Bastard

by J. L. Perry

  Just my luck they have caterers hosting the wake, so when I’m told there’s nothing I can do to help I head back into the main room, deflated. My heart sinks when I find my dad standing with Carter. There’s no way I’m going over there to join them. Thankfully, they’re lost in conversation and don’t notice I’ve re-entered the room. I don’t know anyone else here, so I slip outside and take a seat on the front step. I need the fresh air. I need the space. I need to be as far away from Carter as I can get.

  Ten minutes later, I hear the front door open behind me. Turning my head, I find him standing there looking all smug and delicious. Great. Everything in me wants to get up and walk away, but that’s not the adult thing to do. As angry as I am at him, we’re not teenagers anymore.

  “I was wondering where you got to,” he says coming to sit beside me. “Here, I brought you something to drink.” He holds up a glass of wine. I have a good mind to tell him to jam it up his smug arse, but the truth is, I need it.

  “Thank you,” I reply reaching for it, but he pulls back his hand. I narrow my eyes at him. Ugh! “I see some things haven’t changed. You’re still an arsehole.” He laughs at my comment like it’s funny. It wasn’t meant to be funny.

  “I’m just messing with you,” he says passing it to me for real this time. He’s already removed his tie and suit jacket. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his elbows, revealing a full sleeve tattoo on his arm. He didn’t have that last time I saw him. It only serves to make him look even more like a bad boy. Three words come to mind—Sexy. As. Hell. I hate that his presence still has a huge effect on me.

  I find myself wondering what his life’s been like since he left. A long time has passed since we were last together. Going by his past, he’s probably still a man whore. I hate it that that thought upsets me. “So how have you been?” he asks taking a pull of the beer in his hand.

  He must’ve been wondering the same thing as me. I shrug. Is it wrong that my eyes are focused on his lips wrapped around the head of the bottle? I remember all too well what those lips felt like. Being near him again seems so surreal.

  “It’s had its ups and downs,” I answer with a shrug. His eyes lock with mine. The look I see on his face is so intense I have to turn away, taking a huge gulp of my wine. I’m not sure if I can have this conversation with him. It’s funny; for years I longed for him to return, and now he’s here, I wish he wasn’t.

  “How’s my man, Larry?” he asks, breaking the awkward silence. My heart sinks. He hasn’t been around, so I guess he doesn’t know. “Would you mind if I went to see him? I’ve thought about him a lot over the years.” Just hearing him ask that has tears rising to my eyes. I quickly lower my face so he can’t see them.

  What I wouldn’t give to see Lassie again. Reaching up, I grab hold of the necklace Carter bought me, clutching it in my hand. I took it off after he left, but when Lassie passed I put it back on. The necklace and the picture Carter drew are all I have left.

  “He died,” I choke out. Even after all these years it still breaks my heart whenever I think about him. When I think about what happened.

  “What?” he says in a tone that makes me think he doesn’t believe what I said. I wish I was lying. My eyes move back to Carter’s. Even through my tears I can clearly see the colour drain from his face. “Fuck,” is all he says as he puts down his beer and engulfs me in his arms. I go willingly, burying my face in his chest. “What happened? He was still young … so healthy.” A sob escapes me as the memories of that morning flash through my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that day.

  “It was all my fault,” I admit for the first time ever. I’ve always known I was the reason behind Lassie’s death, but I’ve kept that to myself all these years. The truth was just too hard to live with. I’m ashamed that my childish actions were the result of his death.

  “What? How?” he asks in disbelief as his hand strokes my back to comfort me. I can feel his body trembling as he holds me. I know he loved Lassie as much as I did, so I’m sure he’ll be upset by my news. For some reason I don’t hesitate to tell him the truth, it’s time I confessed.

