Up in Flames

by Kira Sinclair

  Apparently his face telegraphed every stricken thought that crossed his brain, because suddenly the pressure on his shoulder was so intense it rivaled the pain lancing through his chest.

  “That’s not what I meant, Erik. We’ve never talked about that night. Not really. I know you think I blame you, but I don’t. Colt made his own decisions. Yes, as your chief I was pissed—still am—at both of you for disobeying a direct order. As your father—and I’m just as much yours as his—I admired you both for risking so much to save someone else.

  “Life is rarely easy or cut and dried. Everything about that night is twisted for all of us. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you and care about you just as much, because I do. And I don’t want to see you get hurt. Not just for yourself, but for my daughter and the baby you have on the way now.”

  Erik sucked in a heavy breath, the sound ricocheting through the room and rattling deep inside his chest. A pressure that had been there so long he’d stopped noticing it finally eased.

  “Just...think about the people who love you before you do anything rash. That’s all I’m asking, okay?”

  “Okay,” Erik answered, his voice gruff.

  Crossing the room, Chief laid a kiss on Lola’s forehead, said, “I’ll tell them you’re on your way,” and then walked out the door.

  Erik stared at Lola, blinking for several seconds and trying to get his head to stop whirling. How could five minutes change so much? With a few simple words and an absolution he’d craved but never thought he deserved, Keith had just blown apart the guilt and fear that had been driving Erik for so long.

  Pushing up from the couch, Lola crossed the room, her gaze steady and sure on his the entire time. Pressing her forehead to his chest, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. He could feel the tension in her body. Recognized that he should do something to ease it, but there was nothing to say.

  His job was dangerous and she’d always known it.

  Finally she pulled back, poised and composed as only Lola could be, which was exactly what he needed right now. “Let me help. What do you need?”

  Erik pulled her up onto her toes and found her lips, delving in to take the sweet heat that she wordlessly offered.

  “I need you to get back into bed and get some sleep. I’ll call when I can.”

  * * *

  GET SOME SLEEP. Yeah, right. She knew he needed her to at least pretend, so Lola had climbed into bed and listened as Erik rustled around her house, quickly grabbing what he needed before heading out. But she hadn’t slept.

  And for the last two days, since he’d left, her heart had been permanently lodged in her throat. Her cell had become attached to her hand because she knew the crazy hours he had to be working and feared missing any call from him. He hadn’t called. After the first day, she’d convinced herself he was just busy. The information coming in on the news was bad, and the updates her dad had given her were even more grim.

  Marin was surrounded by forest on two sides, and the fire was spreading toward it. Rain wasn’t in the forecast for several days. Their only real hope had been a shift in the winds, although that just meant someone else would fall into the fire’s path.

  South Carolina wasn’t known for major forest fires, but there had been a perfect storm of events leading to this one burning out of control. The story had hit the national news, and the governor had requested help from states with more experienced teams.

  The longer her phone was silent, the more her fear raged unchecked. And the less she expected a call from Erik and started expecting a call from someone else telling her he’d been injured or worse.

  The nightmare she’d pushed down for so long reared up, overtaking every thought in her brain. For years she’d lived with the dread and constant tension every time her dad—her only living parent—put himself in danger to protect others.

  The job was noble, but Lola couldn’t silence the voice in her head that wanted to beg her dad to quit. But then she felt guilty for being weak and selfish.

  The relief when her father had stopped fighting fires and taken the position as Chief was short-lived as Colt and Erik followed in his footsteps. And every horror she’d imagined had come to life the night of Colt’s accident.

  Colt’s injuries were too big a price to pay, but being able to live without the stress and fear these last few years had been her silver lining.

  Until now.

  Lola was trying to fill her time as much as possible with work, the best way she could think to get through the days. Her body was exhausted, but her mind wouldn’t let her rest.

  Colt had already fussed at her for pushing herself too hard, not that it had helped. He was currently mumbling to himself, irritated as hell, as he rolled around the studio, cleaning up from her last session.

  Normally Lola would have helped him. But Colt wasn’t the only one who was irritated, and she figured it was better for them both to have a little space. Besides, her back was sore and she really just wanted to sit down. Not to mention pee. She’d needed to since the middle of her session, but the toddler she’d been working with had been difficult, and she hadn’t wanted to leave once they got her settled and engaged with the camera.

  Maybe Lola would indulge in a little nap. Get Colt off her back if nothing else.

  Then Lola looked down and noticed a streak of red across her thigh.

  Her heart leaped into her chest, and every speck of blood drained out of her head. Reaching out for something to hold on to as dizziness overtook her, she started to yell for Erik before remembering that he wasn’t there.

  A sense of stark isolation overwhelmed her. God, she needed him. So much. But she hadn’t heard from him since he took off.

  She couldn’t handle this right now. No, panic wasn’t an option.

  Taking a deep breath, Lola forced herself to stop and think. She was strong enough to deal with whatever happened. And she wasn’t alone, no matter how much it felt that way.

