by Sara Marion
Duke saw another runner coming up on him from the opposite way. It would be only the second person he saw since he started out on the Casement entrance. He nodded as he passed the runner. The runner smiled at him and she seemed familiar to him. He thought he recognized who it was but she didn’t stop or say anything else to him. Duke looked behind him and found that the runner had disappeared. His stride faltered as he came to a halt. Was he imagining the runner? Where did she go? He turned and jogged back a few paces looking around. Surely he didn’t hallucinate the encounter. He didn’t find any trace of any other runner. He closed his eyes trying to pull back details of the runner.
She had blonde hair pulled back underneath a hat. Her eyes were green, her smile was easy. He couldn’t recall anything else. Then he remembered her stride, her shoes. It matched Ella’s. Ella’s bright running shoes came rushing to the forefront of his thoughts. She always wore them. His memories pushed forward images of her running on the treadmill. It was her. Duke saw Ella just a few moments ago. Duke felt weak and he fell to his knees there on the gravel trail. He couldn’t believe he may have just envisioned Ella running down this trail. There was no logical reason for it. He stood trying to find his balance. Staring down the trail, he saw that he was definitely alone. No other person was in sight. He started to jog back to his car. He didn’t like the eerie feeling he had now and he definitely didn’t want that feeling while his was running on the lonely trail. On the way back, he tried to deduce the reasoning behind his vision of Ella but nothing came to him. There had to be some reason that he was conjuring up a hallucination of Ella, maybe it was just a residual effect from his concussion.
By the time he got back to his car, his body was shaking. He definitely pushed himself to get back to quickly. He called Dr. Maclyn, deciding that he should be checked out just in case. He found himself frustrated when Dr. Maclyn didn’t answer he thought about just going to the emergency room but then he would look like a lunatic. He sat there looking out the window trying to decide how to proceed. Looking back at his phone, he texted Paxton. He lucked out when she stated she was at the hospital. Duke asked if he could come see her, but he didn’t tell her why. She didn’t ask but said it was fine if he came up.
It didn’t take him long to get to the hospital. He walked through the familiar hallways, navigating his way to Paxton’s office. He knocked on the closed door. He heard her faintly say ‘come in’. He opened the door and saw her smiling face greeting him.
“Duke, you got here fast. What’s up?”
Duke sat down in one of her chairs as she leaned against her desk waiting for him to respond. Duke rubbed his hands on his legs. “I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like a complete lunatic.”
“It’s me, just tell me.”
Duke launched into his story. He told her about the team losing, that he needed to get out to run so he could focus. When he got back to the point of seeing the runner, he tried to picture the event more clearly but didn’t get any more details than what he remembered from the moments following.
“So you saw a mystery runner? That’s what brought you in?”
“No, I saw Ella,” he looked up at her. “Ella was the runner that passed me.”
Duke watched Paxton’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. Her jaw tightened as if she were trying to formulate a response to what he just said. He waited to see if Paxton believed him.
“Ella? You saw Ella?” Duke nodded. She sighed and rubbed her face. “Are you positive? The runner didn’t make a turn or anything?”
“Pax, the part of the trail I was on had no turns, no veers in it. It’s a continuous, straight path. I think it might be an after effect of my concussion. What else would it be?”
Duke watched her walk around her desk and grabbed her penlight out of her lab coat. She stood in front of him. “Look at me,” she directed him.
Duke looked up into her eyes. He saw the worry and hoped that she wouldn’t give any indication that something indeed was going on with his head injury.
“Look right over my left shoulder.” She turned the bright light on and he did his best not to blink. She checked both eyes. She clicked the pen off and held it in front of her face. “Follow it. Eyes only.”
She moved it in all directions. Duke felt like he had no problem following the pen, but only Paxton would be able to clear him.
“Hmm,” she looked at him, tucking the pen behind her. “Your eyes dilate fine. Have you noticed anything else different in the last few days or since you’ve been discharged?”
