No Turning Back, A Breaking the Rules Novel

by A. m Madden

  “All kidding aside, Hawaii was spectacular,” Cooper went on to say. “You would love it, Ree.”

  “Someday,” I said wistfully.

  It was Cooper’s turn to study my face. “You okay, sweetie?”

  Schooling my features to hide my nervousness, I nodded eagerly. “I am, and I have a lot to tell you guys. But first, anything new on your end with the”—I waved my hand—“you know.”

  The jovial expressions slipped a bit off their handsome faces. “Unfortunately, no. It’s been exhausting,” Cooper said with dismay.

  “I’m sorry. I can only assume how stressful it’s been.”

  “It’ll happen,” Ricky chimed in. “I may be sixty by then, but it’ll happen.”

  “Well, I have some information that may be of interest to you.” On cue, both their eyes lit up, giving me the boost I needed to reveal my plan.

  “You know someone who would be interested, Ree?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  Cooper sliced his gaze to Ricky before coming back to stare into my eyes. “We’re listening.”

  “Good… but I want you to hear me out and not say a word. Okay?” Once they both nodded, I took a deep breath and crossed my fingers.

  Chapter Two

  Riana

  “Well, for starters… Angels on Earth had to let me go. My last day is in two weeks.”

  “Oh no,” they said in unison.

  “It’s fine. I’ll find something else. There are plenty of nonprofit organizations needing help. I kind of see it as a door opening and not closing.” And the timing was perfect for what I had planned.

  “That’s a great attitude, Ree,” Cooper said. “Whatever you need, we’re here for you. No matter what.” He gave me that genuine smile of his, which I always adored—the one that revealed Cooper had a heart of gold before you even knew a thing about him. And to prove my point, he then added, “Hey, do you want to come down and spend a few weeks with us? Get your mind off things? Take a brief vacation?”

  “Yeah, why don’t you?” Ricky asked. “You can do your god-awful running in the warmth of Florida instead of in New Jersey’s frigid hell that they call winter.” Ricky added a shudder for emphasis.

  I giggled at the horror written on his face. “Thank you. I was actually considering that, but not as a vacation of sorts… more like a permanent situation.”

  It took a few seconds for my comment to register. “Wait… you want to move to Florida?” my ex asked excitedly.

  “I think I do.”

  “That’s awesome! You can stay with us until you find a place.”

  “Or we’ll put you up at a hotel if you prefer,” Ricky countered. “In case you want your privacy.”

  “Ricky.” Cooper shoved into his shoulder.

  “He’s right, Coop.” I didn’t take offense that it was Ricky who most definitely preferred their privacy. They were still newlyweds, after all. “Again, thank you. I decided to put my place up for sale and rent until I find something to buy.” I unexpectedly paused, finding it harder to get to my point now that it was time to.

  Ricky picked up on it and reminded me of my admission. “So what’s the information you said you have for us?” he asked, bringing us back to my original comment.

  “Well…” I watched their handsome faces wait for me to elaborate. My second pause was merely to prepare myself for the battle that I knew was about to occur. No doubt they would fight me on this, and I was ready for it. Without preamble, I blurted, “I want to be your surrogate.” Predictably, they both stared at me like I’d grown a third nipple on the tip of my nose. “I truly thought this through…” I pushed on. “Nothing you can say will change my mind. So please don’t try to, okay?” I allowed them to process my offer, sitting calmly on my end of the tethered connection via a cell phone… although they couldn’t see how frantically my foot jiggled from nerves.

  “No way, Ree,” Cooper finally said, running a shaky hand through his hair. “We can’t let you do that. We won’t let you do that.”

  And there it was. Quicker than I thought, but they played their hand right out of the gate. Prepared, I shook my head. “Yes, you can, and you will. I want to do this for you.”

  “You’re a single beautiful woman who should be experiencing life and living for herself,” Ricky added. “Like finding a man who worships you the way you deserve.”

  “I’m not interested in being worshipped.”

  “Liar.”

  “Okay, fine,” I conceded. “But that can wait. It’s only a blip of time in my life… a life I would be experiencing in the way that I want to. I dedicated myself to helping people, and this is an extension of that. I have nothing holding me in Jersey, and nothing preventing me from spending the next year helping you guys achieve your dream of having a family. It makes sense. You already have an egg donor. We all know the sperm isn’t an issue.” I rolled my eyes at Ricky’s cocky smirk. “The only thing missing is something that I can easily provide. I already went through a thorough physical and have all my medical records ready to be sent to a fertility specialist of your choosing.”

  Shocked silence.

  Plowing on, I added, “You’ve been stressing so much over this. It’s not as easy as you thought it could be, and I want to help you start your family.” I then took their silence as an opportunity to bust through the wall of doubts piling between us. “Look. I’ve made up my mind. I really want to do this for you. Please let me.”

  “Ree, how can we possibly let you?” Cooper finally asked, becoming emotional. “You’re not lending us a car. It’s your fucking uterus, for God’s sake.”

  “So? Is it easier to accept a stranger’s uterus than mine?” I countered. “Doesn’t it make more sense having someone you know take this journey with you? Someone who loves you both so much. Someone you know takes care of herself. Someone who is not in it for the money.”

