by Leanne Davis
He was running away from her. From this whatever that existed between them.
She couldn’t breathe. A heavy weight, possibly the burden of indecision, was bearing down on her chest, stealing the air from her lungs and she feared she could not breathe. She blinked when hot tears stung her eyelids. What the hell? Crying? For what? A man who failed to proclaim what he felt? Who once yelled at her for having sex with the same man she was now planning a trip with? After seeing them together there, he assumed what? Did he realize she was having sex with Lloyd? Maybe he refused to believe it and came there to tell her something… Maybe it was something about how he felt about her. Perhaps when he saw Lloyd, he confirmed the extent of their relationship and now he couldn’t even look at her anymore. He wouldn’t want to be with her now. Had she somehow been reduced to tainted goods?
She bit her lip. The stabbing pain in her gut was sharp. What was it trying to tell her? She was hurt by Chris? Or didn’t she care?
But he bought a ticket to Phoenix.
Just to get into Gate D.
For her.
Then he turned around and just left? She shook her head, failing miserably to understand.
Lloyd touched her arm, and his fingertips brushed gently on her skin as he tapped her. “Julia? What… what was that all about? Why was Chris here?”
“Me. I think he came here for me.” Well, duh. Everyone at the airport saw that. But why didn’t he speak up? He was already there. Here. He could have just said it. It was almost out in the open, so why not say something?
“I see.”
Silence. Lloyd cleared his throat. People still swirled and milled around them. Julia began to feel dizzy and had to shut her eyes.
“Did you know?”
“No. Not really.”
“Do you want to know?”
“No. Not really.” She glanced up, shaking her head and sucking in a breath as she shut her eyes again. “Maybe.”
Trying to conceal the hurt as well as the anger he felt, Lloyd clenched his jaw. “Julia?”
“I don’t know.” She whispered it like a dying breath. Barely audible. “I don’t know.”
He glanced at his watch, peeking through his shirt sleeve. “We need to go now if we still intend to catch the plane. You’re still going to board with me, aren’t you? Even if he thought something else? He didn’t say…”
Julia shut her eyes. Nodding. He was no longer confident. Lloyd’s tone and words belied his self-assured appearance. Julia waffled. She was ready to leave and run after Chris, but she didn’t know if that’s what she wanted since he hadn’t spoken up. Again. How real could anything between them be? If he came this far though, why did he run away without fulfilling his whole purpose in coming there? Lloyd had already seen him so he must have known there would already be consequences. Why didn’t Chris speak up? What stopped him? He was right in front of her as she prepared to leave with another man. She steeled her resolve.
“Have you ever talked about… you know, anything beyond work? Pursuing a friendship with him?” Lloyd asked.
“Never. Well, just this.”
“So this came as a shock to you?”
She hesitated. “I wouldn’t call it a shock. Yes. No. There was… something going on. A very subtle, underlying thing at first. But—”
“Do you still want to go to Hawaii? With me?”
She swallowed. “I don’t know now.” Shaking her head, her confusion seemed worse. “Maybe… but maybe we shouldn’t go.”
“I want to go. I want to go with you. Let’s not let his unwelcome… intrusion ruin that, or change it. Please come with me, Julia. I’m here. I spoke up for you despite the consequences and that I could lose you. So come with me. He didn’t speak up for you. He just left.”
Julia walked over and gathered up all of her stuff for something to do. She stared at him. Voices of reason swirled in her head. What should she do? What could she do? What did she want to do? Whom did she want? How could she know whom when she just discovered there might be a choice? A choice she didn’t realize until Chris turned and walked away from her. It sounded like a permanent farewell.
“Julia?”
She glanced up. Lloyd’s hand was out, still waiting for hers. She stared at it long and hard before she heaved her arm up and reached out to him.