“No, nothing. I felt fine until I saw her.”
She pursed her lips. Duke knew this wasn’t a good sign.
“No dizzy spells, light-headedness, headaches?”
“Nothing. Pax, what’s wrong with me?” Despite the last time he saw her, when he kicked her out of his house, Duke needed her. He felt like she was the only one that he could turn to for help. She would be the only one to understand. He found himself afraid of what those feelings might mean, but he didn’t care as long as he got answers as to why he was seeing Ella.
“Nothing, at least nothing I can see.” She pushed herself off her desk and jumped on her computer. She started typing, and then sat looking at her screen. She typed a little bit more then waited. He felt the anxiety build within him. She looked up at him. “You okay there?” she asked.
“Fine.” He kept his answer short.
She looked back to her computer and then back at him. “Dr. Maclyn is suggesting a scan. He wants to make sure that there is no lingering swelling or new problems cropping up.”
Duke nodded. He didn’t like the sound of this but he was glad that Paxton was here with him. She led him out to Radiology. “Do you have anything scheduled soon?”
“No,” she quietly replied.
“Stay with me?” He grabbed her hand. He knew it was wrong and that she was with Jack, but he was scared of what was happening.
“Of course,” she smiled, squeezing his hand.
Duke realized he missed Paxton’s touch. No matter how much hurt she caused him, his heart was still aching. He didn’t want to let her go, but it was impossible for them to be together now. Too much has happened and she made it clear that Jack would win out no matter what he did. They went through a set of doors and Duke realized they were now in Radiology.
“Here,” she handed him a hospital gown. “Put this on and come out to the room when you’re done.”
She left quietly. Duke quickly changed into his gown. He felt his nerves grow. As he turned around, he saw Ella standing there in the corner with a worried look on her face. It was like she was pleading with him, like she didn’t want him to go into the room. He shut his eyes, she isn’t here. He repeated that to himself, it’s a trick your mind is playing.
“Duke?” Paxton’s voice filled the room. He turned and saw her concerned look. “You alright?”
“Yeah, sorry.” He started heading into the room. Paxton stood back and let the tech do his job.
He injected dye into the IV that he started on Duke. Duke noticed the metallic taste in his mouth. He grimaced, it was not a pleasant taste. He heard Ella’s whispered voice say his name. He tried his best to ignore it. It was his imagination, something was wrong. He knew it, the test would prove it.
Duke felt like the test took forever. When it was done, he was thankful that he could change back into his running attire. He never liked hospital gowns, but who did? He felt agitated as Paxton led him back down to her office. They sat in silence. He knew that it would probably be a few hours before they got the results. He saw the paperwork marked as urgent as he passed it to go change. That just meant he didn’t have to wait days for results.
“Are you worried?” He needed to break the tension he felt.
“We are just making sure nothing is physically wrong. Since you have no symptoms, I’m not worried about swelling. What I am worried about is how you are doing, mentally that is,” she paused. “Maybe you are stressed, putting
too much pressure on yourself. Something is triggering this Duke, I don’t like it.”
Duke looked down. He was worried too. He knew that there was a lot going on around him and he felt like his world hadn’t been balanced since he found out about his unborn child, Paxton’s engagement, and meeting Jennah. He heard clicking of the keyboard and looked back up at her.
“Let’s get out of here. Dr. Maclyn will be letting us know when he gets the results. I told Jonathan I need to take some personal time today.”
“No Pax, I don’t need a babysitter. I shouldn’t have come running to you. I could have waited for Dr. Maclyn. This is just blurring the lines here. I meant what I said at the house, I’m not your concern. This was mistake.”
“Duke, stop,” she tried stopping him as he got up. “Wait!”
“No, I can’t lean on you, not about this.”
“This personality swing may be caused by whatever is going on. Just please stay,” Paxton called out as Duke walked out of the office.
