by Marika Ray
The phone line went dead. I pulled it from my ear and looked at it, stunned. That little baby mama hussy hung up on me. Guess she didn’t have time for her bestie as her life fell apart. Sheesh. Was a two-week-old baby really that difficult? They just ate and slept.
Rhett would never hang up on me.
The thought flitted through my brain and stopped me in my tracks. It was true. He wouldn’t. Why? Because Rhett would give me the shirt off his back if I shivered. He’d drop everything going on in his life to come be my fake boyfriend simply because I, a total stranger at the time, was desperate. He’d get over his own gaping wounds left by his half-brother and try to comfort me instead.
Holy shit.
And I’d ignored him. Thought only of myself.
This pain in my chest? That was heartache. I’d felt something like it when Hew and I broke up, but the anger I’d felt at the time had overridden the pain. This pain was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It dashed all hope that tomorrow could be better. It weighed me down like an elephant sitting on my chest. It made me wallow around in my sadness like a pig in mud.
I didn’t want to be a pig, in mud or otherwise. I wanted to be a goat. Goats head butted their way into a situation, sniffing out their mates and abandoning everything but wild sex on a mountainside with their beloved.
Rhett was my beloved.
The heavens parted and for the first time since last night, I felt like there was a way out of this. A way to still be with Rhett. I needed to find him, sniff him, head butt him, and drive out to the mountainside to have my way with him. Who the hell cared if he had a brother goat I’d head butted before?
I cringed, finally hearing my crazy thoughts. I needed food first. I was thinking like a lunatic. I liked the part about finding Rhett. The rest was a little crazy, but a desperate girl’s gotta do what a desperate girl’s gotta do. I wasn’t a quitter, that’s for damn sure, and it was time I remembered it.
After grabbing an apple out of the fridge, I pocketed my phone and jammed my feet into flip-flops. I was still wearing last night’s makeup, but I didn’t want to take the time to freshen up. I needed to find Rhett to apologize.
I needed to tell him I loved him and see if he could love me back.
26
Rhett
It’s funny how when you’re lamenting something shitty in your life, the universe hands you a situation that shows you just how big a flaming pile of poo things can really get.
When Hewitt walked in and ignored me, then insulted me, it felt like he stabbed me in the chest and then twisted the knife around a few times. Which, as you can imagine, didn’t feel very good.
But then Gabby wouldn’t meet my eye. Even after everyone had left and it was just the two of us, she refused to talk to me. To touch me. To let me comfort her. She’d just closed in on herself and refused to let me in like I was as worthless as Hewitt professed me to be. And that? Well, that was like pouring gasoline on my battered heart and dropping a lit match on it.
So I’d left the room and tried to sleep surrounded by sheets that smelled like Gabby. I tossed and turned, wondering where she was. I checked on her twice, seeing her on the couch, tracks of tears and mascara on her cheeks. I was mad at her for shutting me out, but I also wanted to smother her with so much love she’d never feel anything from Hewitt ever again. In the end, I’d left her alone. I gave her what she appeared to want. Space.
I had a lot of time to think in those sleepless hours in the dark. At first, I was pissed at myself for getting mixed up in something that had been my brother’s. I wondered if I was only interested in Gabby because of the connection to Hewitt. But then I thought back over the last few weeks with her and I knew I didn’t give a shit who she dated previously. She wasn’t an object to be owned and discarded. I loved the woman she was today and even though that included dating other men, I was thankful for them in that those experiences made her who she was.
Daybreak was peeking in through the curtains I’d forgotten to close when I had an epiphany. I couldn’t ask Gabby to move beyond all her shit with Hewitt if I didn’t do it first myself.
Which sucked monkey balls, believe me.
That epiphany meant I needed to confront Hewitt on my own terms, say what I needed to say, and then let go of any expectation I still had in regards to his involvement in my life. The pain I felt when he ignored me last night showed I still had work to do. I couldn’t ask it of Gabby if I didn’t do the work myself.
So I put on the best T-shirt for the occasion—F*UCKER, It Just Isn’t The Same Without U—and crept through the house. Thankfully, the early morning hour meant I’d dodged the camera guy, which meant I could say goodbye to Hewitt in private. I thought for sure starting my Land Cruiser would wake up Gabby, but I planned to hurry up and leave to take care of my business before she and I talked.
And we would be talking.
I wasn’t losing her without an epic fight.
I’d call in the goats if I had to.
Like the devil summoned him himself, Hewitt texted me when I was on the freeway headed toward his office in downtown Los Angeles.
Hewitt: Got a friend looking to invest in some small businesses. Heard through the grapevine you’re starting a board shaping business. Call me.
I tossed the phone down on the passenger seat and tossed my head back, laughing at the irony.
“You’re really funny, Universe! Hardy, har, har!”
The minute I made the decision to cut Hewitt out of my life forever, he reached out to me for the first time ever. It was all some cosmic joke to test my commitment to my decision. Old me would get super excited my half-brother wanted to talk to me or was even thinking about me. New Rhett would laugh it off and realize it was all part of Hewitt’s warped psyche. He didn’t like Gabby dating me, so if he couldn’t scare off Gabby with his little show of assholeness last night, he’d try to become my friend and get me to leave her instead. Why he cared so much when he was the one who cheated on her, I didn’t know, nor did I care. After our conversation here shortly, he wouldn’t matter to me ever again.
