One to Hold

by Tia Louise

  Elaine was still with Patrick, I supposed. I went to the bathroom and flicked on the soft yellow lights, and for a moment, I was stunned by my reflection. My cheeks did seem rosier, and although the faint lines were still visible at the corners of my eyes, even my eyes were different. The smallest hint of that old brightness was fighting to return. Was it all the spa pampering? The easy, schedule-less days of sleeping in and then relaxing by the pool, allowing the nonstop tension to drain from my body?

  Or was it him?

  I shook my head and tied my long dark curls back so I could wash my face. Once I was finished and had smoothed a thin line of moisturizer under my eyes and across my lips, I turned and walked back to the large, queen-sized bed where I slept. My phone lay discarded at the foot. I hadn’t even thought about taking it with me. I didn’t want to check emails or texts. I was in a bubble, and everyone had been informed I would be unavailable for the week. I had auto-respond messages set up everywhere.

  But still he called.

  Sloan’s picture and number sat there staring at me like the cat that always came back. Tonight I didn’t listen to his message. I didn’t want to hear his lectures. I tossed the phone on the small sofa in our room and slipped between the cool, crisp sheets. I considered deleting his contact information, getting a new phone, a new number. But no. I needed to know where he was. At least for now.

  Pushing aside those dark thoughts, I inhaled Derek’s warm, woodsy scent again in my hair. A little smile teased at the corner of my lips when I thought of how wild our encounters were. I slid my dark locks across my face, closing my eyes and imagining his strong arms around my waist, remembering him pushing me against the wall. The feel of that huge man trembling in my arms when he came. The sound of his groans.

  Lying in the dark alone, I did the one thing that would drive my mother crazy. I compartmentalized it all. With my eyes closed, I imagined taking Sloan and putting him alone in his own, cold plastic box. I slammed the lid and shoved it on a back shelf in my mind. Then I gathered all the events of the last year as if scooping up scattered blocks and dumped them in another box, which I shoved under Sloan’s.

  Stretching out in my bed, I took a new box. I imagined lining it with satin and flower petals. I took little pillows and made a soft bed. That’s where I put Derek and his memories. I pictured myself small, climbing into the box with him. He was lying back on the cushions in his grey slacks. The button-down he wore was open, and I could see every line on his sculpted torso. That little smile was on his lips as he watched me approach. I ran my fingers along the lines of his stomach, gazing into his eyes that darkened as I touched him.

  His kiss, the same one he gave me beside the fire pit, was gentle but hungry. Our pace grew faster as we kissed each other again and again, tongues entwining, heat growing between my legs, until he pulled me under him. My breathing was fast, my whole body tense with anticipation, so wet, so ready for his awesome fullness. I felt his tip pressing into me, filling me, as a thought drifted through my mind. We’d never done it in a bed…

  Scuffing sounds and the loud noise of someone trying to be quiet woke me. I looked at the clock. It wasn’t even eight yet. Elaine was hurrying around the room, filling a bag with her bathing suit, a towel,

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice thick with sleep.

  “Oh,” she exclaimed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes. Looking around, I almost expected to see Derek in bed with me. I’d drifted to sleep in our box, wrapped in his huge, protective arms.

  “Did you spend the night with Patrick?” I asked.

  A giggle was followed quickly by a throat clearing. “Yes,” she said, unable to hide her beaming face. “Oh my god.”

  My lips pressed into a smile. “Good?”

  “Holy fuck,” she flopped across the foot of my bed. “I think I came five times last night.”

  I grinned, smoothing her now-messy blonde hair. “Is it possible to meet your soul mate in one day?” she asked, looking up at me.

  “No idea,” I said, not wanting to think about questions like that. It made my stomach hurt. “I’m not sure I believe in soul mates. But you like him? Sounds like poor Brian is definitely toast.”

