by Bree Cariad
Aiden’s eyes widened and he nodded. Rolf served him first and then let the rest of the crew fill their plates. “This is good,” Aiden moaned as he took a bite of food.
“Good. Eat up. Wait until you see the cake.” Rolf winked at him. He grinned, but his grin looked tired.
Jonathon sat on one side and Rolf on the other. If Aiden began to look like it was too much, he would get him out of there. When Rolf brought in the cake and everyone sang Happy Birthday, Aiden leaned in. “I wish Brecker could be here.”
Now he understood the tired look. Aiden hoped Brecker would show up, even if it was Christmas, and he was disappointed. Jonathon had invited Brecker for Christmas dinner, but Brecker refused saying he had other plans. He patted Aiden’s shoulder. “He left a gift for you, but he had already accepted another invitation.”
Rolf once again topped himself. The cake was divine. Rich strawberry cake layers filled with strawberry and chocolate mousse and topped with strawberry buttercream. When Aiden tasted it, he moaned and dug in. The meal was definitely a success.
The kids rushed to clean up the table so they could offer their gifts. Jonathon found it odd that instead of sitting back down and waiting their turn, they lined up. The first to offer their gift was Nathan. He handed Aiden a picture of the two of them taken while they were studying together. “Happy birthday, my brother.”
Aiden’s eyes widened and teared up a bit and he hugged Nathan. “Thank you.”
After Nathan was Peril, who had a similar gift. A picture of the two of them taken outside building a snow fort together. “Happy birthday, my brother.”
As each one of them gave a similar gift and used the same words, Jonathon got it. Their gift. Each one was letting Aiden know he had brothers and sisters. It was the best gift he could imagine. Aiden had family. It might not be biological, but it was strong. And with every gift, he sat a little straighter. By the last one, Aiden no longer looked tired.
“You have two more gifts,” Jonathon said once everyone had sat down. “First is mine and Rolf’s.” He handed over a small envelope. “I know you’ve been focusing on your drawing lately. That’s for a small art course online. We’ve added some more art supplies in the last week so you should have everything you need.”
“Thanks, Reverend Jonathon.” Aiden smiled up at him.
“And the last gift is from Brecker. He wanted to be here himself, but he’d already accepted another invitation before he found out it was your birthday.” Jonathon handed over the small wrapped package. He’d been wondering what it was since Brecker handed it to him the night before.
Aiden opened the envelope attached and pulled out a card. “Happy birthday, Aiden,” he read aloud. “This was something I loved when I was a kid and I thought you might too. Love Brecker.”
Beaming, he tore into the paper and pulled out a leather bound edition of Call of the Wild by Jack London. “Wow. He put my name on the front.” In gold leaf and in strong, masculine letters, Aiden was embossed in the lower right corner.
The birthday was definitely a success. When everyone finally scattered to enjoy the afternoon, Aiden disappeared. Jonathon found him thirty minutes later when he went to the chapel to pray. He reached the doorway and stopped, not wanting to interrupt the boy who was kneeling in front of the altar and looking up at a painting of Jesus on the wall.
“Please, Lord,” he whispered. “Shower down Your blessings on my family. On my brothers and sisters, Uncle Rolf, Reverend Jonathon, and especially on Brecker. You’ve done so much for me and I shouldn’t ask. But if it’s okay, could You see if he might want to adopt me? I love Reverend Jonathon and the shelter, so if you can’t, that’s fine. This is the best place I’ve ever lived. But if I could be Brecker’s son, that would be the best thing in the world.”
Jonathon closed his eyes at the honesty rolling off him. He mentally added to Aiden’s prayer. Lord, I love having Aiden here and never want him to leave. But if Brecker is right for him, please make this miracle come true.
Chapter Seventeen
I need to get going.
