Bastard

by J. L. Perry

••••

  I feel the first tear fall as soon as I walk through the door. Twice in one day he’s made me cry. I’m not usually an emotional person. What is he doing to me? My dad’s at work at the moment, so I’m all alone. I’m used to it. It doesn’t usually bother me, but today it does.

  Retrieving my phone out of my pocket, I call Meg. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” I ask as soon as she picks up.

  “Are you crying, Indi?” I can hear the concern in her voice.

  “Can I stay or not?”

  “Of course. What’s wrong, babe?”

  “I’ll talk to you when I get there,” I reply wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I feel stupid for crying.

  “I’ll get my mum to come and get you. We’ll be there in five minutes,” she says.

  “Thank you.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Carter

  I have no idea what the fuck just happened. One minute we were actually getting on, the next minute things changed. She changed. Something’s going on with her, but I have no clue what. Fuck this shit. This is exactly why I never let my guard down and get close to people.

  “How was school, sweetie?” my mum asks when I walk through the door.

  “Okay,” I reply, kissing her cheek before heading to my room. I’m not in the mood for small talk right now. I’m still trying to figure out what made Indiana shift like she did. I’ve never seen her act so cold. It’s the first time I’ve ever completely been myself with someone other than my mother. The first time I’ve actually tried to be normal. Big fucking mistake. These damn walls are up for a reason.

  My mum always tells me I need to open up and trust more. I trust her, but that’s about it. I know she’s right, though. I can’t hold what my grandfather did to us, against others. Logic tells me not everyone is like him. It’s a hard habit to break. It’s something I’ve been doing since I was five years old. That’s why I got my tattoo. As a reminder to trust. Well at least try. Look where trusting Indiana got me. Fucking nowhere.

  Sitting on my bed, I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands. My mind is trying to make sense of it all. I’m trying to remember exactly what I said to her, hoping that will give me the answers I seek.

  I hear a car horn sound from next door. Gazing over towards Indi’s bedroom, I catch a glimpse of her as she throws a backpack over her shoulder and runs out of her room. Standing, I make my way towards the window. Where the fuck is she going?

  Indiana

  As soon as we arrive at Meg’s house, she drags me towards her bedroom. “Dinner will be ready in an hour girls,” her mum calls out.

  “Thanks, Mum,” Meg replies.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Miller,” I add. Meg closes the door once she’s pulled me inside her room. She takes my backpack off my back and drops it on the floor before leading me towards her bed with her hand between my shoulder blades.

  “What the hell is going on with you?” she asks as soon as we are seated.

  “One guess.”

  “What has he done now?” Her face screws up with disgust.

  “Nothing to me. Well kinda … it’s just …”

  “Just what?”

  “He told me something a few days ago. I’m not sure if I should tell you. It’s kind of personal and pretty bad,” I admit.

  “Seriously, you have to tell me now.” I chuckle when she rubs her hands together and bounces on the bed with excitement. She thrives on gossip.

  “I’m not sure if I should.” I’d feel like I’m betraying Carter if I tell her.

  “Did he tell you not to tell anyone?” she asks. I know she’s saying this to try and get me to spill. She’s such a schemer.

  “No.”

  “Well what’s the problem then?” she asks, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

  “I’d feel like I was betraying his trust. I’m not sure how he’d feel about me repeating it,” I tell her.

  “That juicy huh?” She rubs her hands together again.

  “Yes,” I laugh.

  “Look, if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine. I respect that. But, I need you to know that not knowing is probably going to kill me.”

  “You’re such a dork.”

  “It’s up to you, babe. You know you can trust me. We tell each other everything. Maybe I can help if I know exactly what you’re dealing with,” she says. I trust her with my life. In my heart I know she’d never repeat anything I ever told her, just like she knows I wouldn’t do that to her.

  “I guess,” I reply with a shrug.

  “So you’re going to tell me?” she squeals. See what I mean, she thrives on this shit. There’s nothing funny about what I’m going to say. I know she’s going to be just as shocked as I was when he told me.