  I keep my face buried in his chest. I can’t bring myself to look at him. I don’t want to see the judgement in his eyes when he hears what I have to say. “After you left, I was so angry with your stepfather. I knew in my heart he was part of the reason you went away. Every day, for weeks, I threw Lassie’s droppings over the back fence into his yard. It was my revenge. My way of saying ‘fuck you’ for the way he treated you when you were here. At the time it felt so good. I knew it would piss him off, I just didn’t know how much.” I feel his body stiffen.

  “Did he do something to him?” he asks, grasping my shoulders and pulling me back so he could see my face. Yes he did. Fucking arsehole. I hope he rots in hell.

  “Yes,” I choke out as memories of that morning flood my mind. I can clearly see the anger cross his handsome features when I admit that. He stares at me for a moment before pulling me back into his chest.

  “What did he fucking do?” he seethes through gritted teeth.

  “One morning, I went out back to feed Lassie before school, as I always did. That’s … that’s when I found him,” I say as fresh tears begin to fall. God I wish I could erase that image from my mind. “He was fitting in his bed. There was green foam coming from his mouth. He was struggling to breathe. Oh, Carter. It was horrible,” I cry as his hold on me tightens. “I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head.”

  “Fuck. Did he poison him?” His body is clearly shaking with anger now.

  “Yes. He poisoned him with snail bait. It’s something we never used in our gardens because we knew how toxic it was for dogs. The amount of poison the vet found in his system suggested he’d ingested a large amount. An autopsy showed traces of minced meat that must’ve contained the pellets to entice Lassie to eat it.”

  “Jesus Christ.”

  “By the time we got him to the vet it was too late. He was too far gone,” I continue.

  “Did he get charged for what he did? My mum never mentioned it in our phone calls.”

  “My dad tried. We couldn’t prove it was him, but we both knew it was. We took a sample from his garden. It was the same type that was used to poison Lassie. Unfortunately, it’s a commonly used brand, so without any concrete evidence there wasn’t much we could do.” Tears are streaming down my face as I feel my heart break all over again. I miss him so much. He didn’t deserve to die like that. He was a good dog.

  “I’m fucking sorry,” Carter says squeezing me to him. “So fucking sorry. That must’ve been a hard thing to see. I know how much you loved that dog. Fuck. If that motherfucker wasn’t already dead, I’d make him suffer for what he did.” His tone tells me he means every word. That’s exactly how I felt when it happened.

  When Mr. Shepard pulled into the driveway that afternoon after work, my dad marched straight over there and punched him square in the mouth. It would never make up for what he did, but it gave us some satisfaction.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Carter

  Shattered. There’s no other word to describe how I’m feeling right now. I’m lost for words. I loved that dog. If I’d known what Fuckwit had done before today, I would’ve spat on that fucker’s coffin. How did I not know? Why didn’t Ross tell me? I guess it was his way of looking out for me. That’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m sure he knows that I wouldn’t have let this slide so telling me would’ve only landed me in trouble.

  My heart is hurting for her. I want to comfort her any way I can. Having her in my arms again is amazing. Best feeling ever, but I hate the reasons behind it. I wish I could’ve done something to stop this from happening. She blames herself, but ultimately the blame lies on me. I’m the one who left. I’m the one he hated. I’m the one who caused her to lash out like she did.

  Poor fucking Larry.

  I continue to hold her long after the tears have stopped. If she’s content
to be in my arms, then that’s exactly where she’s going to stay. I’ve fucking missed holding her. She’s were she’s supposed to be. I don’t know why she makes me feel things the others can’t, but fuck me she does. A kaleidoscope of fucking emotions would be the best way to describe it.

  I have an overwhelming compulsion to kiss her. Kiss all her sadness away. But, I can’t do that. I’m leaving in a few days. I can’t start something that’s going to end the minute I drive away and return to my new life. That wouldn’t be fair on either of us. Our past has already messed me up enough. I’m worried what would happen if I went there again. Nothing good could come from it, that’s for fucking sure. Only more heartache.