She may have a point but right now, Duke couldn’t be there while Paxton coddled him. It reminded him again that he lost her to Jack. She chose Jack, not him. He needed to stop leaning on her in times he thought he was in trouble.
***
Duke found himself sitting in front of Paxton’s cabin. After he left the hospital, he drove around calming himself down and then he realized how much of an ass he was to Paxton. She was just trying to help. He assumed that it could be boiled down to whatever was going on with him. He got out of his car and knocked on the door.
Paxton answered within a few moments and let him in. She took him to the living room and waited. She was obviously upset with what happened earlier. Looking around, Duke noticed she slightly redecorated again. He looked around taking the changes in. He sat on the couch in the living room. He relived the moments that took place on that couch with Paxton. He remembered Paxton giving herself over completely to him, which led them up to her bedroom.
He looked over to Paxton. She was now sitting in a recliner that she must have recently added. She was lost in her own thoughts. He couldn’t help but remember the softness of her skin. Tracing his fingers on her delicate skin, her body responding to every touch. He remembered carrying her up the stairs, clothes being peeled off every step of the way. Duke wanted to reach out to her, touch her once more. She suddenly looked over at him, something wild behind her eyes seemed to be brewing.
Duke got up and approached her. She looked up at him with questions in her eyes. He reached for her hand. She looked at him, confusion now masked her face. “Duke? What are you doing?”
“I don’t know. Just being here, with you. Paxton, I’m so sorry,” He kissed her forehead. “Memories of us are flooding through my mind, my thoughts.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Duke silenced her by pressing his lips against hers.
“I know,” he breathed.
“He’s your best friend, Duke.”
“He screwed me over,” he breathed. Their lips met gently once more. Duke could still sense her resistance through the kiss but she didn’t pull away this time.
He pulled Paxton in closer, causing her to stand from the recliner she was sitting in. He forgot how it felt to have her against him. Duke moaned as their kiss deepened. Duke led her to the library. He wanted to christen another room in the house. Paxton didn’t seem to hesitate. Tonight he would let her know what she walked away from and maybe, just maybe he could make her change her mind. Everything that has happened up to this point went out the window. His need to feel her beneath him overpowered everything else. Every ounce of anger he had dissipated as they continued into the library, every bad thought of her, gone. Duke could only think of what used to be, how happy they were and how they were just good for each other. If she could forget about Jack and he could forgive her for keeping secrets, they could be happy once again.
Paxton let her hands drop and she pulled his shirt up over his head. Clearly she was lost in the moment with him. She wasn’t hesitant and she started taking charge. She then slowly unbuttoned his jeans. There was a small look in her eyes now about whether or not they should continue, but then he felt her hands glide down his hips as she pulled his jeans off. Duke saw the smile on her lips as she realized he was commando beneath the denim fabric. He was thankful he stopped by the house to shower and change.
Paxton looked up at him and her smile widened as she slowly stood scraping her nails against his skin. It was pure pleasure and when she stood. He quickly stripped her of clothing. He turned her around and bent her over the desk she had in the library. A giggle escaped her at the sudden turn of events between them. He found himself smiling as he stood behind her. Plunging into Paxton’s moist core, Duke lost himself in her.
***
Duke stared at the ceiling of the library. He and Paxton were laying on the floor, wrapped up in each other. He turned his head and looked over the doorway, knowing he should be going soon because Paxton was still Jack’s and they both just betrayed him. He felt guilty about what happened between them and Paxton was now sleeping in his arms. Jack was his best friend, but at the same time, he was thankful that this happened. It gave him some temporary relief from what he was feeling, a few moments of happiness.
Movement in the door startled him. He rubbed his free hand over his eyes. There in the corner stood Ella, looking disappointed. She hung her hand and turned towards the open doorway. Duke felt his chest tighten and he panicked. He sat up quickly and Ella began quickly fading into thin air.
“No, please!” he reached out for her.
