by Bree Cariad
“Yeah,” Brecker agreed self-consciously. “I guess if anyone would understand this, you would.” He took a deep breath and then went for it. “For almost two decades I’ve thought I wasn’t cut out for any kind of family life. That I would hurt anyone I cared about just by being me. So dating or getting particularly close to anyone wasn’t something I did. Until the day I found Aiden in that alleyway.
“From the beginning I felt a pull toward the kid. And you. And this place.” Brecker looked around the office. “Something that pulled me back time after time. It was always something I wanted to do, something I came to crave to do. Things changed after Thanksgiving. That night of the hearing, Judge Highland asked me if I’d ever considered adopting or fostering a child. She told me that Aiden looked at me as if I hung the moon.” He shook his head. “I was sure I would be such a horrible father that I pushed that idea away. But since then, I’ve received so many… signs, I guess, that were like whispers telling me ‘Look over there. There’s where you want to be.’ But I was too afraid to listen.”
He gulped and glanced at Jonathon who was standing with his hand to his mouth as if he knew what he was about to say. Wanting to say it, he pressed on. “But yesterday, in your room, when that… that overwhelming love entered. I heard the still small voice. And He showed me….” His throat closed a little and he took a breath to steady himself. “He showed me the relationship He’s been gently nudging me toward for months. So today, I went to talk to Lisa who helped me see things a little clearer.”
With a long deep breath, he stood up straight and faced Jonathon. “I know it’s a long path and that it could take months to go through all the rigmarole. Not to mention finding a new house. For all I know, you might not even want to let him go. But I wanted to be upfront and honest. I want to adopt Aiden.”
Jonathon grabbed him and yanked him into his arms. “Thank you, Lord. Thank you,” he whispered. “Oh, thank you. Brecker, I don’t want to give Aiden up. But I know he wants to be your son and I think he already is in all other respects. I’m not going to get in the way of that. Especially,” he said with a joyous laugh, “considering I asked Him to make it a reality if it was part of His plan.”
Relief filled Brecker from the tips of his toes up to the top of his head. If Jonathon had been against it, he would have struggled because he would never have tried to do something Jonathon didn’t want. Knowing he was on board made everything suddenly and viscerally real.
“Say you’ll stay for dinner,” Jonathon said as he released him.
“I’ll stay.”
Jonathon’s face lit up. “Do you want to tell Aiden now?”
Brecker took a step back. “Do you think we should? I know adoption is a multi-step process that includes home visits and all sorts of stuff. It could take months. Should we tell him now?”
“Oh yes. I don’t see anything that’s going to stop the adoption and, let’s face it, the Lord is behind it. Nothing is going to stop it. Besides, you’ll make this the best birthday Aiden’s ever had.”
“Okay.”
“Stay here. I’ll get him.” Jonathon rushed out of the room and Brecker leaned back against his desk. This was happening. Court Brecker was going to gain a son, a wonderful boy. For a moment he had to close his eyes as he was once again filled with so much love and light he could barely stand it.
“Brecker!” He barely had time to open his eyes before a little bullet shot to him and wrapped his arms around Brecker’s middle. “You came.”
“I did.” Brecker realized he was already hugging Aiden and that it had, sometime in the last couple months, become so natural as to not even notice he did it. “Happy birthday.”
Aiden beamed up at him. “I love the book.”
“I’m glad.” He glanced up at Jonathon who stood by the door. “How do we go about this?” he asked feeling very unsure.
Aiden looked from him to Jonathon and back. “What?”
“Let’s sit down,” he suggested and he took the seat he normally did. Aiden sat right next to him.
“Just ask him outright,” Jonathon suggested when Brecker found himself tongue tied.
“It’s going to take months,” Brecker said quietly. “There are things I have to do for legal reasons before it can be complete. But I want to know how you feel about this. I would like to adopt you, Aiden. For you to be my son.”
Chapter Eighteen
Aiden’s lips trembled and he nodded. “I hoped. I prayed. But I didn’t think it would happen. Oh yes!” He launched himself into Brecker’s arms. “I want to be your son. I do. I do.”
