Keeping Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “Mmm, you smell so good.” He holds me in his arms, and I look up into his brown eyes.

  “You do too.” He smiles, smacking another quick kiss on my lips. Today has been perfect so far. Trent woke up and cooked me breakfast after he fed the horses, and we ate out on the back porch overlooking acres of green grass. The weather is still brisk enough in the morning to wear a light jacket, but the coolness was perfectly paired with a steaming cup of coffee with cream. Trent smiled and looked at me while I ate in such a way that it made me want to devour him instead of the food in front of me. Being with him is so easy and carefree, and I always look forward to our mornings together spent on the back porch.

  “We need to leave here in fifteen minutes if you want to be early,” he says as I hurry and put on my favorite red lipstick. I begged Mama Bishop to let me help set up, and she refused, saying she had it all taken care of. Instead of arguing with her, which I’ve learned over the years is a losing battle, I agreed. She wanted me to be able to spend time with Emily beforehand, which was sweet of her, but I feel guilty for not helping since I’m the maid of honor.

  The morning passes quickly, and soon, we’re walking out to Trent’s truck and driving into town to the old bank building where the reception is being held. Of course, I arrive early and find the bride-to-be as Trent chats with Evan. The first thing I do is wrap my arms around her, and we exchange big hugs.

  “I’m so happy for you,” I tell her as she walks me around the venue. She’s wearing a white dress that’s cinched at the hips and flares out with some bright red high heels. I laugh, thinking back to the non-sexy, don’t-even-look-at-me dress she almost wore the night she met Evan.

  “I’m excited for you.” She turns and gives me a wink, and I remember the past couple of years and how much has changed in such a short amount of time.

  “Huh, why?” I ask her as she shows me all the wedding games we’re going to be playing.

  “Because weddings are magical and contagious.” She laughs.

  “And so are babies. I swear if Trent doesn’t pop the question soon, my ovaries are going to shrivel up and die, and I’ll never have kids.” I look over my shoulder at him, and he looks so damn handsome standing there all regal talking with Evan, who looks just as handsome. But then again, those Bishop boys can make rags look like riches.

  “Don’t worry about it. He’s over the moon about you,” she says, encouraging me. I smile because I know he is; there’s no doubt about that. I feel exactly the same way about him too, but sometimes, that little voice of doubt whispers in the back of my head, and I’m not sure why.

  “We’ve been living together for almost a year in July, and we’re coming up on two years of dating. I was already wary about moving in before we got married—or at least engaged—because I always hear about those women who move in with their boyfriend, who then realizes he’s already living the married life without all the responsibility and commitment, and then never proposes.” I keep my voice low, but it’s been bothering me for a while. I was convinced he would propose at New Year’s, but it never happened.

  “I don’t think Trent is that kind of guy.” She playfully laughs. “You’re worrying too much about it. Trust the process, babe.” She flashes a reassuring smile, and I know she’s right.

  “I know. Always so smart,” I tease.

  “So I have something for you,” she says with a smile, reaching for a gift bag.

  “What’s this for?” I ask as she hands it to me.

  Emily smiles. “Just open it.”

  I unwrap the paper, and inside is a shirt that has Maid of Honor written across the front. I give her the biggest hug and slip it on over my dress. “It’s a perfect fit.”

  “You don’t have to wear it now,” she jokes.

  “I’m totally going to. I want everyone to know I’m your number one.” I smile proudly. I don’t even care how weird it looks over my dress. “Well, aside from Evan and Elizabeth.”

  “Looks great on you!”

  Emily shows me the cake Mama Bishop made next, and I’m blown away by the intricacy of the ribbons made from icing. It looks too pretty to eat. Mama Bishop has seriously taken care of everything, and I hope when Trent and I do finally get married, she’ll help my mama do everything because she’s one of the best party planners in the area.

  I look at Emily and put the attention back on her because this is her day, after all, and I want it to stay that way.

  “Are you nervous?” I ask, watching her bite her bottom lip.

