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The Complete Poems of A R Ammons, Volume 2

Page 75

by A. R. Ammons

unfertilized,

  drained,

  160soil-tight, knotted

  up on little

  means: but these

  starvations have

  planted me, shot

  165up ascetically, on

  the highest planes

  isn’t that the

  way it often is:

  I am in a caste so

  170high it is above

  marking: only

  below me do the

  niceties of place

  bulldog fury:

  175inside, all I have

  to spend is long

  ing:

  outside, I’m

  blubbergutted and

  180thunderbummed &

  rutted with rows:

  shoats are change

  for the worse: I

  languish claiming

  185both weed and

  field, if on

  slightly altered

  terms: (mutable

  funds are a dime a

  190dozen): (when you

  say you don’t care

  about anything it

  probably means you

  aren’t getting

  195anywhere with what

  you care about):

  a-ha! a siege of

  wisdomy parentheti

  cals:

  200– – – – – – – – –

  the local grocery

  assures us in a

  big sign

  that the MEAT CUT

  205TERS will serve u

  till 9pm everyday

  isn’t that a

  lot better than

  BUTCHERS: and

  210more accurate:

  they

  don’t slaughter,

  they trim and

  slice and present,

  215it makes so much

  difference, the

  bloody aprons when

  you are not the

  KILLER: (you wd

  220think anything

  _________

  as much a farce

  as poetry is wd be

  a farce but it

  isn’t:

  225strange): writing

  a sonnet is like

  digging a moat

  around your

  self, putting up

  230a fence with that

  briery slant at

  the top or roils

  of prickly wire,

  with a few roving

  235dogs loose, so

  you can get some

  sleep, from whom,

  yourself? whereas

  free verse

  240lets the rats in,

  the perimeter

  breaks down, hole

  s show where

  beasts have broken

  245through, the

  moat dries or

  fills: in the

  sonnet, you drive

  the world out but

  250free verse drives

  you out (in a

  sense): it’s

  better not to try

  to do anything,

  255like writing or

  stuff: flow with

  the go: love:

  float: relax:

  trust: be calm:

  260no one is crashing

  in: you don’t

  need to crash out:

  let your rigor

  ride with the

  265waves: shutting

  in, shutting out,

  who, what: I

  guess we know:

  separating

  270the gruel from the

  grain, high from

  low, got from

  gotless:

  fine discrimination

  275like incrimination

  blah, blah:

  people gotta live

  – – – – – – – – –

  YOU MIGHT KNOW

  280– – – – – – – – –

  a cold day in May

  windy: they try

  to get the tents

  for the alumni up

  285but a rise nearly

  billows everybody

  (and the stakes)

  up, and then a

  lull makes a bowl

  _________

  290from the skeletal

  rim: they try till

  they stand around

  talking to the

  tents flat on the

  295ground: (Europe

  is a few drops

  spilled from the

  pitcher of Asia):

  – – – – – – – – –

  300fellow said to me

  how do I get whole

  scenes, poems,

  just like that:

  I said it’s because

  305I look at what I’m

  seeing, har, har

  – – – – – – – – –

  BITS AND PIECES

  * * * * * * * * *

  310do you know why we

  re always trying

  to build up, keep

  the kids off

  the streets, bad

  315words out of their

  mouths, bad views

  from their eyes,

  and near unawareness

  of sex: it’s

  320because there’s

  nothing else to

  build: left

  unconstructed, let

  go, it all goes

  325where it came from

  – – under:

  so we have to keep

  trying to build

  up and up is the

  330only way we can

  build: not built

  up it never gets

  up or stays up:

  that’s why

  335the tearers-down

  are such rascals:

  because there’s an

  alternative to

  that:

  340*

  my choice was at

  first second and

  second first:

  pushed out of

  345humanity,

  which is first, I

  chose nature as an

  alternative, a

  second, but once

  350in second, I found

  it first: I mean

  on the farm, you

  know: youth, for

  me, was tools and

  355the ground: the

  ground was an

  overwhelming

  presence & potential

  and the skinny

  360tools, the rakes,

  hoes, plows, axes,

  mauls were riddled

  of the ground: I

  worked the soil,

  365and the heavens

  held or gave rain,

  winds slashed or

  cooled the squash

  plants, hail pocked

  370or sizzled weeds

  and baccer leaves:

  lines of beauty

  run like arteries

  through these many, the

  375swoosh of blessings,

  biddies spared

  from the hawk, the

  abominations of

  chicks chilled

  380numb by midnight

  storms: alas, I

  am such a cut-up

  creature with

  such a love, tho,

  385a love, such a

  love for what is

  gone: it doesn’t

  feel like sap but

  like wires of

  390light drawn out from

  hell,

  fire-spooled from hellfire

  _________

  ##

  not a bit of water

  395hasn’t traveled

  with a corpse or

  kiss and all that

  %

  WEAK ENDS

  400&

  DON’T PUT IT IN

  YOU CAN’T WALK IT

  OFF

  –
– – – – – – – –

  405what, I sd to the

  biologist, is the

  squirrel looking

  for: what, he sd

  I said, what I

  410mean is he comes

  to the brick door

  steps and slowly

  slowly licks up &

  down the mortar

  415groove: calcium,

  the biologist sd,

  but said I, how

  does the squirrel

  know what calcium

  420is or that he needs

  it or where to

  find it: how does

  he know, how does

  he know that:

  425what we know floats

  like a cardboard

  box on an ocean we

  don’t know: haha:

