Infatuations

by Barbara Winkes

  Her business card.

  “Oh no.” The words were out before she could hold them back.

  “Don’t make too much of it,” Waters advised. “You gave it to him, right? It makes sense he still had it on him. Where else would he put it?”

  “It’s only part of it.”

  “Yeah, so? He tore it apart, obviously wasn’t going to use it. Someone shot him. End of story.”

  “Maybe,” Ellie said, aware of Dr. Adams rolling her eyes, and not at her. “Let’s see if we have any prints. Dr. Adams, is it possible you move him to the top of the list?”

  “I can move him further up,” the medical examiner said. “If you don’t have any plans for tonight?”

  * * * *

  Ellie pondered paying Bob Stanton another visit to ask him about making the rounds in Jayne’s neighborhood. Instead, she decided to call, and, when he didn’t answer, left him a message, asking him to contact her about the issue.

  When she returned to the station, Ellie had several messages waiting for her, most of them having nothing to do with the case at hand. Kate asked to meet later. Ellie might not make it tonight, but she’d have to get back to her. There were some things left unspoken between them about planning a wedding together with Kate as the maid of honor, when Kate’s own plans had been so tragically interrupted.

  Madeline asked if she could help with anything. Ariel, who was working on her memoir with her aunt, wanted to know if Ellie and Jordan would like to read part of what she had written. Ellie was going to make time, and she knew that Jordan would, too. Jack and Pauline asked them to come over on the weekend.

  Ellie had to smile. Her social calendar was fuller than it ever had been, with people who truly cared, and whom she cared about. She wished her parents could see this, see her truly happy.

  She went to inform the lieutenant about their preliminary findings and after that, got herself a cup of coffee and began her own report. Waters was nowhere to be seen, but she was used to his patterns by now. She would ask when she needed to, and otherwise leave him alone.

  Maria Doss sat at her desk. Jordan and Derek were probably out on a case.

  Ellie stared at the form in front of her, wondering what happened. She didn’t believe that Marco was involved in any form of drug trade. Then again, she didn’t know him that well. Could she rely on her gut instinct, or was she too hopeful about humanity in general, even after everything she had seen?

  She was so lost in thought she hadn’t heard Libby Marshall coming up behind her. Libby was working the front desk today.

  “Hey, Ellie, do you have a moment? There’s a Mr. Stanton here. He says he wants to talk to you.”

  “Sure.” That was quick. Ellie wondered if she could play to the man’s ego and make him think she was enlisting his help rather than working against him. She got up to follow Libby. Her colleague went back to her work while Ellie stepped through the door into the visitors’ waiting area.

  “Mr. Stanton, thank you for coming in right away. Please follow me?”

  “Are you freaking kidding me?”

  Libby was on her feet in an instant, looking alarmed.

  “What do you mean?” Ellie had to admit she was confused. “Mr. Stanton, what’s wrong?”

  “You have the gall to…” He finally lowered his voice. “You treat honest citizens this way, you shouldn’t be surprised if they turn against you one day.”

  “Let’s talk about this. You don’t want to be seen threatening a police officer.”

  “I’m not threatening anyone. I’m going to sue the hell out of this department. You keep overstepping your boundaries while all we do is try to protect the neighborhood from the lowlife lurking everywhere.”

  “I’m sorry, but that’s not why I asked you here.” Ellie had a hard time hiding her increasing irritation. “I thought that since you are keeping an eye on the neighborhood, you might be able to help. I’m sorry if I was mistaken.”

  “Help you how?” He tried to play it cool, but sounded intrigued.

  “How about we go somewhere we can sit down and talk?”

  Still reluctant, but without further argument, he followed her to the other side of the door.

  “You’re going to be okay?” Libby asked.

  “Yes, of course. It’s just something we have to clear up.”

  They walked to her desk where she gestured for him to sit down. Detective Maria Doss cast them a curious look, then went back to typing on her computer.

  “I’ve been told you are trying to keep the drug trade out,” Ellie began. “You must be aware of Mr. Ryan Lemont, then.”