Four days later, Jonathon still teared up at the memory. Even better was when Aiden insisted on introducing all his brothers and sisters to his future father. “This is Brecker. He’s gonna be my dad.”
Caryn would be there soon and he planned on talking to her before she saw Aiden as he had no doubt Aiden would want to talk about his excitement and he didn’t want it to blindside the court appointed therapist.
“She’s here,” Rolf said as he passed the office. “I’ll keep Aiden busy upstairs for a few minutes.”
“Thanks.”
He stepped out into the hall and heard Piers, their science and math teacher, teaching the kids about geometry. Poor kids. Math had never been his thing. Jonathon had the door open before Caryn reached it. “Morning, Caryn.”
She looked up and smiled from her parka. “Morning, Jonathon. It’s freezing out there.”
“I know,” he said with a chuckle. “Why don’t you get settled in Tanner’s office and I’ll bring in some hot cider. Rolf keeps it heated on the stove all day long with the kids going outside to play in the snow as often as they can.”
“Sounds wonderful. Is Aiden ready?”
“He is. I wanted to talk to you first about something.”
“All right.”
He filled two mugs with the wonderfully fragrant cider and smiled when he saw the plate of cookies Rolf already had on a tray. By the time he went into the therapy room, she had removed her coat and was settled in a chair. He set the tray between them on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa.
After one bite of a cookie, she sighed. “None of your kids will want to leave here just because of what a good cook Rolf is.”
“I know. I teased Peril the other day that when he went on to college, that dorm food was going to be a shock.”
She laughed and picked up her mug. Then with a serious expression, she said, “Okay, so what’s going on?”
“From what you’ve said and what I’ve seen, there isn’t going to be a problem with my getting permanent custody of Aiden in January, correct?” She nodded. “Well, I’m sure he’s told you about Brecker.”
Caryn laughed. “He’s practically the center of every story Aiden tells. He adores you and Rolf, but he loves Brecker.”
“I know.” Jonathon smiled and took a sip of cider. “And the feeling is mutual. Brecker told me on Christmas Day that he wants to work toward adopting Aiden.”
Her eyes widened slightly and then she smiled. “Well, I don’t know him personally, but I know of him. He seems to be a very standup man. And he knows about Aiden’s issues?”
He didn’t bristle though he knew Tanner would have. Neither of them liked trans being considered an issue as though it was a psychological disorder. “He knows Aiden is trans, yes. Brecker’s always accepted Aiden as male, from when they first met.” And that was just one of the things Jonathon loved about the man. His total acceptance. “I wanted you to know, because I thought Aiden should be aware of Brecker’s intentions just in case he didn’t feel the same.”
“I’m assuming he said yes.”
“Quite emphatically,” he told her. She laughed. “And I’m sure he’ll want to tell you all about it.”
Caryn smiled. “I’m prepared. Also, they’ll be calling you, but I suggested to Judge Highland that as far as I was concerned, I saw no reason for Aiden not to be put permanently in your care. Your hearing is set fo
r next week.”
That was both a relief and a stressor. “Thank you. I appreciate it. Now, since I don’t want to take up too much of your time, let me get Aiden.”
With it being New Year’s, he and Rolf decided to have a small, understated but fun party. They doubted whether any of the kids had been able to go crazy and they wanted to let them. It took some work to get all the tables pushed to the side of the dining room so there was room in the middle to dance. Rolf hooked up an old boom box he owned and the kids joined in by hanging streamers and all-in-all getting excited.
Ten minutes into said party, they hit a snag Jonathon didn’t foresee. Brecker arrived, so after Aiden said his hellos, he walked up to the dining room door and looked in. Aiden stood near him and Jonathon smiled at the amusement on Brecker’s face. “I don’t think they know how to dance,” Jonathon said in a low voice. “We didn’t expect this to be an issue.”
