Pull Me Close: The Panic Series

by Sidney Halston

I slump down on the shitty full-size bed of the shitty apartment building I’ve been living in for the three weeks. “I need to pack.”

  “Yep,” he says, pulling off his T-shirt and throwing it aside. He walks to the bathroom and I can hear him getting ready for bed. With a deep breath I haul my ass up from the bed, grab my suitcase, and start throwing all my clothes inside. This hell is almost over, thank God. By the time Dean comes back into the room, I’m nearly packed, since I don’t have many personal belongings in the apartment, and whatever I don’t pack, I’ll just leave.

  Dean pulls out the covers and slides into bed. “I cannot fucking wait to talk to Lori,” he says.

  “Few days, right?” I repeat.

  “Few more days,” he says.

  I crawl in bed next to him, turn my back, and say over my shoulder, “G’night, Dean.”

  “G’night, honey.”

  April

  Every local and national television station is parked outside the Miami courthouse waiting for a statement. I’m not the one giving the statement, but I’m standing right next to Captain Charles Glazer as he answers questions. Dean is on his other side. My mind is tuned out, rejoicing that the trial is over. Thanks in part to my confidential informant, Rangel Morris and seven lower-ranking thugs are now behind bars, permanently, serving two life sentences ranging from attempted murder, racketeering, human trafficking, and drug trafficking. It was all worth it to see these scum rot in jail.

  “None of this would be possible without Detective April White and Detective Dean McClintock. Their sacrifice during the last year is the reason the city of Miami will sleep safer tonight…”

  My mind drifts again as cameras click all around me and Captain Glazer continues talking and answering questions. To say that the last year has been rough is an understatement. Other than capturing the gang of criminals, meeting Dean has been the only silver lining. He’s become more than a friend—he’s my family. I guess being forced to pretend we’re a couple for a year will bring two people together.

  Glancing over at Dean, I see the way his thumb is tapping on his thigh, his telltale sign that he’s anxious, and I know it’s because he’s dying to meet up with Lori, his wife. After a year apart, this has been rough on their marriage, but I know they’ll find their way. They’ve talked on the phone almost daily; seeing her would’ve been too risky.

  I, on the other hand, have no one waiting for me. No one to argue with, no one who misses me, no one who’ll be happy I’m finished with the assignment and ready to get on with my life.

  Well, there’s Matt, but he’s moved on. The poor man didn’t even know if I was alive during the last year. And seeing him last month at Lincoln Road sent all the feelings I had stored deep in a locked box rushing back in. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, by far, was walk away from Matt—lying to him was a close second—but for his safety, I had no other choice.

  After the press conference, I head to the hotel I’m staying at until I sort out my housing situation. When I agreed to the assignment last year, an assignment that was supposed to last only a few months, instead of signing a new one-year lease on my apartment that would be vacant, I put all my things in storage.

  Feeling as though the world has moved on while I’m stuck in the same place, I sit in the massive tub in my hotel room with a glass of wine, trying to hold back the depressing feeling that has gathered in my gut. Tomorrow, I’m going to get my hair cut and dyed back blond, my natural color. It’s time April came back to life, and June, Lynn, Zara, and all my other aliases be put to rest.

  And Matt?

  At some point soon, I need to confront that problem. Would he understand why I lied? Why I had to leave? But most important, would he ever forgive me?

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