Chapter Twelve
JULIA WAS GONE FOR the entire week and showed up at the close of the day at Chris’s job site on the eighth day. They were in the final phase of construction and it felt like everything needed to be done all at the same time. The site was all aflutter with completion of the last minute items. Multiple subcontractors were now at work on-site. Electricians were installing the electrical outlet covers and adjusting the speed of the ceiling fans. Interior details were getting done too, from touching up the painting to polishing the woodwork and hanging all the signage. Outside crews worked on the landscaping, lighting, and endless cleanup. Chris was never busier. Moving like a whirlwind for long, ten-hour days, he still couldn’t get all the work done. It helped him though. It took his mind off the gut ache that chronically plagued him. It also helped when he pretended that in two days, when Lloyd came back on-site, he wouldn’t be fired.
In an odd sort of response after he flubbed up the airport, Chris worked harder and longer hours to make the building—Lloyd’s building—come together on time and budget. The final inspection before occupancy was foremost in his mind and he gave it his all to achieve the best results for Lloyd. Perhaps it was guilt that pressed him forward. It was Chris’s best way to apologize, by giving Lloyd something significant that he could remember him by. After all the things Lloyd did for Chris, he wanted to repay him in kind. But that was all for naught too.
Chris waited diligently, expecting Margaret, Walter, or even Judy Ann to give him the pink slip from Lloyd. Surely, Lloyd must’ve called them, although he could have called Chris directly from Hawaii if he intended to fire him. But nothing happened. Not a word. Not a damn word in eight days. Chris was wearing his heart out with regret, nervousness, and anxiety although he still couldn’t understand how he managed to keep his job.
Eventually, he concluded that Lloyd must have wanted to fire him in person. Oh, the glee the man would receive from it. But Lloyd deserved to have his moment. Chris was ready to hand it to him on a beautifully engraved, gold platter. In the meantime, he couldn’t walk away. His humiliation would be swift and real and soon. But Chris refused to leave his last job undone. Not after working so long and hard on it, not to mention all the skills and techniques he gleaned from it.
Despite his current failure, at least he had one success. This building. And he was determined to finish it right.
Glancing up at four-thirty on Thursday afternoon, he saw Julia. She was standing just inside the door to the job shack. He left the door open to circulate the air and draw a breeze inside the stuffy area. He was reviewing the final site plans with the landscaper, examining anything that could have been missed.
His head jerked up suddenly when she appeared.
His mouth went dry, and his thoughts scattered as his tongue grew thick in his mouth.
“Chris? The line? Here?”
He was startled at the sub’s voice interrupting his speeding thoughts. “What?”
“Here?”
“Uh. Yeah. Sure. I’m sorry, do you mind if I make some calls before we go any further?”
The man’s face scrunched up. “Yes. I do mind. If we’re to finish by next week, we need to complete a review of this.” Chris set a hand on the guy’s shoulder and subtly edged him towards the door.
“Okay. I’ll be back here at six. Come whenever you can, and we’ll finish up.”
The guy sputtered his displeasure as he resisted Chris’s suggestion, but he couldn’t keep it up for long. Finally, with a glare, he turned and jerked his arm out of Chris’s grasp, muttering obscenities as he exited. Chris was left standing right next to Julia, and unable to move or breathe. He stared longer than n
ecessary at the quickly retreating and angry sub.
“That’s not how to make friends in this industry.”
He sucked in a sharp breath at hearing her voice. A sense of peace began filling him. Her voice seemed to echo in his head, softly and cool, to the point of being seductive. At least it seemed that way to his inflamed brain. She seemed dwarfed beside him, staring at the angry sub as he jumped into his truck and slammed the door.
“That’s okay, I doubt I’m long for this industry anyway. Surprised I’m still here.”
“You haven’t spoken to Lloyd yet?” Her head tilted up to look at him.
Okay, might as well get right down to it. He sighed, stepping back, needing oxygen. She entered the job shack and he closed and locked the door. They might as well have it out now, get it over and done. He had a lot to tell whomever ended up finishing out the job for him.
“No. I haven’t spoken to him yet. Are you here to officially release me? Or was that something Lloyd intended to do himself?”