Brecker snorted. “I don’t think they’ll have a problem. You just need to convince them that nobody will laugh at them if they do. Wall flower syndrome,” he said nodding toward several of the girls and boys who were crowding the tables and appearing as though they wished they could dissolve into them.
Instantly Jonathon knew what to do. He turned the music up a little louder and started to dance. Purposefully he threw himself into it and didn’t try to dance well. For one thing, he had never been able to dance well. For another, he didn’t want someone not dancing because they thought he was good.
A few glances told him the kids were smiling at his craziness. And when he met Peril’s gaze, the boy smiled and caught on. To his credit, he stepped out and began to dance on his own.
When he spotted Brecker take off his jacket and step onto the floor, he had to smile. Either Brecker was a worse dancer than he was, or he was really acting up. When Rolf got into it, it seemed the kids couldn’t help themselves. Between the beat of the music and the three adults who were dancing around with no rhythm whatsoever, they seemed to forget their fears and began to dance.
By the second song, Jonathon and Brecker moved to the doorway. Rolf was still having fun and the kids didn’t seem to notice they’d left. “Thanks,” Jonathon said with a swift smile. “They needed this. With not going to school, they don’t get the chance to intermingle at dances.”
“Any slow songs on that thing?” Brecker asked with an amused smile.
“A few. They’re teenagers and there are a few couples that are beginning to develop.” Jonathon took a seat at the small table in the kitchen and Brecker joined him.
“Does that worry you?”
“No.” Jonathon smiled. “We’ll keep our eyes open, but first loves are important.”
“Was Paul your first?” Brecker asked.
Amused, Jonathon shook his head. “No. My first love never knew I had a thing for him. He was Stephan Lester, the man who ran the neighborhood creamery. I assume that whatever expression I had on my face whenever I gazed at him, he took for a desire for ice cream.”
With a bark of a laugh, Brecker nodded. “He must have thought you really loved ice cream.”
“What about you?” Jonathon asked.
Brecker frowned for a moment. “Miss Kennelly Matheson.”
“Now that’s a name.”
Brecker grinned. “She didn’t exist. She was this image of the perfect girl I had in my head when I was like ten.”
Grinning, Jonathon sat back. “I haven’t thought of him in years. I wonder if he still runs the creamery.”
The song turned to a slow one and Jonathon stood up to look and see if anyone was dancing. Peril and Ken were, though they looked a little stilted with their hands on each other’s hips, but the rest of the group was standing around with their hands in their pockets and casting glances at the people they were attracted to.
“Think they need more encouragement?” Brecker asked, doubt in his voice.
“They might. I’d forgotten how uncomfortable dances could be. I did a lot of holding up walls when Mom and Dad made me go.” He looked over and spotted Aiden, who was watching Kyle, a sixteen-year-old. “Looks like Aiden would like to dance with someone.”
Brecker followed his gaze and smiled. “Well, what do you think? I’ve never danced with a guy, but if it will help Aiden get up the nerve to ask that boy to dance, I’m in.”
Not the most roaring recommendation but Jonathon wasn’t about to spit at the opportunity. It might be his only chance to slow dance with Brecker.
“Do you want to lead or shall I?” Jonathon asked as he took Brecker’s hand and led him to the middle of the floor.
“Let’s wing it.”
With a laugh, Jonathon nodded and did what he felt like. He wrapped his arms loosely around Brecker’s neck and when Brecker placed his hands on Jonathon’s lower back, swayed to the music. He couldn’t help but gaze into the warm green eyes in front of him. Or look at the plump lips. They looked wonderfully soft and he wondered what it would be like to be kissed by him. Jonathon would never do the kissing. He knew Brecker was straight. But he could daydream about it.
Perhaps Rolf was right and he needed to start dating.
“What are you thinking about?” Brecker asked.
“Dating. Rolf keeps telling me I need to get out there. It’s just not that easy. It’s not like I’m going to find the guy I’m looking for at a gay club.”
Brecker seemed to ponder that. “Yeah. That’s hard. But it’s not easy from my side of the fence either. Single women on the prowl are scary.”
Jonathon laughed. “I would imagine you could have any man or woman you wanted if you just asked.”