“I’m sorry, but Mr. O’Donnell is busy. You can make—”
“I am Mr. O’Donnell,” I cut off the secretary just trying to do her job by striding right past her and opening the door to Hew’s office. I threw open the door, startling him while he was on the phone.
“Hello, brother dearest. Let’s chat.” I gave him a smile he didn’t deserve and had a seat in the chair across from his huge wooden desk. He mumbled something into the phone and hung up, smoothing his tie and returning my smile with something that looked more like a grimace.
“I had no idea my text would get such a quick response.” His lips tilted into a smirk that had the unique ability to ruffle my feathers. He just looked so smug for a guy wreaking havoc everywhere he went.
“I was already on my way in to see you.”
“Well, isn’t this nice. A little brotherly bonding.” He winked and I had to count to ten before I spoke again. He looked like me, minus the red hair and freckles, and it was weird to think we could be so different at the same time. That nose was our father’s nose. That arched eyebrow? The same expression our father would make when he wasn’t happy with you.
“We share the same father and yet I have no idea where you came from, Hewitt. It’s like you were born without the most important part: your humanity.”
“Oh, ouch. That really wounds me.” He lifted an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.
“I actually didn’t come here for that. I came to speak my piece. You know, I’ve been waiting my entire life for you to give a shit about me. To recognize that we’re brothers. That we could have been friends. But I think twenty-eight years is long enough to wait.” I stood, already feeling lighter than I had in years. His gaze took in my shirt and the subtle dig just for him. The lines around his eyes tightened. “Stay out of my life, stay out of Gabby’s. We’re both done with you.”
He snorted. “Yeah, well, good luck
with that one. You’ll tire of her shortly.”
Now see, he could have insulted me again and I still would have walked away feeling good about things. But insult Gabby? Insult the woman I loved? Oh, hell no.
I placed my fists on the desk and leaned in close so he’d hear every word. “Gabby was way too much woman for you. I know it. And you know it. You didn’t get bored of her. She outgrew you and you left before she could. That must be a hell of a fragile ego you have there behind your evil machinations and fancy suits.”
He narrowed his eyes, but I didn’t wait for him to spew more bullshit. Hewitt was the kind of guy who’d defend himself with his dying breath. There was nothing he could say that would make things better, so I might as well close the door on that relationship.
“Goodbye, Hewitt. Take care of yourself.” I rapped my knuckles on the desk and headed out of his office. I really did mean it. I hoped he took a long hard look in the mirror one day and changed.
As I closed the door behind me, a loud bang reverberated on the other side of the door.
I winked at the secretary, cringing at her desk.
“Might want to steer clear for an hour or so.”
“Gabby?” I called out as I strode through our front door. “Gabby, you here?”
A head popped out around the corner. Not Gabby.
“Oh hello, dear. She went out for a bit. Have a seat and talk with me.” Lavender waved her hand to the couch. She had on so many gauzy layers of clothing, I wasn’t sure if she was getting ready for Halloween or what. She always looked like those mummies we used to make in elementary school, wrapped in rolls of toilet paper. Lavender was sweet, with a side of creepy.
“Uh, okay. Sure.” I sat, a little unclear what she was doing in my house—or rather, Gabby’s house. It already felt like home to me. Everything important to me was here. Or would be if Gabby ever got home.
“So, last night was a bit of an emotional shock, am I right?” Lavender put on the little smile all psychologists are trained for their first day of psychology school. She turned fully toward me, her elbow on the back of the couch and her head resting on her palm.
“Well, yeah, you could say that.” The camera guy walked closer and I sat a little straighter.
She cocked her head to the side. “We could all see how shocking it was to be confronted by your brother. Do you two not get along?”
“Uh. He’s my half-brother. We share the same father. But no, we’ve never been close.” I wasn’t sure how much I really wanted to share. With Lavender or the television audience.
She nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes, I could see that. The way he ignored you looked very deliberate. I sensed a very dark aura around that man. Very different from yours, by the way. Often when people are hurting, they tend to enjoy hurting other people. Almost like they need everyone else to hurt as much as they do in order to feel better. I find that stopping that downward negativity spiral with a love spiral in the opposite direction is exactly what’s needed to balance the scales. You with me?”
“Y-yes?” What the hell was she talking about?
“So, let’s start the love spiral with some hugging. Free of charge. Come here.” She held her arms out to me, expecting me to jump right in there. I mean, yo, it was a free hug, right?
I was about to come up with some lame excuse to get out of it, when I caught her eye. Hers were sparkling and clear, like a fresh water pond on a sunny morning. She smiled and this time, the smile made me miss my grandma’s homemade chocolate chip cookies. Her face got all blurry and to my shock, I found tears welling in my eyes. What the fuck was going on here?
“Oh, poor dear,” she murmured as I went into her arms, a willing participant.
