It would be cruel and unusual punishment.
“Of course not. I know you had a rough shift last night, so I wanted to make your favorite.” His mom beamed at him, and a short burst of love mixed with guilt shot through him.
He hadn’t been home nearly enough since Colt’s accident.
Crossing the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a bear hug. She was a small woman, but somehow he’d never thought of her that way. Not once in his entire life had he heard his mother complain. She always wore a smile, even if it was sometimes lopsided from exhaustion.
“Love you, Mom,” he mumbled into the top of her head before stepping back.
“What was that for?” she asked, staring up at him out of her calm, steady eyes, which matched his own.
“Can’t I give my mom a hug and tell her I love her?”
“Anytime you want.” She offered him a serene smile, turning back to the ingredients spread across the counter. “I’ve also got a roast in the oven. Everything should be ready in a couple hours. I wasn’t sure how long you’d sleep.”
“Great. That gives me enough time to fix the faucet upstairs. The handle keeps falling off whenever I turn the water on.”
“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to call someone in to take a look, but there really hasn’t been a need since you haven’t been home.”
Guilt burned through his gut. “I’ll deal with it. It’ll probably need a new faucet. I can just grab whatever’s handy at the hardware store, unless you want to pick it out yourself?”
“Get whatever you think’s best.” His mom reached out, patting his cheek. “You’re a good boy.”
“Only because you raised me right.”
She laughed, the short burst of sound resonating through his chest and making an answering smile curl his lips.
He’d missed this. Growing up, it had always been the two of them. And while he’d needed to get away from Sweetheart, this trip home was a reminder that he’d run away from more than just Lola, Colt and the accident he couldn’t deal with.
A few hours later, he ran to the store and fixed the sink upstairs. After eating the amazing meal his mom had cooked, he even managed to convince her to indulge in watching a movie while he cleaned up, which was where he was when he heard a car pulling into the drive.
He shifted to the front window so he could see who was stopping by.
But that wasn’t one of his mom’s friends stomping up the front walk.
It was Lola.
What was she doing here?
Erik dried his hands on a towel, tossed it over one shoulder and headed for the front door.
Before he could reach it, she started banging and just kept going, not even giving him a chance to respond.
“What the hell,” Erik yelled before he’d even jerked open the front door. The angry expression on her face puzzled him. He hadn’t seen her in weeks. What the hell could she be upset about now?
“Lola?”
The screen door was still shut between them. She didn’t reach to open it, and for some reason, Erik thought maybe it was smarter to leave that barrier between them for right now.
He was proved right when words burst from her. “You asshole. I’m pregnant.”
4
HE HAD TO be hearing things. For a second, Erik thought Lola had said she was pregnant.
And then the expression on her face hit him. Scared, upset, with a mixture of wonder that made his belly clench.
Realization barreled into him. He’d heard her correctly. And that tiny kernel of wonder sprouted in his own belly...for about five seconds. Right up until she spun on her heel and stormed down his mom’s front steps.
That was it. She’d dropped her bomb, broke apart his world and was just planning to leave.
Not on your life.
Erik didn’t even stop to think. He slammed open the door, and it bounced off the side of the house with a resounding bang. He was across the wide veranda with her arm in his hand as he spun her.
“What?”
“You heard me,” she ground out.
Yes. Yes, he had. He opened his mouth to say something, but his head was spinning so fast that he had no idea what.
Their night together was etched into his brain, and not just because of the broken condom. The last six weeks had been sheer hell. Every place he seemed to go in Sweetheart was filled with memories of Lola. And when he wasn’t fighting the pull of their history while he was awake, the pulsing frenzy of their night together twisted through his dreams, jolting him awake, making him ache for her.
But he’d listened to Colt and stayed away because it was the right thing to do for Lola.
This changed everything.
“You aren’t going to ask me if it’s yours?”
The sneer in her words hurt, which was exactly why she’d said them. But what pissed him off more than the petty slash was the implied cut to herself.
“No, Lola. That never even crossed my mind. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t know the baby was mine. And you’ve never slept around.”
“You don’t know anything about me anymore. I could sleep around.”
“But you don’t.” People didn’t change that much, not at their core.
“I was sneaking into someone else’s bed that night.”
God, he really wished she’d stop reminding him. “I’m aware. I’m also aware that you never actually slept with Sean.”
“But I could have.”
“No, you couldn’t have.” He might have avoided Lola over the past several weeks, but he hadn’t avoided Colt. And while his friend had been quick to warn him away from Lola, he hadn’t shied away from talking about her.
Erik was well aware that she’d rarely dated over the last six years, and never the same guy more than once or twice. Her love life sounded as interesting as his own. He hadn’t been a saint, but he hadn’t exactly been filling his phone with random numbers, either.