  “Just what I read in the paper. He ran. Another one that got away from you, huh? If only you’d taken us seriously sooner.”

  Just like that, he was back to the insults. Ellie ignored them.

  “One more thing. I’d like to see your firearm license again.”

  She didn’t think Stanton could be stupid enough to shoot Marco Raynor with the same gun that already got him in trouble once—but she might get lucky.

  Stanton bristled, but he handed over the document.

  “Thank you, Mr. Stanton. That’s just to double-check something.”

  “I know what you’re getting at. That troublemaker in the park, he got himself shot. Can’t say I’m going to shed a tear over him.”

  “You’re not obliged. Let me just make a copy of this, and that will be all.”

  “I sure as hell hope so.”

  She had no idea how to interpret his expression when she handed the document back to him.

  “Thank you for your time.”

  “That’s all right, Officer. I only aim to help.”

  “Detective,” Ellie mumbled when he was out of earshot.

  “That was odd,” Maria commented. “Is he on your radar?”

  Ellie cast a look at the copies she’d just made.

  “I didn’t lie to him. I don’t think this is the murder weapon, but it never hurts to check. Domestic abuser, charges were dropped. Maybe there’s something.”

  “Yeah.” Maria sighed. “Be careful what you wish for though. People like that can be pretty unpredictable.”

  “In some ways, they are sadly predictable. Damn. I think I need another coffee. It looks like I’ll be here for a while.”

  Chapter Eleven

  While Andrews Secure Living wasn’t her case any longer, Jordan was happy to hear that the web was tightening around Andrews and his second in command. April had called her, excited to have new findings regarding the threatening emails to Mrs. Kenning. This was a close as they could get to finding justice for a desperate man and his widow.

  Ellie was still stuck at work, and Derek had left before her, so Jordan made do with a frozen dinner and a glass of wine, surveying the never-ending to-do lists for the wedding.

  What a wonderful coincidence that Ellie had been able to reconnect with her mother’s friend—when it came to people and relationships, Ellie was definitely better at everything. Or perhaps she’d been lucky knowing better people early on. Leaning back on the couch, Jordan sighed to no one, exasperated with herself. What had possessed her to think that this time could be different, that Kathryn had magically turned into this responsible person who was ready to admit her mistakes and move beyond? Was that even an accurate assessment, or was she still looking at the situation through the eyes of the little girl that haunted her in her nightmares? Whose responsibility was it really to move beyond?

  As usual, she found no satisfying answer. She wished that Ellie would come home soon—which was a hopeful and somewhat ironic development, after she had insisted on her space time after time. For a while, being by herself had been as necessary as breathing.

  The doorbell rang, and for a moment, Jordan asked herself if the person on the other side of the door was someone she wanted to see. Slightly apprehensive, she opened the door, relieved when she saw Kate McCarthy.

  “Hey. Come on in. Ellie isn’t here yet, I’m afraid.”

>   “Oh. She said she was waiting for the autopsy, but I didn’t think it would take that long.”

  “She should be here soon. You can keep me company if you want, and also keep me from drinking this wine all by myself.”

  Kate laughed. “That’s an offer I can’t refuse, then.”

  She left her coat and purse by the door and followed Jordan into the living area. Jordan went to get another glass. When she came back, she found Kate studying the items on the table dedicated to wedding arrangements.

  “We’re glad that you decided to come a little early,” Jordan said. “It means a lot to Ellie.” She was aware that there was a bit of an open ending to her statement. Kate had picked up on it too. She took the glass Jordan handed to her.

  “Thank you. You are all very careful, and I appreciate that. It’s not the easiest thing, but I’ve also realized there is no point in hiding away and becoming paranoid. What happened was tragic, and unfair and all, but I’m still alive. Pretending otherwise won’t change anything. It won’t bring Jensen back.”

  “That’s true. We appreciate you being here—in every sense.”

  “Thanks.” Kate sat down, flipping through one of the magazines. “I’m sure you’re curious about something else.”