  Coming out of the bathroom, she snagged her phone before walking into the front studio. “Colt, I need you to take me to my doctor’s office.”

  She was already speaking to the nurse before her brother could answer. With a calm she was far from feeling, Lola relayed what was going on. As she’d expected, they wanted her to come in right away. Colt, listening to her end of the conversation, was already headed out to his specially equipped truck.

  Lola grabbed her purse, called Hope and asked her friend to meet her. Hope had experienced something similar when she was pregnant with the twins, and right now Lola needed a voice of reason to keep her steady.

  She wasn’t at the doctor’s office five minutes before Hope, Lexi, Willow and Tatum all came barreling in. They spoke over each other, surrounding her. Colt quietly backed away, letting the women take over.

  Hope sat beside her and grasped her hand. “Everything’s going to be fine, Lola.”

  Just hearing the reassurance that she’d needed so much the minute she saw blood had her head throbbing again. She swallowed and nodded, even though there was a part of her that didn’t believe.

  Couldn’t believe.

  Of course she was losing Erik’s baby. She’d wanted it too much, and she was being punished. With the baby, even if she couldn’t have Erik, she’d have a piece of him. It was a realization she hadn’t admitted even to herself.

  But fate didn’t want her to have anyone. She’d lost her mother and Erik, and she’d come damn close to losing Colt. Lived with the possibility of losing her father for years.

  The one thing she’d thought would be safe—wholly hers and absolutely protected—was this baby.

  A few minutes later, the nurse ushered her into an examination room. Hope went with her.

  It should have been Erik, but it wasn’t, and no amount of wishing would change that.

 
; Somewhere in between the questions and the ultrasound that showed a strong, healthy heartbeat, resolve quickened deep inside her.

  According to the doctor, her baby was okay. He couldn’t tell her what had caused the bleeding but assured her that during the first trimester it wasn’t uncommon. They’d keep a closer eye on her and the baby over the next few weeks, but he admonished her to slow down and de-stress.

  Something Colt was all too happy to echo when Hope relayed the doctor’s instructions to everyone in the waiting room. Great, now she’d have half the town trying to get her to take it easy for the next seven months.

  As she walked out of the clinic, she took stock of the people who had been there when she’d needed them.

  Maybe it wasn’t fair, because it wasn’t like Erik had simply flaked and not shown up, but his absence was glaringly painful. She hadn’t even called him, and had extracted a promise from all of them that they wouldn’t, either. No matter what was happening to her, Erik was in the middle of fighting a dangerous fire, and the last thing he needed was a distraction.

  But the result was still the same. Once again, he wasn’t present when she’d needed him. He’d extended his stay to fight the fire in Marin, but when it was over he’d go home to California and she’d be alone for good. Sure, he said he wanted to be involved, and she honestly believed he meant it.

  In reality, he’d be on the other side of the country. He couldn’t be here for her, and it was time Lola stopped pretending otherwise. She hadn’t wanted to deal with the truth, but now it was time. Seeing the flutter of her baby’s heartbeat on that monitor had hammered home one thing in particular.

  She was everything to that baby, and he or she deserved for her to be strong and do the right thing for all of them.

  12

  ONCE SHE WAS settled at home, Lola sent everyone away. Curling up on her sofa had been heavenly, and all of the emotional turmoil had caused her to fall asleep almost as soon as her eyes closed. But for the second time in a few days, a loud bang on the front door startled her.

  Lola jerked up, her heart lurching uncomfortably inside her chest. Rubbing at her gritty eyes, she was still half-asleep when she opened the door to find Hope and Willow standing on her front porch.

  Dusk was just starting to creep across the sky behind them, so it wasn’t late enough for her automatically to think something was wrong. Considering her scare today, it was possible they were just here to check on her.

  Except for their matching grim expressions.

  “What’s wrong?” Lola asked.

  Hope and Willow shared a pointed look, but didn’t answer. Instead, Hope asked, “How are you feeling? Any more bleeding or cramping?”

  “I’m fine. Will you both just quit it and tell me what the hell is going on?”

  The two of them shared another glance. Then Hope moved a little closer and said, “There are reports that several of the firefighters working outside Marin were cut off from the team and trapped.”

  “They’re working on getting them rescued,” Willow rushed to add, “but the news is saying a couple of them are severely injured. They’re not reporting who.”

  Lola swayed. Willow reached for her, drawing her in. “At least one of the guys is ours.”

  “Have you heard from Erik?” Hope asked softly. “Did you call him after you left the doctor’s office?”

  “No,” she whispered. “I haven’t heard from him since he left.”

  It was all too much. Everything. Lola’s body went cold. She felt herself shutting down, knew the signs because she’d gone through it before—with her mother, with Colt.

  Her emotions switched off so that she could deal with the potential tragedy in front of her with that calm control that Erik seemed to value so much.

  She hadn’t even realized Willow was still grasping her arm until she and Hope steered her over to the couch and gently pushed her down. Her gaze landed on her cell on the coffee table. Without thinking, she picked it up and called him, something she hadn’t let herself do in the two days he’d been gone.