  She looks over at me. “Just a bit. Though I don’t really know why. You know, I can handle a hospital full of sick, bleeding, complaining, even dying patients, but as soon as I’m the center of everyone’s attention, I get anxious as hell. Plus, Mama Bishop insisted on inviting the whole town. Then my parents invited their friends. Then we had to invite our co-workers from the hospital too. I really wished we could’ve eloped and just got it over with.”

  I grab her hand and lead her over to the bottomless mimosa bar. I take two from the tray and hand one to her before sipping mine. “And this is exactly why we scheduled it for brunch time.” We clink our glasses together and drink up. We both burst out into giggles as we finish our first glass, feeling less nervous by the sip. “I’m excited for this next chapter of your life.” I grab her hand and squeeze. “You’re officially going to be a Bishop.” Emily quietly squeals, then her eyes go sad. I tilt my head at her. “What is it?”

  She shakes her head and pinches her lips together.

  “You better tell me right now. I’m not opposed to kicking your ass, regardless if today is your day,” I threaten lightheartedly.

  “Fine.” She groans. “I just, I dunno, I know you always wanted to be a Bishop. I halfway feel like I’m living the life you’ve always wanted. I know how much you love the family, and I can’t help but feel guilty about that.”

  I force a smile, hating that she’d even feel an ounce of guilt. I haven’t thought about Jackson all day, until now. I actually haven’t thought about him much since the last time I saw him two weeks ago when I dropped off a horse. I’ve learned that as long as I’m not around him, I don’t think about him as much, so I’ve been keeping my distance. It hurts to do that, but he’s not making an effort either, so why should I continue to be the only one who cares?

  “No, no. Don’t you dare feel guilty. We both know Jackson never wanted me that way. It’s not your fault.” My eyes dart back and forth between Emily and Trent because I don’t want him to hear this conversation at all.

  Her voice goes low. “I don’t think it’s the fact that he didn’t or doesn’t want you, K. It’s a deeper issue than that. A few weeks ago, Jackson came over drunk and upset. I overheard him chatting with Evan on the porch, and something was mentioned about him feeling as if he’d never be good enough for you and how you always deserved so much more. I don’t think Jackson even knew I could hear them, but they were so damn loud I didn’t even have to try.”

  My eyes go wide, and my mouth slightly falls open. “What? That’s fucking ridiculous. Actually, it makes me want to kick him in the balls. He knows better than that.”

  “But does he? I didn’t even want to mention it because it’s so trivial at this point because I know how you feel about Trent.”

  Her words echo in my ears. “Exactly. Jackson had years to make a move or tell me how he felt. He obviously doesn’t want me that way, and I can’t keep waiting around. I want a happily ever after, and I know Trent is my future. He doesn’t play games with my heart.”

  Emily finishes her mimosa and grabs us two more. “Did something happen between you and Jackson? I don’t know why he would think that, considering the way you’ve always felt for him. I’ve been trying to figure it out. I even asked Evan, and he told me he didn’t really know. Just said you were always off-limits because you dated one of Jackson’s best friends.”

  I suck in a deep breath and drink the rest of my mimosa in one large gulp. “Tanner? Seriousl
y? Emily, that was when I was sixteen. We broke up before I left for college. I’ve been off-limits for the past fifteen years because of a high school relationship? How fucking stupid is that?” Heat rushes to my cheeks, and blood swiftly pumps through my body. There’s no way that’s his real issue here, and I try to push it away, but I’m holding onto every word she’s saying as if I might not hear her speak again. I know they were close friends, but there has to be more to this story. Though I’d love to march up to Jackson and demand answers, it no longer matters. Trent is the one I’m with, and he makes me happier than ever.

  Emily opens her mouth to continue, then closes it when I hear Trent and Evan walking up. This conversation isn’t done, and I have to know the whole story, even if it’s to let Jackson go one last time. Something I feel like I’ve done a lot of lately. When Trent takes my hand and leans over and kisses me, I try to soak in the feeling of him, his smell, every little thing about him, hoping it will erase the thoughts of Jackson that are ripping through my mind. Eventually, he and Evan walk away, and I look at Emily.