  “Promise me this stays between us.” Although I know I don’t need to ask.

  “Pinky promise,” she says holding her little finger up to me. Wrapping my little finger around hers we shake on it. I take a deep breath before I speak.

  As I tell her everything Carter told me, her eyes almost bug out of her head. “No fucking way.” She’s gobsmacked. This is no pissy little thing. It’s huge.

  “Yes way. See why I was hesitant in telling you?” Her mouth is still open. I’m sure I must’ve looked the same when Carter confessed it to me. It still upsets me that he had to go through that.

  “He got paid to have sex?” she deadpans.

  “Uh huh.”

  “Fuck. He must be good. All the more reason you should jump his bones.” Her eyes drift up towards the ceiling and she breaks out into a smile. Oh. My. God. She’s thinking about his sexual skills, I know it. I reach out and slap her arm.

  “You’re disgusting,” I laugh.

  “So is that why you’re upset?” she asks rubbing her arm. Hello. Is she even listening?

  “Yes and no.”

  Meg reaches her hand out, putting it over mine. “You know what guys are like. They think with their dick not their brain, babe.”

  “I blame his landlady, not him. He was only fifteen. She took advantage of him.”

  “Does he see it that way?” Instead of answering, I shake my head. “Of course he wouldn’t. He was getting laid and getting paid. Show me one fifteen year old horny male that wouldn’t jump at that chance.”

  “I suppose,” I reply. “But, I still think it’s disgusting.”

  “Depends how old the landlady is. If she’s like eighty in the shade then that’s nasty.” We both laugh at her comment.

  “She was in her thirties, he said,” I tell her in a disgusted tone as I roll my eyes.

  “Pfff,” she says flicking her wrist. “I know plenty of people in their thirties that are still hot. This all happened before you even met him, so it shouldn’t really bother you.”

  “Well that’s the thing. He promised me he wouldn’t go there again,” I confess.

  “And he did? Is that where he was yesterday?” she asks, her eyes widening as she waits for my answer.

  “I think so. He had some parts on hold at Mr. Gregory’s shop because he couldn’t afford them. Today, he had the money.”

  “That’s doesn’t mean he got it from her. Maybe his mum gave it to him.” If it hadn’t been so much money, then that could’ve been a possibility.

  “The parts were over a thousand dollars, Meg. His mum doesn’t work and I can’t see Mr. Shepard forking over that kind of cash. When I asked him where the money came from, he said that he’d come into some money yesterday, but didn’t elaborate. How is a seventeen year old going to earn over a thousand dollars in one day without, you know …?”

  “Shit, if she paid him that much money just for sex, he must be fucking amazing in bed. Like, mind-blowing.” She’s probably right, but I have no plans of finding out. I need to stay as far away from Carter-friggin’-Reynolds as I can get. It’s going to be hard when I live next door to him, but if I want to protect my heart I don’t have a choice.

  Carter

  I sat up half the n
ight waiting for her to come home, but she never did. By morning I’m fucking pissed off. Pissed I let my guard down with her. Pissed that she weirded out on me and I have no clue why. Pissed that she never came home.

  I don’t even bother waiting to give her a lift to school. What’s the point? Even if she was home, after her performance yesterday afternoon she probably wouldn’t accept one anyway. Fuck her. Maybe it’s for the best if we go back to what we were. Nothing. This shit is too complicated. It hurts my fucking head.

  During the day I see her a few times, but when she notices me she turns and walks in the other direction. It only serves to piss me off even more. At lunch she has Brad at her table again. It makes my blood boil.

  When afternoon rolls around, I’m not surprised when she doesn’t turn up in the car park. On my drive home, I see her waiting at the bus stop. It tells me everything I need to know. I flip her off when I pass. The anger has worn off. It’s now replaced by hurt. I hate this feeling. It’s been a long time since I felt like this. Rejected.

