Keeping Him

by Kennedy Fox

  I turn on the shower and step inside. The hot water pounds against my sensitive skin, but I stand there and take it. Nausea blankets me again, and I ride it out under the stream. After it passes, I get out of the shower, slip into my robe, and hide in my bedroom.

  I sit on the edge of the bed with my face in my hands, praying that I’m just sick, but too many signs are pointing the other way. I text Alexis and let her know I’m not feeling well and won’t be working today. Of course, she’s as understanding as always.

  After a few moments, I crawl under the blankets, but I can’t get settled. My heart is racing, and my stomach hurts, and I just want to know what’s going on with me. Today is Emily’s day off, and I find the strength to text her. I try to find the words to say, but my eyes fill with tears as I think about telling anyone my dirty secret. Instead of describing it all, I settle for the bare minimum. It’s a little past six, and I know she’s awake. The woman is an early bird if I’ve ever seen one.

  Kiera: Em. I need you. I feel like shit. And I’m stressed out.

  Her text bubble instantly pops up.

  Emily: What’s wrong? Why don’t you come over and let me check you out?

  Sometimes it’s great having a best friend who’s a doctor.

  Kiera: Are you sure?

  She’s pregnant, and if I’m sick, the last place I need to be is around her.

  Emily: Absolutely. I’m immune to sickness so don’t even worry about that.

  A small smile touches my lips because it’s as if she can read my mind.

  Kiera: I’ll be there as soon as I can. Warning: I’m a hot mess.

  Emily: Welcome to the club. No rush, take your time.

  With what little strength I have, I get dressed and drive over to Emily’s. Somehow, I avoid my parents, which I’m so thankful for. My head is pounding, and I try to rehearse exactly what I’m going to say to her. Out of any one of my friends, I think she’ll be the most understanding in this situation. Once I pull up to her house, the sun is sparkling over the horizon. I suck in a deep breath, find my courage, and get out. The front door swings open before I can knock, and I smile.

  “Oh man,” she says, looking at me. Between bawling my eyes out and trying to puke all morning, I know I look terrible.

  “Are you running a fever?” she asks, looking as cute as can be with her little baby bump.

  I step inside. “No, I just feel sick to my stomach.”

  “You know there’s a stomach bug going around, right? Or maybe you ate something bad?”

  Emily grabs her stethoscope and plays doctor. After she checks my vitals, and everything seems normal, she hands me some Tums. “You look okay to me. You probably just need some rest and relaxation.”

  Instantly, I burst out crying but try to keep quiet because I know Elizabeth is still asleep. I cover my face with my hands, and Emily comes over to me and pulls me into her arms. “Okay, what’s wrong? Who do I need to kill? Jackson’s a dead man.”

  I shake my head. “No, he doesn’t deserve to die this time.”

  She noticed how I added ‘this time’ to the end of it because there were many instances where she would’ve hurt him in the past. “Then what is it?”

  I search her face, somehow finding calm and peace in her soft smile.

  “I’m nine days late, and I don’t know what to do,” I finally squeak out.

  Her eyes go wide, and the grin doesn’t falter. “That’s what you’ve always wanted. I know there are all those rumors going around, but who cares. I’m sure Jackson would be happy as can be.”

  I haven’t told anyone about the nitty gritty of our relationship because we aren’t rushing anything. By Emily’s reaction, I know she doesn’t understand the full detail of what this really means.

  “He’s not,” I continue speaking before she can threaten to kick his ass. “Because it wouldn’t be his.”

  The look on her face tells me she fully gets it now, which only makes me cry harder. Emily holds me and tries to comfort me, but nothing she says makes me feel any better. I know I’d love this baby with all my heart, and who knows, maybe Trent will just pay me off and not care to see this kid either. I could only be so lucky.

  Emily stands and decides she’s going to make some tea to help settle my stomach. “You know there are many reasons why women miss their periods, right?” she says from the kitchen. “And the stomach aches can easily be explained. I bet you anything it’s all stress induced.”

