by K. A. Gandy
“Okay, so two more kids? I mean it sucks but that’s not as bad as it could be.” Beth-Ann tries to reason it out.
“Oh, you didn’t let me finish. You have to keep coming back until one of the NLC doctors will declare you menopausal or otherwise physically unable to get pregnant. So, some women that’s until their late forties.” We all go quiet after she drops that bomb.
My mind is reeling. My parents have seven kids. I’m some sort of fertility wonder, and birth control is illegal. I quickly run through the math and realize that even if I’m only fertile until I’m forty-five, I could end up with nearly a dozen kids. “Holy crap on a cracker. What if you can’t handle that many kids? What are you supposed to do? Most people don’t have families big enough to help take care of that many!” I say, feeling panicked. “There has to be a limit.”
Jenna shakes her head, and picks up another stack of bobby pins, “You can read the announcement tonight, they sent it to all of our tablets. But I didn’t see anything about a limit.”
Nell and Leigh walk in, holding makeup cases.
“Aren’t you two done yet? We need to switch and get started on make-up!” Leigh says in a sing-song voice. “Who wants to let me do their face?” she waggles the case excitedly.
“Bride first!” Jenna orders, and Leigh pops open both cases next to Beth-Ann.
“Just you wait, Beth-Ann—Phil isn’t even going to recognize you when we’re done with you!” Leigh starts slathering various color options onto her wrist.
Nell snorts, “Don’t we want him to recognize her? They actually like each other. Wouldn’t that be nice,” she mutters the last bit under her breath.
“Still not a big fan of Atlas, huh? Even with all those muscles? If Hector wasn’t so dreamy, I’d totally trade you. I bet he could pick you up with one arm. You should ask him!” Elena says.
“He’s fine, I guess. But I am definitely not asking him to pick me up with one arm,” Nell protests. “Plus, trading would defeat the purpose of this whole system.”
The girls continue their happy banter, but it washes over me, lost as I am in my panic over the possibility of having twelve or more children. There’s just no way. I can’t be pregnant that long, I can’t give birth that many times, and I certainly can’t not work for that long. My family are ranchers, for Pete’s sake. That’s a lot of physical labor that I just couldn’t do pregnant or while chasing an endless stream of toddlers. I have to find a way out—there’s no other choice.
Elena taps me on the shoulder, “Sadie, did you hear me? You’re done. Go grab your dress!”
“Oh, sorry, Elena. Thank you, it looks great, really,” I say absently before leaving the room to retrieve my dress.
✽✽✽
The Georada New Life Center apparently has a full outdoor wedding venue. Beth-Ann and I are waiting just inside the sports center, getting ready to walk over. She chose a tea length cream gown, with a blush satin ribbon around the waist. She has a small bouquet of purple flowers in one hand, and is tapping idly with the other against the door handle. Once you choose to get married here, they have a wedding planning team to quickly implement the details for you. It’s really interesting to see how they’ve managed it. She filled out a survey with her dress size, favorite colors, which on-site venue she preferred, and a few other preferences. A dress rack was delivered to her room that night, and her bouquet to the bride’s room thirty minutes ago with instructions to wait here for our escort to the venue. I offered to wait with her, but everyone else will already be there when we arrive.
“Surely it’s bad luck to make the bride stand around and wait before the wedding,” Beth-Ann grumbles. “I’m starving, and nauseous, and second guessing my gown choice.” She gives the door handle a loud thump.
“They should be here any minute. Do you want one of these crackers?” I pull them out of my pocket where I’d stashed them earlier, but she waves me off and spins to face the sports center.
“This place is pretty cool. It’s a shame we haven’t had a chance to use it yet. Although Phil told me a lot of the guys hang out in here between dates. They’ve got courts for almost everything including some virtual stuff, and then two separate mini-theaters for watching sports when there’s a live game.” Her rambling is cut off by the door clicking open. A prim-looking woman who appears to be in her sixties pokes her head in.
“Beth-Ann? I’m Melinda. Are you ready to head to the wedding?” she asks politely.