  I did plan to work on my car this afternoon, but I’ve even lost interest in that. Instead, I grab my sketchpad from under the passenger seat and go to my room. The first thing I do is close my blinds. I don’t need any reminders of Indiana. And I certainly don’t want to risk having to see her.

  I sit on my bed with my back against the headboard. If I can lose myself in my drawing I won’t have time to think about her.

  As soon as I open the cover I see the number Candice wrote in there. I’m tempted to call her. Maybe losing myself in some random pussy is exactly what I need. Indi has made it quite clear she’s not interested.

  Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I decide to call her. “Candice speaking,” she says when she picks up.

  “Hey Candice, it’s Carter. I was in there on Sunday—”

  “Oh I know who you are. You have the kind of face a girl would never forget. Have you decided to take me up on my offer?” she purrs after cutting me off.

  “Yeah. You still up for it?”

  “Of course. Name the time and place and I’ll be there, handsome,” she says seductively.

  “Tonight?”

  “Tonight sounds perfect. I get off work around 6:00pm. How about I meet you at 8:00pm?”

  “Great. I’ll text you my address,” I say apprehensively. I’m not even sure if I want to do this.

  “Looking forward to it,” she replies.

  Once I end the call I text her my address and ask her to call me when she’s close. I don’t explain why. She’ll find out when she gets here I suppose. I’m not sure how she’s going to feel about me sneaking her through my bedroom window, but I’ll worry about that later.

  ••••

  “Fuck. You didn’t tell me you still lived at home with your parents. How old are you anyway?” Candice asks as I haul her through the window.

  “I’ll be turning eighteen soon.”

  “Shit. You’re still a kid,” she says in a shocked tone as I set her on the floor.

  “I’m not a fucking kid,” I snap. Of all the words she picks, it’s fucking that.

  “You look older.” What does age have to do with anything? I may be young, but I know I’ll be the best damn fuck she’s ever had.

  “Are we going to do this or not?” I ask frustrated as I begin to lose my patience with her.

  “Calm down,” she replies, taking a step towards me and sliding her arms around my waist, pressing her soft body against mine. “I didn’t say there was a problem with it, handsome. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Her lips find my neck as she kisses a trail across my jawline until her mouth covers mine. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She’s the first person I’ve kissed since Indi. Surprisingly I feel nothing. I definitely felt something when my lips were locked with Indiana’s. She made me feel things I’d never felt before, which I fucking hate.

  Opening my eyes, my gaze moves in the direction of her window. Great. She’s standing there watching us. Even from here I can clearly see the hurt etched on her beautiful face. Then in an instant she draws her blinds and she’s gone. What the fuck am I doing?

  Pulling out of the kiss, I look down at Candice. “I’m sorry I can’t do this,” I admit looking over towards Indi’s bedroom window again.

  “What? Why?” She follows my line of sight as I continue to stare where Indi stood only a few moments ago. “What’s the problem?” I pull away from her and make my way towards my bed. Sitting, I lean my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands.

  “It’s not you,” I say without making eye contact.

  “Then what?” she asks, coming to sit beside me. What can I tell her? I’ve got this love/hate relationship going on with the girl next door? I can’t say that, but surprisingly that’s exactly what I say. I tell her everything. Well kind of. We end up sitting on my bed talking for over an hour before she eventually leaves, unsatisfied. Makes two of us. One simple kiss and the fucking kid has ruined me.

  I feel like a prick for what I’ve done. To both her and Indi. Thankfully, Candice was a good sport about it. I have a sinking feeling in my gut that’s not going to be the case with Indiana.

  And I was right.

  ••••

  Six days have passed and I’ve barely seen her. She won’t even make eye contact with me. Stubborn arse. Her bedroom blinds have been closed ever since. After the incident with Candice, Indi locked herself in the house for two days. Two fucking days. She didn’t even go to school.

  I asked her father if everything was okay with her when we were working on my car. He told me she was just a little under the weather.

  Under the weather my arse.