  “Forget I said anything, okay? Promise me. You’re over Jackson. You’re with Trent. You’ll eventually get married and have a million kids and a barn full of horses. It’s just I’m unsettled right now, and I’ve been playing investigator, which Evan told me to stop doing, but I can’t. I’m naturally curious, and if I had a chance to pull Jackson to the side and ask him my damn self, I would. But he’s been closed up in a tight ball lately. He still makes lighthearted jokes, but he hasn’t been himself.”

  I shrug. “I haven’t seen him in two weeks, so I wouldn’t know.”

  Her eyes light up as if she’s put two puzzle pieces together. “That’s probably why he’s been an uber asshole then. Explains it all. Mystery solved.” She grabs my hand and pulls me over to the mimosas where we both grab another one. If we keep this up, we’ll both be shit-faced before the party even starts, but by the way I feel at this moment, I’m all for it.

  “Promise me you won’t say a word, and you’ll forget I even mentioned it. Okay?”

  I roll my eyes at her.

  “Promise me.” She grabs my hand tighter and squeezes.

  I stare at her for a moment and smile. “Okay. But only and I mean only because you’re my best friend. And because it doesn’t change a thing.”

  “Exactly. I knew you’d understand.” She glances over at Trent who’s helping himself to a mimosa with Evan. “Our men are sexy as hell.”

  I look at Trent, and a smile instantly fills my face. He sees me and nods, and I’m broken away when Mama Bishop wraps her arms around me.

  “There’s one of my favorite daughters,” she says, and I hold on to her.

  “Hey, Mama B.” I smile. She’s insisted I call her Mama, too, since she practically helped raised me. Jackson does the same for my mom, too.

  “Lookin’ gorgeous, Kiera. Love that dress on you.” She pats me on the shoulder, then turns to Emily.

  “Honey, the photographer is about to be here and wanted to get some photos of you and Evan and you and Kiera beforehand. You up for that?” Mama asks her sweetly, though Emily doesn’t really have a choice.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Soon, Emily and Evan are walking toward the photographer, and I go to Trent and give him the biggest kiss I can.

  “What’s that for?” he asks with a grin.

  “That’s because I love you,” I tell him as I see how happy Emily and Evan are. It makes me excited for my own future—the one I’m focusing on.

  “I love you, too, baby.” He kisses me again, and then I’m being waved over to Emily.

  We pose together with our mimosas, and the smiles on our faces are as genuine as can be. The alcohol swims through me, and I know I can’t have another drink without getting some food in my stomach.

  Soon, the guests are arriving, and I greet many of them, asking Mama if there’s anything I can help with, but she just tells me to be with Emily. For the first hour, I walk around with her and greet church members, hug her family like they’re my own, and even meet people she works with at the hospital. I’m not even the one getting married, but damn, I’m exhausted already. I see Courtney and Drew entering, and as soon as Courtney lays eyes on us, she runs up to Emily and me, pulling us into her arms.

  “Court! Oh my God, girl. You look amazing!” I tell her. We used to have slumber parties once a month, and she always tried to get me to admit I had a crush on Jackson. I was pretty stubborn, though, and kept it to myself, though I suspected she knew the truth anyway.

  Courtney talks about California and the triplets, who are running all around the building. They stop when Mama captures them and shows them off to all the church ladies. They’re absolutely adorable.

  “Ever think you’ll move back, Court?” I ask her, and she smiles.

  “If I could capture my best friends and make them move to Texas, too, I would. Viola and Travis would never move here, though. I might be able to talk Logan and Kayla into it. Just tell Kayla she can adopt ten dogs.” We burst into laughter as she talks about her best friends who all came for a visit a couple of years ago.

  “I wish you would move back here. Mama Bishop chats about how she has ten acres set aside for you by the main house,” I tell Courtney, who glances at her husband, Drew.

  “She’s the boss. I do what she wants.” He smirks. “But I wouldn’t mind it,” he adds. “I could just work on the ranch with your brothers and dad.”

  Courtney instantly starts laughing. “I don’t think you could handle it.”

  He looks at her with a popped eyebrow. “I handled you just fine.”