“Duke?” Paxton said groggily as she sat up. He turned and looked at Paxton. “What’s going on?”
Duke turned back to the corner where Ella was, but she had disappeared. He hung his head. The look in Ella’s eyes tore through him.
“Duke?” Paxton tilted her head. Duke just shook his head and stood. Paxton followed his lead and gathered her clothes. Duke knew that their little bubble they built was now popped and they were facing the consequences to their actions.
“I gotta go.” Duke grabbed his clothes piled on the floor and started getting dressed.
“Are you okay?”
“No, but I didn’t mean for us to go this far,” he tried to placate her. “I’m sorry Pax.”
He turned and walked out the door before she had a chance to say anything.
THIRTEEN
Duke sat there staring at the wall. Ryan hadn’t moved or said anything since they sat down in his living room. Duke was surprised by Ryan’s visit as it was unexpected and he told Duke that Paxton called him. Apparently she was worried after he ran out on her. Duke remembered the disappointed look on Ella’s face. It pierced him straight to the heart.
“So what happened? I haven’t seen you this quiet in a long time.”
“Yeah sorry.” Duke looked down at the floor. How was he going to explain himself? His life has turned completely upside down and spun around a few times, to the point where he was dizzy from it.
“What’s going on it that head of yours?”
“Chaos,” Duke answered. He didn’t have to look at him to feel the weight of Ryan’s stare bearing down on him.
“I don’t understand. Paxton called saying you went to see her at the hospital but she didn’t tell me why. Duke talk to me.”
Duke didn’t answer. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to process everything that has happened. He was trying to pin point the moment that Ella started appearing in his life, the moment where he lost himself. Maybe then he could figure out why Ella was appearing to him, why he let himself get lost in Paxton. He heard Ryan sigh.
“When is Jack going to be back home today?”
“He’s out of town. Monthly trip to New York,” Duke answered automatically. He felt another guilty pang as images of what happened in the library at the cabin filled his mind. He vaguely heard a knock on the door but made no move to answer it.
“Duke?” Paxton’s voic
e entered his thoughts. He looked up. He didn’t want to see her right now.
“Pax, I think I just need some time to myself, to process what’s going on.”
“That’s why I’m here. Dr. Maclyn called me. He thought I was with you.”
“You’re fine Duke, physically at least but we both think you need to see someone. I can talk to see if Dr. Keeler has an opening.”
“No, I’ll be fine. I just need time.”
“Duke, you should listen to her.”
Duke looked between Ryan and Paxton. He felt cornered. “Nothing is wrong with me, Dr. Maclyn just confirmed it. So I am just stressed.”
“Duke, please,” Paxton pleaded.
“I need time to process things. I wanted a baby with Ella, I wanted a future with Paxton, but I obviously don’t ever get what I want,” he looked over at Paxton and looked her in the eye. “Just glimpses and touches of it. I only get pieces of happiness and it’s not fair,” he stared at Paxton. She caught on to the meaning behind his words.
“Stop,” her voice was stern. Duke saw the unspoken, conflicting emotions behind her stare.
Her phone suddenly rang. “Andrews,” she answered. “On my way.” She hung up the phone. “I have to go but we are going to talk later.” She turned and left before he could give her a response.
“I’m going to go too. Let me know if you need anything,” Ryan said a few moments after Paxton left.
Duke headed to his room. He laid down in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He was finally able to pinpoint where the change happened. It was Jennah. When she appeared into his life, that’s when Ella came back to haunt him. She was so eerily similar it had to be the trigger of everything. He saw Ella in everything she did, from their similar looks, to her smile, her laugh, even every once in a while her mannerisms. The life that he and Ella could have had was no longer a possibility. Jennah was the reminder of that. It ripped his heart apart a little bit more.
The shrill of his phone filled the silence in his room. He picked it up and saw the unknown number. He answered knowing that he shouldn’t. It would probably just be a telemarketer.