“Finally! Yes, let’s get this show on the road, because I’m starving.” She blows past Melinda, who looks at me, mildly shocked.
“Well, I must say, I’ve never had that response from the bride before and I’ve been at this for some time!” She pats her sprayed-stiff hair before turning and following Beth-Ann.
I chuckle and follow them out. A short walk across the perfectly manicured lawns, and we arrive at an outdoor theater. It’s built into one of the natural hills, and it’s quite pretty. There is a permanent archway at the front with trailing vines growing over it, and lightly wrapped with tulle. Underneath it stands none other than Eric with a nervous-looking Phil. His face lights up when he sees Beth-Ann.
Melinda pulls a mini-tablet out of her dress pocket, and taps a few buttons which cue up the bridal march. Beth-Ann didn’t even wait for me to take a seat first, so I just sit down in the back row after she marches herself to where Phil is waiting. The other girls are all here, and all dressed in various shades of purple, like me. A few of them have dates along, but most of us don’t. I wanted to focus on Beth-Ann since she told me they’ll be leaving tonight after the ceremony and dinner.
“Welcome, friends! We are here today to celebrate the union of Beth-Ann and Phil on the most important day of their lives. I am so honored to have been able to participate in my own small way in bringing you two to this most happy of moments!”
God, he’s obnoxious. They were already together before this whole farce! My mind starts to wander, but he quickly gets to the vows.
“If you’d repeat after me—‘I, Beth-Ann, do take you, Phil,’” he says, solemn.
“I, Beth-Ann, do take you, Phil,” she repeats.
“Is this seat taken?” A masculine voice speaks next to my ear, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
“Good Lord!” I whisper-shout and clutch my chest.
Eric clears his throat loudly at the front, and I see that everyone has turned to stare at my outburst.
“Sorry! Sorry, carry on!” I say with embarrassment and grab Patrick’s wrist, dragging him into the seat next to me.
Eric scolds us with his eyes as he says the next line, but I ignore him. Whispering, I lean closer to Patrick, “What are you doing here? I thought you were on duty this afternoon?”
“Glitch swapped with me so I could surprise you. He got caught up in the middle of one of his projects, though, which is why I’m a little late. Sorry,” he whispers back.
I nod and try to focus back in on the ceremony. It is over in minutes, and Eric announces the happy couple who then lead the way towards the main dining hall for the celebratory dinner. Beth-Ann wiggles her bouquet in the air the whole way. We stay seated and let most of the group head out ahead of us. Eric approaches Margaret and offers his arm, but she says something to him under her breath before walking off ahead of him. He trails behind her, but not before looking around to see if anyone noticed. I quickly look to Patrick, who looks down at his feet.
After Eric passes us, we get up and follow everyone to the reception.
While I should be happy for my friend getting to marry someone she actually loves, all I feel inside is hollow. The memory of Josephine being sedated and dragged away by armed guards this morning is burned into the backs of my eyelids. But as much as I want to let out my rage, I force myself to lock it inside. Because I don’t want to be next.
Ripple Effect
Days pass, following the same familiar rhythm. Dates are scheduled, activities shared, and meals eaten over forced polite convers
ation. The rest of the week passes without further event. At the end, a pale and queasy Charlotte returns from her procedure with two smitten men in tow. A small part of me is glad to see that Devonte is one of them, while the rest of me is just numb.
Another week passes, then two. Teddy has checked on me twice, but I don’t know what to tell him. My head and my heart are both jumbled up. I continue on with the motions of the program, and am unsurprised to see our numbers begin to dwindle. Leigh releases Spencer after a long-overdue conversation with Faith, and we all watch from the veranda as he shouts at the driver before boarding the shuttle.
But still, Josephine never returns to us.
I have a few solo dates with one of the guys each day, and tonight I’m scheduled to go out with Matthew. He didn’t tell me what we would be doing, just to meet him on the porch and dress comfortably. I head down the stairs, and as soon as I open the door I see him standing there, with a wrapped box in his hands.