  “I know,” I tell her as she hands me the cup of chamomile she made.

  “Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?” Emily finally asks.

  “No. I can’t go into the store and buy them because the rumors are already spreading around that I’m knocked up. I’ve been hoping I’d wake up—”

  “Do you realize how much stress you’ve been under the last month? Let’s think about this. You left your fiancé at the altar. You started dating the man you’ve loved since you were a kid. You’re constantly overworking yourself training. You’re living back with your parents. And you’ve had to hear all the nasty rumors going around about you. Add that, along with the stress of possibly being pregnant, and it’s no wonder you’re upset. Stress can cause women to miss complete months. And what you’re going through is a lot to deal with, Kiera. But you need to take a pregnancy test so you can know for sure, and then you can start dealing with it instead of internalizing it the way you are. I’ve got a few extra in the bathroom from when we were trying, and they were all accurate for me. If you’re pregnant, you’ll finally know, and then can decide what to do.” Emily has always been a voice of reason.

  “I don’t think I’m ready to find out just yet,” I tell her, taking a sip of tea.

  She grabs my hand and squeezes. “I’m not letting you leave until you pee on a stick or ten.”

  Just being around Emily is already making me feel better, or maybe this tea is working. “I might pee on a dozen just to make sure the results are right.”

  “When we were actively trying, I bought those suckers in bulk. I should buy stock in the company, considering my bathroom cabinet is full of pregnancy tests.” She laughs. “I’ve got you covered, trust me. I’ve got every brand that claims to be the most accurate. You can have them all.”

  I let out a breath. “Well, that makes me feel better.”

  Emily lifts her eyebrows. “So you and Jackson haven’t…?”

  “Had sex?” I ask, knowing exactly where this conversation is going.

  She nods.

  “Nope. Not yet. We’re taking our time.”

  She looks just as shocked as I am. “Does Jackson actually know how to take it slow with anyone?”

  A chuckle escapes me. “Right! That’s what I was thinking. I waited all this time, and he’s basically put a chastity belt on me. I swear to you, Em, if I’m not pregnant, he’s going to have a hard time keeping me off him.”

  “I can’t even imagine the blue ball situation he’s going through. I’ve got to give it to him, though, for not hopping in bed with you the night of your wedding,” she adds with a wink.

  “I’m not trying to rush it or anything, but I think it’s time I’ve had a ride on the wild stallion if you know what I mean. I’ve fantasized about it for over a decade.”

  Emily is smiling. “He probably just wants your first time together to be perfect. I’m sure it’s driving him crazy too.”

  “He deserves to be driven crazy. It’s payback.” We sit in silence for a moment. “Jackson was amazing when I was freaking out yesterday about this.”

  “How’d he take it?” she asks.

  “I can tell it bothered him, but he didn’t say as much, only gave his support. I just know how Trent is, Em. I know how he would hold this over me for the rest of my life. After the way he acted, throwing all my stuff on the lawn and pushing me, I can’t imagine him being in my life at all, especially not as the father of my child. But there’s no way I could not have the baby, either. It’s been eating me alive.”r />
  Emily stands up. “We’re taking a test right now.”

  I shake my head. “Just ten more minutes. I don’t have to pee yet. I might need some more tea.”

  “You’re avoiding this.” She crosses her arms over her chest. That’s one thing about Emily, she’s always told me what she thinks and doesn’t hold back, which I appreciate.

  “I really can't pee under all this pressure. And maybe I slightly am, because I know if it says positive, my entire life will change. Jackson and I won’t have a fair chance in hell.”

  Emily sighs. “He’d follow you to the moon and back, Kiera. You know that.”

  “I hope he would.” I feel small. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. Eventually, Emily sits beside me, and I try to make peace with all of it. If I’m pregnant, I’ll still love my baby, and I know Jackson and I will figure it out together.