  “Hey. I was wondering where you two got to,” her father says from behind us. Indi pulls away from me with a start, like she’s been busted doing something she shouldn’t. What the hell! I’m sure the look I give her is one of utter confusion. Tearing my eyes from her, I look over my shoulder at Ross. “Is everything alright out here?” He has a huge smile on his face. I guess he’s happy seeing us together.

  “Yes, Daddy,” she replies, standing and tugging at her skirt at the same time. “I’m going to go home if that’s okay. I have a headache.” She doesn’t look at either of us when she speaks.

  “Okay. I’ll be home shortly, Pumpkin.”

  Before walking away she meets my eyes briefly. “Bye,” is all she says as she turns heading towards her place. I’m left sitting here stunned.

  ••••

  Later, after all the guests have left, and my mum’s lying down, I head to my bedroom. I hate being back in this house. I never intended to come back here, but in saying that, I also never thought I’d feel as uncomfortable as I do. Even with him gone, it’s still his house so I fucking hate it.

  Indi and Larry are both on my mind as I sit on the side of my bed, burying my face in my hands. I wish there was a way I could make this right, but there isn’t. I hate to think what she would’ve gone through finding Larry the way she did. And how much she would’ve suffered after that. How he fucking suffered.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts a few minutes later when I hear a horn sound in the driveway next door. Standing, I make my way to the window to see who it is. Instantly I feel my blood pressure rise. There’s a fucking guy in Indi’s driveway.

  I know I have no right to be mad, but I am. I’m the one who walked away from us. It would be selfish of me to expect her not to move on. To be honest, as much as I’ve missed and thought about her over the years, I had no intentions of ever coming back for her. Sure I thought about it, constantly, but I believed it was for the best if I didn’t. Seeing this rude prick just now though has me doubting my decision.

  He sounds his horn again and I see red. I don’t fucking think so buddy. If this is her boyfriend, and I hope it isn’t, someone needs to teach him some manners. I slide open my window and jump out, just like old times.

  “Hey,” I say when I approach the driver’s side window.

  “Hey.” The first thing I notice is he’s a fucking pretty boy. I should’ve known.

  “Why are you sounding the horn?” I ask annoyed.

  “What?” he says squaring his shoulders. If he thinks that’s going to intimidate me, he’s mistaken. I don’t scare easy.

  “Are you deaf as well as fucking rude?” I ask, placing my hands on the open window of the door, causing him to pull his head back. Gutless prick.

  “Who are you?” he asks with trepidation.

  “Who the hell are you?” I’m in no mood for this back and forth bullshit.

  “I’m Indiana’s boyfriend.” My heart sinks. She couldn’t possibly be going out with this dick. I have to take a few seconds to recover from this devastating revelation.

  Fuck, she has a boyfriend.

  “Well if you are in fact her boyfriend, why the hell are you honking your horn? If you were a gentleman, which it’s quite obvious you’re not, why aren’t you getting out of the car to get her like she deserves?” I snap.

  “It’s none of your business.” Like hell it isn’t.

  “I beg to differ,” I sneer, folding my arms over my chest. I give him a look that surprisingly has him opening up to me.

  “Her father can be very intimidating,” he admits with a sigh. “I’m not sure if he’s keen on me dating his daughter. I get the impression he doesn’t like me much.”

  “I can see why,” I reply, giving him a look that says I don’t particularly like you either. Because I don’t. Not another word is spoken while we have a kind of standoff staring competition. My eyes are fucking burning, but there’s no way in hell I’m blinking. I’m not backing down. Immature I know, but there’s no way I’m letting this prick win.

  “Carter,” Indi snaps from behind me. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Trying to teach this moron some manners,” I answer turning to face her. Thank fuck she showed up. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve lasted. I blink a few times to try and moisten my dried up eyeballs.

  Sweet Jesus. I inhale a sharp breath as my eyes take her in. She looks gorgeous in that sexy-as-hell red dress.