“Hey Matt!”
“Hey beautiful,” he crosses the distance between us, and kisses me on the cheek. “This is for you,” he states simply and hands me the box.
I smile at his thoughtfulness. “You didn’t have to get me anything!”
“It’s for our date. Go on, open it.” He sounds excited, which makes me more excited to see what’s in the box. However, when I open it, I’m confused.
“Uhm, who’s Steinboldt?” I ask, as I hold up a large blue and white jersey with the name printed on the back.
He grins, “Come on, I’ll show you.” He takes my hand, and we walk to the sports complex.
We walk down the hall to one of the theaters, which has a “Reserved” sign on the front. He holds open the door for me, and I can see he has put a lot of effort into this date.
There are plush theater seats filling the room, and to the side there is a table laden with popcorn, hotdogs, sodas, and every other food you can imagine at a sporting event.
“Do I smell funnel cake?” I ask, excited at the possibility of my favorite junk food.
“You do. A little birdie told me it was your favorite. I thought this evening, we could share some of our favorites. I am a die-hard ice hockey fan, and I made sure to have the kitchen make up every one of your favorite treats.”
I’m touched by his thoughtful gestures, and after loading up plates full of junk food, we take the two prime seats in the middle of the room.
The room darkens seemingly of its own accord, and the screen fills with a rink, with players skating out from either end.
“So, are we rooting for the blue guys?” I guess, based on the color of my jersey.
He chuckles, “Yes, the blue guys. We’re going to send the orange guys home in a body bag. Look! There’s Steinboldt!” Matt’s enthusiasm is infectious, and I thoroughly enjoy watching him get riled up about his favorite sport. He spends the evening telling me all the rules, most of which I can’t remember. But, if I choose him, we could have a lifetime to do this on Saturday nights.
When the game ends, he flops back against his seat and looks over at me, a satisfied grin plastered across his handsome face. For the first time ever, I feel like he’s let me see him as a regular guy, not just a businessman.
“I like you,” I say.
His eyebrows come down, “Uhm, I like you, too . . .” he says, unsure of where the conversation is going.
“As a person, I mean. Yes, you’re Mr. Powerful Businessman. But tonight, I feel like I finally got to know Matt. And I like him.” I look down, feeling shy at the admission.
“Hey,” he waits until I meet his eyes again, “Thank you for saying that. Not many people can see that there’s more to me than money and a job. Everyone I meet just wants to pitch me their business idea.” He snorts. “And most of them are utter crap, at that.”
I sit bolt upright, “Oh! I know this is horrible timing. But, I actually did have a business idea!”
He laughs so hard at that, he turns red. “Are you serious right now? You are crazy. In the best kind of way.” He leans forward, and before I even realize what’s happening, he smacks a kiss right on my lips. “Tell me your business idea. Is it horse related?”
My brain is still back on the sudden kiss, but I force it to focus, “Uh, well, do you know anything about candle making? Because I think you could sell a bunch that smell like leather. Or fresh hay. It’s probably the best smell in the world.”
He shakes his head, “Sorry, I know less than nothing about candles. I don’t think I even own a candle. But you could start your own candle business, if you want.” He taps me on the nose.
“I figured. But hey, you never know unless you ask.”
✽✽✽
Later that night, I’ve just settled in with the girls to watch a movie in the sitting area when my mini-tablet buzzes. I see a request from Patrick—for right now. That’s odd, I’m scheduled to see him tomorrow. I accept, and then slip on my shoes and head out the front door, only to find nobody there.
Frowning, I look around and still don’t see anything. Then, I hear music coming from the side of the house. I walk around, and there he is, with a single rose. “Patrick, what are you doing out here? And where’s the music coming from?”
He smiles, and hands me the rose, “It’s a secret. I got off my shift, and the night was so beautiful and clear, that I had to see if I could steal a little of your time. Would you dance with me, Sadie?” He threads his fingers through mine, and he sways invitingly.
“Out here?”
He leans in close before answering, “Right here, right now.”
