by Sara Marion
“Hello?”
“Duke?”
Duke sat up straight in bed. He knew that voice. “Jennah?”
“Yeah, um,” she paused. “Well, I was just calling to see how you were.”
Duke wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t think she was going to call after this long. He remembered leaving a note when he and Drew were at the bar and grill.
“I’m doing okay. How are you?”
“Feeling dumb. I think this was a bad idea.”
He heard a click on the phone. “Jennah?”
No answer, “Jennah, you there?” He pulled the phone back and saw that she disconnected the call.
He saved her number and tried to call her back. He got her voicemail, “It’s Jennah, you know what to do.” Duke hung up. She called for a reason. With the chaos going on within him, he felt a strong desire to run towards Jennah right now. The only issue was that he only knew where she worked. Outside of that, they saw each other at baseball games. Since the season is over, he would only see her when they ran into each other in public, if they ever did.
He rolled over facing the wall of his room. He glanced up at the nightstand and it was about 10:30pm. He sighed knowing that sleep would escape him again. Duke needed to get out and clear his mind, reset himself so-to-speak. Climbing out of bed, he got dressed and headed out the door to the one place he knew he could run to.
FOURTEEN
Duke walked into the bar and sat in his usual spot. He looked around knowing that he might run into a couple of the guys here at Athens but then again, maybe not. He hoped to have just a night to himself to drown out everything and just not feel anything for once.
“Hey stranger,” Lexi came up. “Where’ve you been? It’s been awhile.”
He smiled. “Yeah, life has gotten a little crazy.”
Lexi glanced at him trying to decide if he was telling the truth. “Are the boys coming tonight?”
“No, it’s just me today.”
“You seem a little down. Let me grab us some beers, I was just about to take off for the night when I saw you walk in. “
“Sounds good,” he realized he didn’t want to be alone after all. The thought of having someone to hang out and talk with lifted his spirits.
Lexi came back within a few minutes, a beer in hand and Duke told her about the last few days and Ella’s appearances. He didn’t know why he felt the need to spill everything out to Lexi but he was glad someone was willing to listen and not interrupt. He purposely left out the part where he slept with Paxton.
“So you are seeing Ella now?” Her voice was uncertain. Duke knew it was farfetched and he must sound crazy but there was also something in her voice that said she was concerned.
“Basically, am I crazy?”
“No, you’re grieving. Trust me. I know all about that.”
Duke stared at her. He realized he didn’t know much about Lexi and her past. She told him one night they has similar situations but he never asked. He saw how selfish he had been and one-sided their relationship was. “Who did you lose that was close to you?”
Lexi hesitated, but then started telling the story of how she lost her fiancée three days before their wedding. He got into a bar fight at his bachelor party and it turned ugly. Her fiancée died of head trauma and a stab wound to the chest. Duke sat there amazed. He had no idea about this and it just opened his eyes to how he was badly handling everything. Here Lexi was a year and half later, happy and having a no-strings relationship with him. She told him about her good days and bad, but she said the good days and the good memories keep her going. Lexi admitted that Duke helped her out of dark spots a few times they were together. She divulged that she liked how their relationship worked, two broken souls using each other to fill a need in one another.
“Wanna get outta here?” She asked as they finished another round of beers.
“Yeah, back to my place? Jack’s outta town right now.”
“Sure,” Lexi smiled. Duke couldn’t help but smile back.
They paid their bill and as always left a good tip. On the cab ride over, something changed between them. The solemn seriousness of the night was turning into a hormone-driven need to strip each other naked and get lost in one another. He knew he needed something to wash away Paxton and the visions of Ella.
Duke paid the driver as they arrived back at his place. Unlocking the door, Lexi was already kissing the back of his neck and she strained up on her tippy-toes to reach the bare spot. He swung the door open and quickly turned around. Duke picked her up with ease and as she wrapped her legs around him, he turned and walked them through he door. He felt their needs become something more urgent.
Duke’s lips crashed against hers after setting her down in the living room. He kicked the door shut behind him, not skipping a beat with Lexi, They began to move towards the couch as they both started stripping each other out of the fabrics that separated their skin from touching the other. She giggled as her legs hit the arm of the couch and she fell backwards dragging him down with her before he can finish unbuttoning his jeans.
She pushed him up so he could finish his task and she could take off her thong that she was grateful she chose over something less sexy. Duke looked up as movement caught his attention. His smile fell. Lexi noticed and she sat up looking at the vacant spot across the room where Duke was staring.
“What’s wrong?”
Duke shook his head and stared across the room again. No one was there, “Nothing.” He smiled back down at her and removed his jeans throwing them over the coffee table. He leaned over and started kissing her neck.
“No, wait Duke,” Lexi place her hands on his chest and tried pushing him up. Duke looked down at her. “You saw her didn’t you? That’s why you paused a moment ago.”
Duke didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to ruin the evening but he couldn’t deny that Ella appeared. He looked over at the now empty spot and sighed.