Brecker turned pink and he rather liked that shade on him. “I don’t want someone to want me for my money or position.”
“I get that. But there’s so much to you, Brecker. You’re kind and loving and have a huge heart. You do what’s right even if the world’s against you. Whoever gains your trust and love is one very lucky person.”
For a long moment, Brecker stared at him. “Thank you, Jonathon. That means a lot coming from you.”
There didn’t seem any more to say so Jonathon leaned his chin on Brecker’s shoulder and sighed softly when Brecker pulled him a little closer. If only this was real. But he’d take it as long as the dance lasted. One quick look around showed a few couples had braved the slow dance, Aiden and Kyle being one of them. He smiled. How many places could queer kids just be themselves like this without fearing some reprisal?
The closer it got to midnight, the more antsy Jonathon felt. He was glad the kids danced to the fast music and he and Brecker could remove themselves from the melee. At midnight, a few of those kids would kiss. And if they were in there, it would be expected. There was no way he was putting that kind of pressure on Brecker.
Brecker appeared completely relaxed which was so opposite to the way Jonathon felt that it almost wasn’t fair. He felt all of a gawky fifteen-year-old-boy who just wanted the guy he was attracted to, to be attracted back. When he noted the clock said five minutes ‘til, he stood up. “Excuse me for a moment. Be right back.”
It was a chicken thing to do, but he went into his bedroom and stood there. He would wait until midnight came and went and then he would go back out. Brecker would never notice he was gone.
“Party hats.” Rolf’s loud voice floated to him and he chuckled. Rolf purchased those cheap, pointy hats for the kids as well as little horns they could blow. Perhaps he should have grabbed one. If he was blowing a horn, he wouldn’t be worried he would kiss a certain someone.
“Ten….” The shout rang through the house.
“Nine… eight… seven….”
“Jonathon?”
“Three….”
Jonathon turned around, shocked to find Brecker standing just a foot away. He didn’t know what to do, how to ask Brecker to leave before he did something utterly stupid.
“Two….”
“Jonathon,” Brecker said on a breath.
“One! Happy New Y
ear!” The cry filled the house, but Jonathon couldn’t think. He wasn’t even sure how it happened. One moment he was looking into those beautiful green eyes and in the next he was in Brecker’s arms and they were kissing. And those lips were just as soft as they looked. Strong hands held him close and he didn’t want to stop.
Unfortunately they both needed to breathe and they pulled back, ragged breaths filling the air. He looked into Brecker’s eyes, trying to find out how he felt about the whole thing. Brecker’s eyes were closed. “Brecker?” he whispered, almost afraid to break the spell.
Brecker’s eyes flashed open. “Happy New Year, Jonathon,” he murmured, kissed him lightly, and then left.
Jonathon’s heart crashed and he stumbled over to his bed and sat down. He’d just kissed Court Brecker. And he left. What had he done? He put his face in his hands, worried he’d just ruined everything.
Chapter Nineteen
Brecker booked it out of the shelter. He thought he might have heard Aiden call after him, but his need to get as far away from Jonathon Neiland made him keep going.
He’d kissed a man.
He’d kissed a man.
He’d kissed a—
“Sir?”
Brecker blinked and turned toward Gavin. “Yes?”
“Are you ready to go?” The confusion on his face and in his voice almost made Brecker laugh. The man had no clue what confusion was.
“Yes. Home.” And then he realized the door to his car was open and Gavin was waiting for him to get inside. It was a good thing he was going home. There was no way he could make any sense whatsoever.
Usually he made some sort of conversation with Gavin, if for no other reason than to keep the two of them awake. But he couldn’t. The same reel was running through his head over and over, like some elongated animated gif that wouldn’t stop.
All night there had been a bit of tension around Jonathon, though Brecker wasn’t sure of why. And when he left the kitchen, he knew something was up. There was no way Jonathon would want to miss midnight and watch his kids enjoy the moment. And yet, he didn’t come back. Once the countdown began, Brecker went after him.
