“Who are they, Johan?”
“In the big house, they’ll know we’re here. He said I had to stay quiet,” he whispered. He lifted his hand and pointed towards the door, then frowned staring at his hands. “I can’t get it off. It won’t come off. Look, I...it won’t come off,” he choked as he held his hands out in front of him. I couldn’t see anything on his hands; they were clean, completely pruned and wrinkly from the water.
“What’s on them?” I asked gently. I felt like I was talking to one of the kids in class.
“Her blood, it’s everywhere.” He sobbed. His hands shook as he twisted them wiping at imaginary blood.
“Sweetheart, nothing is there.” I put my hands around his, and he pulled away from me so fiercely he banged into the side of the wall. I flinched for him because that had to have hurt.
“Don’t touch me, I’m vile. You...I can’t spoil you,” he gasped, curling into the corner away from me. Tears mixed with the water on his face.
“Johan, you can’t spoil me. I’m going to clean you, okay? Together we will get you clean.” I shifted towards him slowly.
“I’ll spoil you. I make everything bad,” he said pleadingly. I paused, puzzled by the beautiful, broken man before me.
“No you won’t, I promise. Come here...please,” I begged. I held out my arms hoping he would come to me. The shower cubicle wasn’t large but the way he was pulling away from me, it was as if the Grand Canyon stood between us. I could see the indecision in his face before he moved into my arms. I wrapped myself around him, cradling him to me as he sobbed loudly. He gripped at my wet clothes, as if he wanted to be as close as humanly possible. I stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head, whispering loving words to try to soothe him. The water had warmed his skin, but he still shivered.
“Johan?” I whispered.
“Why do the people I love die? I have their blood on my hands, what did I do...to make them leave me?“
A jealous pang hit my chest at his confession of loving my sister and I wanted to mentally slap myself for feeling that way. I've known for some time about his affection for her, and I am pregnant with another man’s kid, so I have no right to be jealous.
“Eve isn’t dead, Johan, she’s very much alive because you saved her.”
He lifted his head and cocked it to one side with a totally bemused expression on his face.
“Eve?” He questioned, as if he had no clue what I was talking about.
I nodded to his hands. “The blood, the people you love—”
“My mom’s blood. I killed her, it was my fault.”
“What?” I gasped, pulling away slightly.
“It was my fault, he hated me. If I hadn’t been born he wouldn’t have gone after my mom.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
He lifted his head and fixed me with those pale blue eyes; they were even more intense against the translucent water clinging to his black eyelashes. He gazed at me, blinked a few times, and all of a sudden it was like Johan reappeared and the stranger he had become vanished.
“God you’re beautiful.” He lifted his hand and stroked his finger across my bottom lip. His eyes flicked to my eyes, my hair, my lips, cataloguing my features; it felt surprisingly intimate.
“Johan?” I swallowed, terrified by this intimacy, yet wanting to lunge for him and devour his gorgeous mouth.
“Why is it easy to hate me and hurt me?” he asked, looking so vulnerable it made me want to hold and protect him.
“It’s not, trust me. You are the most infuriating man I know, but there is something endearing about you that has welded you to this family.”
“I love Eve.” He let out a soft sigh and again my heart did that tight squeeze that was beginning to piss me off. “I can’t bear the thought of her—”
“She’s fine. She will be fine,” I stated adamantly, because the alternative didn’t bear thinking about. And I couldn’t hear him proclaim his love for her.
He curled into me again and held me tightly, his head resting over my heart. “I can’t let anything happen to you. I won’t survive that, I can’t allow it.”
I laughed softly. “Johan, nothing is going to happen to me.”
He lifted his head and looked at me. “After today I won’t ever see you again, will I?” The absolute finality in his voice frightened me.
“What? Of course you will, we live together.”
He shook his head and lifted his hand to cup my cheek. “No, I will lose you like I’ve lost everyone else I care about. You will leave too.” His voice sounded so bleak and empty I wanted to cry.
