Surviving Love (Surviving #2)

by Mrs Ada Frost

  Since we first made love, we have shared a bed every night and I love it. Other than being able to touch his gorgeously fit body, his nightmares stay away if I’m close. So at night he climbs into bed, holds me, and falls asleep. Sounds pathetically droll, but I love I can do that for him.

  “So you sure you want me to go with you?” I asked.

  “For the last time, yes!” He answered without looking up from the newspaper.

  “People are going to assume you’re the baby’s daddy and you’re going to have to face question after question with your colleagues,” I warned.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “So, I’ll just let them assume it, no big deal. I live with you, we’re together, so when he arrives, I will be like his dad in many ways. Besides, our friends know the truth anyway. But who gives a shit if they think I am the father? That’d be pretty amazing if I was.”

  Tears glistened in my eyes. I walked around the dining table to him and when he saw me coming he finally looked up from his paper and moved his chair back from the table. I straddled his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, my stomach pressing against his stomach as he smiled down at it.

  “My boy is getting big,” he said.

  I laughed, I went all gooey inside every time he referred to baby bean as my boy.

  “Sunbeam, you need not worry about what other people think about us. We are what we are, no one else’s opinion matters. Except Eve maybe, and I suppose Dominic. But he calls me a little shit all the time so I don’t think he’s of sound mind.”

  “Oh, he has it right,” I joked, I laughing loudly when he tickled my sides.

  “It’s great she’s going to be there, wouldn’t have felt the same without her,” he said contemplatively.

  “I know, I just hope people don’t swamp her with questions. It’s the first time since being released from hospital she’s ventured out and I know people are concerned about her, I just think she’s going to be a nervous wreck and she doesn’t—”

  “I’ve already warned people to ease her back into it. Liam and Dy are going to be there, Emily also. Not so sure Alex will be worth shit once he sees your sexy little ass in that dress, but he promised to keep the vultures at bay. We know who to watch.”

  My spine stiffened. “You mean there are people who will—”

  “Lou, I swear I won’t let it happen. And can you honestly see her personal bodyguard letting anyone near her? I’m surprised we were allowed visitation at the hospital. I was certain once Dominic got her back to his apartment we would never see her again.”

  “I think he blames himself in some way for what his brother did.”

  “Yeah, I know how that guilt feels.”

  “Honey, you have nothing at all to feel guilty about,” I said, cupping his face. I smoothed my finger over the crease between his eyebrows. “You’re getting wrinkles with all this frowning.”

  “Pullese! I don’t have wrinkles, I have the face of a guy half my age.”

  “You have the maturity of a guy half your age.” I laughed.

  “And the stamina?” He lifted a cocky eyebrow.

  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Ouch.”

  I pressed my lips to his. “I’m no cougar, so I agree you’re gawgus just as you are. Even with wrinkles.”

  He wrapped his arms around me, sliding his hands under my arse and holding me to him as he stood. “Well, before I go get my gawgus face even prettier, I’m going to show you exactly how much stamina I have. Then we’re gonna need a shower before we go out, and you, sunbeam, need to put that dress on and take my breath away again. But be warned I’m ripping it off the second we get home.”

  I couldn't resist, I pressed against him and kissed him soundly, parting his lips with my tongue; his moan vibrated through my body.

  “I have a few hours at least before we have to get ready and I’m going to devour you.”

  “Promises, promises,” I joked. I’d experienced on more than one occasion the stamina he had and it was a bloody miracle I wasn’t walking bow-legged. “Hey, will your mum and dad be there tonight?”

  He shook his head. “No, Dad turned the invitation down. I knew he would. Mama-su hates flying and he won’t leave the country without her. Will might be there, although I haven’t had a chance to confirm it with him. He’s been a little elusive as of late.”

  “Are you okay about your parents not attending?”

  He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I never expected them to be there, I know how mama-su is.”

  “Why do you call her that?”

  “What?”

  “Mama-su? You call your dad, Dad but her you never call her Mum.”

  Johan’s face paled and I hated that I’d asked a question that obviously hurt him.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to answer,” I said quickly.

  “I feel like I’d be betraying my biological mom, that’s why. Like I’d forgotten her, you know?”

  “Oh honey, no, it wouldn’t...your mom will always be a part of you. You said you have her eyes, you have her memories. She is in your heart, just because you call someone else by that name, doesn’t mean she is anything less to you. Your mum was the first person you loved, and a person never forgets their first love.”

  “I can’t picture her anymore.” He sighed and a stricken look crossed his face. “When I was a kid after she...after she died I used to dream about her. Every night I could see her clearly, then he started with his crap and it just became a scared voice I heard. She would shout for me to run away but I couldn't see her anymore. Then after...that started she stopped coming to see me altogether. She abandoned me in my dreams and left me alone again.”

  My heart hurt for him, the vulnerability in his voice killed me.

  “I never had a picture of her, I hate that I can’t remember her. What kind of son would forget his mom? She had such a beautiful face...she...”

  “Honey, you were traumatised, I’m surprised you remembered your own bloody name.”

  He shook his head vehemently.