“We need to talk,” he said. Lola tried to jerk away from him, but he kept a firm grip on her arm. Her shoulder sagged a little beneath the weight of the fear she couldn’t quite hide.
He wanted to banish it for her. But that wasn’t his place anymore.
Finally she sighed. “I know, but I’m not ready for this.”
Erik wasn’t sure if she meant their discussion or being pregnant. Not that it really mattered. They were going to have to deal with both. And the conversation was going to start now.
Erik led her back up onto the wraparound porch and guided her to the swing at the far end, his hand nestled against the small of her back. The gesture was comfortable and familiar, a feeling of rightness in the middle of a storm.
He settled her and then took several steps away, leaning his hip against the porch railing.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he watched her for several seconds. Lola Whittaker had always been beautiful. Wild and willful, with a creative bent that astounded him because he didn’t have a creative bone in his body. Growing up, she was always making, painting or gluing something or other. Or else she had a camera in her hand.
At first it had been an old film camera that her mom had kept. And then, after he’d worked six months to save enough, the top-of-the-line digital camera he’d bought for her because he knew she wanted to study photography at the art college in Charleston and wouldn’t ask her dad for the newer equipment.
He’d given the camera to her for Christmas her junior year of high school because she needed it and he’d wanted to give her that. She deserved happiness and dreams. She deserved everything—then and now. The bonus had been her finally agreeing to go out with him after she’d opened the box. That wasn’t why he’d done it, but...
She was tamer now, but he could still see her wildness
lurking beneath the surface, even in the subtle streaks of teal and blue that whispered through her dark brown hair. They hadn’t been there a few weeks ago.
He hated to think he’d been even partly responsible for dulling any of that edge. Her passion and self-assurance were two of the things he’d always admired about her. She didn’t hold back, no matter what.
At the moment, her fingers were wrapped around the edge of the seat, as if she was just waiting for a reason to vault up and sprint away.
“I don’t expect anything from you,” she finally declared.
“Well, that’s a shitty thing to say.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s an honest thing to say. We both know your life is in California now, Erik. I don’t know. Maybe you have a girlfriend or fiancée or something.”
“That’s an even shittier thing to say, and you know it. I never would have slept with you that night if I’d had anyone else in my life. You’re beautiful and I’ve always wanted you, but I have integrity and willpower and the ability to exercise both.”
Lola folded in on herself, pulling one foot up onto the swing and hugging her knee. Her gaze dropped to the floor and she blew out a harsh breath. The motion of it fluttered her bangs into her eyes. Erik’s fingers itched to reach out and swipe them away so he could see what she was thinking.
“Yeah, you’re right.” She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes. “That was a low, undeserved blow and I’m sorry. You’ve never been that guy, and I know it.”
“Yes, you do.”
“I’m just...” Her foot dropped to the ground, and her head fell back so that she was staring up at the first hint of the moon pushing into the summer sky. The old swing creaked as she toed the ground and sent it rocking. “...floundering a bit, I guess. This came out of left field.”
“I bet.”
Straightening, she speared him with a steady gaze. “I meant it. I don’t expect anything from you. I have a great job and can support our child just fine. I needed to tell you, though. The right thing was to tell you. I mean, I only took the test—” she glanced at her watch “—thirty minutes ago.”
He had no idea what it meant that she’d hopped straight into her car and come to tell him. Maybe nothing other than Lola possessed as much integrity as he’d just claimed to have.
“Lola, you know what my childhood was like better than most. Do you really think I’d walk away from my child?”
Lola’s eyes went wide with surprise and a bit of guilt. “No, of course not.” Her tone emphatic, she said it again. “No. That’s not what I meant. Of course you’ll be a part of the baby’s life. However much you want to be involved. But the reality is, we’ll be here and you’ll be there.”
If it was possible, her eyes went even rounder. “And for God’s sake, do not get some harebrained notion of falling on your sword over this. I will personally murder you if you even mention the m word. There is no ‘do the right thing’ here, got it?”
An unexpected bark of laughter shot through him. “The m word?”
Groaning, Lola pushed up from the swing and settled against the railing beside him. Her hand brushed against his for the briefest second before she scooted an inch away. A glimpse of the familiarity they used to share.
There was a time Lola had known him intimately—and he was talking more than just physically. Her brother had been his best friend, and even Colt didn’t know some of the things he’d shared with Lola.
Erik missed that connection. And that brief, almost nonexistent brush of her fingers against him was a sharp reminder of just what his life was missing.
“You know what I mean.” She sighed. “Look, you’re a good guy and I’ve always known you’d be a great dad. But...there’s too much bad history between us to make this anything more than it is. I will not manufacture something that isn’t there for the sake of a kid. That’s not fair to anyone involved. This has happened and we’ll figure out how to deal with it. For all of us.”