  Her mouth falls open, then she shuts up and playfully nods her head. “We’ll see.”

  “Oooh. Now you’re in trouble,” I tell Drew, and he shrugs with a smile. We give Courtney more hugs before a few ladies from church grab us and happily explain the main game we’ll be playing today.

  “So all I have to do is capture people’s rings who say those two magic words?”

  “Yes. Wedding and bride aren’t allowed,” the older woman says, handing over my plastic ring. It’s pink and fits my finger perfectly. I’m so competitive with games like this that I’m determined to win. Emily shakes her head at me because I know she can see the fire lit in my eyes.

  Each time we walk around the room and talk to someone, at least one person mentions one of the words, and I happily take their rings. I almost feel as if I’m cheating, but hey, rules are rules.

  Soon Emily and Evan are pulled away to take a family photo, and I finally catch up with Trent, who’s chatting with my parents, but they all look guilty when I walk up to them.

  “What y’all talking about over here?” I ask, trying to read them.

  “The weather, mainly,” Dad says, but I have a feeling he’s lying. Mom just gives me a smile.

  “We’re about to open gifts. Afterward is the cake. I can’t wait!” I quickly change the subject since they’re all acting strangely.

  River and Alex pass me, and I stop River to see how she’s doing since she’s almost six months pregnant.

  “This baby is going to be bigger than the last one.” She groans, referring to Riley, their three-year-old. “And he was huge. These Bishop babies are like birthing cattle, I swear.”

  Alex gives me a side hug. “Hey, Keira.”

  “Hey, you. Make sure you’re giving her everything she needs, or I’ll kick your ass,” I warn him with a smirk.

  “Yes, ma’am. When she says jump, I literally ask how high,” Alex says. He thinks the world of River, which is obvious just by the way he looks at her. I see Mama Bishop waving Emily over from the other side of the room, which means it’s time to open presents.

  We make our way to the front of the crowd, and people giggle when they finally see my shirt. I pose for a few photos before I start handing gifts to Emily. As she opens them, Mama writes down who they’re from.

  I almost feel like Vanna White as I hold everything up so people in the back can see.
The guests let out oohs and aahs over towels and Tupperware, which makes me giggle.

  Soon we’re cutting the cake, which tastes like heaven, and then we’re forced to play more cheesy bridal games. Everything goes by so quickly, but I know everyone’s having a great time.

  At this point, I dare anyone to say the magic words around me because I have so many plastic rings on my fingers that it’s almost painful. There’s no less than ten, and I’ve actually started placing them in the single pocket in my dress.

  Just as we wrap up the last game, I see Jackson walking toward Mila and John. I have so many questions for him after Emily mentioned him this morning, but there’s no way I’d ever have the courage to bring it up here. Once he’s close, I overhear him bragging about all the rings he’s stolen from people. I take it as my cue to join their conversation because I want every single ring he has.

  As soon as Jackson sees me, he gives me a sexy smirk. The light in his eyes return, and my heart begins to pound hard in my chest. I swallow hard as he openly flirts with me, not giving a fuck who sees. I just hope Trent doesn’t. It’s hard for me not to flirt back when he's like this—easygoing and fun like old times. His arm touches mine, and it sends goose bumps across my body. We’re close—closer than we’ve been in a long time—and he smells so damn good. I always loved the way he smells especially when he puts on that cologne. I’m sure it drives all the ladies wild, though, because that’s Jackson; it’s the effect he seems to have on everyone.

  He whispers in my ear, and his mouth barely grazes across my skin. My breath hitches as my heart pounds, and it’s like no one else is in the room but us.

  “Emily’s gonna sure make a beautiful…” he says, trying to bait me, and I eye all the rings on his fingers. If I had all his, there’d be no way anyone could catch up with me, and I’d be declared the winner without a doubt.

  Jackson’s standing inches from me, and when I look into his blue eyes, I find myself falling, getting lost. Those old emotions I’ve been able to push away for so long reignite, and I feel guilty and torn and even pissed. All I need is a sign, something to show me these old feelings should be buried away.