The hug was soft but all-encompassing. Like floating on a cloud. Or bathing in a tub of cotton balls. I wasn’t sure if I’d entered heaven or smoked some of the really good weed that one guy in college always had. The how or the why didn’t matter. All I cared about was staying right there for all eternity. Or maybe just until Gabby got home. Or better yet, I’d invite Gabby to join this hug session and really live out my dreams.
No wonder Lavender made a good living off these hugs. She was the Olympic gold medalist of hugging. The Guinness Book of World Records holder for best hug ever given.
She stroked my back and I swear I purred. A hand went into my hair to tug on the strands and massage my scalp. My eyes rolled back in my head and I barely cared that my arm was falling asleep underneath me as I lay on the couch at an awkward angle, Lavender half on me, half on the couch.
Just when I was wondering what to do with the drool that was slowly seeping out the side of my mouth, a loud noise interrupted my free hug session.
I popped my head up from somewhere in the vicinity of Lavender’s bosom to see Gabby standing just inside the living room, a huge box tipped onto the floor at her feet, John behind her, trying to keep hold of his end of the box.
Her gaze took in the length of my body there on the couch before coming back to my face. Her wide eyes held a thousand emotions all at once, finally settling on hurt. Those brown eyes I loved so much filled with tears before she spun around and ran out, John lumbering after her, trying to call her back.
What was going on? Why did she take one look at me and run away like I’d just killed her cat had she had one? I looked at Lavender and she glanced from me to the now empty doorway.
“Oh dear.” She shook her head.
“What?” I asked, bewildered.
“I think poor Gabby misunderstood the love spiral.” Lavender released me from her magical arms, sitting up and disentangling herself from me.
“Wait. You think she—what? Thought you and I…?” I couldn’t even complete the damn sentence. Did Gabby actually think I was messing around with Lavender? I mean, she was a lovely woman, but she was old enough to be my mom. She was a professional hugger, for fuck’s sake! Huggers hug. That’s literally what they do all day long.
I hung my head. Everything in the last twenty-four hours had become such a cluster. “Shit.”
“Yeah. Shit.” Lavender pressed her lips together, slowly shaking her head.
Hearing the most serene woman I knew swear was pretty funny, though, which was what I needed to jolt me out of my momentary depression.
I had to go find Gabby. We needed to talk. ASAP.
27
Gabby
I saw red for a brief second, then everything turned a horrifying gray tone, as if all the color in the world had been sucked out the minute I saw Rhett with another woman. A woman I’d thought was my friend. Someone I’d invited into my home.
I made it the two blocks to the ocean in a blur, sitting on a bench the city had set up for overwrought people like myself who needed to sit and stare at the ocean to come to terms with their shit show life.
Twice. I’d been cheated on twice? What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I keep choosing losers who thought it was okay to treat another human being like that? Then again, the two losers both had the same last name, so maybe it was some familial gene they were missing.
“Jesus, woman. You’re fast for someone with those short legs.” John huffed as he plopped down next to me.
I scooted over so he wouldn’t be sitting so close to me. I really couldn’t be held liable for any bodily harm since he was a male and every male was currently on my shit list.
“Didn’t ask you to come after me,” I muttered, crossing my arms.
“Now calm down—”
I spun on him, the red haze flaring again. “Don’t you freaking tell me to calm down right now, John Herrington!”
He nodded, hands held up in surrender. “Sorry ’bout that. Lavender doesn’t take kindly to that phrase either.” He put his hands back down. “What I meant to say was, you got the wrong idea back there. Lavender was just doing her job.”
I narrowed my eyes, not quite understanding. “Rhett hired Lavender?”
“Well, no. But when I told Lavender the fan you’d ordere
d had come in and I was heading over to drop it off, she wanted to come with to talk to you two about last night. You see, she got into the hug business because of her big heart. She sees people in pain and she wants to help.”
The scene I’d witnessed replayed in my head in slow motion. Oh shit. Rhett hadn’t been kissing her. He’d been mostly just lying there while she had her hand in his hair. I mean, they were more horizontal than vertical on that couch, but could they have just been hugging? I’d never seen a professional hugger in action to inform my conclusion. Was that what it looked like?
“So, what you’re saying is that they were just hugging there on the couch? Professionally? That’s normal?”
John pursed his lips and nodded. “Yep. Business as usual. Though I doubt she’d charge Rhett. Hugs for friends have always been free. That’s Lavender’s number two rule.”
Despite the cluster I lived in at the moment, I got curious and leaned in. “What’s her number one rule?”
He scratched his chin. “Always hug with clothes on.”
I nodded, the color around me already coming back. The ocean sparkled dark blue. “Right. Because otherwise, that would just be…”
“Cheating,” he supplied.
“Right.” Oh God, so that meant Rhett didn’t cheat on me. He wasn’t a bastard with a missing gene. He was just my sweet and funny Rhett who was hurting because I’d shut down on him last night and now I’d just run away from him again.
I slapped my hand on my forehead. “Ow.”
John patted me on the back. “Loving another person isn’t easy and it’s never perfect. But if you love them, it’s worth fighting for. I never thought I’d fall in love with a woman who spoons people for a living, but life is funny that way. I’ll let you two figure this out. Good luck, young lady.”
