Soundtracks of a Life

by Carina Lupo

  “I see.”

  “You are amazingly good at the piano too. Did you get lessons as a kid too?”

  “No, we had a piano at home and since I was four I would play it. I guess I just taught myself at one point. I suppose you can say my brain is just wired for music. It just comes naturally to me, I can’t explain it. I just get it, like its part of me or something. I was a good player already when I was only 8. My parents were so proud...” I drift off as a sharp pain hits my heart like I’ve been stabbed. I continue to speak quickly though, before he can notice anything. “The same kind of happened with the guitar I just picked it up and I feel in love with it too. It’s a powerful instrument.”

  “Yeah I can understand that.” He replies giving me a heartbreaking smile.

  “So why did you choose law? You are good enough player to be in my class… Aside from the obvious fact that one day I’ll be starving and you will be making like $300.00 a minute for a mere phone call or something.”

  Chris laughs. “Well it was less of a choice thing and more of a family thing.”

  “How is that so?”

  “Well my dad is a lawyer, and his dad was a lawyer… you get where I’m going with this.”

  “I see. But what did you want? Did you want to be a lawyer? Like if there was no family pressure thing?”

  “I don’t know, I guess so.”

  “Weak. Sorry but that sounded weak.”

  “I suppose it’s just as good as any other profession.”

  “True. But it is not what you love.”

  “Not everyone gets to do what they love.”

  “No, but everyone should at least try once. If it doesn’t work out, hey you tried you move on.”

  “You do realize life is way more complicated than that, right?”

  I laugh. “You have no idea how much. But one can dream about simpler ways.”

  After our meeting, I kept thinking about our chat and about him… no, I was trying not to think about him. Beauty can cloud the judgment. But his being so handsome aside, I still thought it was a good idea to invite him to join our band. Why not? He would get a chance to do what he loved and we would get a good guitarist that we could get along with. He is a nice guy. And did I mention he plays the piano?

  So next day, I go to the law school building to look for him. I see him chatting with some of his friends and I walk straight towards him.

  “Hey Lorelai!” he says happily when he sees me. “What brings you to the law side of the school? Don’t tell me your rock star life already landed you a run with the authorities?”

  “No, I do not need a lawyer, yet… but can we chat?”

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “Can we go for a walk?” I say, as all his friends are now curiously staring at us. Chris obliges and we start walking away from the group.

  “So what’s on your mind?”

  “I was thinking and I decided to invite you… I mean, I was wondering… if you would like to join my band...”

  “Oh!” he says surprised, “I did not see that one coming!”

  “Well you don’t have to.”

  “Yes, don’t worry. I understand you are not imposing this on me.” He laughs using his charming smile again.

  “I just thought, well, I wanted another guitarist in my band.”

  “You study music I’m sure you have plenty of choices there, you don’t need to come for the lawyer.”

  “No I don’t, there are many excellent guitar players there… but quite simply they are all asses. Well, maybe I’m being too hard… but I just don’t connect with any of them.”

  “And you do with me?”

  “Don’t take it the wrong way. But you are a nice guy to be around and you are just as good as many of them. Plus you love playing it would give you an opportunity to do what you love in your off time. But it’s just an idea if you don’t want to, it would be fine.” I say nervously re-thinking my ‘great’ idea wishing I could dig a hole in the ground to berry myself in it. But before I can start digging, he surprises me by saying, “No actually that would be quite fun! But how does the rest of the band feel about this?”

  “Well… I haven’t really consulted with them on this.” I say coyly. “But I’m sure they will be ok with it.”

  He gives me a look that tells me he is not buying it.

  “Okay… they will complain like crazy!” I admit. “But our band is democratic in the most despotic sense that I care for their opinion but at the end of the day it’s my band and someone’s has to make the decisions!”

  He laughs.

  “Look I’m just kidding. I will respect if they are completely against it, but I wouldn’t approach you if I didn’t think after all the moaning and complaining they wouldn’t come around. On the other hand, I do not want to have to go through it if you don’t want it on the first place.”

  “No, I do, that should be cool, if they accept me of course.”

  “Okay cool. I’ll let you know.” I say already turning around and running off. He then calls after me, I turn to face him again and he says, “thanks…” with the biggest smile on his face.

  Chapter 4

  We get together for our usual band practice and now I have to break to them that I just invited handsome lawyer boy to be part of the band. I was not looking forward to this.

  “So I have an announcement to make before we start. Do you guys remember Chris, the guy at the Law party that plays the guitar?”

  “Yeah what about him?” says Ted.

  “I was wondering if you guys would agree for him to join the band.”

  Their faces at this moment can only be described as if they had both just sucked on a particularly bitter lemon.

  “Oh c’mon, would it be that bad? He is an excellent player. Just as good as any of the other guys we considered.”

  James gives me a judging look. “Look, no offense, but do you want him to join because you have a crush on him?”