“You’re being quite practical.” Which should have made him feel steady and calm. Instead, a sudden nervous energy was sparking beneath his skin. Like he needed to do something, but he had no idea what.
“That’s me. You know I tackle problems head-on. Always have. When do you go back, anyway?”
“Huh?” Erik’s brain was still spinning, so it took him a few seconds to follow Lola’s train of thought. “Oh, I planned to stay for another couple weeks.”
“Great.” She cut her eyes at him. “Part of me wants to know why you’re here when there’s a fire raging in California right now, but I’m not going to ask because it’s none of my business.”
No, it wasn’t. He wasn’t ready to share about Aaron’s death and everything that had come afterward. Not even with Lola.
She waited for a few seconds, but when it was obvious he wasn’t going to answer her backhanded question, she shrugged. “We have plenty of time to talk about logistics before you head home. Give me your phone.”
“What?”
Holding out her hand, Lola waggled her fingers. “Phone.”
Pulling it from his pocket, Erik unlocked his screen and handed it over. He watched as she entered her contact information. “Give me a call in a couple days and we’ll have lunch. Talk.”
Before he could even move, she was darting past him and down the steps again.
“Wait,” he called, jogging after her.
She paused at the bottom, surrounded by the rosebushes he’d watched his mom pour countless hours into. Her honey-toned skin was radiant in the final rays of sunshine. Her eyes were bright and clear. And he didn’t want her to leave.
“Are you feeling okay?”
Shrugging, she tossed him a brilliant smile. “I’ve been really tired. Thought it was from the flu, although I guess that wasn’t true.”
“You need to take care of yourself. And the baby.”
Holy shit. Lola was having his baby.
Erik grasped the newel post on the railing. His knees were suddenly shaking and he didn’t trust them to hold him up.
Lola was handling this so calmly, while he was starting to feel like the ground was moving beneath his feet, about to swallow him.
* * *
GOD, THIS WAS going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done.
Not becoming a mom. After the initial shock, Lola couldn’t quite suppress the effervescent happiness that suffused her.
The next day Lola sat in the large office in her studio and stared out the window, her mind whirling.
No, the situation wasn’t ideal. Would she have preferred to be happily married with a man who loved her before she had a baby? You bet. But she was so excited at the prospect of having a little life to nurture and watch grow.
She’d left Erik’s place and immediately gone to see her dad. His support had been overwhelming, but she’d always known it would be. She was an adult and could easily support herself and her child. Her dad was thrilled at the prospect of becoming a grandpa.
Colt was another story. Oh, he’d pretended to be happy for her, but he couldn’t hide his anger with Erik. He wasn’t upset that she was pregnant, but that she was pregnant with Erik’s baby. Which wasn’t really fair, all things considered.
What bothered her most was that Colt and Erik had appeared to put the past behind them over the last few weeks, which she was grateful for. Immediately following the accident, Colt had been angry with everyone and everything—something his psychologist had told them was normal.
That phase hadn’t lasted long, but Erik had definitely been the source of a few furious outbursts. The reaction had faded long before Erik had come home, and Lola knew they’d been spending time together, even if she didn’t know exactly what they’d talked about.
She’d argued with Colt that it had taken both of them to get pregnant and
reminded her brother that she’d been the one to climb into Erik’s bed—even if saying the words had embarrassed the hell out of her.
She wasn’t sure they’d made much difference.
But that was something she couldn’t worry about right now.
She’d been reviewing shots from a session she’d done with a mom and her newborn several weeks ago. The realization that this time next year she’d be holding her own baby had sent her into a state of wonder.
Colt was working at his desk on the other side of hers. At first, she’d given him a space of his own, but that had been impractical. They’d just ended up yelling at each other across the hall. Besides, her office was more than big enough to share.
“Earth to Lola.”
“Huh?” Shaking her head, she looked over at her brother. “Sorry. I was...thinking.”
“You wanna tell me what put that faraway look and dreamy glaze in your eyes?”
“Not particularly.”
Colt harrumphed but didn’t push. “As I said about three times while you were ignoring me, I’ve confirmed with Misty Wilson for her wedding on Saturday. Everything is pretty standard.”
“Great.”
“Are you sure you’re up to this? It’s a huge wedding and long reception. You’ll probably be on your feet for ten to twelve hours.”
“We are not having this conversation.” Again. “I’m perfectly capable of working. I’m pregnant, not sick. It’s going to be a long seven months if you question my ability to do my job every time I take on a client. Don’t make me fire you.”
Colt harrumphed again, a frown beetling the spot between his eyebrows. “Excuse me for being concerned.”
God, her brother was a master at the guilt trip. Probably because he’d learned it from their mother.
“Nope, not starting that, either. I appreciate your concern. Really, I do. And I love you, you big lug. But here you’re my employee, not my brother. You have to save the big brother card for outside these walls.”
Up in Flames Page 5