  “I am curious about many things,” Jordan said, amused. “Not all of them are my business. You had some tough decisions to make.”

  “No kidding.”

  Jordan cast a look at her watch. “Look, I don’t know how long it will take until Ellie gets here…but I can listen.”

  “Sure, why not? Ellie…She’s amazing.”

  “No argument from me.” They both laughed.

  “I didn’t think so. The thing is…She wants everyone to have their happy ending. It doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, two people are together, you’re on the same page, and it’s fine. Not everything has to be like in the movies, a great love story.”

  “Are you on the same page?” Jordan asked.

  Kate lifted her shoulders slightly. “I was hoping you could help me with that. You know Derek better than anyone. He’s playing it cool. Is it going to break his heart that there won’t be another wedding right after yours?”

  “That’s a tough one,” Jordan admitted. Derek Henderson had been a bit of a player when she first met him, not that Jordan had any room to judge—at the time, or ever. The break-up with Kate had been tough on him, and she didn’t think it was far-fetched to think he harbored some hopes for their relationship, now that it appeared to be on again. “He cares about you.”

  “Yeah. I know. I care about him too. I’m not sure I’m ready to say, this is it. Once you do that, things can be really scary.”

  “Tell me about it.” That was something Jordan could relate to. Even though her relationship with Bethany had been largely dysfunctional, she never wanted anything bad to happen to her. They hadn’t worked on the same cases that often, so they weren’t always aware of the risks and dangers each of them faced.

  With Ellie, it was different still. She couldn’t imagine living without her, and that wasn’t melodramatic.

  “Make sure you know what you want. If it’s to keep things casual, tell Derek. If you’re walking away from something bigger, because you’re scared…Don’t. It’s worth it. I promise.”

  “Wow. The scariest thing is that everything you just said makes sense. Things were going well, and I became terrified and ran.”

  “Well, you know better now—”

  The doorbell rang again.

  “This is a popular spot tonight,” Jordan said. “Excuse me.”

  “Sure.”

  She walked to the door, wondering if this time it could be Ellie who had forgotten her keys, or had her hands full.

  Instead, she opened the door to Kathryn, who, crying and shaking, hugged her closely before Jordan could step away.

  “I am so sorry!”

  The night had turned from interesting to surreal.

  * * * *

  When Ellie finally got to gather her purse, coat and keys and go home, she had a lot to think about. Marco Raynor had cocaine on him, the same kind they’d seen over and over in that area. The biggest dealer: The elusive Ryan Lemont.

  The amount Raynor had on him wasn’t enough to suggest he wanted in on the business. How did he get his hands on it? He had no money.

  Ellie cringed as another possibility came to mind.

  Stanton’s gun wasn’t the same caliber as the one used in the shooting. That would have been too easy.

  Waters had been present for most of the evening, though not much helpful. Ellie was beginning to figure out what his deal was: While she had worked most of her adult life to get here, to build a career, he couldn’t wait to leave. He wasn’t as blatant as Atwood, but he was the kind of person who was uncomfortable and irritated with change, buying into the fallacy that equality for all had to lead to disadvantages for some.

  She wasn’t going to try and change his mind. All Ellie had to do is wait a bit longer, and she might be partnered with Doss. That was something she looked forward to. For sure, she could learn a lot from Jordan, and already had…but it was easier to draw some lines with a woman she wasn’t madly in love with.

  Ellie smiled at the thought. She was looking forward to a quiet ending of the evening, just the two of them, maybe find creative ways to deal with the stress of the day.

  * * * *

  “You were right all along. God, I have so much to make up for, I can’t do it in a lifetime. I know that.”

  “Kathryn. Slow down.”

  Maybe there had been a hint of truth to what Kathryn had accused her of, and she was embarrassed by her upbringing. Jordan felt self-conscious right now, with Kate sitting not far away, and witnessing the scene. She wished she could make it through a conversation with her biological mother without having that younger self emerge, hurt and angry. Someone had to be the adult.