Brecker had been telling himself the same thing for the last two hours and yet he was still on the sofa in his underwear and undershirt staring blankly at It’s a Wonderful Life on the television. The last almost twenty-four hours had been awe-inspiring and terrifying. Seated with Jonathon the previous morning had felt wonderful. He had never felt such intense love in his life. He wasn’t sure how Jonathon functioned if he felt anything even close to that on a daily basis. It would be like walking around feeling a constant high.
That was the closest synonym he could give it. He felt high on love and the Lord. It was invigorating and amazing. It had also been alarming and an attention getter. He’d prayed off and on all his life, but he’d never heard a voice before. Ever. But there had been a wonderful small voice that spoke in his mind during those moments yesterday. The words and scenes it showed him were so powerful as to be sacred. And yet they were the complete opposite of what he believed about himself.
All afternoon, he’d been able to push it aside as he joined in with the fun at the shelter, but the moment he got home, that was all he’d been able to think about.
“And I’m still thinking about it,” he grumbled as he finally turned the television off and stood up.
A part of him wanted to believe it was just a combination of what people had been pushing him toward the last few weeks, but he felt shame whenever he thought about it. He had no doubts as to whose voice that was and he was not going to deny it.
My son, this is what you’ve been waiting for.
With those amazing words, words that carried with them both light and life and so much love it made him feel good just thinking about them, he saw the same images he saw the previous day. Of him and Aiden. Of Aiden calling him Dad. Of such incredible happiness on Aiden’s face as he wrote his name. Aiden Brecker.
Even as all that came back to him, his memories and pain took over. I hurt Lisa. I’m not a good family man.
He walked into his bathroom and opened the small cabinet to remove his toothbrush and toothpaste. When he closed it, he startled at the mirror, because for a brief moment, it wasn’t his image staring back at him. He wasn’t even sure if he could describe what it was. Like some perfected version of him painted by someone else’s brush. But once again, he felt pure and utter love and had to brace himself against the countertop. “Too much,” he whispered.
It lightened and next time he looked up, he stared into his eyes. “Did that just happen?” he asked, but while his physical body didn’t respond, his mind did. Yes. That did just happen. If he kept trying to deny it, it would go away.
Brecker took time with his normal morning routine and it was almost an hour later when he finally pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. The fact was he had nowhere he had to be. Christmas was one of those days he never accepted invitations out. He received them every year and the one from Jonathon had been the most difficult to say no to. It was Aiden’s birthday and he wanted to be there for it. But he just couldn’t go.
Seeing families enjoying the holidays, being with one another, always made him feel even more alone than he did normally. And they always reminded him of what he lost by marrying and losing Lisa.
Lisa.
Before he could think twice about it, he picked up his phone and texted her. Do you guys still stay home on Christmas Day?
Not sure when she might respond, he headed into the kitchen to make some coffee. Perhaps that would help him get his head on straight. Before his espresso was ready, his phone buzzed.
Lisa: Yep. The kids will be at Jacob’s parents place for lunch and then will come back here for dinner. Why?
Brecker: I’m struggling with something but don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.
Lisa: Come on over. The kids will be gone in about fifteen minutes and Jacob wants to play with his new computer game. We’ll have plenty of time to chat.
He poured his espresso into an
insulated mug and headed out before he could try to talk himself out of it. His mind was a mess of thoughts. Every time his memories of the previous day or that moment in the mirror came to him, harsh thoughts filled his head, giving him the opposite side. Brecker knew he was a bad family man… or at least he thought so. But God wouldn’t lie. What if he wasn’t good enough to live up to what God wanted?
By the time he arrived at their home, the sun had disappeared behind a cloud and he wondered when it would start snowing again. They’d had more snow that winter than in the last ten.
Lisa opened the door before he got to it. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a bun and she looked delightfully rumpled in a sweatshirt and pajama pants. “Happy Christmas,” he said and kissed her on the cheek.
“Happy Christmas. Come on in. Have you eaten? We have a few waffles left over.”
“That sounds good.” It was easier to discuss rough things over food.