“It’s okay. Maybe this wasn’t meant to happen tonight. I’ll just go.” Lexi pushed him up and Duke sat back on the couch as she stood. He watched her start to gather her things and he felt bad for ruining the night.
“Wait,” he pleaded as she started pulling on her jeans. “Don’t go.”
“Duke, I can’t compete with her. I can’t. There is something going on in your head right now. I was fine when you couldn’t see her and we were just filling needs, but this change in you,” she paused. “This is something I don’t want to be tangled up in. She is appearing for a reason and I don’t want to get on the bad side of fate or your wife. She wants you to stop for a reason, probably a good one. The Fates have decided something for you and Ella is trying to get you to that point.”
Duke realized that he really didn’t know the wonderful woman standing in front of him. Tonight he had learned many things about Lexi and her beliefs, her background. Maybe she was right. Maybe Ella was trying to push him to wherever he needed to be. It was twice now that she stopped him from being intimate with a woman. First Paxton when he kissed her and now Lexi.
While lost in his own thoughts, he heard the front door close. Looking up, he saw that Lexi left before he could even respond. Duke sighed, “Ella, what are you doing?” He asked the empty room, almost expecting her to answer, but she never did. She didn’t appear to him at all after Lexi left and Duke went to bed more frustrated than ever.
FIFTEEN
“Duke, what on Earth are you doing?” Ella’s demanding tone stopped Duke from what he was working on.
“Nothing.”
“Why are you in my dark room trying to develop pictures when you don’t have the slightest idea how?”
“I know what I’m doing, I learned from the best,” he turned and kissed her on the nose trying to calm her down. He knew she didn’t like him being in her dark room, but he was trying to work on a surprise piece for her.
“Ass-kisser,” she accused. “Let me see if you are even doing it right.” She grabbed the photo-tongs an
d picked up the picture from the liquid. She hung it to dry on the line staring at it. It was a picture of them on their first date. She picked up each picture he had in separate bins. Each one depicted a first they did.
“Duke,” she whispered.
“It was supposed to be a surprise and as you can see, I know what I’m doing,” he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him before she continued to stare at the pictures hanging on the line.
He knew he captured a lot of good memories from the negatives he picked out of her neatly organized photo boxes. He would never admit that he googled the development process, but he was going to surprise her with a scrapbook. He was going to propose soon and he wanted to start their lives in their own house, not the small rental they currently had. He found the perfect one she would like. Thank goodness he didn’t develop the picture of the house or him holding as sign telling her it was theirs. He had a plan to drive her out after she flipped to the last page. He was going to take her on a tour, so they could see where they had all their firsts again.
He kissed her neck and she reached back and let her hand run through his hair. “I love you,” she said before turning around.
“I love you too, Ellie-bear. Forever, for always, for eternity.”
“That’s not long enough,” she giggled. Duke loved her giggle, her laugh, her smile, her everything. He knew their life together would be perfect and he couldn’t wait to grow old with her, have children, become grandparents together. They were on top of the world and nothing could ever get in their way, but first they had to get married.
Duke woke up and reached over to the other side of the bed, only to find it empty. Ella was not there with him, it was another dream. He looked over at the clock and saw that he had only been asleep for a couple hours. He stared back up at the ceiling knowing he was wide-awake, afraid to close his eyes and see her. His most cherished memories now becoming his most beautiful nightmares. Moments with Ella were haunting him in his sleep, more than ever lately.
He turned on his side and took a deep breath. Knowing that he had to get to work in the morning, Duke needed to try to get back to sleep or risk a really long day with his kids. Neither one seemed appealing at the moment. He had a long weekend and was already not looking forward to his dead week, the week before finals.
Duke was finally going back to work. After the team’s loss, he thought he should at least be there to show them that they were still winners in his book. They had a phenomenal season. He wondered if they lost because they were worried about him, trying to win for him and getting frustrated with themselves causing them to not play a hundred percent.
Sighing, he turned once more. He knew he was awake and there was nothing he can do about it. He might as well get up and do the chores he had been neglecting. His laundry pile was a mile-high it seemed like. He didn’t even do dishes after cooking dinner earlier. Duke listened for sounds as he got out of bed and looked out the window. He didn’t see any other cars in the driveway. Deciding it was safe for him to wander in his boxers, he picked up his laundry basket and headed out of the room.
***
Duke started filling up the sink with soapy water. He had already started laundry, did the dusting, cleaned the counters, and mopped the kitchen floor. Now the only thing left was dishes. He had quiet music playing from the MP3 player he had hooked up in the kitchen. He had put on his 90’s country music playlist that always made him relax. He figured maybe by the time he finished dishes, he could put his laundry in the dryer and head to bed, hopefully sleepy.
Stopping the water, Duke started with the bigger pans he used. He methodically washed and rinsed them before setting them on the drying mat. He found himself singing along when he heard a giggle behind him. He turned and saw Paxton standing there covering her mouth.
“Is this how you clean? Late at night, in your boxers?” She raised an eyebrow.