Julia walked away and sat down at the table. “No, not that I know of.” That was all she said as she crossed her arms over her chest. She wore her hair back, with minimal makeup and a t-shirt and jeans, looking even more casual than usual. Her breasts, all pointy and perky, stuck out beneath the white cotton material and he had to force his eyes to look away.
“Do you think lifting weights will make up for the fact that you are a giant, emotional wimp? Some people say muscles as big as yours are only to compensate for something you feel inferior about. Only it’s not your dick, is it? It’s your balls.”
His jaw clenched. “Okay, fine, Julia. Let’s do this. I fucked up. Both before you left and what I said to you and then… worse, showing up at the airport. I shouldn’t have gone to the airport. I shouldn’t have said those things… and I expect to get fired for it. Go ahead, say what you need to say. I deserve it.”
She dropped her hands and balled them into fists at her sides. Raising one, she seemed to be hurling it at him. “You fucked up, all right. But it was because you showed up at the airport and did nothing. And you said nothing. What is wrong with you? Who does things like that? Who goes that far to say and do nothing?”
“Me, I do. I couldn’t handle facing my—” Father. The word was hanging on the tip of his tongue, but he caught himself in time. “Facing my boss. It was much easier to imagine going there and doing what I went to do when it only existed inside my head. Because there was Lloyd. Right there. Beside us. How could I… what could I say? He was obviously your choice. I realized that moment how stupid it was for me to show up like that and what? What could I do?”
She slid off the table edge she was sitting on. “He’s not here right now. What would you have said if he weren’t standing there?”
“Nothing. I was about to leave when I accidentally ran into you two.”
“You were still there, however. Tell me why.”
“To stop you from leaving. I didn’t want you to go to Hawaii. Not… with Lloyd.”
“Why?” she asked, her voice sounding husky with emotion. “Why would you care, Chris? You’ve never indicated to me that you cared.”
“Yes, I did. I yelled at you pretty epically when first you started traveling with him.”
“Maybe, but not for the right reasons. That was more about my reputation, my job…”
He turned and crossed the room to avoid further eye contact with Julia. Leaning his hands on the table atop the thick pile of plans, the feeling under his palms both calmed and hurt him. All the work he’d done and learned how to do was over. And he’d never get a chance to do it again. Take a concept from paper blueprints to an actual building, like the one that now stood outside the small, plywood shack.
“It wasn’t about your reputation. Or your job…”
“Then what was it about?”
“You.” Chris answered her honestly. His voice was quiet, and his head tilted down.
He heard her release a slow breath. She was standing directly behind him. “Me? How? Tell me, Chris. How was this all about me?”
His shoulders slumped forward as he hung his head. “You knew the moment you saw me in that airport what it was. Don’t make me explain it. It’s not fair.”
She stayed silent, then said, “You haven’t asked me how my vacation was.”
Something slammed his gut and he flexed his fist. “Don’t. Please, Julia. I get it. I fucked up. I showed up when I shouldn’t have. I probably made things incredibly awkward and more difficult with Lloyd, and now you’re angry about that and want to punish me. But believe me, I’ve been punished severely already. Don’t tell me anything.”
She continued as if he hadn’t replied. “It was so hot. Surprisingly hot for October. But quite pleasant after all the cool temperatures over here. I even got a tan.”
“Julia—” Chris all but groaned. He was surprised to see she could be so cruel about his feelings and his amateurish mistake.
“Why don’t you ask me where I went?”
He shut his eyes. “I prefer not to hear the details of your vacation with Lloyd.”
“Ask me. Then I promise I’ll leave.”
His spine shuddered. “Fine. Where did you go? Which island was so hot that you got tan?”
“Phoenix. Arizona. Never been there before. Have you? You should go there sometime. I found lots of stuff to do. I had to make slightly altered arrangements. But it was good. Relaxing. Spent a lot of time by the pool. Thinking. Processing. Examining… things. Feeling a lot of new things.”
