Amazing Grace

by Danielle Steel

  He turned to look at her once as he was led away, and just before they put the cuffs on him, he tossed her his wedding band. He had forgotten to take it off that morning, and leave it with the gold watch he had put in his suitcase and asked to have delivered to her house. He had told her to give the clothes away and save the watch for Ollie. The whole thing was ghastly, and she stood there holding his wedding ring, and sobbed. Everett led her out of the courtroom with Maggie, they took her home, and put her to bed.

  Chapter 22

  Maggie flew to L.A. on the Memorial Day weekend, after Seth's sentencing, for Melanie's next concert. She tried to get Sarah to come with her, but she wouldn't. She was taking the children to visit Seth in his new home in prison. It was the first time they were going to see him since he'd left, and she realized it would be a shock and adjustment for them all.

  Everett had asked Maggie several times how she thought Sarah was doing, and she said technically all right. She was functioning, going to work, taking care of her children, but she was understandably terribly depressed. It was going to take time, maybe even a lot of time, for her to recover from what had happened. Hiroshima had happened to her life, and her marriage. The divorce was proceeding as planned.

  Everett picked Maggie up at the airport, and took her to the small hotel where she was staying. She had an appointment with Father Callaghan that afternoon and said she hadn't seen him in ages. The concert wasn't until the next day. Everett dropped her off and left her to do a story he'd been assigned to. His coverage of the trial had been so impressive that he'd just had an offer to work for Time, and the AP wanted him back again. He'd been in recovery for two years now, and he felt solid as a rock. He had given Maggie his two-year chip to keep with the first one he'd given her, for luck. She cherished both and kept them on her at all times.

  They had dinner with Melanie, Tom, and Janet that night. Melanie and Tom said that they had just celebrated their first-year anniversary, and Janet seemed more relaxed than Maggie had expected. She had met a man and was having fun with him. He was in the music business, and they had a lot in common. And she seemed to have adjusted to Melanie making her own decisions, although Everett would never have thought it possible. Melanie was turning twenty-one, and had come into her own in the past year.

  She was going on a short concert tour that summer, four weeks instead of nine or ten, only to major cities. Tom had taken two weeks off to go with her. And Melanie had signed up with Father Callaghan to go back to Mexico in September, although she planned to stay only a month this time. She didn't want to be away from Tom for too long. The young couple beamed and looked happy, and Everett snapped a bunch of pictures at dinner, including one of Melanie and her mother, and another of Melanie with Maggie. She credited Maggie with changing her life and helping her to grow up and be who she wanted, although she said it out of earshot of her mother. The anniversary of the San Francisco earthquake had come and gone earlier in May. It was an event they all remembered with terror and fondness. Good things had come of it for all of them, but the trauma they had experienced had not been forgotten either. Maggie commented that the Smallest Angels Ball had taken place again this year, but Sarah didn't run it or attend. She had been too involved with Seth's legal proceedings, and Maggie hoped Sarah would do it again the following year. They all agreed that it had been a beautiful event until the earthquake hit.

  Everett and Maggie stayed later than usual at the dinner at Melanie's house. It was relaxed and fun, and Everett and Tom played pool afterward. Tom told Everett that he and Melanie were thinking of moving in together. It was a little awkward with her still living with her mother, and even though Janet had mellowed a little, she was certainly no angel. She drank way too much that night, and despite the fact that she had a boyfriend now, Everett sensed that she would have made a pass at him if Maggie hadn't been there. He could see easily why Tom and Melanie wanted their own place. It was time for Janet to grow up too and go into the world on her own, without hiding behind Melanie's skirts and fame. It was a growing time for them all.

  Everett and Maggie chatted easily on the way back to her hotel, and as always he loved being with her. They talked about the young couple, and were happy for them. And by the time they got to Maggie's motel, she was yawning and half asleep. He kissed her gently and walked her to her door with his arm around her.

