books.

  “If I had a fragile ego, her silence would wound me.” Jesse put his hand over his heart as he stood, grinning when she shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’m not offended. I’ve probably thought about fucking you more than you’ve ever considered touching me, but I’m a guy.”

  Not gay then? She wet her lips, forcing her eyes not to drift shut at the heat spilling down to her core. She wasn’t sure she could take Jesse coming any closer with Alder touching her like this.

  Was it still just his hand on her neck? Her nipples tightened as though they were being stroked as well.

  “Look at me, Danica.” Jesse tipped her chin up with a finger, not moving, not speaking again until she met his eyes. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  She let out a nervous laugh. “I’m still stunned that you’ve thought about fucking me.”

  “Yeah, I was kinda stunned at first too. And I still don’t understand chicks, but I’ve
thought about you and Alder together. And you alone. And him alone. And…” Jesse ran his hand through his rumpled, overgrown blond curls. “Let me be perfectly honest. If not for him, me and you probably would never happen. But when he kisses you, when he touches you, I want to know how you taste. How fucking soft your skin is.”

  Drawing in a shaky breath, wondering when it had gotten so damn hot in here, she nodded. “I never thought two guys were hot together until I saw Alder and Malakai on stage.”

  Jesse’s lips thinned. “Yeah, I like watching that a whole lot less.”

  Alder’s hand still on her neck. “You’re jealous of Malakai? That’s fucking new.”

  “It’s not a big deal. I get why you put on the whole homoerotic show on stage. For how ‘straight’ metal is, the fans have always gotten off on the man on man thing.” Jesse folded his arms over his chest. “If I didn’t care about you so much, I would have seduced you a long time ago. But I have a bad history with relationships. I don’t go for the guy I might have a nice, stable future with. I go for the one that’s so screwed up, there’s no fucking hope of it ending well.”

  Danica reached out, putting her hand on his tightly crossed arms. “Do you know why?”

  He made a face, shaking his head. Then released a shallow laugh. “Actually, maybe I do. I spent the first few years of my adult life angry and alone because my parents kicked me out. I was broken and no one could be bothered with me. I guess I look for broken and want to fix it. Works out real well for me.”

  That would explain what he’d seen in Brave. But she really didn’t want him thinking about Brave right now.

  Trailing his fingers up the side of her neck, Alder chuckled. “I guess it’s good to know you don’t consider me broken.”

  “You might be when I’m done with you.”

  There was no doubting the fear underlying Jesse’s warning. Danica studied his face, hoping she’d find a clue as to what to do next. The longing in his eyes told her he wanted this. But if he didn’t have to fight for what he wanted, he didn’t seem to know how to take it.