Their kitchen was warm and filled with warmth. The soft yellow walls and light wood cabinets reflected the light from the large window over the sink. He took a seat at the island while she put a plate together with waffles, a couple sausage links, and a glass of orange juice.
“Talk to me,” she said as she pushed the plate over. “You haven’t left your place on Christmas in years.”
That was true enough. He took a sip of the juice and as he cut into the waffles, forced himself to speak. “I hate that I hurt you.” She physically startled. “I’ve hated myself for it ever since.”
“Brecker,” she said with a soft sigh and leaned forward on the counter facing him. “It’s been almost two decades. We were both kids. And part of that was my fault.”
He cocked a brow at her. “I was never home.”
She cocked one back. “And I was a spoiled little rich kid who wanted to have her cake and eat it too. I wanted you to have money so I could live the high life, but I wanted you home catering to my every whim too.”
His mouth fell open. “What?”
With a snort, she nodded. “You might not remember it that way, but I had to face some hard truths before Jacob would propose. One of those was that I made the decision I wanted you as my husband and went after you with everything I had. I got you, but then I wanted what I wanted without thinking about what you wanted.” She leaned in and put a hand on top of his. “We were both too young. You were twenty-one and I was eighteen when we got married. You didn’t want to be married. I wanted a weirded out dream of a marriage.” After a pause, she asked, “What’s bringing this about? Is there someone in your life?” Her eyes lit up with hope.
“Yes. But not in the way you’re thinking.” He wasn’t ready to think about his feelings for Jonathon. But the kid? He could talk to her about Aiden. “There’s a boy. He’s fifteen and in a youth shelter. He… I….” He growled and stuffed a sausage link in his mouth. After swallowing, he continued. “He’s a great kid. Even after his parents kicked him out of the house because he’s a boy and not the girl they wanted, he still searches for what’s good.”
“And?” she prodded when he soldiered on eating.
He sighed and took another long drink of orange juice before replying. “For weeks, people have come out of the woodwork and suggested I should look into adoption. Or I was at the mall one day—”
“You were at the mall?” Her disbelief might as well have been a blinking neon light above her head.
He rolled his eyes and continued. “A woman walked by and shoved a little advertisement into my hand. I figured it was for a sale or something. It was asking for people to be foster parents.” Her eyes softened and she gripped his hand harder. “Yesterday and this morning I’ve had… well, spiritual experiences that make me think I’m supposed to adopt the boy.”
“Brecker, no wonder you look off kilter. But ignore what everyone else is suggesting to you. How do you feel about adopting a child? Because they’re a lot of work.”
“I know. I worry that I’ll let him down. And he’s been let down enough in his life.”
That made her smile. “I love that you’re thinking of him. But look inside you. How would you let him down?”
“By not being there for him. By working too much. What if he runs away too?” He closed his eyes on the pain those words caused.
“Oh, Brecker.” She walked around the island and wrapped her arms around him from the side. “We were both kids,” she whispered into his ears. “I was as much at fault for what happened as you, if not more. I nagged at you when you were home. Why would you want to come home to that? Is that why you never date? Because you think you can’t make a relationship work?” Her voice went up on the last two sentences and he nodded.
“Oh, honey.” She squeezed him as tight as she could. “I’m so sorry I did that to you. You’re the most wonderful man. In fact, if I hadn’t been so utterly stupid and full of myself, I would have noticed that back then. Instead, we both flubbed up. But I ended up with Jacob, whom I love deeply, and we have a wonderful brood of kids. And I’ve seen you with them. You’re so good with children, do you know that? You have this natural aura that makes them want to be around you. I’ve never seen you let one of my kids down. Not even when it inconvenienced something in your work.”
He ate while she held him and talked. “Have you considered,” she said as she grabbed a piece of his waffle and put it in her mouth, “that all these hints you’ve been getting over the past month about adoption were the Lord talking to you, but you weren’t listening, so He had to shout?”
