One Night in the Ice Storm

by Noelle Adams

  “You should try to stay off it as much as you can for the next few days.”

  For a brief moment, she had a crystal-clear glimpse of a future with David. She could see herself surrounded by his understated kindness, his dry laughter, his absolute commitment to taking care of her. Even his obnoxious bossiness.

  And she wanted it. She wanted it desperately.

  Exactly as she’d wanted it when she was seventeen.

  She sucked in a shaky breath and slipped out of the protection of his arm. “I’m going to take a shower. You’re welcome to use the shower in Brad’s old room if you want.”

  She limped out to the hallway, hiding her face behind her hair as much as she could so he wouldn’t get a clear glimpse of her expression.

  A few years ago, her grandfather had installed a new tankless water heater for the house, so the water was almost immediately warm when she turned on the shower.

  She didn’t start to cry until she stepped under the spray.

  As she scrubbed David off her body, she sobbed as quietly as she could. It was exactly like it had been before. A night full of passion, intimacy, even laughter, followed by David’s being as quiet and considerate as he’d been just now.

  The day after her first time with him she’d been ecstatic. She hadn’t been able to stop giggling and hugging herself. She’d dreamed a lot of silly dreams about a wedding, a family, a life with David.

  She hadn’t suspected for even a second that he would never call her again. That when she went over to his house, nervous and bewildered after two days of no contact despite several attempts to call and email him, he wouldn’t answer the door. That when she ran into him at her grandfather’s dealership a few days later as he’d been dropping off Brad, David would act like he hadn’t even seen her.

  Her heart wasn’t going to be able to survive it again.

  At least she didn’t still live in this town. She wouldn’t have to see him everywhere she went, hear his name mentioned every day.

  She could escape back to her little apartment and an anonymous city that didn’t know her, that wouldn’t break her heart.

  She gotten herself under control by the time she’d dried her hair and dressed in jeans and a soft sweater. All she had to do was get through an hour or so until David left, and then she’d be all right.

  She went downstairs and saw he was outside, backing his truck out of the ditch. He’d probably sprinkled ice melt behind the tires so they wouldn’t spin on the remaining ice as he backed out.

  She watched through the bay window as he walked back to the house, leaving his truck at the end of the driveway.

  He must have taken a shower before he put on the clothes he’d worn the day before. He looked strong, rumpled, and handsome—still in need of a shave. His eyes were on the roof of the house, and she assumed he was checking its condition.

  She heard him enter through the side door and rustle in the mudroom, probably taking off his coat.

  She didn’t move from her position at the bay window. She couldn’t move.

  She felt him enter the room, but she didn’t turn around.

  Then she felt his arms wrap around her middle and his big, warm body press into her back.

  “Hi,” he said.

  It felt so good. His voice sounded warm, fond, exactly as she wanted to hear it.

  Exactly as he’d sounded after he’d fucked her eight years ago and then dumped her.

  “So,” he continued slowly, tilting his head as if he were trying to see her face. “Last night was really good.”

  “Yeah.” Her voice was weak. No more than a breath. She was shaking helplessly inside, but her body was frozen.

  When she was twelve, she’d insisted on going on a hike up a mountain with Brad and David. She’d missed a step and had to catch herself from falling, tearing a ligament in her shoulder in the process. She hadn’t told them until she got home, making it through the hour remaining of the hike in agonizing pain. She’d refused to admit she wasn’t as capable as the boys were.

  She’d spent her whole life making sure no one thought she was weak and silly.

  She might be crushed now but—just like last time—she wouldn’t let anyone know. She would at least hold onto her pride.

  She made herself smile and turn around.

  David’s dark eyes were so deep and full. They seemed to be offering her so much. Everything.

  Just as they’d seemed eight years ago.

  Before he could say anything, she stretched up and gave him a light kiss on the side of his mouth. “It was great. We’re really good in bed together.”

  “I agree.” He tried to deepen the kiss.

  She pulled away, holding onto the smile that was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. “But let’s not pretend it means anything more than the one night.”

  He’d been reaching out for her again, but at her words he stopped. Froze. “What do you mean?”

  There was something strange about his expression, but she was trying so hard to keep her casual composure that she couldn’t even really see it. “Well, it was fun. But neither of us will be fooled into thinking it was serious, so there’s no reason to go through the motions.”

  He still hadn’t moved. “Rachel? I thought—”

  She managed to give a somewhat convincing laugh, afraid he would know—afraid he already knew—that she was absolutely crazy about him. “It was even better this time than last time. Maybe eight years from now we can do it again. But I’m pretty happy with my life in Richmond so have no worries about me hanging out here mooning over you.”

  She’d meant the last sentence as a joke, and she thought she’d done a decent job with the teasing inflection. But David didn’t laugh.

  He didn’t say anything.

  Rachel’s eyes were burning now. She had to end this conversation—get him out of the house—soon. She turned to peer out the window. “How did the road look?”

  He didn’t answer, so she glanced over her shoulder. “How did the road look?” she repeated. Her voice sounded strange in her ears, but she hoped he wouldn’t notice.