His entire body jerked upright and he shook his head. Were his ears full of cotton? He whipped around. “Did you say… Phoenix?”
Biting her lower lip with her front teeth, she squeezed her mouth in a flat line and gave a small shrug. “I did. I said Phoenix.”
He stared at her face, studying her mouth, then her neck, her chest and back up to her face. He was confused. Her dark eyes were shining, but slightly mysterious.
“Why were you at the airport, Chris?” she asked him again.
He stared at her. “I didn’t want to see you get hurt. Like the others.”
“I wasn’t. I’m not. Never was. Besides, Lloyd got hurt this time.”
Chris’s neck jerked back. “You mean, you…?”
She nodded. “He wanted a lot more than I did so I broke it off. I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I’m not ready for commitment. At least, not with him.”
“Then… with who?”
She squinted her eyes at him. “Why should there have to be someone?”
He flushed. “Right. No. Of course not.” He stuttered over his words. “Uh, so, are you staying on here then?”
“What Lloyd wanted was not part of my job description.”
“Right. So you can just… what? Continue to work with him?”
She tilted her head. “Yes, I can still work with him.”
“Duh. Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry… it’s just…”
“Just what?” she challenged.
“No assistant stays on to work for him and be around him. If they do, it must be because they were hurt and can’t accept his rejection. It’s never happened to him before, not that I’ve heard.”
“Why is this such a big deal to you? From the very start? You must work and meet dozens of people who go home and have sex with other people. Why is it so hard for you if I do? You act as though it bothers you? Why do you care so much about what I do outside of work?”
He glanced down at his hands and cracked his knuckles. “Uh. Well, I didn’t mean to appear like that.”
“Then what did you mean? I’m not asking you again, what did you want to say to me at the airport?”
Chris didn’t answer at first because he was tongue-tied. As always. It seemed to be a chronic condition.
Chris couldn’t resist anymore and he grabbed her in his arms, pushing her into the door before planting his lips on hers. He slid both hands down her torso and back, slowly bringing them up again and
cupping her face. His massive body loomed over hers. Their lips connected and moved against each other with hard, fast, and explosive passion. His tongue swirled into her mouth as hers responded sliding along his and making him moan in pleasure. On and on their lips touched and tasted. Their mouths danced a tango of conquering and retreating. They would kiss with heavy tongues and groans to then soften it to more subtle, soft smooches of lips until they were back to tongues again. They were wild, lost, unable to stop.
The passionate kiss calmed and he retreated from her mouth after three more lingering kisses with his hands cupping her jaw and both thumbs touching the delicate bone structure. He lifted his head and saw her eyelids blinking fast while her mouth stayed open.
“That’s what I meant to do. I don’t know how to say that to you, Julia. Months ago, at the hotel room, I chickened out. I chickened out again at the airport. I meant to tell you not to go. Don’t go anywhere with Lloyd. Stay at home. Stay with me. And be with me.”
She didn’t answer him at first. His lips left hers to pepper a line of kisses into her smooth, straight hair as he trailed towards her ear and gently nibbled and licked her ear. His warm breath made her shiver. He kissed her cheekbone, below her eye and then moved down to her lips again. She groaned and her arms clutched his shoulders.
He let her go, resting his hands on her waist. “Julia?”
Her eyes were still closed. “You couldn’t have led with something like that? Either time?”
He smiled and leaned forward to press his lips on hers. “I didn’t know it was welcome.”
“What about knowing I was with Lloyd? You’re just going to forget about that and deal with it?”
He bent down, beginning to nibble her neck. She leaned her head back. “I don’t care anymore. I did at first, I cared a lot. I was tormented with jealousy. But now I… I just don’t care. I want to care, I want it to be a deal breaker. That way, I could stay on here and keep my job and the life I had before you showed up. I liked that life. A lot. But… I like you more. More than all of it put together. I wish I did not want you. But I can’t stop.”
