One to Hold

by Tia Louise

  He exhaled then gave me a sad little smile. “It was intense.” We took a few more steps, and he added just above a whisper. “Too fucking intense.”

  My breath returned, and I gently squeezed his arm. “I’ve made some pretty lasting memories with you this week.”

  He stopped then and faced me. “Patrick’s got a big mouth. He’s said things about me I thought were best left off the record.”

  I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting him to see the tears forming in mine. “Elaine, too.”

  “In my line of work, when people don’t want you to know their story, they usually have a damn good reason.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was talking about himself or me, but I had to agree. “You’re right.”

  “And pursuing that story only leaves everyone, well, pretty damaged.” His voice wasn’t angry, but it had a definite tone. I just couldn’t tell what he was getting at. Was he saying he understood my need for privacy? Was he trying to tell me his? Or worse, was he trying to cut the week short? Had it gotten too intense for him?

  The last thought sliced painfully through my heart. “Sometimes, the damage is already done.”

  “Listen to me,” he put his hands on my cheeks and tilted my face up to look at his. When he saw my eyes glistening, his expression changed. His eyes closed and he lowered his forehead to mine, exhaling the words. “What have I done?”

  My hands clasped over my aching heart. “What have you done?” I managed to say.

  He’d fucking made me fall in love with him is what he’d done, and now I’d return to Baltimore worse off than when I got here. But I couldn’t say that out loud. It wasn’t his fault I’d lost control. He’d said one week. I was the one who’d ended up wanting everything I couldn’t have.

  He lifted his head and then kissed me, softly at first. His lips held mine a moment before the softness turned less gentle. His mouth moved, opening mine and finding my tongue. Heat flared through me as they touched, and his hands moved to my butt, lifting me against him. Easily my legs went around his waist, my arms around his neck. I was kissing him back in spite of the pain.

  How could I waste time on self-preservation when our time together was so short? He broke our kiss, dropping his forehead to my cheek. His hands were securely holding my rear, and I moved my hands to his face, making him look up at me again. His brow was creased and his blue eyes were so earnest, yet so full of all the things he wouldn’t tell me. How could I be angry when there were so many things I wouldn’t tell him?

  “If things were different,” I said. “I’d tell you I love you right now.”

  His forehead relaxed, and his eyes closed. The smallest hint of a smile tried to form on his lips, but I wouldn’t let myself see it. Instead I leaned forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. He kissed me back with an equal amount of passion, then I pushed against his chest, lowering my legs. He released me, brows pulled together again not understanding. I didn’t stay to explain.

  I turned and walked fast, not looking back. A few more steps and I was jogging across the grassy area that separated the patio from the spa hotel. He didn’t follow me. He let me go back to my room, where I collapsed into the bed, tears rolling from my eyes.

  Elaine didn’t come back to the room that night, and when I awoke the next morning, a note had been slipped under the door.

  Please call the front desk. A parcel has been left for you.

  Curiously, I picked up the in-house phone and pressed 0. Alerting the hostess I was awake, she said she’d send the parcel right up, and I went to retrieve one of the thick robes that hung in the bathroom. I paused, checking my reflection. My eyes were only a little puffy from crying. I picked up a washcloth and wet it with cold water, holding it gently to them.

  All night I’d dreamed of him. We didn’t stay in the little box in my mind, we jumped out of it and ran free and clear all over my life. Derek carried me back to Wilmington, and we made love on the beach in my old hometown. We ran hand in hand through all of my favorite places from my memory, and everywhere he fit in as perfectly as if he was always meant to be there. It broke my heart. My dreams could be so cruel.

  Just then the tapping started on my door. I jumped out of bed and ran across the room. The girl handed me a small package, and I handed her a tip. Then I closed the door and went back to the bed, ripping off the paper and pulling out a black velvet box.

  For a moment, I hesitated. Then I carefully pulled the top open. Inside was a delicate gold chain on which a floating heart hung. A small note dropped out, and I opened it.