Duke grabbed a dish and brought it out of the water to scrub, “No, I just couldn’t sleep.” He checked it to make sure it was clean and began rinsing it.
“Why can’t you sleep?”
“I just can’t. What are you doing here anyways?”
“I just got off my shift. Jack texted that he was back and I thought he was here but he’s not. I’m too tired to drive out to the cabin. I called him and he said to stay here tonight.”
Duke set the dish on the drying mat and paused. “I didn’t even know you were here. I didn’t see any cars in the driveway.”
“I parked out on the street. I didn’t know which side you were parked on in the garage.”
“I’m always on the left side,” he said over his shoulder as he finished rinsing the last dish in the sink.
Duke turned and faced her. He felt his breath hitch as he realized she was only in a long shirt, her hair tousled around her shoulders. She stood there watching him. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms again. His feet stayed planted where they were. His head was still fighting his heart and urges to take Paxton to his bed.
“Good to know,” she looked around and bit her lower lip.
Before Duke knew what he was doing, he found himself walking towards Paxton. He noticed her breathing stopped as soon as he reached her. They stood inches away from each other, neither making a move but his hand was twitching, as it wanted to extend out and tuck her hair behind her ear, feel her soft skin against his, and lead her to his bed.
“I can’t do this again, Duke, not right now,” she breathed.
“I know,” he kissed her forehead. His head was screaming at him. “I know,” he said again. “You’re with Jack, but we betrayed him. You can’t tell me you still don’t ache for me too.”
Paxton didn’t say anything and Duke leaned in a little closer, his lips hovering over hers. The indecision he felt heightened. He could see her lean in even closer. Their lips barely separated. Duke closed the distance between them, pulling Paxton in against him.
Suddenly the door swung open and Link came bounding in. They quickly backed away from each other. Jack appeared in the doorway, looking behind him to make sure the garage door shut. Duke hated the interruption but he was glad it happened. He was in dangerous territory and putting Paxton in a tight spot, asking her to choose between them.
Duke watched Jack turn and look at both of them. He smiled and headed towards Paxton. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up into a kiss. He set her down and she looked at the floor, no doubt feeling guilty that moments ago, she was kissing Duke.
“Why are you two up?” Jack asked breaking the silence between the three of them.
“I was cleaning and woke Paxton up. I didn’t know she was here,” Duke quickly explained.
“You okay man?” Jack looked at him and Duke wanted to tell him he was, but he knew he wasn’t.
“Yeah,” Duke looked over at Paxton. “Just need to get my head on straight, figure out what’s going on in my head.”
“Wanna talk?”
“No, I’ll be fine. I’m just going to head to bed soon. Waiting to switch my clothes over to the dryer.”
“If you are sure, I think I’m going to head to bed. I couldn’t sleep at the cabin by myself after Paxton’s call earlier. Just decided to come over here.”
“Yeah, you guys head back to bed. I’ll be quieter.”
He watched Jack as he turned and headed back towards their room, towing Paxton behind him. She continued to stare at Duke as Jack led her back. Duke saw her reluctance to go. Let her go. She chose him, not you. Don’t do this, his conscience voiced. He took a deep breath in knowing that his conscience was right. Paxton chose Jack, she chose to keep information about his family from him, he should want nothing to do with her, but his heart said otherwise. He really did fall in love with her and that’s what hurts the most. The fact that she lied to protect him, but then discarded him when Jack came back. His mind then brought Jennah to the forefront, which meant Ella was back on his mind. He hated this war going on inside of him. How can he possibly allow his
heart to reach out again? It desperately wanted to go after Paxton, but at the same time was shattered because of the future he lost with Ella and now Jennah was slowly making her way in for unknown reasons. He heard the buzzer of the washer telling him his load was ready to change over.
SIXTEEN
Jennah was packing up things in her room. Moving weekend came faster than she thought. She was excited to have her own place with her daughter. She was finally making sense of the world around her. It had been far too long and she had depended on others over the last couple of years. She hated being a burden. She promised herself one day, despite all her setbacks, she would make something out of herself. She had to so she could give Dobry the best life possible. She had come a long way, but she had so much further to go.
“Aunt Jennah?”
Jennah turned and saw Chase in the doorway of her room. She decided now was a good time to take a break, “Hey kid, what’s up?”
“I was wondering if you could come to the baseball team’s awards night. It’s this Friday. I want you and Mom to be there with me.”
It warmed her heart that he wanted her there to help celebrate the team’s season. They had a close bond over the last year and Chase was a sweet kid. Jennah knew it meant a lot to Chase that she be included in everything. “Sure, what time is it and where? I’m sure I would need a break by then since I’m starting to move to my new place. Dobry will be at the sitter’s. Maybe she can watch Dobry for the event too.”
“Friday, 7pm, at the Clarion ballroom. Coach said there would be signs.”
“Great. I will be there kid as long as the sitter agrees to keep Dobry.”
“When are you going to stop calling me kid?”
“Never,” she chuckled. She rubbed her hand through his hair even though she was reaching up to do it. He batted her hands away trying to put his hair back in place.