I lifted my hands and held his face, forcing him to look at me. “I am not leaving you.”
He closed his eyes tightly before opening them. A lump clogged my throat when a single tear tumbled down his cheek, gathering in the well between my thumb and finger.
I don’t know what possessed me but I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, catching the tear on my lips. Then I pressed my lips to his closed eyes. “I’m not leaving you, I swear it,” I whispered before pressing my lips to his forehead. He relaxed and pressed his head to my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me and holding tightly. Something inside me screamed a warning that this man had been broken for a long time ago. Broken seemed too light a word. More like he’d been obliterated and patched together again, but the incident with Eve had blown apart his patchwork. I clutched at him, trying to convey how much I wanted to console him. I would if he allowed it.
Chased by a Monster
Chase Dermont junior III
5 years old
Boston Massachusetts
“Little buddy, we gotta hide,” Ryan whispered as he pulled me out of bed.
Momma had stopped coming to me in my dreams now, and I hated going to sleep because she wasn’t there. My heart hurt because she didn't want to see me anymore, and I made her sad.
Ryan lifted me from the top bunk and held me to his chest whilst I wrapped my legs around his waist. “We have to be quiet you hear?” he whispered.
I nodded.
“We’re running away, I’m taking you away from the sick son of a bitch.” He turned and walked out of my bedroom. We were so quiet my ears buzzed from the silence. My heart beat in my body so hard I thought it would wake Grandpa Chase and Grandma Violet. Ryan raced across the yard to his truck. He put me in the driver’s side and told me to move across the bench seat.
He started to jump in when a deep voice stopped him.
“Boy, you better have a good explanation for being out this late with my boy Chase,” Grandpa Chase said.
“Fuck,” Ryan whispered.
“Indeed. Think maybe we need a chat.” Grandpa placed his gigantic hand on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan looked at me with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, buddy,” he whispered before Grandpa put his arm around his neck and yanked him away. I grabbed onto Ryan’s sleeve and was pulled along the seat like a dog pulling at a rag chew.
“I’ll teach you to fucking listen,” Grandpa said angrily. His giant arm wrapped around Ryan’s neck pulling him along. Ryan’s scratched and kicked at the dirt. The panicked look on his face scared me. He fought to get Grandpa’s arm from around his neck but he couldn’t stop it.
“Chase, come on,” Grandpa growled like a scary dog.
I didn’t move.
“Now!” he shouted as he dragged Ryan towards the woods. I shuffled along the dirt on my knees. My hands were scraped from falling out of the truck and my knees were sore. Grandpa called again and I jumped to my feet and ran as quick as my legs would go to catch up. The stones and sticks hurt my bare feet but I did what Grandpa said, I followed.
When we got to the dark scary trees the shadows danced about us, big arms reached out to scratch at me, and whistling monsters stirred near my ears. Grandpa threw Ryan onto the ground and started shouting at him, really scary words. I covered my ears and hid behind a big ol’ tree.
“You think you can run from me? You think you can take
what is mine?”
“You disgust me,” Ryan spat. He was so brave to talk back at Grandpa, I never dared. I once saw Kyle argue with him and Grandpa hit him in the face with his massive fist.
Grandpa laughed, but he didn’t look happy. He turned away from Ryan but doubled back quickly and kicked him right in the side; Ryan cried out. But Grandpa didn’t stop, he kept kicking and kicking. His big-booted foot made a sickening sound against Ryan’s skin. I screamed and begged for him to stop. But he didn’t. I covered my ears and closed my eyes. I could still hear Ryan and Grandpa.
A hand settled on my shoulder making me jump. I looked up at Grandpa. His hands were dirty and he was panting like he’d been running.
“Come on son, you need to do something to make up for this. I’m not happy and if I’m not happy your momma won’t come, and I will have to keep hurting Ryan. Do you want that?”
I sniffed and wiped my nose on the sleeve of my jammies.