  “Offense taken. I thought you knew me better, James. Not that it is any of your business but I do not have a crush on him and second if I did, it would be a reason not to invite him to join.”

  “Ok, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  “So why would it be so bad? He is good and he is a nice guy. Plus he can play the piano also. It would fit perfectly with what we are looking for.”

  “Well, he is too good looking,” finally says Ted.

  “Really?"That’s your reason?” I say sarcastically, completely expecting that to be the reason but still surprised he actually truthfully answered that way.

  “Well, he would get all the girls…” Ted says coyly.

  I roll my eyes at him and mock. “He can’t have all the girls. You can have the leftovers.”

  “Gee, thanks a lot.” He replies now very miffed.

  I laugh at him. “C’mon, I’m kidding. His handsomeness might even be good. It would bring more girls to our concerts.”

  Ted now stops to consider that possibility as James finally speaks again.

  “Ok I admit I can’t really think of anything against him. He does seem like a nice guy and he can play, so I guess if you think it would be a good fit…”

  “Ted?” I say looking at him eagerly.

  He looks at me reluctantly and then mumbles an “ok”.

  “Okay then, we have a second guitarist! I’ll let him know so he can join us next practice.”

  That was not nearly as bad as I expected…

  “Second thing”, I continue, “I think we should change our band name, the one we have is ridiculous.”

  “Ridiculous is a good word for it.” James says laughing. “Do you have something else in mind?”

  “How about Paper Shredders?” Ted immediately says excitedly.

  “No, no more paper anything this time!” I say laughing. “That’s a good school band name but I’m looking for something that can sound cool outside of our university realm. I was thinking… how about Wildfire?


  “Why Wildfire?” James asks curiously after a moment of pause.

  “It’s the name of my parents Zinfandel wine… and it just sounds cool. It means something powerful and difficult to control.”

  “I like it,” James agrees.

  Ted mumbles something about how he likes Paper Shredders but finally says, “Wildfire would be cool too.” After all the business is out of the way we get started with some actual practice time but I can’t wait till it’s over so I can go see Chris and tell him the news.

  Later that evening, I go to the Law building to finally meet Chris. As soon as he sees me he asks eagerly, “So?”

  “You’re in!” I say happily, and he once again gives me that irresistible smile of his…. I hope that does not become problematic one day.

  We take off to a bar to grab some drinks and celebrate his joining of our band. I tell him our new name too which he also likes.

  “I guess I won’t tell my parents yet of my new extracurricular endeavor…” he tells me once we are settled in a table with our drinks.

  “I take it they would not be pleased?”

  “Nope.” He answers taking another swig of his beer.

  “Well, you are still studying law. It’s not like you are changing professions. You are an adult so what you do on your free time should be your own thing.”

  “Yeah, that’s why I won’t say it for now. No reason listening to them complaining that it would not be a good idea. It’s not like they would force me to stop or anything, but they would worry it would get in the way of my studies and all.”

  “So how are your folks? You get along well with them?”

  “They are nice, we get along good. Not sure if that would change if I decided to become a musician full time though!” he says laughing. “But they are nice. I can’t complain. My dad is a lawyer and even though he was always very busy he also always made sure he had time to spend with us. My mom used to be a home decorator but when she became a mom she decided to just stay home and raise my brother and me. My brother is a bit younger than me. He is on his senior year of high school.”

  “They sound nice,” I say avoiding looking him in the eyes trying to change subjects now. Unfortunately, he picks up on my uneasiness.

  “Are yours that bad?”

  “No, it’s nothing like that.” I answer still not looking at him.

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He says kindly trying to let me off the hook.

  I take a resigned deep breath. “Well I don’t like to talk about it. But I suppose I just as well, you’re going to find out sooner or later anyways. Now is just as good a time as any, I guess. Maybe I’ll order another drink first… this is a talk better done with more alcohol at hand.” He orders me another drink and I can see he is wondering what could possibly be so bad.

  “My parents died in a plane crash when I was fourteen. Their plane was taking off, something went wrong and they crashed right there on the runway. It was a small local airport up in Napa and one of those small twin engine planes. I was there when it happened though, so I watched it all unfold before my eyes…” Chris is quiet, a bit shocked with my revelation.

  “I still have vivid nightmares of that day... even after all these years. They are so vivid I can feel the heat in my body from the flames and I wake up drenched in sweat.” I surprise myself when I tell him that detail. I don’t know why I’m telling him so much. “… I never told that part to anyone.” I admit to him in a low voice.

  “Holy crap… I’m sorry Lori, I’m not sure what to say.”

  “It’s okay. There is nothing to say really. It is what it is... unfortunately it is also not all.” I say bitterly finishing another drink and immediately ordering another, a stronger one this time, whisky on the rocks. Chris looks at me a bit concerned but doesn’t say anything.