  I cupped his face and forced him to look at me. “None of what happened was ever your fault. Your mum died as a result of a sick bastard’s sadistic tendencies, Ryan died in a mindless war, Eve was beaten but survived. None of those things you could have prevented. But you saved Eve, I know for a fact you were your mum’s world, you filled her heart and she died loving you with every fibre of her being. And Ryan...he grew into an honourable man, a man we all should be proud of. But I think more than that, I adore his memory for saving you.”

  “He’d have loved you. I don’t think I’d have stood a chance if you would have met him.”

  “Was he as irritatingly handsome as you are?” I winked.

  “More so.”

  “I don’t believe you, it’s just not possible. People would go blind.” I laughed at his beautiful smile.

  “I'm scared you’re too perfect to be real,” he said soberly.

  “Oh, I know, but you’ll get used to my brilliance.”

  “You’ll make a great mom.”

  “We’ll make a great team,” I amended, but my stomach twitched nervously, because I was terrified it would be too much.

  His hands spread over my bump. “I can’t wait.”

  I prayed he meant it. I opened my mouth to say something when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it, you go make a cuppa before we have to get ready.”

  “Yes boss,” he said with a fake salute.

  When I opened the front door, two incredibly tall men were standing on the doorstep smiling at me. One had an immaculate and rather dashing tuxedo on; he looked like a young James Bond with blond hair, and definitely a license to kill with those green eyes. I glanced at the man behind him and smiled warmly; he was huge, as in my thighs were as big as his biceps, he had a closely shaved head, a stern expression, and blue eyes that were almost brighter than Johan's. I thought for sure someone had sent the bailiffs round as a joke.

  “
Hey, is Johan around? I’m Will, his brother.” He stepped forward on the doorstep and I had to lift my head up to look up at him; he was even taller up close.

  “Christ, what do they do in America, stand you all in fertiliser until you’re the size of giants?”

  When he laughed I realised I had said that aloud, and my cheeks heated immediately.

  “You must be Louise,” he said in a gentle, warm voice.

  He held out his hand, and I took it.

  “What do you mean I must be Louise?” I asked, releasing his strong grip.

  “Johan warned me you were forthright.”

  I pursed my lips but at the mention of Johan I couldn't help but smile.

  “He never said you were coming.”

  Will looked over his shoulder nervously at silent guy. Then his attention came back to me. “We wanted to surprise him. Can we come in?”

  I stepped aside and gestured for them to enter. I walked into the kitchen with them behind me. I heard the front door close softly.

  “Someone’s here to see you,” I said to Johan’s back as I entered the kitchen. Johan turned to look at me with a mug in his hand.

  Will followed me in and Johan’s face lit up like a bright summer’s day.

  “Hey!”

  “Hey buddy.” Will beamed. Stepping into the kitchen, he glanced over his shoulder. “I’ve brought someone to see you.”

  “Marissa? How’s my number one fan?”

  I giggled to myself, because at least his inappropriate flirting spanned the North Atlantic. I frowned when Will’s body language changed; it was a strange feeling, almost like the kind I get when the hairs stand on the back of my neck when someone approaches in the dark, or the tingling when I know something is about to happen. A shiver ran down my spine and I sidestepped towards Johan. He was seemingly unaffected, thrilled to see his brother.

  Will stepped closer to Johan with his hands held out in a placating manner, almost as if he were calming a skittish animal. I wanted to yell at the shithead for treating Johan that way, but a loud smashing noise startled me. I looked at Johan who’d suddenly turned pale, frozen, his jaw gaping. Will stepped closer to him as if ready to restrain him if he had to.

  I followed Johan’s line of sight to the door where the other buff man had entered and noticed the giant had tears in his eyes. I slid towards Johan and stood protectively by his side. I watched the man step forward and Johan’s body gave a jolt. He threw himself against the counter, banging his back against the edge. I held my hand out to keep the man at distance. I looked at Will who was watching Johan with a look of absolute panic.

  “Who is he?” I snarled at Will. He glanced at the doorway and back at Johan. Then the giant spoke.

  “Hey, little buddy.”

  Johan started shaking. He crumpled to the floor before either Will or I could catch him and immediately buff guy was there, pulling him to his chest. He dwarfed Johan, and made him look like a child. I slapped my fist against his massive bicep, like a flea hitting an elephant’s arse.

  “Get the fuck—”

  “Hey, little buddy it’s me.”

  “Who?” I asked, frantic.

  Johan lifted his head to stare into the man’s eyes. “Ryan, it’s Ryan.”

  Chapter 15

  Louise

  “What? How?” I stared at the hulking man with his arms wrapped around Johan like he was protecting him from Will and I. I wanted to kick him in the shin and scream at him to get out of my house and leave Johan alone. But how could it be Ryan? Johan told me he was dead. Was he lying? Did he say all that crap to gain my sympathy and get me into his bed?

  I shook my head, refusing to think that; I wouldn’t let my thoughts go down that path because in my heart I knew the demons Johan fought daily were real. But how could his hero, the one he’d mourned for over ten years, still be alive?