“That thought was in the back of my mind,” he admitted. “I don’t want to deny what I heard. It was so… amazing, Lisa. I can’t even put into words how it felt. But all those doubts in my head seem to wage a war against those thoughts.”
“So what do you want to do? In your gut?” she asked and patted his solar plexus.
He gulped as to say it aloud, to admit it to another, was taking a firm stand. “I want to adopt the boy.”
“Oh,” she squealed and hugged him tighter. “I think that’s fantastic. Daddy Brecker.”
He groaned and batted her hand away when she went for another piece of waffle. “There are a lot of things to think about,” he said. “I’d need to get a bigger place. There’s no way I could bring a fifteen-year-old boy into my eleven hundred square foot apartment. It’s only got one bedroom,” he said somewhat defensively when she stood back and looked at him.
“This house is fifteen hundred square feet. It has three bedrooms and a family room as well as a living room and kitchen. Divide your space.”
There was no way he was arguing that point with her. But he did feel more empowered. He glanced up at her and smiled. “Thanks, Lisa. Coming over here was just what I needed.”
“True. You always did need someone to give you a kick in the butt. And I’m thrilled to do it.” She grinned as she took his empty plate to the sink. After a moment she looked back at him and the amusement on her face made him wait before speaking. “I know you. Your mind is going a million miles a second as you figure out how to get from here to there.” She turned around and leaned back against the counter. “So when are you going to tell him?” He stiffened. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. This was a step forward. But until you’re willing to ask him if he’d like to be your son, it’s just a dream.”
“Fair point.” He stood up.
“Bring him over to meet us,” she encouraged as she walked him to the front door. “This is good,” she said as he hugged her. “Very good.”
It was just after two by the time he left and Brecker had a hard time knowing what to do. He felt that excitement that came from putting his foot firmly on a path and the nerves that came along with it. He knew that once he strode down that path, the right opportunities would open up. They always had. And as the Lord had made it very clear He was behind the plan, they would probably show up before he could even think of them.
Quite suddenly he knew he needed to talk with Jonathon.
He knew that
showing up at Christmas was probably not the nicest thing he could do if it was anyone else. But he knew he’d be welcomed there. He recognized, instinctively, that the alone feeling that usually attacked him when he went to people’s houses on Christmas wouldn’t happen. Because as crazy as it sounded, he fit in there. Brecker was about to have his first truly happy Christmas in a long time.
The trip was easy even with the snow from the night before and when he knocked on the front door, that excitement from earlier grew. The door opened and he smiled. “Happy Christmas, Rolf.”
“Well, you’re going to make a few people happy today.” Rolf pulled him into a hug and inside. “Come on. Aiden’s reading that book you gave him and Jonathon’s in the kitchen helping with dinner. Which one do you want to see first?”
“Jonathon.”
Rolf smiled and nodded. “Come on then.”
The kitchen was mostly clean and Jonathon was doing dishes. The warmth told him probably several ovens were on. “Look who was at the door,” Rolf said.
Jonathon turned and his face lit up. “Brecker, Merry Christmas.” He wiped off his hands and then reached for Brecker, pulling him into a warm hug. “I’m so glad you came. Aiden will be thrilled.”
Brecker couldn’t help but smile. “Actually, it’s Aiden I want to talk to you about. Can we go to your office?”
“Sure.” Jonathon looked at him as though trying to figure things out. “After you.”
The buzz of voices filled the hallways and as he entered Jonathon’s office, he trembled with the fact his life was about to change. The change was so blaringly right he wanted to cry. Instead of taking a seat, he walked over to the window and looked out.
Jonathon closed the door and walked over to stand next to him. “Have you had a good morning?”
With a soft laugh, Brecker nodded. “I’ve had a superb morning. A crazy morning. And a terrifying one. All thrown into one.”
Jonathon gave him an amused look and then smiled. “What has He been telling you?” Brecker blinked at him in confusion and Jonathon laughed. “Those feelings combined usually mean the Lord’s put me on a new path. I’m assuming He’s done the same to you.”
