Savage Heartache (Corona Pride Book 3)

by Liza Street

  “She died,” he said.

  Immediately Nina’s expression changed to one of pity. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “It wasn’t fair. It happened suddenly and violently, and I’ve been mourning her for five years.”

  Nina pressed her knuckles to her mouth. “I’m really sorry. It must have been awful.”

  “It was.” Jameson squeezed Nina’s shoulders. “And I’d been missing her so badly, that even though the pain of it has gone, I hadn’t realized that missing her and feeling loyal to her had become a habit.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  He touched his forehead to hers. “You sure this isn’t weird?”

  “Jameson, no. She was a part of your life. You should be able to talk to people about her. Especially me.”

  “Willow was kind,” he said. “One of the nicest people I’d ever met. She was a grizzly shifter, like me, but so gentle. Dominant, too. Her dominance reminds me of you a little—she wouldn’t let anyone push her around, but at the same time she could put you in your place and you’d want to thank her for it, because the way she did it made you want to be better.”

  “She sounds really special.”

  “She was. She shouldn’t have died.”

  Nina was watching him. He could tell she wanted to know what happened to Willow, but she probably didn’t want to pry. He didn’t want any more secrets between them.

  “It was a challenge fight between me and this other guy, a mountain lion. He’d been a rogue, kicked out of some pride up in northern Idaho. Came down here, asked to join the Rock Creek Clan. Of course I said yes—I always let everyone in—”

  Nina interrupted him with a snort. “Everyone, huh?”

  “Usually I let everyone in,” Jameson corrected, feeling a smile on his lips. “But then two weeks later he challenged me. Turned out his lion was crazy somehow, just not right. Hadn’t ever been right, and he’d been floating from pride to clan to pack, trying to take one over. He didn’t want to start one from scratch, just wanted to prove his dominance in a fight.”

  “And Willow?” Nina asked.

  “Willow was witnessing, along with the rest of the clan. And when it looked like he was losing to my bear, instead of continuing the fight, he circled around, got himself between me and Willow. I didn’t expect it—no one could have, but when I charged, he turned around and attacked her.”

  Nina gasped.

  Jameson continued, “She was in her human form. Witnesses stay human so they aren’t tempted to get involved or change the outcome of a challenge. He raked his claws across her torso. Shredded her. Not even a shifter could recover from that damage. I snapped his neck in a second, and then held her while she died. I can’t—it wasn’t—it was my fault, but it wasn’t. I just…I’ve been over it so many times.”

  Strong arms encircled him, and Nina tucked her head against his neck. She felt so warm, permanent. Willow had been that way too, once, until he felt the life flow from her.

  “Her dying words were that she wanted me to be happy, but I haven’t tried to do that,” Jameson said. “I kept telling myself I was trying to be happy, but I really wasn’t.”

  “You can try with me,” Nina said. “I mean, maybe. Or later.” She pulled back, and he could see the blush on her cheeks again. “Obviously you don’t want someone permanent right now, and, ugh, what the hell am I saying?”

  She turned away, gulping. Jameson reached out to touch her chin and turn her back to face him.

  “Nina, the way I felt about Willow, that a part of my soul was nestled in a part of hers, and vice versa? I feel the same way about you. I’ve felt this before, and I’m feeling it again even though I don’t deserve it.”

  “Maybe neither of us deserves it,” Nina said. “I can’t trust my feelings.”

  “Please trust me, and trust your feelings. I want to be with you. Willow wanted me to be happy, but all I want to do is make you happy.”

  Nina watched him, her hazel eyes shining.

  “Can I make you happy?” he asked. “Would you let me try?”

  She nodded, and let out a soft sob. “Yes. Only if I can try to make you happy, too.”

  He pulled her into his arms, squeezed her tightly. “Thank you. Thank you. I won’t let you down. I won’t apologize for anything we do together, and I won’t apologize for the way I feel about you. Nina…I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” she said. “I have from the first moment, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.”

  He brushed her bangs away from her face and cupped her cheeks with his hands. “Always. Always I’ll be here for you.”