  Kate got to her feet.

  “It’s late,” she said. “I’ll catch up with Ellie another time.”

  “That’s fine. You can wait.”

  “I was hoping we could talk,” Kathryn said tearfully. It wasn’t until now that Jordan realized her hair and clothes were wet. She must have walked from the bus stop in the rain.

  “Now? It’s late. I’ll have an early morning.”

  Kathryn’s gaze fell on the table, the glasses half-filled with wine. Jordan almost expected her to make a comment about having time for drinks with friends despite the early morning. That was what Kathryn did—deflect.

  “I am sorry about that, too, but I was hoping you could give me a few minutes. Then I’ll leave you alone, I swear.”

  Jordan sighed. “All right. I’ll make you a coffee.”

  “You don’t have to…”

  “Come on, before I change my mind.”

  Her cell phone vibrated on the table—a text message from Ellie to let her know she had left the department.

  “This won’t take long,” she said to Kate. “Ellie’s on her way.”

  She steered Kathryn towards the relative privacy of the kitchen area. “Okay, the guest bathroom’s over there if you want to dry your hair a bit. I’ll have the coffee ready in a bit.”

  “Thank you,” Kathryn mumbled and disappeared into the bathroom.

  Jordan busied herself with the coffee, not in the mood to explain anything to Kate. She took a mug out of the cabinet and placed it on the counter.

  By the time Kathryn returned from the bathroom, she still had no idea what to expect—or what to say to her.

  “Here. Sit down for a moment. Does Jim know you’re here?”

  In their own, unique, strange way, they seemed to care for each other a lot. More than they had ever cared for her.

  “Yes, I left him a note. Jordan, I’m sorry for barging in, but there’s something you need to know.”

  “Well, you’re here now. What is it?”

  “I know you probably don’t believe me, but the drugs weren’t m
ine.”

  “Come on.”

  Jordan, who had filled the cup for Kathryn, set it down with enough vehemence for some of the content to slosh over the rim. She tore a sheet from the roll of paper towels and wiped the counter.

  “It’s true. Jim has a little…rarely.”

  “Honestly? I don’t care.”

  Kathryn poured a generous amount of milk into her coffee. Whether she liked it that way, or was stalling, Jordan couldn’t tell.

  “I stopped doing drugs years ago, and I haven’t had a drink since before the tests at the hospital. I’ve had a few wake-up calls lately.”

  “And when CPS knocked on your door, that wasn’t one of them?” Jordan asked icily.

  Kathryn held her gaze. “Sadly, no, at the time it wasn’t. I told you that already, but I thought it would be the best solution for everyone. Frankly—I don’t know what could have happened. Each day just got worse. I had no more hope. There was no one I could ask for help, and if there had been, I wouldn’t have known how to.”

  “You learned that, at least.”

  “We don’t have much, but we were able to give shelter to some of those young women—Serena, when she was hiding from that Ryder guy. Meg. It’s for them I would never have drugs lying around in the house…” She stopped, the impact of her words hitting them both.

  “It’s true, and it’s horrible. I’m aware of it every day. I’ve learned to cook healthy meals and grow my own vegetables, and when the girls are around, I’ll make sure there’s nothing around to harm them. Back then…” She swallowed hard. “There was a time when I didn’t care, about myself, about you. This is hard to admit, and I know it’s harder for you. I don’t need to be at the wedding. I just need you to know that I’m better now…and that I’m happy for you.”

  “Well, thanks.”

  Jordan wondered if she had asked herself the wrong questions all along. Kathryn had obviously embarked on a path that was good for her, living healthier, making amends.

  Whether she succeeded or not, had little bearing on the challenges Jordan faced in her own life. Was she better? At taking care of herself, at being a partner? She winced at the memory of throwing the glass against the wall, not so long ago. Bethany, Valerie, and Ellie too, she had hurt them. While she hadn’t cheated on Ellie and never would, her indecisiveness had come at a cost early on in their relationship.