  “Fine,” he said at last. “It’s drivable now.”

  “Good. You’re welcome to take off then, whenever you want. No need to hang around on my account.” Since her voice broke on the last word, she covered it with a cough.

  “I’ll stay until Brad and your mom get here.”

  She limped over to the couch and started to gather up the blanket and flannel sheets so she could throw them in the washer, still holding on to her fake smile. “No need. I’m a big girl, remember? Self-sufficient.”

  The reference to their conversation last night was torture, since she’d felt so close to David then. It had felt so real. But she said it anyway, as a kind of self-punishment.

  She’d been the one who was stupid, so she now had to pay the price.

  “Okay. If you’re sure.” His voice was a little hoarse, but she barely noticed, so focused was she on holding back the sobs tightening in her throat.

  “I’m sure,” she managed to say. “I’m sure I’ll see you around. I hope you have a great Christmas.”

  He didn’t answer, but she told herself her duty was done. She picked up the pile of sheets and blanket and carried it into the laundry room off the kitchen.

  She had to get away from him. Now.

  She was at the washer when she heard him enter the kitchen. “Have a merry Christmas too,” he called, his voice slightly muffled since he was walking as he spoke. “Take care.”

  He left then, but she waited until he got to his truck and then disappeared down the county road before she collapsed on the couch.

  She jumped up like she’d been stung as she remembered what they’d done on the couch the night before.

  Instead, she sat down on one of the wing chairs and cried.

  ***

  Fifteen minutes later, her phone rang. It was on the coffee table, so she had to get up to reach it.

  She che
cked the caller ID and saw it was her brother.

  She cleared her throat before she answered. “Hey, Brad.”

  “What the hell did you do?” he demanded, without greeting or warning.

  “What?”

  “What the hell did you do to David?”

  “What are you talking about?” She’d thought she was done crying for the moment, but her mind still wasn’t working clearly. She blinked in bewilderment at the absolutely irrational question and his angry tone.

  “What the hell happened with David last night? I just talked to him.”

  Her heart had been pounding, and now it seemed to lodge in her throat. “What did he tell you?”

  “He didn’t tell me anything. Not a single thing. Just that he’d already left the house.”

  “Then why are you asking—”

  “Something happened. You did something to him. He sounded…he sounded broken.”

  Familiar impatience with her brother’s unreasonable behavior clashed with utter confusion. “I didn’t do anything to him, and I don’t appreciate your—”

  “I don’t give a damn what you appreciate. How could you do this to him? Is it some sort of payback? Use him and toss him away? I didn’t think you’d be so heartless.”

  She almost choked. Nothing her brother said made any sense at all. “Heartless? Me? You’re saying—”

  “I’m saying that David doesn’t deserve this. I don’t care what you believe about him. He’s the best guy in the world. And I’ve had to watch him brood over you for years. For years. He’s never been able to get over you.”

  She heard the words and thought she understood their meaning. But they didn’t hold together with any basic coherency. She fell back onto the couch, since her knees weren’t holding her up.

  She tried to respond, “I don’t understand—”

  Brad didn’t let her finish the sentence. “It’s painful,” he continued, sounding as outraged and angry as she’d ever heard him. “It’s just plain painful, to watch him hang on any random detail someone mentions about you. To see him steer conversations so he can find out how you’re doing. It’s painful, knowing you won’t even give him the time of day.”

  She made a choking sound.

  “And now you’ve gone and slept with him or something, and he’s never going to be able to get over it. He doesn’t deserve this. I can’t believe you’ve gone and—”

  “Stop it!” she broke in, half-sobbing and half-screaming at him. “Stop it! None of this makes any sense. I didn’t do anything to him—now or back then. He dumped me. I loved him, and he dumped me.”

  Her nearly hysterical response seemed to pop the momentum of Brad’s tirade like a pin to a balloon. He let out a loud whoosh of breath.

  “He didn’t,” Brad said, sounding more exhausted than angry now. “Not really. You just never knew what happened.”

  Six

  Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out.

  After a long stretch of silence, Brad asked, “You still there, Rach?”

  She shook with emotion and confusion, and it was evident in her voice. “Tell me what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  Brad cleared his throat. “David never wanted to dump you back then. He was crazy about you. Still is. He just didn’t have a choice.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would he…” She trailed off, wiping tears from her face and trying to force the world to make sense again.

  “I promised I wouldn’t tell you. I promised him.”

  “You have to tell me,” she almost pleaded. “I have to know.”

  When he still didn’t respond, she was on the edge of tears again. “Please tell me. You have to tell me. This is my heart, Brad. It’s my heart.”

  He let out another thick breath. “Okay. Fine. It was Grandpa.”

  “What?”

  “Grandpa found out about you and David. That summer, I mean.”

  “But..” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to think, even in the force of her chaotic emotion. “But what would he do—”

  “What do you think he did? He found David and told him he had to stop seeing you.”