The words send a shiver through me, and I nod in acceptance. He plucks the rose from my fingertips, and sets it in the grass before pulling me into a slow, smooth dance. The cool air and gorgeous moon are our only companions in this little slice of heaven on earth.
I could stay like this forever.
After four or five songs, he hugs me tightly to his chest. “Thank you for spending some time with me, Sadie. I know we have a date tomorrow, but I couldn’t wait another minute to see you again.” His look is intense, and I find myself gravitating even closer to him.
He leans in, and when our lips meet, it feels like the electricity should light up the night. When he pulls back again, I let out a gentle sigh.
“I think you might be too perfect,” I say. “I didn’t think they made men like you in the real world.”
He grins, but instead of responding, just kisses me again. Heat blossoms all the way to my toes.
“Oh yeah, getting some sugar!” I hear Jenna’s voice from the porch railing, and spring back from Patrick, hand to my lips.
“Oh my word, would you go back inside!” I yell as I turn, and spot not just Jenna, but all the girls lined up and spying on us.
When I turn back around, Patrick is trying his hardest not to laugh. “We can call it a night. Thank you, Sadie.” With one last peck on the cheek, he leaves me to merciless girls singing infantile kissing songs on the porch. Nuts, every one of them.
✽✽✽
Another week passes, and we’re all brought in to the clinic for another round of fertility testing, so the medical team can compare our results with our tracker’s first month of data. It’s invasive, and they take more blood. I stare out the window and pretend that I’m anywhere else. I dream at night of riding Morgan through a pasture dotted with wildflowers, laughing with one of my brothers as we check fences.
One morning, I’m awoken by a knock, instead of the usual windchimes. It takes me a moment to realize what’s happening, but I quickly stumble out of bed and to the door. I pull it open expecting one of the other girls, but instead see Teddy.
“May I come in, or are you going to bite me? You’ve got that haven’t-been-caffeinated-yet look going on,” he jokes.
I step to the side while rubbing one bleary eye with the heel of my hand, “Get in here and give me a minute. I wasn’t awake yet.”
He steps inside, and I shut the door. I point to the bench by my b
ed, and hustle into the bathroom to quickly pee and brush my teeth. Once I’m a little more presentable and mostly awake, I sit down in the desk chair across from him. He’s made himself at home, and brewed coffee in my previously unused coffee maker.
“Ugh, that stuff is stinking up the place,” I complain.
He chuckles, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t knock it until you try it.” He takes another sip and gives me a devilish grin.
“So, to what do I owe the displeasure of your early-morning mug?” I ask, poking at his knee with my foot.
“Well, I think it’s time we had a conversation. Faith got her secondary fertility results yesterday, and doctor douchebag told her that as early as next week she’ll be ready for, uh . . .” he pauses, unsure how to continue.
I just stare at him, refusing to make this easy. You barge into my room and wake me before the butt crack of dawn, you get to roll around in your own awkwardness while I stare you down.
After a second when he realizes I’m really not coming to his rescue he says, “She’ll be ready for planting?” then winces.
“Eww, really? Can’t you just say baby-making like a normal person? What are you, five?” I can’t think about any of my brothers planting anybody. Blech. Gag me.
“Moving on!” He averts his gaze. “Faith asked me if I’d be willing to move the wedding up and go ahead and get this show on the road. I get where she’s coming from, and I don’t want to drag this out for her any more than the past six years already have.” He stops, and looks at me to gauge my reaction.
“Okay, and . . .?” I prompt.
“Well, the whole reason I came here is to be here for you, and make sure you’re okay. You still haven’t picked yet, and frankly you don’t seem any closer to narrowing it down. It’s been a month, and you still have five matches waiting for your decision. I don’t feel like I can leave and do this with Faith, with you no closer to a real match. What’s going on, Sadie?”
It’s my turn to look away. I’ve been so up in my own head recently, and so mad about Josephine, that I haven’t even tried to whittle down my matches further. I sigh, “You’re right. I should probably let some of them go today.”