  Emily hands me a bottle of water and tells me to chug it. I think she might be more stressed about this than me. I drink half of it before my bladder decides it wants to cooperate.

  “Ready?” she asks, standing again.

  “I guess.” I let out a sigh and follow her to her bathroom. Emily bends down and pulls out a small storage container full of pregnancy tests along with a cup to pee in. “Damn. You weren’t joking!”

  There’s every brand of test on the planet. She hands me the cup and opens five pregnancy tests. “No matter what it says, we’ll work through this, okay?”

  I nod and swallow, but I can’t seem to get rid of the lump that’s lodged in my throat. It makes me feel sick all over again. I stare at the tests, knowing that the results could change my life forever.

  Emily gives me a quick hug and then walks out of the bathroom. I know she’s standing outside the door waiting.

  “You’re making me pee shy!” My voice echoes off the walls of the vast bathroom.

  “Sorry,” she says, and I eventually hear her walk away.

  I look down at the cup in my hand, then back at the tests on the counter. When I finally get the courage to pee, I’m not wasting a drop. I sit and wait. I run water, hoping that will help too. Eventually, Emily comes back and knocks on the door.

  “Well?” she asks.

  “I seriously can’t pee. I’m too nervous.”

  The door swings open, and she places her hands on her hips.

  “Kiera Young.” She points at me. “You better pee in that cup right now.” She glances at my panties around my ankles as I hold the cup tight in my fist.

  At this point, all I can do is laugh. “You have a really scary mom voice…just saying.”

  She shakes her head and laughs. Right as she opens her mouth to say something, the urge hits me.

  “Get out!”

  Emily quickly shuts the door, and I finally fill the cup. I dip each stick, place them all on the counter, then hurry and walk out. My heart is racing so hard in my chest, and my mind wanders to a dark place. I don’t wish one way or the other but feel some sort of relief getting an answer.

  Emily is in the kitchen eating yogurt. “Want some?”

  I shake my head. “Shouldn’t you be eating chocolate or something instead?”

  “I can’t stop craving strawberry yogurt. It’s so weird; like I want to eat it by the gallon.” She empties the small container, then sets the spoon in the sink.

  “How long does it usually take?” I lean against the counter, trying not to let my nerves get the best of me.

  “Only a few minutes.” Emily’s eyes sparkle.

  “This is going to be the longest wait of my life,” I admit. Watching the clock on the wall, I feel uneasiness in my stomach.

  The seconds pass on, but each tick feels like hours. When the clock shows at least three minutes have passed, Emily comes to me. “It’s time.”

  I tuck my lips in my mouth. “Will you go look first?”

  Emily grabs my hand. “We’ll go together.”

  She leads me to the bathroom, and we stop outside the door.

  “Everything is going to work out for the best, right?” I ask.

  “Absolutely.” Emily pushes open the door, and we step inside. The five tests are lined up on the counter. Emily glances down at each of them and then pulls me closer, but I can’t seem to look.

  She hands me all five, and when I see their readings, the tests drop out of my hand and bounce on the floor. My emotions take over and tears stream down my face. I have no words.

  Emily pulls me into her arms and gives me a big hug. As I cry on her shoulder, the only person who comes to mind is Jackson. I need to tell him.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jackson

  Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

  It’s the only thing I can think when I see Kiera’s text.

  Kiera: Can I come over? I took a pregnancy test.

  I know I told her the results won’t affect the way I feel about her, but that doesn’t mean I’m still not scared shitless. A pang of jealousy hits me when I think about her being pregnant with Dr. Douchebag’s baby and not mine. I want her to only have my babies. Damn. It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to think about having kids, and now it might not happen that way.

  Jackson: Yeah, baby. I’ll be here.

  I want to be as supportive as I can, knowing this won’t be easy for her either. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I guzzle it down in three long sips. Whatever the results are, it doesn’t change how I feel about her, and I will be there for her through it all. If Trent doesn’t want to take responsibility, I won’t think twice about taking the roll. Hell, even if he does want to be involved, I’ll be right by the kid’s side doing all the things dads do regardless.