  “How was your meeting with Father Callaghan, by the way?” He had forgotten to ask her, and he liked to keep abreast of all her doings every day. “I hope you're not going to Mexico too,” he teased her, and she shook her head, yawning again.

  “No. I'm going to work for him here,” she said sleepily, and cuddled up against Everett before she went in.

  “Here? In L.A.?” He was confused. “Do you mean San Francisco?”

  “No, I mean here. He needs someone to run the mission here while he's in Mexico, for four to six months every year. I can figure out what I'm doing after that, or he might keep me on, if I do a good job.”

  “Wait a minute.” Everett stared at her. “Explain this to me. You're taking a job in L.A. for four to six months? What did the diocese say, or have you told them yet?” He knew they were fairly liberal about letting her work in the field wherever she chose.

  “Hmmm …I did…,” she said, putting her arms around his waist. Everett still looked confused.

  “And they're willing to let you come and work down here?” He was smiling. He loved the idea, and he could see that she did too. “That's amazing. I didn't think they were that cool, to let you wander off to another city like that.”

  “They don't have any say in it anymore,” she said quietly, as he looked into her eyes.

  “What are you saying, Maggie?”

  She took a deep breath and held him tightly. It had been the hardest thing she'd ever done. She hadn't talked to anyone outside the Church about it, not even him. It had been a choice she had to make herself, without pressure from him. “I was released from my vows two days ago. I didn't want to say anything until I was here.”

  “Maggie! … Maggie? …You're not a nun anymore?” He stared at her in disbelief, and she shook her head sadly, fighting back tears.

  “No, I'm not. I don't know what I am anymore. I'm having an identity crisis. I called Father Callaghan about the job, so I can come down here and work, if you want me. Other than that, I don't know what I'd do.” She laughed through her tears then. “And I'm the oldest virgin on the planet.”

  “Oh Maggie, I love you … oh my God, you're free!” She nodded, and he kissed her. They didn't have to feel guilty anymore. They would be able to explore everything they felt for each other. They could marry and have kids. She could be his wife if they wanted, or not if they preferred. Now all the choices were theirs. “Thank you, Maggie,” he said profoundly. “Thank you with all my heart. I didn't think you'd be able to do it, and I didn't want to push you, but I've been worrying myself sick over it for months.”

  “I know. Me too. I wanted to do it right. It was a hard thing to do.”

  “I know,” he said, and kissed her again. He still didn't want to rush her. He knew it would be a tremendous adjustment for her to no longer be a nun. She had been in religious orders for twenty-one years, almost half her life. But he couldn't help thinking of the future. The best part was that their future was now. “When can you move down?”

  “Whenever you want. The lease on my apartment is month by month.”

  “Tomorrow,” he said, looking ecstatic. He couldn't wait to get home and call his sponsor. His sponsor had been suggesting he look into CODA, a twelve-step group for codependent people, since he thought Everett was hooked on her unavailability. How much more unavailable did it get than a nun? And now the nun was his! “I'll help you move next week, if you want.” She laughed.

  “I probably don't have two suitcases of stuff, and besides where would I live?” She hadn't made any arrangements yet, it was all so fresh. She had been out of religious orders for two days, and only got a job
that afternoon. She hadn't had time to think about an apartment yet.

  “Would you be willing to live with me?” he asked cautiously, still standing outside her hotel room. It was turning into the best night of his life, and surely hers. But she shook her head in answer to his question. There were some things she was not willing to do.

  “Not unless we're married,” she said quietly. She didn't want to pressure him. But she didn't want to live with a man out of wedlock. It went against the grain of everything she believed, and was way too modern for her. She had only been out in the world, officially, for two days, and she was by no means ready to agree to live in sin with him, no matter how happy she was.

  “That can be arranged,” he said, grinning. “I was just waiting for you to get free. Wow, Maggie, will you marry me?” He had wanted to do it more elegantly, but just couldn't wait. They had already waited so long for her to make a decision and get free.