  What I would give you. If you hadn’t already stolen it. –D.A.

  My lips pressed together as my eyes misted. Gently pulling the chain from the box, I fastened the necklace around my neck. The tag indicated it was 24 karat gold. It would never tarnish. I could leave it on forever if I chose. In the mirror in my room, I saw the delicate charm sat just at the base of my throat, in the little hollow between my collar bones where he’d often kissed me. I touched it gently.

  He’d survive without his heart. He had mine to use in its place.

  Chapter 8 – Something Truly Major

  Elaine called to say she and Patrick were driving to Sedona as planned and wouldn’t be back until late. I assured her I would be fine in her absence.

  “Did you make any progress with Derek,” she asked eagerly. “The man is sex on two legs, don’t you think?”

  Yes. “What are you saying?” I replied. “Aren’t your eyes only for Patrick?”

  “Of course! Patrick is amazing, and I’m not interested in trading at all. But I’m also not blind.”

  “Derek is very sexy.”

  “Very alpha,” she said in a tone like she was reading my mind. “And ex-military. I know you tend to shy away from those.”

  I almost wished that were true. “He is a lot of man, but at the same time, he can be tender.”

  Her voice rose in excitement. “So you did get to know him better? Oh, Mel, if you got laid on this trip by that hunk of—”

  “Hey,” I cut her off. “Have fun today and be safe.”

  “You, too,” she said. “Please do everything I would do.”

  I laughed, fingering the little heart floating at my neck as I hung up the phone. “Okay.”

  When I’d run off last night, leaving him at the fire pit, I’d also left without a plan for us meeting today. At the same time, when I reflected on our conversation up to that point, I wasn’t sure if the door was still open to us meeting today.

  Yes, I’d kissed him and told him I wished I could say I loved him. And he’d sent me this lovely gift, but the words we’d said before that…

  Was it best to leave these tokens as our last goodbye?

  Everything in me screamed No! If he was within steps of me, I had to try and find him. I considered going to Room 213 and pounding on his door, but I hesitated. If I did that, I’d be sending a message I couldn’t live up to. I’d be saying I was his, and I couldn’t say that.

  I lay across my bed, again touching the floating heart on my neck. My eyes warmed. But I wanted to see him so badly. What could I do? As if on cue, my room telephone rang, and I snatched it up without hesitation.

  “Good morning,” his low voice touched me through the wires.

  “Good morning,” I replied softly. “I was just thinking about you. And you called.”

  “Did you get my gift?”

  “I love it so much.” My voice was tight with longing for what we couldn’t have.

  “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to see me—”

  “I do!” I sat straight up, clutching the receiver against my face as if it were his. “When? Where?”

  He breathed a laugh. “Want to meet at the pool again?”

  “Why don’t we meet at the main hotel pool? Then you can save the fifty.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’d spend it again gladly.”

  “Give me thirty minutes,” I said, throwing the covers back
.

  “I’ll be there in five.”

  Walking out to the main pool, a dry breeze blew across the desert easing the heat beating against my face. The thin cover-up I’d slid over my shoulders billowed out behind me, and my red bikini glinted beneath it. The pool was enormous, and it seemed most of the conferees had decided to blow off their last day. I wasn’t sure I’d find him, and for the first time, I regretted not having my mobile phone. Although, he didn’t have the number even if I did.

  I paused, scanning every face, when I felt a warm presence behind me.

  “Looking for me?” His deep voice caused my eyes to close automatically in delight.

  I spun around smiling. “Yes,” I breathed.

  His blue eyes smiled back, flickering down to the necklace, his heart still sitting at the base of my throat. He blinked, and I saw the sadness I felt mirrored in his eyes, but only for a moment. As if he’d made the same resolution as me, he quickly pushed sadness away. We still had twenty-four hours together.

  “Come this way,” he said, taking my bag. “I’ve got us a few chairs near an umbrella.”