  “Louise.” I heard a deep voice beside me, but my gaze was routed to the men cradled together on the floor. “Miss Beaumont.” I turned to look at Will, a man I had never met before but felt like I knew familiarly. He was the complete opposite of Johan, incredibly tall for one thing. I had to crane my neck to look at his face. While Johan had really dark hair and intense blue eyes, Will had light, hay-coloured hair and sparkly green eyes. They were bright jade green, almost hypnotic in nature, like a cat’s eyes—measuring and assessing before pouncing. He had a lethal energy about him. I stepped away and titled my head to the side to regard him. His mouth was set in a thin line, he had a strong chin, his nose was perfectly straight. His features were like the rest of him—immaculate. He pointed towards the hallway.

  “May I talk to you in private?” he asked, articulate and formal.

  “Depends what you have to say.” I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him; he may be a fucking giant, but the bigger they are the harder they fall.

  His lips quirked in a gentle smile and it transformed the brooding giant into someone more approachable.

  “My brother is right, you are a feisty little creature.”

  I lifted my eyebrow, and his hands rose up in surrender.

  “I mean no offense. I just wanted to explain.” He pointed to Johan and Ryan.

  I nodded, glancing at my man; he was broken, sobbing on the floor while the stranger held him tightly. I hated leaving him, but there was no way I would get near him. It would be like trying to extricate a steak from a hungry lion.

  Will closed the hall door, effectively shielding me from the sight in the kitchen; I wasn’t comfortable leaving Johan but I needed to know what was happening.

  Will ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes, then tugged on the collar of his shirt to pull his bowtie loose.

  “Is that really Ryan, as in the Ryan?”

  “Yes.” Will let out a loud sigh. “Marissa and I decided to hand-deliver the invites to the wedding to friends back home. Well, it was her hometown, my family moved away years ago. But she wanted a few of our old school friends to attend so I agreed to go with her. I hated that town after...” He paused and assessed me.

  “After what they did to Johan?”

  He looked shocked at first then a warm smile crossed his lips. “I knew he’d find you one day.”

  I frowned at him, not understanding.

  He shook his head and continued with his story. “We were meeting some friends at the coffee shop when someone shouted at me. I turned and at first I thought my eyes were playing tricks. But Ryan came running across the road, he nearly got hit by a sedan before he practically tackled me to the ground. He threw me into the wall and pinned me there by the throat. Marissa was hysterical, I didn't do anything. It’s not every day you get attacked by a ghost...”

  We both turned at the sound of the door behind him opening. Johan came walking through looking as white as a sheet. He kept glancing behind him to see if Ryan was still around. He came straight towards me and wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my neck. He held me tightly, his entire body shaking.

  I looked over his shoulder to the two men filling the hallway. Ryan was built like a brick shithouse, and Will was as tall as Ryan was wide. They were a seriously ominous vision. They glanced at each other and both had small smiles on their faces as if what they were seeing was highly pleasant.

  Johan lifted his head and pressed it against my forehead. He held my face and breathed deeply; I felt a surge of pride knowing he needed me, I was grounding him, bringing him home, keeping him safe.

  “Ryan is home,” Johan said in a hoarse voice.

  “I know.”

  “Stay with me.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand. He needed me and I was going to be there for him.

  I nodded and wrapped my hands around his wrists. “Always.”

  We all went into the living room and I seated myself on the sofa beside Johan, Will took the chair and Ryan perched on the arm of the sofa beside Johan protectively. Even after years apart he had it within him to protect him.

  “What happened?�
� Johan said in a small voice.

  “Mom was a vindictive bitch,” Ryan spat, and I flinched at his tone. He looked over at me and colour heated his cheeks. “Excuse me, ma’am.”

  It was my turn to blush then, because holy-American-accent did that sound hot.

  “I came home on leave and you were gone. Will, Ane and Willem all gone, disappeared. Just up and fucking left me, high and dry. I tried finding you but there wasn’t a trace. Then I went to see Mom, to ask where the fuck you all went, and she said the family moved when you...she said you...” Ryan cleared his throat. “She said you died in a storm drain or some shit. You ran away and they found you dead.”

  “I didn't die,” Johan said quietly, his accent thinker than usual.

  “Everyone in that goddamn town agreed with the...” Ryan cleared his throat. “Buddy, I spent years trying to find Will and Ane, they were my family and they just left me.”

  “Violet said you died, you were killed in action. Ane couldn’t stay in that place anymore, she wanted us to have a fresh start. It’s my fault that Will had to leave everything—”

  “Hey, you’re my brother,” Will asserted. “That town was killing you, we needed to move. We all needed a fresh start. I hate that you live thousands of miles away now, but I understand what you gotta do.”

  I was liking Will more and more.

  “Fucking bitch.” Ryan stood and paced the living room. “I’d strangle her if she wasn’t already six feet down.”

  Johan lifted his head to stare at Ryan.

  Ryan nodded. “Died last fall. No one wanted to come claim the house, Dad’s gone so it all came to me. The fucking eldest. Not one of my brothers wants a stake in the place. We each got a letter from the solicitor stating our rights, our inheritance.” Ryan pulled out an envelope and handed it to Johan. He ripped it open read it and snorted throwing it onto the floor. I picked it up and read it.