  She nodded, beaming, and said the word he had waited to hear for so long. “Yes.” He spun her around in his arms, kissed her, and set her down. They talked for a few more minutes, and then she walked into her room smiling, and he left, promising to call her first thing in the morning, or maybe even when he got home. Their whole life was beginning. He had never thought she'd do it. It was even more amazing to think that an earthquake had brought them together. She was such a brave woman. He knew he'd be grateful forever that Maggie would be his.

  The concert the next day was fantastic. Melanie did an incredible job. Maggie had never before seen her in a major concert, only at the benefit, which was a much smaller venue. Everett had told her about Melanie's concerts, and she had all of her CDs. Melanie had sent them to her after the earthquake, but she still wasn't prepared for the incredible experience of seeing her onstage and hearing her sing in such a big space. She was bowled over by it, and it was a particularly good performance. Maggie sat in the front row with Tom, while Everett did his job for Scoop. He had decided to take the job at Time magazine, but he still had to give Scoop notice. Suddenly, everything was changing in his life, and remarkably it was all good.

  Maggie and Everett had dinner with Tom and Melanie after the performance, and Everett urged Maggie to share their big news. Maggie looked shy about it at first, and then she told them that she and Everett were getting married. They hadn't set a date yet, but had been making plans all afternoon. Maggie couldn't see herself having a big wedding, or even a small one. She had suggested they be married quietly by Father Callaghan, as soon as she moved to L.A. As an exnun, it didn't feel right to her to make a big fuss of it. She was too old for a big white dress, she said, and the day she had taken final vows felt like a first wedding to her. The important thing was that they were getting married, and how and when they did it seemed a lot less important to her. It was the ultimate symbol of her bond to Everett, and a sacred union. All she needed there, she said, was her husband, the God she had served all her life, and a priest.

  Tom and Melanie were thrilled for them, although Melanie looked completely stunned.

  “You're not a nun anymore?” Her eyes were wide, and for a moment she thought they were kidding, and then realized they weren't. “Wow! What happened?” She had never even suspected that there was something between them, but now she could see it. She could also see how happy they were, how proud Everett was, and how peaceful Maggie looked. She had achieved what she always talked about, with the challenging decision, a state of grace where what they were doing felt right to her, and infinitely blessed. It was a new chapter in her life. The old one was slowly closing. She looked at Everett, while Tom poured champagne for himself, Melanie, and Maggie. Everett smiled at her with a smile that lit Maggie's world, as nothing and no one else could have.

  “Here's to the San Francisco earthquake!” Tom said, holding his glass aloft to toast the happy couple. It had brought him to Melanie, and apparently had done the same for others. Some had won. Some had lost. Some had lost their lives. Others had moved away. Their lives had been shaken up, infinitely blessed, and forever changed.

  Chapter 23

  It took Maggie two weeks to wrap up her life in San Francisco. By then, Everett had given notice at Scoop, and was starting at the L.A. bureau of Time in late June. He was planning to take two weeks off between the two jobs to spend with Maggie. Father Callaghan had agreed to marry them the day after she arrived, and Maggie had called her family to tell them. Her ex-priest brother had been particularly pleased for her and wished her well.

  She bought a simple white silk suit for the occasion, with ivory satin high heels. It was a far cry from her old habit, and the beginning of a new life for both of them.

  Everett was planning to take her to La Jolla for their honeymoon, to a little hotel he knew well, and they could take long walks on the beach. She would start work for Father Callaghan in July, and had six weeks to train with him before he left for Mexico in mid-August. He was leaving earlier than usual this year, since he knew his L.A. mission would be in good hands. Maggie could hardly wait to begin. Everything in her life was so exciting now. A wedding, a move, a new job, a whole new life. It had come as a shock to her to realize that she had to use her own name now. Mary Magdalen was the name she had taken when she entered the convent. She had been Mary Margaret for her entire life before that. Everett said he would forever call her Maggie. It was how he thought of her, how he had come to know her, and who she was to him now. They both agreed that it suited her, and she had also decided to keep the name. The new name she was acquiring was Carson. Mrs. Everett Carson. She rolled it around on her tongue as she packed her bags and looked around the studio for the last time. It had served her well during her years in the Tenderloin. Those days were over now. She had packed the crucifix in her single bag. The rest she had given away.