  He saw movement in the woods past her pick-up—and glowing blue eyes that he’d recognize anywhere. Pulling away quickly, he said, “We should take this inside.”

  “Why?” Nina asked.

  “Because not everyone else is going to be as accepting of this.”

  Nineteen

  “Am I going to ruin the clan?” Nina asked as Jameson led her to his cabin. That was the last thing she wanted. She’d come here as a rest stop, not to make Jameson’s life more difficult.

  “They’ll get over it,” he said, but the words sounded a little hollow.

  Something smelled fruity and floury and delicious as they stepped through the door. Eager to ignore the yucky feelings about the unrest her presence was causing in the clan, Nina asked, “What did you make me for breakfast?”

  “Well, I don’t know what you like,” he said, “but I thought I’d try crepes. I’ve never made them before, but I thought crepes sounded, I don’t know, romantic.”

  “Crepes do sound romantic.” Her heart went all mushy at his gesture. “I’m sorry I didn’t have faith in you. I mean, I did have faith in you, but I was fighting inside. My heart knows you’re the real thing, but the old hurt of being left alone…it was overpowering. I wasn’t going to leave forever, just go into town for a coffee or something. Get my head on straight.”

  He cupped her ass as they walked toward the kitchen area of his cabin. “I’m glad you didn’t doubt me. I’ll try not to leave you alone anymore, or at least wake you up to tell you where I’m going.”

  “Thanks.”

  His cabin was a lot more subtle than hers. Muted colors. There were some bright touches, like a photograph on the wall of Jameson and a group of people.

  “That’s the old clan,” Jameson said. “Just after Rex and Gemma started it with me, before Jake came along. Some good people in there.”

  She recognized Rex, Gemma, and Nolan, but there were a few other faces she didn’t recognize. “Who are all these guys?”

  A sad look came over his face. He pointed at them. “Bronson, Sloan, Kayla—we called her Special K—and Matt. They left soon after Jake arrived.”

  “Tell me about Jake,” she said. “You didn’t want him to see us—it was him in the woods?”

  “He wants to control who’s in the clan. I don’t know what his deal is, but I can tell he doesn’t like anyone different. I think if he could put a giant wall up around our territory, he’d feel even better. But shutting things out—”

  “You shut out the good along with the bad, right?” Nina asked.

  He walked over to the stove and poured some batter into a frying pan. “Right. And I’ve never seen an open heart invite something bad in. Good attracts good.”

  Her man—her man—was so smart. Nina gave a last lingering glance to the group in the photo, then she looked around Jameson’s cabin. Bookshelves lined one of the walls. All literature. Mostly poetry. Neruda, Rimbaud, Yeats, and some modern poets like Louise Gluck, Brenda Hillman, Billy Collins. Some longer works, novels and such. At the very end, she saw a big hardbound book, missing a dust jacket. She had to get closer to read the gold print on the outside. “Ooh, you have a romance novel here!” she said.

  “It was Willow’s,” Jameson said, flipping over the crepe. “She hid it and until her death, I didn’t even know she’d had it. I wonder…I wonder if she thoug
ht I would judge her for it? I don’t know, but now I don’t have the heart to get rid of it.”

  “Maybe I could loan you some of mine,” Nina said. “They’re a lot of fun, you know. Not everything needs to be Serious Literature in capital letters all the time.”

  He nodded, his bright blue eyes warm with love. “I’d like that. You pick out your favorite one, and I’ll take a look.”

  “Maybe you should ask to borrow Gemma’s copy of Dyin’ to be Your Lion.”

  He sputtered and laughed. “That’s a book?”

  “Paranormal romance. One of the best genres out there. I like historical, though, too. And science fiction. Really, I read everything. It’s why I have my blog, so I can talk about it.”

  “I liked your blog,” he said.

  He took the crepe out of the frying pan and spread jam on it and on the other waiting crepe. He gave one plate to Nina and kept the other. She sat down with him at the table and took a bite. Strawberry jam. So good, in the light, buttery crepe.

  “Oh, wow,” she said. “This is freaking good, Jameson. Yum. I want these every morning.”