  “Don’t even say the B-word. Patrick is the hottest thing. And that body.” She did a little shiver. “First we just talked all hours. Oh! You never came back. Did Derek find you? He said not to worry, and I figured since he’s practically a cop and an ex-Marine…”

  I bit my lip, still not sure how much I wanted to tell her about Derek’s and my… relationship? Agreement? I didn’t have a clue what to call it. I’d never had a fuck buddy before. Were we even buddies? We never saw each other outside of patios, bars, and family restrooms.

  “We… bumped into each other,” I said. Then I suppressed a grin at how that “bump” went. And how hot and noisy it was.

  “Did you get any dinner?”

  “I did, but tell me about you and Patrick.”

  “Mmm,” she smiled again. “Okay, like I said, first we talked all hours, really got to know each other. Then we went down to the pool. It was completely dark, so we sneaked in—”

  “You went skinny dipping?”

  She giggled. “Have you ever had sex in a pool? It is amazing. Everything’s all wet, and the water was the exact right temperature.”

  “I hope you used protection.” I mentally wondered at how many public decency laws these former cops of ours broke.

  “Of course!” Elaine jumped up and went back to filling her bag. “He’s going to blow off the conference today, and we’re spending it together. When I told him this was my first trip to Arizona, he had all these places I just have to see.”

  “Sounds like fun,” I sighed, rolling onto my side.

  Then her expression changed. “I’m sorry!” she cried. “I’m the worst friend ever! I need to stay with you and do our treatments. Our mental health regimen.”

  I sat up and shook my head. “No way! Get out of here! I’m the one who needs a mental health regimen. You can catch up with me tonight.”

  She bounced over and kissed my cheek. “Thanks,” she cooed. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

  Once Elaine was gone, I lay back in the bed again, remembering my little box with Derek and wanting to climb back inside and wrap myself in his arms. Last night he’d entered me from behind, kissing my neck, his scruffy beard teasing the sensitive places around my shoulders. His large fingers massaged my clit until I came so hard…

  I blinked at the ceiling a few times acknowledging it was all a fantasy—at least that version of us together was. It had been my small fingers doing the massaging, and nothing teased the sensitive areas of my shoulders, although the idea of that still made me shiver.

  I threw back the covers and got up, shaking the crazy out of my brain. Everything in my life had been upended, and now I was thousands of miles from home, having sex with a practical stranger and inventing an entire fantasy-life around him. Maybe I did need some time on Mom’s couch.

  As if on cue, my phone flashed her photograph, silently vibrating in the chair where I’d tossed it last night. I’d been avoiding her calls, not wanting to tell her what was happening. But I couldn’t hide forever.

  I slid my finger across the face. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Melissa, where are you?” Her stern voice was tinged with worry. I was almost sure I knew why.

  “I’m with Elaine, Mom, why?”

  She exhaled into the receiver. “You’re at the beach? Why didn’t you tell me you were headed this way?”

  I bit my lip, choosing my words, still fishing for why she might be calling. “What’s got you so worked up?”

  “Sloan called this morning looking for you, and I didn’t know what to tell him.”

  My chest clenched. Bingo. “I’m just taking a mental health break. You’re a big advocate of those, right?”

  “Do you need to make an appointment? Mayb
e with Robin? I know she could work you in if you’re in town.”

  Talking to Mom’s partner was actually a great idea. Dr. Taylor was compassionate and didn’t take sides. Although everyone had already taken sides in my case it seemed.

  “I’m actually not in town, Mom. I’m in the desert.”

  “What? Where?”

  “This spa resort… somewhere. It’s really nice.”

  She didn’t answer, and I could tell she wasn’t happy with my evasiveness.

  “Look, I’m really trying to get away from everything for a few days, get my head together,” I said. “I’m with Elaine, so I’m fine. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  She finally spoke slowly. “I don’t like it. What if something happened? I wouldn’t even know how to find you.”

  “You just did,” I sighed. “Please. Trust me?”

  I heard her matching my exhale. “When will you be back?”

  “We’re only here a week. I’ll be in Baltimore on Monday.”

  “Call me when you get there.”