  She handed her keys to the landlord, wished him well, and said goodbye to the familiar people lingering in the hallways. The transvestite she had grown fond of waved as she got into the cab. Two of the prostitutes who knew her had seen her carrying her suitcase, and waved too as she drove by. She hadn't told anyone she was leaving, or why, but it was as though they knew she wouldn't be back. She said a prayer for them as she left.

  Her flight to L.A. was on time, and Everett met her at the airport. For a moment, he had his heart in his mouth. What if she changed her mind? And then he saw Maggie, a tiny woman in blue jeans, with bright red hair, wearing pink high-top sneakers and a white T-shirt that said “I love Jesus” coming toward him with an irresistible smile. This was the woman he had waited a lifetime for. He had been lucky enough to find her, and she looked as though she felt just as lucky as she tucked herself into his arm. He took her suitcase from her, and they walked away. Tomorrow was their wedding day.

  The prison Seth had been sent to was a minimum security facility in northern California, and conditions there had been reported to be good. It had a forestry camp attached to it, and the inmates there served as rangers, overseeing the safety of the area, and fighting forest fires when they occurred. Seth was hoping to make it to the forestry camp soon.

  In the meantime, he had been given a single cell, after his attorneys had pulled some strings. He was comfortable, and wasn't in any great danger. The other inmates were there for white-collar crimes. In fact, most of them had committed crimes similar to his, on a much smaller scale. If anything, he was considered a hero among the men. There were conjugal visits for those of them who were married, they were allowed to have packages, and the Wall Street Journal was widely read by most of the inmates. It was called the country club of federal prisons, but a prison was nonetheless what it was. He missed his freedom, his wife, and his children. He wasn't sorry for what he'd done, but he was desperately sorry he had gotten caught.

  Sarah had come to see him with the children in the first institution he'd been in, in Dublin, southeast of Oakland, while he was being processed. It had been uncomfortable, frightening, and a shock for all of them. Visiting him in prison now was more like visiting
a hospital or a bad hotel in the forest. There was a small town attached to it where Sarah and the children could stay. Sarah could have had conjugal visits with him, as their divorce wasn't final yet, but as far as she was concerned the marriage was over, and he regretted that too, as much as the sorrow he'd caused her. He had seen it so clearly in her eyes the last time she visited him with their children, two months before. This was the first time he was seeing them that summer. It wasn't an easy place to get to, and they had been away. Sarah and the children had been in Bermuda with her parents since June.

  He was nervous as he waited for them on a hot August morning. He pressed his khaki pants and shirt, and shined his regulation brown leather shoes. Among all the other things he missed, he missed his custom-made British shoes.

  When visiting time came, he wandered down to the grassy area at the front of the camp. Inmates’ children played there, while husbands and wives talked, kissed, and held hands. And then, as he watched the road intently, he saw them drive up. Sarah parked the car, and took a picnic basket out of the back. Visitors were allowed to bring food. Oliver was walking along beside her, holding on to her skirt with a cautious look, and Molly bounced along with a doll under her arm. For a moment, he felt tears sting his eyes, and then Sarah saw him. She waved, walked through the checkpoint, where they searched the basket she'd brought, and then all three of them were allowed inside. She was smiling at him as they approached him. He could see that she had put on a little weight, and looked less gaunt than she had before the summer, after the trial. Molly rushed into his arms, and Oliver hung back for a minute and then approached him with a little bit of caution. And then Seth met Sarah's eyes. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and set down the basket, as their children ran around them.