  “I’ll do it. I’ll make you whatever you want. As long as you stay.”

  She felt her eyes widen. “Stay?”

  She hadn’t thought about it yet, but…what else could she do? The thought of leaving Jameson killed her inside. Of course she’d stay. This meant she wouldn’t go back to the Corona Pride. She’d pledge here, she’d move here. This place, the Rock Creek Clan, and the Ring of Fire would be hers, just like Jameson.

  “Of course, um, you don’t have to stay,” Jameson said, but it looked like it was painful for him to say the words. “You could, I don’t know. We could…how can we make this work, Nina? I don’t want you to leave, but I want you to be happy.”

  “Sorry—sorry,” she said. “I’ll stay. I was just thinking it through. I will. I’ll live here with you. For always.”

  He nodded. “Perfect. We’ll tell the clan tomorrow. Today…” He looked intensely into her eyes, and she felt pinned in place—pinned in the best possible way. “Today I get out some rope and show you how much I really want you to stay.”

  She gulped down her bite. “I’d, um. I’d like that.”

  Twenty

  Night had fallen. Nina was in his arms, her smooth body molded to his. Legs locked together, arms tangled. He pressed his cheek against her hair. She was so lean and strong. Beautiful.

  He still didn’t understand how he could be so lucky as to find a second mate. Truth was, he hadn’t wanted happiness after Willow died. It hadn’t seemed fair that he should live on and be happy when Willow couldn’t.

  But now, against all odds, he had.

  He moved against Nina, touched her wrists where he’d bound her earlier. She’d loved it, and he had, too. Being in complete control of her pleasure, making her wait, making her beg. He grew hard again, remembering the way he’d pushed into her just when she’d thought the orgasm would be held off again, and she’d bowed against the ropes, pulling him in with her muscles, trying to get more.

  He ran his hand along one of her legs, lifting it. He’d wake her up with sex, and they’d please each other sleepily, slowly.

  Someone knocked quietly on the door.

  Fuck and hell and damnation. Jameson wanted to ignore it, but they’d just knock again and maybe wake Nina. And waking Nina was going to be Jameson’s job, as soon as he came back to bed to slide inside her.

  He pulled on a pair of pants and walked to the door, opened it as quietly as possible.

  Rex stood on the porch.

  “This better be fuckin’ good, man, because—”

  Rex interrupted him. “Jake issued a challenge.”

  “Wait—what?”

  Rex closed his eyes, sighed. “Asshole Jake, Ballsack of the Rock Creek Clan, has issued you a challenge. A fight for alpha.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jameson said. “We don’t do that anymore. I abolished challenges. Now we have a rule—I’m alpha and if you don’t like it, you leave.”

  “The clan voted to uphold the challenge. I voted against it, of course, as did Gemma. But the majority voted for the challenge.”

  “The majority is a bunch of idiots, then,” Jameson said.

  “I think Nolan voted for it because he thinks it’s the only way to get rid of Jake. Others might have similar thoughts.”

  “Did Jake say why he wants the challenge—never mind, I know why,” Jameson said. “Nina.”

  Rex nodded. “And the challenge is right now.”

  Jameson closed his eyes, tilted his head back. Nobody ever waited long for these things.

  “I outlawed this so we could minimize collateral damage,” he muttered. “This is not right.”

  “It’s not right, but it’s been voted on,” Rex said.

  “Why won’t people figure out what’s actually good for them?” Jameson growled. “Fine. Fine, they voted for this, they’ll get their fight. But Jake’s not staying. He loses this fight, he’s out of the clan. I won’t tolerate this shit anymore.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Rex said.

  Jameson closed the door behind him as quietly as possible. Didn’t want to wake Nina, didn’t want her to be a part of this. If she came out during the fight, it would make his bear crazy with worry. He needed to protect her, keep her safe. He knew she could take care of herself, but Willow could, too, and look what had happened.

  He shut his eyes tight, to keep out the tears. This wasn’t fair, this wasn’t right, but the people had spoken. Wallowing instead of taking action wouldn’t do any good, either.