  I followed him past rows of loungers occupied by humans of all shapes and colors smiling, drinking, laughing, or relaxing. It was clearly the end of the week, and while for most, that was cause for celebration, for us, it was a sadness that kept trying to sneak in.

  “Wine spritzers,” he said, leading me around the lounger.

  I laughed. “Why?”

  “They’re surprisingly refreshing in this heat.” He stretched out on a chair, lifting a silicone wine glass and tapping mine. I watched him toss back the sparkling beverage and sipped mine. I didn’t want to be fuzzy. I wanted to remember everything.

  He rolled to his side, watching as I slid the cover-up down my shoulders. I almost felt shy as his lips curled up slowly in approval. “Red,” he murmured.

  “It’s funny,” I said, fumbling with my towel. “I’ve never paid much attention to the colors I wore. Until now.”

  His nose curled slightly with his smile, and I couldn’t help it. I leaned forward and kissed him. No one here cared. No one here knew either of us. The only two people who did were miles away exploring rock formations (or each other) in Sedona, and all my problems were even further away. I had no reason to hesitate in showing my affections. We could be as free as Elaine and Patrick.

  Pausing before I straightened up again, I slid my fingers into the side of his thick, wavy hair. “I love this,” I whispered.

  He caught my waist, pulling me to sitting on the side of his chair then he sat up as well, swinging his legs around and pulling me close to his body.

  “You can’t do things like that,” he said, planting his lips against my shoulder. I shivered as he made his way up my neck, behind my ear. “I thought about you all night. I almost knocked on your door.”

  My pulse beat fire under my skin, and everywhere his lips touched seemed to ignite. The slickness between my thighs had me wanting to lead him into one of the cabanas, where I could slip off my bottoms and straddle his lap. We could easily come together and no one would ever know.

  “You could’ve,” I breathed, my eyes closing. “Elaine never came back.”

  “Patrick’s a lucky bastard,” he said. But I paused. My expression caused him to laugh. “I only mean he has no reason to hesitate.”

  “And you do?”

  That stopped his progress. He looked into my eyes for a moment, not speaking. Then he said softly. “Everything you’ve done tells me I do.”

  I bit my lip looking down. He was right. I’d been secretive and distant, putting up boundaries around questions we couldn’t ask, paths we couldn’t follow. Even if he didn’t know why, he knew I was hiding something, and it was something big enough that no amount of fantastic sex could break down the wall.

  “We only have one more day,” I said. “Can we stay off that path just a few more hours?”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  I kissed his lips once more, then I stood and spread out my towel on the second lounger in the sun. Lying back with my aviators on, I took a deep breath. I lifted the glass and took a drink, cooling the fire he’d lit under my skin.

  The sun was hot, but it felt good to me. The constant breeze kept it from being unbearable.

  “I’m getting in for a bit,” he said, and I watched him walk to the pool, his perfect physique turning many heads.

  How had I managed to capture his affection? How long could I hold onto it outside this secret oasis in the desert? My situation wasn’t forever. Would it be possible to find him once my problems were resolved? Was it realistic to think he might still be available? Waiting for me? Asking him to do so would mean having to explain why, and considering his line of work, that would open a whole kettle of complicated fish.

  My eyes squeezed shut, and I lay my head back. I could only conquer one problem at a time. Getting back, I would put my plans in motion, then once everything was complete, perhaps I could pay a visit to the Alexander offices in Princeton. It was a short drive, and if he was as well-known as Elaine said, he should be easy to find.

  I took another long sip, finishing my glass, and when I looked up, Derek was headed back in my direction. He was dripping from the pool again and looking so sexy. Without his sunglasses, I could see his eyes travel from my toes, up my calves to my thighs, to my breasts where they lingered before meeting my eyes. The dark blue hadn’t faded, and the closer he got, the more I wanted to satisfy his hunger. He sat on his lounger facing me.

  “I thought that would cool me,” he said.

  “Did it?” I asked, studying his expression.

  “No.” His eyes traveled down my body again.

  “What can we do about that?”