  A

  430FEW

  SHORT

  MOMENTS

  nice triangle, hm

  this stuff is

  435stuffin: its use

  is used up in fil

  they say, to

  make your life

  pleasant, you

  440should banish the

  past and live in

  the present: but

  when you live in

  the past you live

  445in the present

  because the past

  cannot contemplate

  the past: only

  the present can

  450involve the past

  in itself: all is

  present, including

  what of the past

  remains: history

  455professors go to

  work in the morning

  on current buses

  and squirm in the

  immediate present

  460because of childhood

  breaks: why go on

  well why not but

  why (poetry is

  filler) (filler is

  465not always you know

  who)

  – –

  no use to rush, we

  have all the time

  470in the world and

  even more out of

  it (more time than

  we know what to do

  with) ***********

  475the earth is filled,

  I mean the ground

  itself is padded

  with pain, it is

  an absorption

  480sponge where millions

  of cries per gram

  or square millimeter

  are held in silence

  where bleeding

  485soldiers and raped

  virgins, where

  oily cancers and

  erisypelas legs

  have bled and all

  490otted into a mush,

  this very ground

  we walk on, till,

  and eat from:

  everything has

  495been turned over

  over and over so

  many times, how

  can the dust blow

  up again, how can

  500the clear water

  flow//

  BAD OFF

  how bad off is he

  – – – – – – – – –

  505OPEN MIKE AND SHUT

  CASE

  – – – – – – – – –

  fix in the peri

  pheral any

  510particular and

  what will it be

  fixed to, parti

  cular leaning to

  particular, or if

  515fixed,

  more fixed,

  force-fixed by the

  mind, wdn’t

  multiplicity’s

  520weave ongoing

  tear it loose

  or should we

  leave it to the

  lone particular

  525to wrench free the

  weave sustaining

  %

  I looked out the

  window and there

  530was a house

  finch singing on

  the sill but

  right then he

  broke off and flew

  535off, a wing-blur

  fading in my head

  &

  a missing (tooth)

  is better than

  540no ----- at all

  @

  thrown so far off

  to the side, what

  I did didn’t

  545matter:

  irrelevancies,

  tho, can dabble

  in the essential,

  whereas no one in

  550the big time has

  the time to or

  loss of scope

  ))))))))))))))))))

  Aunt Lar used to

  555say—well—you

  could tell her the

  worst thing in the

  world and—well—

  she would say—we

  560can’t pay the

  mortgage—well—

  somebody’s baby’s

  got the what,

  something—well—

  565reminds me of this

  mechanic at the

  garage, your tires

  are worn he says,

  that’s what causes

  570the vibrations:

  no, it isn’t, I

  say: ok, he says

  I say the vibration

  is causing the

  575tires to wear

  unevenly: ok, he

  says: get a new

  set of tires, he

  says: I’ll get

  580the ones I have

  balanced and the

  wheels aligned:

  ok, he says: you

  can’t catch him

  585that way: he tries

  to spend your

  money, but if you

  won’t let him, he

  says, ok: I wdn’t

  590trust him for a

  sharp second, but

  he can keep you

  going all day with

  that, that out:

  595– – – – – – – – –

  DUE TIME

  – – – – – – – – –

  the continents

  drifting apart

  600somewhere must, I

  suppose, reassemble

  another single big

  island: who made

  the worlds, or

  605what, and why, and

  how did we get

  here on this pin

  drop that weighs

  so much it can

  610keep turning so

  long as for the

  dinosaurs over a

  hundred million

  years, the ants

  615going about their

  duties 300 million

  years, and we show

  up at the last

  minute thinking the

  620whole thing made

  for us, and here

  it is now, almost

  in our hands: so

  unbelievable my

  625chair almost rises

  from the floor:

  " " " " " " " " "

  WEATHER PICTURE

  – – – – – – – – –

  630my wife says there

  are so many niches

  today where you

  can make money:

  such as: well,

  635ethnic restaurants

  or magazines, like

  there’s a mag for

  foster children:

  wouldn’t work for

  640poets, their niche

  is no wider than

  a crack in the

  wall: the only

  thing that could

  645happen to them

  there is to get

  plastered over:

  I know:

  " # $ % _ & ' ( )

  650RISING WATER

  _____
_____________

  THE BALLS GAME

  __________________

  so we go in the

  side door of the

  flea market

  655this morning in

  Owego and this

  lady talking to

  3 guys ends her

  tale with a punch

  660line—it’s not

  the length it’s

  the strength behind

  it: ok: well—

  there’s no

  665business like

  no business

  ahem

  old men say they

  don’t want to live

  670till they’re

  decrepit, their

  children or some

  paid person has to

  put them to bed &

  675get them up: I

  wonder if they

  mean that—or

  just some of

  them do: there’s

  680this old man, older

  than Chaucer’s old

  man, and he doesn’t

  tap on Mother

  Earth to get in:

  685tho stooped with

  his head below his

  shoulders, he

  inches from the

  bus across the

  690quad every morning

  to get to the

  linguistic bldg:

  he stops sometimes

  and lets steady

  695work back into

  him, and then his

  satchel can’t

  swing fast enough

  (I think it’s

  700mostly empty) to

  keep up with his

  short steps: he

  wears a tam,

  sometimes a rain

  705coat: sometimes

  the rain catches

  him on the way

  with no raincoat:

  he doesn’t want to

  710die: some mornings

  a young woman is

  with him: he

  doesn’t seem to

  mind the presence:

  715he has to stop to

  look up to talk to

  her: then he goes

  on—maybe he wants

  to die: maybe the

  720time came to die

  & he passed it up:

  / / /

  as you cross, the

  boat loses

  725occupants till

  even the oarsman is

  gone and there is

  just you and the

  light, and the bow

  730touching the

  other bank, and it

  becomes as if

  you never were, past

  caring if you will

  735ever be again, &

  you draw a circle

  around your

  beginning and your

 

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