  “Where are they?” he asked Rex.

  “Out by the Circle.”

  Wordlessly, they walked to the ring of giant trees.

  The entire clan was waiting. The clearing was dark, moonlight barely visible through clouds. Jameson and the others, except maybe Gemma, could see fine.

  “Keep Gemma far back,” Jameson said to Rex.

  “I plan to,” Rex said.

  “Everyone in the clan must be here,” Jake said, tossing a stupid smile to the group. “Where’s the wildcat?”

  “She’s not a part of the clan,” Jameson said, “so she doesn’t have to be here. That’s what we’re fighting about, really, isn’t it?”

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jake said.

  “You don’t want to allow others in,” Jameson said. “You want to keep this clan small, so you can bully your way around. You want to eventually take it from me, maybe tonight, maybe later. It isn’t going to happen. You lose this challenge, and you’re out for good.”

  Jake nodded. “I’m not going to lose.”

  The hell he wasn’t going to lose. Jameson was going to pound his stupid face into the ground.

  Twenty-One

  Nina woke up before it was light out. Again, Jameson was gone.

  He hadn’t woken her up. She looked for a light on in the bathroom, listened for sounds. Nothing. He shouldn’t be gone.

  She stood and dressed. Something wasn’t right. There was dark magic in the air—a bleak, sucking feeling that made her feel empty inside. Where was everyone?

  She texted Gemma. What’s happening?

  No response.

  She finished putting her shoes on and checked again, but Gemma still hadn’t written back.

  Finally, a message popped up. Stay inside. Everything’s going to be okay, but you need to stay back, stay out of this.

  Stay. Sometimes it was a beautiful thing to hear—Jameson asking her to stay. And sometimes it was an order meant to keep her away from something.

  Whatever was going on, Nina couldn’t stay out of it. Her life was here now, and she wanted—no, she needed—to be involved.

  She pounded out of Jameson’s cabin, following that sucking empty feeling in the air. Whatever was happening, it involved that feeling.

  She remembered this feeling—the same thing had happened the night when she was a little girl, and Fraze and D
ristan’s parents had tried to take over the Corona Pride. It was as if the power hadn’t known where it would end up, and so it hovered above the territory, waiting for the true alpha to claim it.

  Was that happening now? Was someone—Jake?—trying to take over the Rock Creek Clan? Nina broke into a run. It didn’t take long to reach the scene—two grizzlies were facing off in the Circle. Nina held in her gasp. She didn’t want to distract Jameson. And if she made herself a target in any way, he could be in trouble.

  She thought about what she could do. She needed to watch, needed to witness. Instead of rushing forward like she wanted, she crept on silent feet. He’d know she was here—she wasn’t trying to sneak around. She just wanted to be closer.

  Turning into her lion was an option, but again, that might break the rules of the challenge.

  So she stayed in her human form and did what mountain lions do well—she climbed a tree. She had to see and be a part of this, but without freaking Jameson out. This was the best solution.

  The two grizzlies roared and bolted toward each other, rushing with their mouths open in rage and their razor-sharp claws raised, each ready to rake down the other bear. They gave the cairn a wide berth. Rex stood in front of Gemma on the other side, and the other members of the clan had formed a loose circle inside the ring of Ponderosa pines. The towering trees looked as if they were bearing witness along with the Rock Creek Clan.

  Come on, Jameson, she thought. He was the bear closest to her, with the larger hump on his back, the darker coloring. Jake had glowing blue eyes, paler than Jameson’s, and he was smaller. Not faster, though, which was what the smaller animals usually had in favor.

  But what Jake lacked in size, strength, and speed, he seemed to make up for in desperation.

  Jake rushed forward, as if not caring about the damage he might take in the challenge. Gutsy bastard, Nina thought. He slashed his claws down Jameson’s side, and Nina gasped. But Jameson already had Jake in a tight hold and was biting his shoulder.

  She wanted to look away as the two bears beat on each other. Would this be a fight to the death? She didn’t want either of the men to die; she just wanted Jake to go away.