  She still takes my breath away after all this time. I hear her dick boyfriend open his car door from behind me. “Get back in the car,” I say through gritted teeth without even looking his way. I can’t, because my eyes are glued to her. When I hear his door close, I smirk to myself. Just what I thought—coward. She deserves so much better. So much fucking better. My smile widens when I hear her growl at me with disdain. She’s so fucking adorable when she’s pissed off.

  “Look, Indi,” the wanker says from within the car. “How about we give tonight a miss?”

  “What? No.” She frowns, pursing her lips at me before turning her attention back to him. “I’ve just spent the last hour getting ready, Mark.” I can tell. She looks stunning. I have to stop myself from licking my lips as I drink her in. What I wouldn’t give for a taste of grown up Indi.

  Before he gets a chance to reply, I turn my head and glare at him. Silently warning him not to change his mind. His eyes dart from me to her as he swallows nervously.

  “Carter,” she snaps. “How could you?” She places her palms on my chest and pushes me. I have to hold back my smile. She’s so damn cute. “You’re only back a day and you’re already trying to make my life miserable,” she sneers, pushing me again. Christ I’ve missed her smart mouth.

  “You’re glad to have me back,” I say smugly. She falters for a second before answering, making me think whatever she’s going to say is the opposite of how she really feels.

  “No, I’m not.” Bingo. She’s fucking glad. I knew it.

  “Don’t tell me you haven’t missed me,” I say so only she can hear as I take a step closer. I’m so close now her perky little tits are almost brushing against my chest. Her scent envelopes me, making my dick come to life. I could drown in her smell, in her. I’m tempted to move in even closer, but I don’t. Even after all this time I remember exactly what her soft, warm body feels like pressed against mine. When her eyes widen and I hear her breath hitch, I know damn well I’m right. She’s missed me just as much as I’ve missed her.

  I saw how content she was in my arms earlier today. If this wanker holds her heart, there’s no way she would’ve been so comfortable letting me hold her. For some reason it gives me hope. Maybe all is not lost.

  Her hands come up giving me another shove. She’s pretty strong for a squirt. “Didn’t you learn your lesson the other day?” she scoffs, cocking one of her eyebrows. Shit. I take a step back as my hands instinctively cover my crotch. My fucking boys are still paying for my little prank with the sponge. I’m pretty sure they couldn’t survive another blow like that.

  The determined look on her face has me retreating another step. I hold up one of my hands in defeat, while my other hand protects my nuts. If I had a white flag I’d be waving that fucker with a vengeance right now. What is it with her? When did she become a ball-bus
ting warrior? I wonder if pretty boy has ever been introduced to her knee. Scratch that. I just witnessed him in action. He doesn’t have any balls.

  “Okay. I get the message loud and clear. Please don’t go all ninja on my nuts again,” I plead. Her face relaxes slightly and I see a small smile play on those luscious lips of hers.

  “Good. Now stay the hell away from me,” she says as she walks around me and gets into the car. My heart sinks as the car reverses out of the driveway. That prick gives me a smug look and I have to hold myself back. Indiana’s eyes lock with mine briefly before she turns her head and looks out the passenger side window. Fuck. My damn heart hurts.

  Stupid fucker.

  Once the car is out of sight, I head back into the house. I need a fucking drink. Opening the fridge I grab a beer before shoving it back on the shelf. I’m not drinking anything that belonged to Fuckwit. Besides, the mood I’m in calls for something stronger. Heading back into my room, I grab my car keys. Time to get shitfaced.

  ••••

  A few hours later, I’m halfway through my bottle of Jack when I hear a car pull up next door. I’m not sure if it’s Indi and her boyfriend, or Ross. I drag my drunken arse off the bed and head to the window to look. It’s Indiana.

  I’ll admit I’m pleased that she isn’t spending the night with him, but I feel a pang in my heart when I see her lean over the centre console and lock lips with him. I remember all too well what a spectacular kisser she is. When his hand comes up and threads into her hair, pulling her in closer, I have to look away.