  It went straight to voice mail.

  What the hell did that mean? Was his phone a melted mess because it had gotten burned up in the fire? Or had he been too busy to charge it and now it was dead?

  The edges of her phone bit into Lola’s palm as she punched in another number. Her father’s gruff voice, normally so soothing, sent a spurt of despair shooting through the cold trying to engulf her. “Dad. I just heard. Who?”

  “Baby,” her dad rumbled. “I don’t know yet.”

  Lola shook her head, logically knowing he couldn’t see her response but unable to do anything else.

  “I’ll let you know as soon as I hear more. But...baby, he’s good and smart. I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “You don’t know that,” she whispered. “Even good and smart guys get hurt.” Neither one of them needed to say her brother’s name to know exactly what she meant.

  She hung up, knowing there was nothing else her dad could say right now that would help. Hours ago she’d resolved to end things with Erik. To put the baby’s needs first and save herself some inevitable heartache.

  And here she was, experiencing that heartache anyway.

  She couldn’t keep doing this. Her entire relationship with Erik since he’d returned had been a roller-coaster ride that left her breathless from the highs and aching from the lows.

  She’d lost too many people. Experienced too much tragedy and too many close calls to continue tempting fate.

  Nope, she was through.

  * * *

  FIRE BURNED ALL around him. His skin felt like it was going to bubble up and melt off his body. The heat was unbearable, but he pressed forward anyway. He didn’t have a choice.

  Somewhere, lost in the haze of smoke and licking flames, was a cluster of men he’d sent straight into hell.

  Men he knew and had fought beside. Men whose kids he’d held and wives he’d teased.

  Everything about this situation felt like déjà vu. Two months ago he’d buried a friend, a man he’d come to trust and respect. He couldn’t take doing that again.

  The restless, desperate edge that had ridden him after Aaron’s death was back and bigger than ever. The same recklessness that had gotten him put on administrative leave for two months in the first place.

  Not that it mattered. Not when lives were on the line.

  There was no way he could look Caroline or Dani in the eye and tell them their husbands were dead because he’d fucked up.

  Guilt, so strong and goddamn familiar, ate at his gut like battery acid. It pushed him forward when every cell in his body was urging him to retreat.

  “Slow down, Erik,” one of the other guys hollered over the crackle of the flames devouring the towering trees around them.

  A hard hand grabbed him, jerking him to a halt. Frustration flared through him. Yanking out of the grasp, he spun to lash out with words, but had to swallow them when he realized the man who’d stopped him was the chief of Marin’s fire department.

  “The last thing we need is to have more men cut off. Erik, I get it. I want to find them, too. And we will. The best way to do that is to keep our heads.”

  Logically, Erik knew the other man was right. But instinct told him if they didn’t hurry there’d be nothing left to find except ashes. And he refused to let that happen.

  Not when he was the one who’d sent the men out here in the first place. Because of his experience, Chief had placed him on point for determining the safest place for the men to be deployed. His brain told him no one could have anticipated the sudden shift in wind, not even the meteorologists he’d consulted. But that didn’t stop the terror building steadily inside him.

  “I hear you,” he said, rubbing his hands roughly through his hair. Grit and soo
t covered every inch of his body, and exhaustion pulled at him like a boulder whenever he stopped.

  So he couldn’t stop.

  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten or slept. The fire didn’t sleep, so neither could he. Not if he wanted to win.

  Together, his team clustered and discussed the direction they needed to head in. Other teams were fanning out within a one-mile radius, searching. They were all working off the last radio transmission the lost team had sent, telling them the fire had shifted and they were surrounded by flames with no way out. They didn’t even have their full gear since they’d been sent to cut down a firebreak, not fight the actual fire.

  Erik kept his mouth shut and impatiently listened, ready for action, not discussion. Regrouped, his team headed back out, yelling and looking for any sign of movement. It was late, the middle of the night, when Erik heard the faintest voice raised above the grumble of fire.

  Sending up a cry of his own, he raced toward the sound and slammed right into a wall of heat. The sensation of it reverberated through his body, making his teeth clack together in surprise and pain.

  But he kept moving forward, alternating yelling and waiting in silence for an answer. The responses got louder, giving him hope where there’d been little an hour before.

  “Please, God,” he murmured.

  Five minutes later he broke through a stand of trees and into a clearing that was consumed by hip-high flames. On the other side of that wall of fire, he could make out the hazy outline of three men. There should have been five.

  Erik charged forward, moved to the left and then ran to the right, looking for a break in the flames so that he could reach the men. The hope he’d allowed to flare a few moments ago morphed into dread, but he shook himself. He’d find a way out of this. He had to.

  Getting as close as he could, Erik hollered to the men on the other side. “I don’t see a way in to you. Can you move in either direction?”

  Maybe they could find an opening further down.

  “Erik!” one of the men hollered. Squinting, he realized the voice was familiar, belonged to Nick, one of the guys from Sweetheart. Relief gushed through him, warm and hopeful before he realized that Brian, the other firefighter from their team, wasn’t standing beside him.