  “But David wouldn’t have listened. He didn’t care about what anyone thought. If he really cared about me—”

  “This is Grandpa we’re talking about, remember? I wasn’t just an empty warning or an idle threat. He made sure David knew that, if he didn’t stop seeing you, he would bring David up on statutory rape charges.”

  “What?” she choked.

  “You heard me. You were seventeen. He was nineteen. That’s technically against the law in Virginia.”

  “But the courts would never—”

  “In this county? If Grandpa was the one pressing charges? You know better than that. David could have gone to prison for a year and it would follow him the rest of his life. And that wasn’t even all. You know those rumors about David’s mom? Well, Grandpa threatened to—”

  “Oh God,” Rachel breathed.

  “Maybe if he was the only one threatened, he would have risked it. But you don’t expect him to make his mother go through that as well, just so he could keep dating—”

  “No, of course not! But I can’t believe Grandpa would have done that.”

  “You know Grandpa as well as I do. He could be great sometimes, but sometimes he was just a bastard. I swear he did it. You were his princess, and he didn’t want David anywhere close to you.”

  She was silent for a long time, trying to process this truth, this explanation that rewrote the whole story of her life. “So he…he didn’t want to dump me like that?”

  “Want to? Listen to me, it killed him. It tore him up. But what else could he have done.”

  “Why didn’t he just tell me? I would have understood—I really would have understood. And I wouldn’t have had to hate him all this time.”

  “Part of Grandpa’s terms was that no one could know—especially you.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “He wasn’t going to tell me either. I went over there to…well, to beat him up for how he’d treated you.” Brad sounded as awkward about this confession as if he’d committed a guilty sin. “Because of how he acted, I figured out something else must be going on, so I wouldn’t leave until he told me.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? All this time, you’ve known what I thought, and you haven’t bothered to tell me—”

  “I told you before. I promised David I’d never tell you. I shouldn’t have told you now.”

  “Yes, you should have.” She was still confused, overwhelmed, and far too emotional—but something like hope had sprung to life inside her. “But I still don’t understand. I’ve been a legal age for years now—we could have had a relationship and no one could stop us. David’s mom is dead, and Grandpa’s been dead more than a year. Why couldn’t he have told me himself, if he was still interested…interested in…” She trailed off.

  “It’s your own fault, you little idiot. You put on such a good show of not caring that he believed it.”

  The whole world seemed to freeze. “What?”

  “He believed it. He thought you didn’t care that much about him, that it hadn’t been serious for you—especially after you started going out with guys all the time your senior year. He thought you’d been fine in ending things with him.”

  “I wasn’t fine,” she rasped. “I was…heart-broken.”

  “But you never let him see that. You never let me see it either, by the way. I knew it bothered you more than you said, but I didn’t know how much. What were we supposed to think?”

  It was too much. Just too, too much. She couldn’t begin to process it.

  “I’ve got to go,” Brad said in a different voice. “Mom’s coming down. We’ll be there in a little while. I’d suggest that, if there’s any way you can fix this, you try.”

  He hung up then, and Rachel just sat on the couch, staring down at the silent phone in her hand.

  She was so dazed
that she didn’t even hear a car pull up the drive. And she barely processed the sound of the side door opening and someone moving through the kitchen and into the living room.

  She blinked when she saw David stride toward the couch, looking intent, determined, and simmering with nameless emotion.

  He leaned over and pulled her to her feet. Then he cupped her face with both calloused hands. “I have something to say, and you’re going to listen to me,” he told her, almost roughly.

  She blinked at him again, excitement and something deeper rising in her chest like a flood. She opened her mouth.

  “No,” he continued, as if he needed to keep her from saying words her throat was incapable of articulating. “You’re going to listen to me right now. What happened last night was not casual. It wasn’t just physical. I don’t care what you’re trying to make yourself believe, but it wasn’t. There’s something real between us. There’s always been something real. I know I blew it when we were teenagers, but you don’t know the whole story with that. I can’t explain it to you, but I never wanted to stop seeing you back then. I never wanted to not be with you. What we had then was real, and what we have now is real too. And I’m not going to just give up on it because you’re trying to run away.”

  She gaped at him, rather stupidly. Her mind and heart and body were all a whirl of feeling.

  “I should have said something before, but I didn’t think I mattered to you anymore. But after last night…I do matter to you, and you’re not going to make me believe otherwise. Maybe I pretend to be completely self-sufficient, and maybe you pretend to be invincible. But neither of those things is true. I need you, Rachel. And—you might not want to admit it—but you need me too.”

  Something about his hoarse, earnest declaration broke through the stupor in her mind. She gasped out, “You need me?”

  He’d been gripping her upper-arms, as if she might try to slip away, but now he moved his hands back up to her face again. “I need you. I want you. I’m just no good without you. I’ve wanted to be with you for most of my life, and that’s never going to change. Can you please at least consider the possibility?”

  She opened her mouth one more time, but the words were trapped in her throat. Her vision was blurry with tears, which she tried to blink away, since she wanted to keep seeing David’s hungry, tender eyes.