  “Regardless, it’ll be stress on your body. You need to take estrogen, progesterone, and Lupron,” Cooper rattled off.

  “Yes, I know. And they have few if any side effects. I already researched it all.” Cooper’s mouth flapped open and closed a few times while Ricky continued to shake his head. “You would be giving me as big of a gift in return. You know how I feel about having kids of my own. It’s not something I want for myself. This way I can experience it driven by my love for you two.”

  “But you can change your mind someday,” Cooper argued.

  “I can… and so what if I do? That doesn’t mean I can’t do this for you now.”

  “Ree, I don’t know what to say,” Cooper said quietly. “This is all so unexpected.”

  Ricky looked no less frustrated than Cooper. Clearly, they couldn’t get over the shock of it. In all fairness, I hadn’t given them any warning. During all those conversations we’d had about finding a surrogate, not once had I hinted it was something I would entertain.

  “You can say yes. I’m twenty-six years old. I have plenty of time to fall in love. Right now, I’m not interested. Dating is an annoying task I have no patience for on a normal day.” Prepared to end it there, I decided to instead add a bit of levity. “Besides, this may help spark a desire and snap me back into a dating mentality. I hear the end of pregnancies really ramp up a woman’s sex drive.”

  “Well, if it’s for the sake of your vagina…” Ricky responded with a shrug. “Who are we to deny her that?”

  “Exactly,” I said with a raised palm. “Look, take some time and talk it through. Come up with any concerns you have, any questions. Once you do, we’ll talk it out. But as far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a thing you can say to change my mind. It’s more for you two to feel comfortable with this.”

  “I love you, Ree. I do. I just—”

  “We’ll talk tomorrow,” I said, cutting Cooper off. “I love you too… both of you. And now I have a pint of gelato and a cheesy movie to dive into.” After blowing them a kiss, I tapped my phone to end the call. It felt like a weight had been lifted, an
d my body soared without the constraint. I hadn’t been this excited about something in a very long time. This would be great for them, and selfishly it would give me a sense of purpose until I figured out the rest of my life.

  I slept like the dead, something I rarely did. Waking much later than normal, I felt energized enough that my typical five-mile run turned into ten. The cold weather and it being a Sunday made my normal route along the beach deserted. By the time I got back to my apartment, showered, and dressed for the day, it was close to noon.

  Having ignored the many texts from Janie that had come through during the night, I sat with a steaming cup of coffee to read through them. Most were mouthy remarks on what a great time I’d missed out on, along with a picture of the sushi they’d ordered, and another of Jake smiling.

  Sure, he was very handsome and just my type. I simply wasn’t interested in putting energy into a new relationship. The two that I’d had since I’d broken up with Cooper had drained me. Not in an emotional way, because Lord knew I hadn’t fallen for either of them. It was the effort needed to get to know someone from scratch that I had no patience for. And yes, I was fully aware that sentiment only served to spite my love life.

  Whatever. Love was overrated. There were many ways to love, and the way I preferred to focus on at this point in my life meant more to me than wasting time on another failed romance.

  Just as I’d begun typing back to Janie that it was my loss, a knock on my door stopped me.

  It wouldn’t surprise me if that girl turned up here to scold me for the radio silence she received in return. And on the second knock, I dragged the door open while calling out, “You truly are a pain in my—”

  “Surprise!” There stood Cooper and Ricky, grinning as I stared at them in shock. The frigid temperatures sent a rush of icy air into my house, yet I felt warm and fuzzy seeing my two friends.

  “What are you doing here?” Those two nutjobs made it seem as though flying to Jersey was as simple as driving to their supermarket.

  “Let us the fuck in and we’ll tell you,” Ricky quipped. “My balls are blue… and not because of lack of sex.” I quickly moved aside so they could join me in the foyer, and Cooper pulled me into a crushing hug.

  “Our discussion deserves to be in person,” he mumbled into my hair. When he pulled away, Ricky quickly replaced Cooper’s arms with his own.

  “Give me your coats.”

  I collected them before they filed past me into my condo. “Who did you think was knocking on your door?” At seeing my questioning expression, Cooper added, “We heard you admit someone was a pain in your—” A wave of his hand meant I was supposed to fill in the blank.

  “Ass,” I completed. “Janie. She sent a ton of texts last night.”

  Once drink offers were made, and we all settled in my living room, the same tension we’d experienced over the phone last night began to rise like a haze around us. They’d traveled all that way; therefore, I waited for them to say what they needed to.

  Cooper looked at Ricky, who stared back at Cooper with a wry smirk while I calmly sipped my coffee.

  “Okay… here’s the deal,” Cooper said. “We accept your offer.” The joy bursting within me was defused a bit by a large, raised hand. “But… we have very specific, very demanding rules.”

  Shrugging from indifference had been an automatic reaction. “I expected that.”

  “Okay, good. So this should be easy then,” Ricky retorted with a raised brow… and that was my indicator their demands were going to be a bit outrageous. “First, you will be moving to Florida as you stated, but your moving expenses, rent the entire time you are pregnant, plus for six months after, are on us.”