  I agreed and hung up, but the image of me back in Maryland was almost too painful to conjure. Every time I tried, all I could see was me walking, shoulders stooped, as if an invisible weight were strapped to them, dragging me down, lower and lower. This trip had been an escape I needed more than even I’d realized. Elaine had seen something I couldn’t see. I was desperate, and it was only getting worse the longer I stayed there.

  Being here was like taking a deep breath of fresh air, like standing up straight for the first time in a year. Now I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to return to that old life, even for a day.

  I rubbed my forehead and went into the bathroom. But I had to go back, at least to get my things, close up my office… I’d worry about those details when the time came. As it was, I still had three more days, and if I were counting time with Derek, they would be pretty incredible.

  I lifted the red bikini off the bathroom hook and swept my hair into a high ponytail. If Elaine was gone all day, I was spending it at the pool.

  Chapter 6 – All Sorts of Options

  After an entire morning in the desert sun, I was now under the umbrella, sipping a wine spritzer, my plate of raw-food “lunch” devoured. Elaine’s review boards were entirely right about everything at the Cactus Flower Spa. The pool boys were sexy, the massages were divine, and the raw food menu was for the birds. Literally. I was dying for a luscious steak dinner with all the trimmings.

  Holding my magazine, I noticed a change in the light and glanced up expecting another visit by my server. I didn’t expect to see Derek, looking fantastic in navy swim shorts and a maroon tee, holding a spa-issued towel. His blue eyes were hidden behind aviator sunglasses, but his dark hair moved easily in the dry breeze. A smile of approval was on his lips, and my entire body lit up like a firecracker.

  “Red is definitely your color,” he said in that low voice that made me wish for the nearest family bathroom.

  “Hello,” I said, pushing myself into a sitting position on the lounger. My cover-up was on my shoulders, but it was open, revealing the swimsuit he obviously admired. “Finished for the day?”

  “Maybe,” he said, sitting on the chair next to mine. “I was craving a dip in the pool. Or something.”

  I smiled, almost, but not quite sure of his meaning. “I’m surprised they let you in the way they guard this place. Did you bribe one of the clinicians?”

  “Yes,” he said, pulling off his shirt. “A cool fifty, and the doors flew open.”

  The sight of his perfect chest and lined stomach caught my breath. Less than twenty-four hours ago, I’d been wrapped around him, and I was growing slick at the memory. I blinked down to the shimmering pool water, my whole body flushed.

  “How did you find me?” I managed to say.

  “I’m a detective, after all.”

  I returned his grin at that. “Oh, really?”

  He chuckled. “Last night you told me your room number. I called and they said you were here.”

  I wasn’t pleased with them giving out my location to unknown gentlemen callers, but in this case, I’d let it slide. My eyes drifted to the round tattoo near his shoulder. It was an anchor design blended with a skull over an SF.

  “And that’s for…?”

  He seemed confused then glanced down. “Oh. Marines.” He shook his head. “Rite of passage, I guess.”

  “It’s cool. Unique.”

  “I really enjoyed dinner on the patio last night,” he continued, leaning back. “When Patrick said he was blowing off the day, I considered doing the same.”

  I slanted my eyes at him, confident enough to flirt. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Had a workshop at ten. But it was hard to concentrate.”

  One of the slim, tanned pool boys who just moments ago I’d conceded was “sexy” walked up. Now he looked like a child to me. “Drink, sir?”

  Derek glanced over at the table beside me. “Two of whatever the lady’s having.”

  The boy nodded and quickly left.

  “It’s just a wine spritzer, I should warn you.”

  That grin was back on his lips, making me want to kiss them. “What’s with you and ordering drinks?”

  I bit my lip unsure of how much to reveal. Then I shrugged. “It’s been a while since I’ve done it for myself.”

  His blue eyes flickered to my face behind his glasses. I could tell his interest was piqued, and he wanted me to say more. “Sounds like a story.”

  I lifted the glass from the table beside me and finished the rest of my drink just as the server returned with two new ones.