  I can’t understand her. She was the one who went all weird on me, ignoring and avoiding me at every turn. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s upset about Candice though. Which is a total mind fuck. What happened to my fiery girl? The one who refused to take my bullshit? I wish she’d let me have it. Tell me what the fuck is going on. At least I’d know where I stood. The alternative is making my head hurt.

  Even Megan is giving me death stares whenever I run into her. I asked her how she was doing the other day and she fucking flipped me off. What pisses me off more than anything is on the few occasions I have seen Indi at school, that prick Brad has been with her. If she’s hanging around with him to upset me, then it’s working.

  I’d like to knock that fucker out.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Indiana

  “Brad wants to come over this afternoon,” I tell Meg over lunch. “Mr. Jenkins has paired us up to do our English assignment together. He wants to get a start on it. I’m not sure what to do.”

  “Let him. Make sure you get him to climb through your bedroom window though. Give that arsehole next door a taste of his own medicine.”

  “I’m not getting him to climb through my window,” I laugh. “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Plus, if I do, Brad will get the wrong idea.”

  “No he won’t. Tell him your front door is broken,” she says seriously. Has she lost her mind? I can’t do that.

  “You’re such a dork,” I say. “I’m not even sure I should have him over. My dad has forbidden me from seeing him, remember?”

  “This is school related. He’ll be at work anyway, won’t he?” she states with a flick of her wrist. “He’ll never know.” She might be used to doing things behind her parents’ backs, but I’m not.

  “He will if Carter tells him. He’s the reason I’m not allowed to see Brad in the first place.”

  “It’s up to you, but I’d be all over that shit if it was me. Not only is Brad a total babe, it’s the perfect revenge for what Carter’s done.” Good point, but I’m still not sure if I’m comfortable with this. I’m not really into revenge.

  “What if he tries to, you know?” I ask. I’m not comfortable about going against my dad’s wishes. I’ve never defied him in the past. Like Meg said, it is school related. Do I really have a choic
e? I’m certainly not going to go to his house.

  “Have sex with you?” she giggles. “You can say the word you know. You’re such a prude.” My eyes scan the room to make sure nobody is listening.

  “I am not,” I reply, throwing a chip at her.

  “Just make it clear that you’ll be doing your assignment. Nothing else. Your father’s a cop. It’s not like he’s going to force himself on you. Unless he has a death wish.”

  “I guess you’re right.” My dad would kill him if he laid a finger on me. Changing the subject, we talk about Derek, Meg’s latest lover. I’ve met him a few times. He seems nice enough. He doesn’t go to this school.

  “Can I join you ladies?” Brad interrupts a few minutes later. I want to roll my eyes, but I refrain.

  “Sure, handsome,” Meg purrs. She’s so forward sometimes. Of course he takes the seat right next to me. I’m really getting tired of him hanging around all the time. He’s really sweet to my face, but I don’t trust him after what Carter told me.

  “Are we still on for that assignment this afternoon?” he asks.

  “I guess. We only have a few days to get it done,” I reply.

  “About that,” Meg chimes in. “If you’re going to do the assignment at Indi’s place, you’ll need to climb through her bedroom window. Her front door is broken.” Oh. My. God. She did not just say that to him. I kick her under the table.

  “What?” he replies, looking at me confused. “Can’t I just use the back door?”

  “Nope. She has a vicious dog that doesn’t like strangers. He’ll probably try and eat you,” she tells him with a serious face. I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. Lick him to death would be more like it. She is such a schemer. Sometimes I wonder how we became friends.

  ••••

  “I can’t believe you said that to him,” I say to Meg as we make our way to our next class.

  “I knew if I didn’t, you wouldn’t. Let Carter see. It’s alright for him to have girls jumping through his bedroom window. See how he likes it when you do the same.” He won’t care, but I don’t say that to her.

  “Can we not go there again?” I plead. I’m still reeling over what happened. I can’t believe I let myself develop feelings for that douche.