  My mouth predictably flapped open. “But—”

  “Uh-uh-uh… ,” Ricky interrupted with a pointed finger. “No arguing. Secondly, all and any living and medical expenses are also on us.”

  Cooper chuckled at the deer-in-headlights thing I had going on. “Third,” he interjected, “You will accept help at our expense the entire time, which includes a weekly housekeeper, car service during your final months, and a nurse at your disposal while recuperating.”

  Thinking they were done, as I opened my mouth to speak, Cooper mimicked Ricky by saying, “Uh-uh-uh. There’s more. Fourth, you will begin a foundation under RMR to help women in our area, as you did for Angels on Earth.” RMR Inc. was the corporation that ran Bella Viaggi, the luxury cruise line Ricky was part owner of along with Cooper’s sister, Rebecca, and her husband, Marco. They had gifted me with a two-week cruise last year, and it was the best experience I had ever had. “We’ve been wanting to start a nonprofit under our corporation for a while now, and you will be the one to get it up and running. Of course, it will be on your schedule, and all administrative requirements will be met on your suggestion. Basically, you’re ensuring your job security will be set and in place for you once you have the baby.”

  “And last but not least,” Ricky said, taking over. “You will accept any counseling necessary to make going through a surrogacy easier on your emotional frame of mind.”

  Holy hell. I was speechless.

  My silence caused the pair to fold their arms in assumed victory, with matching grins. One or two of their conditions I expected, such as covering my medical expenses. Not having a job had been the only negative weighing on my mind. I had planned to take anything I could find until I could dedicate time to my profession. I’d made a name for myself in my line of work, and moving to Florida would put me back at the starting gate. No one could’ve blamed me for the one caveat I had after deciding to do this. But they effectively made my concern of picking up my career where I left off in a new state a nonissue.

  Just as there was no use in them arguing with me last night when I offered to be their surrogate, I knew there was no use arguing now that they’d accepted under these specific conditions. So, surprising myself and them, I matched their smiles and said, “Deal.”

  Chapter Three

  Riana

  March

  After shaking on it, I added one condition of my own—to put the wheels in motion for our newfound arrangement without delay. I informed them I was ready, all my records were waiting to be sent to a fertility doctor, and we could begin soon after arriving in Florida.

  They reluctantly agreed while still worried I was rushing into things. I assured them I had thought on it long and hard. The idea had come to me when rumors had begun swirling at work of a layoff.

  Once we’d exhausted that topic, we talked and laughed well into the night before they left for Cooper’s condo. Ricky had bought it for his birthday to be sure they had a place to stay whenever they came for a visit, which would be a short one this time around.

  Cooper’s need to get back to the university meant they could stay only one day. But instead of relaxing on Sunday before their late flight, they were back that morning with bagels, coffee, and moving boxes, insisting on helping to pack, making it easier for me later. Stuff that I really didn’t need, including my books, knickknacks, and some of my summer clothes, were now neatly boxed and ready for the move.

  Before leaving, they promised to contact their lawyer to begin drawing up the surrogacy papers for our agreement. Sure enough, I received said papers about a week after they returned to Florida. When I asked the Angels on Earth legal team for a recommendation, they referred me to Gloria, an assisted reproduction attorney.

  She said that the contract was extremely detailed, favored all my best interests, and contained nothing needing to be amended or revised. She then made it a point to tell me that I was a special person to give Ricky and Cooper such an invaluable gift. But just as important, I was a lucky girl to have friends like them. I couldn’t agree more… which was a huge reason I wanted to supply their gateway to having a child.

  As predicted, Janie freaked out once I shared my news. Funny enough, my decision of being a surrogate took a back seat to the fact that I was leaving her… yes, her. In typical Janie fash
ion, she made my situation about Janie. Not in a selfish way, but more in a how-can-I-leave-her kind of way.

  My last two weeks at Angels on Earth were emotional. Besides missing some of my coworkers, and Janie, most of my emotions leaned more toward excitement than melancholy. Sure, I had a little thing like having a baby to take care of first, but once that was over, my future spread before me with so many possibilities.

  I’d experienced such a level of uncertainty in my life only when my mother had died. Having no idea what would be had been terrifying, and it had been hard to imagine my future other than laced with sadness. But this time was different. I felt Mom was right there with me, a subliminal nudge in the direction that I’d decided to take. She would’ve been very proud of me, and knowing that created a calmness deep in my core.

  In addition to all the emotions that came with moving, the physical had been just as consuming. Packing up my life had the rest of the month flying by. So much so I blinked and it was the middle of March. With nothing left to do, I used my final days in Jersey lying around and being lazy.

  That was… until last night.

  I’d been bullied into dressing up for a farewell party that Janie had organized. One hundred people, of which I knew maybe fifteen, partied on a swanky rooftop bar to see me off. If it wasn’t typical Janie, it would’ve been bizarre. She’d pulled out all the stops to ensure I was sent off properly. It was sweet, but truly not necessary. Of course, Jake was there. Sure, he was a nice guy, handsome, kind… but our lack of a spark was visible even to Janie, thus giving her closure that we weren’t a good match.