  At that opening, his eyes snapped back to mine. “My room’s the closest.”

  Without another word, I sat up and slid my cover-up back over my shoulders. His brow relaxed, and he grabbed his shirt off the top of the chair. I picked up my bag and followed him past the rows of sunbathers, admiring the movement of his firm butt as he walked. Every step flexed a different muscle, and I grew tense with anticipation the closer we got to the elevators.

  I hoped we’d have the space to ourselves, but no such luck. An elderly patron boarded the lift with us as we made our way to the second floor. It was probably for the best. We might not have made it to our destination otherwise. Room 213 wasn’t too far down the hall. I watched as he slid his door key quickly in and out of the silver box, the tension of waiting those final seconds taunted my desire for him.

  The door closed behind us, I dropped my bag, and he turned, lifting me against him and bruising my mouth with kisses. My arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, my mouth open and eager to meet his. Tongues collided, and he walked, carrying me to the king-sized bed filling the room. I felt him drop to his knees and opened my eyes as he slid me back on the amazingly soft white linens.

  I helped, easing myself to the center, but he stayed at the side, reaching forward and taking hold of my bikini bottoms. In one quick pull they were off. His smile was hungry, and he caught the backs of my knees, pulling my wet opening to his mouth. My head dropped back, and I moaned deeply as his warm tongue slowly circled the little spot that drove me wild. It was hot and gentle then rough and sucking. My hips followed his movements, and when his beard scuffed my skin, I flinched, thrilled by the added sensation. My muscles were so tight, and the little noises he loved were coming from my throat. In two more little pulls, his mouth covering my clit, I was flying. His fingers slipped inside me, and he groaned.

  “You’re so wet,” he said, kissing the inside of my thigh.

  “I want you so bad,” I moaned. “Please… Don’t make me beg.”

  He stood up fast, slipping down his shorts, and for the first time I saw his enormous cock before it entered me fully erect.

  “Oh, god,” I hissed, reaching out to wrap my fingers around him. “You’re huge.”

  His lids drooped as m
y hand slid down his considerable length and then back up it. I couldn’t resist. I put the tip into my mouth and sucked. I couldn’t take him all in, he was far too big, but I ran my tongue around him, teasing his ridges, enjoying his sharp intake of breath followed by his low moans. I pulled his tip in and out, sucking and taunting him with my tongue, pulsing my hand up and down his shaft. His hips rocked slightly as he made a low groan, gently touching my cheek. After only a few moments, he caught my hair and held my face back.

  “I need to be inside you now.” One glance at the large muscle I’d been playing with told me why. A tiny white drop escaped his slit, and I shivered knowing what that meant.

  Quickly unfastening my bikini top, I moved back just as he joined me, pulling me down and filling me with his size.

  “Ooh,” I moaned as once again my body was stretched in the most delicious way possible. My orgasm that had only cooled slightly as I played with him came raging back with every thrust.

  He groaned and rolled me on top of him, clutching my buttocks hard and lifting me, gripping me up and plunging me back down. I gasped, reaching forward, placing my palms flat against the headboard, rocking my clit against his shaft. The friction had me blazing and tight. His groans were animal and wild.

  In my position, leaning forward, my breasts teased in his face, and his tiny sucks and bites registered directly between my legs. I shook with pleasure. That intense orgasm was on the brink of bursting through me. Two more impossibly deep thrusts and shudders exploded down my limbs.

  “Derek…” I moaned, and he groaned low in response, still pushing into me. I gasped, my core muscles spasming around his enormous cock again and again, my fingers digging into the headboard as the orgasm radiated through my lower body.

  He rocked his hips two more times, going deep into me and groaning loudly in release. Then I collapsed in his huge, strong arms, completely spent. He wrapped them around me, holding me tight against him as we rolled to the side. Our hearts pounded, our breath came so fast. My eyes were closed, and I felt his soft lips kissing my brows, my lids, moving to my nose, down to just gently touching my lips. I blinked slowly, and he smiled.