  “Maybe I’ll tell it to you sometime.” I was relaxed from the alcohol, and wanting to stay in this place of bliss with him. “But not now. It’s too depressing.”

  He nodded. Then he sat up. “I’m taking a dip. It’s warmer than I expected.”

  I watched as he stood and walked to the pool. He was literally perfect, and I noticed many eyes following him into the water. He submerged beneath the crystal blue surface and shot to the other side of the long pool.

  Up until now, he’d been the initiator of all our encounters. Elaine was gone for the day, our room was empty. Would I invite him up? Did I want to get that close? As I pondered the question, he surfaced on the other side of the pool. Wiping his eyes he turned, then went under and shot back in my direction. In moments, he was back, surfacing in front of me, and when our blue eyes met, a loud Yes! echoed in my head.

  Standing, I let my cover-up slide off my shoulders, and I tossed it on the lounge chair. My hair was still in a high ponytail, and as I walked to meet him in the pool, his eyes tracked my progress. He leaned back against the side, stretching his arms out, and his focused attention set my pulse humming under my skin. With every step, desire throbbed stronger in my core, and by the time I lowered myself into the pool, it was all I could do to keep my hands to myself. I pictured drifting one under the water to his waist, running my fingers down the front of his swim trunks, coaxing him to an erection. His face said it wouldn’t take much. But I kept my expression neutral.

  “The water’s nice,” I said, leaning against the wall beside him.

  He nodded. “Refreshing.”

  “This morning I was thinking how little we know about each other.”

  His eyes were still on me, traveling from my face to my hair then back to my mouth, where they lingered. My lips tingled for his touch.

  “What do you want to know?” His tone had become low and sexy.

  “I don’t know,” I said, trying to think of neutral things we could share. Questions that wouldn’t lead to subjects I didn’t want to discuss. “What’s your favorite color?”

  “Red,” he answered quickly.

  I smiled, and my cheeks warmed. “Seriously.”

  He leaned forward, returning my smile as he lowered his arms into the water. “I’ve never really had a favorite color until now.”

  I turned and bent my elbows on the side,
resting them on the mosaic tiles leading into the pool. We were so close, my upper arm touched his shoulder. It was electric.

  “Okay,” I said slowly, thinking. “What was your favorite game as a boy?”

  “Football.”

  A little laugh escaped my lips, and I lay my cheek on my forearms. “You’re not giving me anything memorable.”

  His hand drifted under the water to my side, where he lightly ran the back of his fingers down my skin from my ribs to my hip. My eyes closed as desire flooded into my lower abdomen, and I fought a moan.

  “I’ll tell you something memorable,” he said in that sensual voice. “But I’d rather do it in private.”

  My eyes opened slowly, and I wondered if he could read my thoughts. He turned and pushed against the tiles, his muscles flexing as he rose out of the water. Little droplets ran down his torso, and an image of me licking them off almost made me burst into flames. I quickly followed him out and back to our things on the lounge chairs. Our wine still sat on the small table between them.

  “Should we take our drinks upstairs?” I said.

  “I was waiting for you to ask.”

  Being in my bed allowed for all sorts of options. We’d already recreated my fantasy from the little box, only in reality, he held me on his lap, both of us in a sitting position as he filled me with his huge cock from behind. My back was pressed against his firm chest, and with one hand, he squeezed my breast while the other massaged my rigid clit. I couldn’t stop the little moans that drove him wild. I barely even knew I was making them as his mouth covered my neck with burning kisses, his beard scratching the back of my shoulders. All I knew was him full inside me, pushing all the way in, harder as I rose on my knees and then dropped, increasing the depth of his thrusts.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, the hand that was holding my breast now moved to my stomach, pulling me harder against him. Our thighs crashed as I moved on him, and the sensation of his rock-hard dick hitting my G-spot while his expert fingers massaged my clit conjured images I’d seen of women coming like men, wet and everywhere. Three more hard thrusts, and I was flying to the moon.