  By the time I’ve finished my third beer, there’s a knock on my door, and I brace myself.

  This is it. It could change everything.

  Reluctantly, I open the door, and when she tilts her head up, I see her tear-stained cheeks. Immediately, I pull her inside and against my body as she cries. She wraps her arms tightly around me and clings to my chest.

  “Shh, baby. It’s gonna be okay.” I try to comfort her. Rubbing her head, I hold her close and try to keep my own emotions controlled.

  Finally, Kiera pulls back and wipes her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

  “Baby, don’t be. Don’t worry—”

  “I’m not,” she cuts off my words, and my heart pounds. “The tests were negative.”

  “What?” I’m taken aback because I was completely expecting them to be positive.

  “Yeah, I took five pregnancy tests, and they were all negative. I’m not pregnant.”

  “Holy shit,” I mutter, grabbing her face in my palms, crashing our lips together. I taste the salt from her tears and lick them up. “Why were you crying?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. I was just overwhelmed with emotion that they came pouring out as soon as I read the tests. I think I had just convinced myself I was, and that it was going to change everything, so when they showed negative, I finally broke down with relief.”

  “I know I already told you, but just so you know, if they had been positive, we’d have done this together.” I rub my thumb along her jaw, giving her reassurance.

  “You’re truly one-of-a-kind, Jackson Bishop.” She smiles up at me with her arms wrapped around my waist.

  “Well technically, I’m two-of-a-kind.” I flash her a wink, and she playfully swats at me.

  “You really know how to ruin a sweet moment.”

  I press a kiss to her nose and smirk. “You still love me, though.”

  “I do.”

  Taking her hand, I lead her into the living room and pull her onto my lap as I sit on the couch. “So what do you say I grab us some food from the B&B, and we go to our spot and eat it under the stars?”

  She twists her lips from side to side as if she’s truly contemplating it. I thought it was a good plan, but she obviously thinks it’s lame.

  “Actually…I have a better idea.” Kiera looks at me with lust in her eyes, and as
soon as she shifts her body to straddle my lap, I understand exactly what her little idea is. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls our mouths together in a deep, heart-shattering kiss, and it’s enough to drive me crazy.

  “Kiera…” I warn, feeling my dick getting hard between her legs and not wanting to jerk off in the shower again once she leaves. Pulling back slightly, I study her face. “As much as I want you, rubbing against my cock is only going to torture us both so we better st—”

  “Fuck?” Kiera says the word as if she’s talking about the weather. She crosses her arms to the hem of her dress that’s pushed over her hips and lifts it over her head. My mouth opens, and I lick my lips, wondering if this is some kind of twisted setup.

  “Don’t test my willpower right now, Kiera,” I growl, holding her hips in place, so she stops moving. The last thing I want to do is come in my pants like a teenage boy going through puberty. My eyes gaze at her luscious breasts that are peeking out of her lacy bra, and I imagine my dick sliding between them.

  “I don’t want to wait any longer,” she says, reaching back and unhooking her bra.

  Fuck me.

  Removing it completely from her body, her beautiful tits are right in front of my face, begging to be touched and sucked. I wrap my palms around them, pushing them together and diving in head first. Pulling one hard nipple into my mouth, I swirl my tongue around it and taste how fucking sweet she is.

  “Fuck, baby.” I groan, moving to the other. “Are you really sure?” I pull back, studying her face and looking into her eyes. “I’m okay with waiting if you want.”

  She inhales sharply as if she’s just as worked up as I am. “We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think? Fifteen years of pent-up sexual frustration. A girl can only hold out for so long.”

  “What am I gonna do with you, Pippi?” I chuckle when I bring our mouths together and kiss her again. “You have any idea how long I’ve waited for this? Pictured this moment? It’s going to be record-breaking, sweetheart.”