  “One would think that would be enough traumas in a person’s life… but no... Fate wasn’t done with me quite yet.” I continue in a sarcastic bitter tone. “At the time of my parents passing, my older sister, Kristen, was at college so she dropped out to take care of me. After their deaths we only had each other so we got really close. She was a beautiful person. Brave. Always so loving and caring…” I have to force myself to go on. The lump in my throat so hard my voice barely comes out now. “I lost her when I was eighteen. In a stupid car accident… someone ran a red light, they were distracted or so I was told…” I pause for a moment. “Now it’s just me.” I give him a painful smile and finish off yet another drink.

  Telling the story leaves me feeling empty inside. I stare into nothing, tears rolling down my face. Chris is quiet and I don’t dare to look at him anymore. We don’t say anything for a long time.

  “I would say I’m sorry again but I’m having difficulty finding words that would seem enough.” he finally breaks the silence.

  “When your whole family dies it should kill you, you know?” I say angrily, letting the alcohol do the talking. “You shouldn’t have to lose all the most important people in your life and have to live after that. It should just kill you so you don’t have to stay here and wonder if you were left behind out of pure cruelty.”

  That’s the first time Chris got to see the demons that lurked inside my soul. He looks at me with deep concern in his eyes. I’m expecting him to run off now. I wouldn’t even blame him for it. I wouldn’t hang out with myself either… but he doesn’t leave.

  “Tell me something good about them,” he says. “What were they like?”

  “They were sweet, good people. They had a vineyard up in Napa Valley. We used to live there on the property. It was a beautiful life. I used to love to go horseback riding with my dad. We had a lot of fun racing each other. They were both so very proud of my piano playing skills. We used to go see symphony concerts together and they would all talk how some day they would be going there to see me play…”

  “What happened to the winery?”

  “It is still there. I own it now I guess. I never go there anymore. Too many memories, it is just too difficult. A friend of my dad’s runs it for me. I get reports, the money in my bank account and wine shipments for the latest releases that’s about the extent of the contact I have. Our house is still there just as it once was… I never had the courage to do anything about it. It just sits there like time stood still, as if one day the family that lived there were just going to come back at any moment.”

  We stay quiet for a while again, until I say, “I’m so drunk…” putting my head down on the table between my arms, the effort of holding my head up becoming more than I could bear.

  “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” Chris says eager to help.

  He walks me to the door of my apartment. I fumble with my keys for quite a while until I manage to open the door. “Are you going to be ok?” he asks concerned.

  I never answer I just stumble my way to the living room, crawl on the couch and crash. I don’t remember anything after that. But when I wake up next morning, I have a blanket on me and no shoes. I don’t remember getting a blanket or taking my shoes off…

  Chapter 5

  With the addition of Chris to the band our sound really grew to the next level, we had a lot more range musically now. We started to get popular locally too, getting notoriety outside of the university realm. Playing bars with 200 to 300 people became more common and with spring and summer approaching we were now receiving invitations to play local festivals with thousands of people too.

  Very quickly our “hobby” band was taking up more and more time in our lives and everybody’s grades were suffering for it, especially Chris’s. Between the band and the girls there was little time left for the law. His popularity with girls grew exponentially with band. At the end of every concert he got surrounded by packs of girls all giggling and throwing themselves at him. Nobody was really surprised at this development… and though I would not admit, even to myself, it did irritate me a bit.

  James served as our manager and accountan
t. He was in charge of booking our shows, collecting the pay and distributing it between us. After rehearsal he would usually give us our schedule for the upcoming gigs and pay us whatever was left for the gigs we had done after any expenses we may have had where covered.

  “Alright gather up guys this is the day we all love… payday at Wildfire.” James says to us excitedly.

  “Alright! I freaking love payday!” Ted yells walking towards James. “You know all these girls are driving me poor man. I make more money now with the band but then I spend more money with the girls too… I never get ahead.”

  “Yes your problems are heart breaking Ted,” James says sarcastically. “Here you go… go nuts. Try to save some for a change!” He yells after Ted as he is walking away. “Hey Chris, here is your cut. We made quite a nice amount this time.”

  “Cool,” Chris says. “What about the boss?” He asks, noticing James distributed all the money without saving me any.

  “Lorelai?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No, she never takes her cut. She asks me to divide her cut between us. She never did, from the very start. I tried to her to get her take it but she said she doesn’t need it and it will make more difference to us than to her. I thought you knew.” He finishes off shrugging.

  “Oh.”

  I was packing my things up when Chris approaches me.

  “That’s nice of you to give your cut to us.”

  “Oh… yeah… well, I don’t need it really.”

  “Still… that’s cool of you.”

  “Thanks.” I say dismissively.

  “So I broke the news to my folks about the band.”

  “Oh really? How did that go?”

  “Poorly. They weren’t happy for sure. They said it will get in the way of my studies. They aren’t wrong either… my grades are definitely not the best lately. Luckily, they don’t know that yet!” He says grinning to me.

  “Why did you decide to tell them?”

  “Well it’s now a big part in my life so I didn’t want to keep it hidden you know?”

  “Yeah I understand.”