He held out his hand and I placed my tiny hand in his.
When I walked out from behind the tree I saw Ryan lying on the dirt not moving. My momma looked like that just before she left me. I cried out and pulled away from Grandpa. I ran to Ryan and fell beside him.
“Ryan, wake up, Ryan,” I cried. I placed my hand on his prickly cheek, it was warm against my cold palm. He didn't move.
“The boy is fine, he’s learnt his lesson.”
“But—”
“Come...now!” Grandpa ordered.
I didn’t want to leave Ryan, but Grandpa’s voice scared me. Maybe once momma came I could tell her Ryan was hurt and she would come and get him. I leaned forward and put my mouth close to Ryan’s ear. “I’m going to get momma to come make you better. She always made my boo-boos go away.”
A large hand landed on my back and yanked at the neck of my jammies, pulling me to my feet.
Grandpa Chase walked us into the darkness. I kept looking behind me to see if Ryan moved but he didn’t.
Grandpa took me to an old boathouse; it wasn’t the one we used normally because that was over near the big boat deck. This one looked broken, the deck was all wobbly and most of the boards were missing. It looked dangerous. The door creaked open and when he switched the light on, I snapped my eyes closed because the sudden light stung my vision.
When I opened them I saw a small cot in the corner, like the one I slept on in the basement. But this didn’t have any sheets, it was bare and a little dirty. There were lots of chairs around the room and another mattress on the floor in the corner. There was a camera on legs facing the bed. It smelt funny in here, not like the other one. This was musty, like something I hadn’t smelt before but I didn’t like it. There were lots of shiny packets on the table, I think they could be candy but I hadn’t seen that sort of candy before. I didn’t like it here and Grandpa was looking at me funny.
“I want to go home,” I whimpered.
“You will but you need to make Grandpa feel good first and your momma will come.”
I shook my head. I wanted Ryan, I didn’t want to be here.
“I want to go home,” I cried.
“First I’m going to teach you how to be a man.”
Chapter 2
Louise
I held Johan in the shower for a short while before I coaxed him out and convinced him to dry off. He changed into some of Dad’s lounge pants and a t-shirt. I had to hide a smile when I saw the bottoms were about three inches too short and the shirt clung to a very sculpted torso. Who knew that G.I. Johan was packing some serious muscle under those business suits. He wasn’t as tall as Dominic, but not many men were, he was practically a frigging giant. Johan still towered over me, but most people did; at five-foot-two I’ve heard all the tiny jokes. It gets a little old, but what can I say, good things come in small packages.
I grabbed Johan another whisky and a glass of water and took it into my old bedroom. He was sitting on my bed cross-legged, with his head in his hands.
“I brought you another drink, and some water.”
He lifted his head. I hated the expression of devastation on his face. I preferred the verbal sparring and constant jibes we generally threw at one another. I placed the water on the bedside table and handed him the whisky. He took it and swallowed it in one go.
“Maybe you should try and sleep,” I said, reaching out to take the glass.
“I don’t think I could, not without...” He stopped as if he’d caught himself saying something he shouldn’t.
“We could put a film on if you want?” I pointed over to my ancient TV. When we moved we decided to take Eve’s larger more modern set.
He simply shrugged his shoulders.
“What about—d” My phone started ringing in the distance so I ran from the bedroom through the house into the kitchen to grab my phone. Panting, I answered without looking at the screen.
“Hello.”
“What was that text about earlier? Are you in a mood with me or something?”
“Darren? What? What text?” I asked, not expecting him to be the caller.
“You told me to fuck off,” he whispered the last part and I realised he must still be at work.
“It wasn’t me. Listen—”
“What do you mean it wasn’t you? Who would say that and why would they text from your phone? And why are you out of breath? What were you doing?”
“Darren listen—” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed when he interrupted again.
“So if you didn’t send it, does that mean you’re coming around tonight?” He sounded so hopeful I felt a little guilty turning him down.
“No, I can’t, listen—”
“No! Why not? I don’t get many nights off and you complain we don’t see each other.”
“Frigging hell, Darren, will you let me get a word in? Christ,” I scolded. I held my hand to my chest because I still felt a little breathless.
“Okay, love, go on.” God, I hated when he called me love. Coming from my parents or my granddad, fair enough, but when it came from someone my own age, it irritated the shit out of me.
“Eve was hurt really badly today. Elliott attacked her and she’s...she’s...” I gasped thinking about my sister; I had spent the day worrying about Johan’s erratic behaviour, so I hadn’t had time to process it yet. And saying it aloud seemed to make it real somehow.
“What? Are you kidding?”
“Yeah Darren, I’m going to joke about my sister being in a fucking coma because her arsehole of a boyfriend beat the shit out of her. He’s dead by the way and Jill, bless her, is sat next door all alone without anyone and I’m at Mum’s with Johan because he’s freaked out because he’s the one who found her.”
“Okay, love, breathe. You’re talking at the speed of light. So let me get this straight. Eve is in the hospital and Elliott is dead?” He spoke in a bedside manner that pissed me off.
“Yes,” I gritted out.
“Is she here at the L.G.I?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want me to go see if I can find anything out before I leave? See how she is?”
My anger dissipated. “Would you?”
“For you, anything,” he answered.
My heart fluttered and I smiled. “Thank you.”
“So can I see you tonight?” he asked quietly.
I looked down the hall towards my room. “Can I text if I’m coming over? Things are a little mental here. I have Johan all messed up, Ellie to collect from Joyce, I’m going to nip next door to see if Jill is okay, and I want to be nearby if Mum and Dad need anything.”
“Okay, love. Well, let me know.”
“I will. See ya later maybe.”
“Hope so. Love you.”
“I love you too.” I ended the call and stared out of the kitchen window towards Jill’s house. I decided to go check on Johan, set a film up for him, and then go see if Jill was okay. I was angry at Elliott but I hated to think of her all alone and dealing with what had happened today. Especially
seeing as she’d lost her son. I rubbed my hand over my hardening tummy. I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing this little one and it hadn’t even been born yet. I couldn’t wait to find out the sex so I could stop calling it an it.
I walked down the hall and when I got to the bedroom door I paused and smiled at the adorable sight before me. Johan had curled up on my bed, his legs tucked up to his chest, his arms curled into his body hugging my sweatshirt. He looked so vulnerable laying there. I walked over to him and as gently as I could pulled a fleece blanket over him. I couldn’t resist running my fingers through his dark, almost black hair. He turned his head into my hand and I wanted nothing more than to trace his jaw with my finger. At that thought, I pulled away. I grabbed Dad’s key for Jill’s house and went next door to see her.
Out of courtesy I knocked before I used the key. I didn’t get any answer so I walked into the house and stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Jill was at the dining room table with a photo frame in her hand and a cigarette in the other.
“I thought you quit?” I asked lightly. Hoping it would break the proverbial ice.
She jumped and dropped the frame onto the table. She glanced at me quickly before standing slowly. I wasn’t certain, but I thought it was a look of fear etched into her beautiful face.
“Lou, I...I’m sorry...” She stepped back, and positioned herself behind the chair as if shielding herself from me. I frowned and stepped towards her. She immediately held out her hand to ward me off.
“I’m sorry.”
“Jill, I came to see if you were okay. Not to argue.” I gently stepped towards her.
Her shoulders slumped, she bowed her head, and started to shake with silent sobs. I bit my lip to stop myself from following her into a teary mess.
“I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know...how could he? How did I not know? How—”
“Stop! None of us knew, they hid it from us, expertly. I kind of feel a little angry at her for not trusting us, but she was terrified.” I paused when she let out a loud cry. “I can’t imagine how you feel right now. We had time to get used to the abuse side of him, but this...”
Surviving Love (Surviving #2) Page 4
