Geeked Out--A Lame New World

by Obert Skye

  “Anything?” Mindy asked.

  “No,” I replied. “There isn’t … Wait a second. Darth Susan doesn’t have any pals.”

  I should have known—pals spelled backward is slap. I opened the file, and instantly I saw why she wanted us to fail the test.

  This was big!

  I pressed Print, and a printer one desk down spit out a piece of paper. As the paper slipped out onto the tray, Owen spoke up.

  “Tip, there’s someone in the hall, and they’re headed this way.”

  “Who is—”

  Before I could get the words out of my mouth, Owen whispered loudly, “Hide!”

  I saw the dark silhouettes of Mindy, Xen, and Owen disappear beneath the bottom desks. I used my mind to turn off the computer, and I grabbed the piece of paper from the printer. Then, as quickly as I could, I crawled under Darth Susan’s desk.

  The office door opened, and through a small crack, I saw Darth Susan enter the room.

  She turned on the light and stared at the broken doorknob that was now in her hand.

  “What happened?” she asked, her voice sounding both sweet and suspicious. “Doorknobs don’t just break.”

  “Yes they do,” a smiling man said. He was standing next to her and wearing a sash across his government uniform that said PEP LIAISON. “There are so many broken things in society these days. But then again, there are so many things that aren’t. Now, do you have that tape you promised me?”

  Darth Susan looked around the office and glanced up at her desk. I didn’t know what to do, and as I was wishing that the lights would go off, they went off.

  “Flat moldy noodles,” Darth Susan said.

  She flipped the switch a couple of times, and the lights came back on. I quickly turned them off again.

  “The electricity in this town is pathetic,” she complained. “President Flake should be punished for the way he runs our government.”

  “Right,” Darth Susan said. “Some leader.”

  “Don’t fret, I have a torch.” Mr. Pep struck a match and lit a torch to light the office. “I always carry a spare. You can’t be too careful these days.”

  “You smile too much,” Darth Susan said.

  Using the firelight, she began scaling the desks. For an older woman, she was a pretty good climber. She scrambled up faster than I had, and she was seconds away from finding me. Through the crack I looked for anything else in the office I could turn on or off. I spotted an old radio on one of the bottom desks and thought it on.

  Darth Susan heard the music and temporarily stopped climbing. She growled and began to bark at the Pep Liaison.

  “Did you turn that radio on?”

  “No,” he replied, “but I do love this song.”

  “Turn it off,” she yelled.

  The Pep Liaison turned off the radio, and since I hated the song that was playing, I decided to leave it that way.

  “What’s going on here?” Darth Susan muttered as she got to her desk and stood behind it. “Something is askew.”

  I actually agreed. Things were askew, which is an above-average way of saying things were out of place. I was out of place and under her desk. And because I was out of place, I could see her feet and knees. I wondered why my friends weren’t somehow trying to help me.

  Darth Susan sat down at her desk chair and scooted in. Her knees were now less than an inch away from me. She shifted in her chair, and just as she started to scoot in farther, I heard a cracking noise and watched her drop away from her desk. She let go of the torch and fell down onto the next row of desks. With a sloppy roll, she bounced off those desks and all the way to the ground. I could barely see through the crack where she landed. But I could hear her whimpering. The Pep Liaison ran to her.

  “My goodness, what a fall,” he said. “You forget about the tape. Let’s get you someplace comfortable.”

  Mr. Pep helped Darth Susan to her feet and the two of them left, shutting the door behind them. I waited at least a full minute before exhaling. I waited five more before I stuck my head out from under the desk and whispered down.

  “Are you guys okay?”

  “I think so,” Mindy whispered back. “I clapped softly to break the ceiling light.”

  “But you broke her chair instead.”

  “As manager of this league, I feel the need to remind all of you that your abilities seem a bit daft,” Xen said.

  “But I can turn lights on and off now,” I bragged. “That’s something.”

  “I guess,” Xen muttered.

  I climbed out from beneath the desk and worked my way down to ground level. I waved the piece of printed paper with the information from Darth Susan’s computer.

  Everyone stared at the paper, but it was too dark to see. Before I could even think about switching the lights back on, Mindy tapped on her phone’s flashlight.

  “Thanks, Mindy.”

  “For what?”

  “For the light.”

  “I didn’t turn on the light.”

  I looked up from the paper and yelped. Owen’s eyes were burning like two small lightbulbs.

  Owen closed his eyes, and the room went dark. He opened them again and we all saw the light.

  “Whoa,” Mindy whispered.

  “Not fair,” Xen said with a growl. “Not fair at all. You have multiple gifts and I have none.”

  Owen looked around the room. The light from his eyes swept the space like small spotlights.

  “That’s pretty cool,” I admitted. “Does it help you see really far away? Or can you look through things?”

  “Nope,” Owen said. “In fact everything’s kind of blurry.”

  Owen shone his eyes onto the paper and we all read.

  “Darth Susan doesn’t want us to fail the test so we can get more supplies,” I said. “She wants us to fail so that the school will be shut down forever and she can retire early and with disaster benefits.”

  “We can’t let that happen,” Mindy insisted. “WADD’s not perfect, but I’ve heard real horror stories about outpost #72.”

  All four of us shuddered.

  Outpost #72 was not a good place. It was on the edge of Piggsburg, and bad things happened there. It was where the government sent all of its problem students and some minor criminals. Students were constantly getting hurt by some of the social networking gangs that ruled its halls.

  “We’ve got to pass that test,” I said. “We have to make sure that the Pep Liaison delivers our scores to the District Compound tomorrow after school.”

  “How are we going to do that?” Owen asked.

  I thought for a moment before I spoke.

  “I might have some ideas. Who here likes to sew?”

  All three of my friends raised their hands. I should have remembered that we had gotten As in our Survival Sewing and Knitting class.

  “All right, we need to get to my house,” I insisted. “It’s time to sew and think about a few things.”

  We crawled through the security hole without trouble. And besides a stray dog trying to steal Owen’s shoe and a light acid rain shower, we made it home safely.

  Once at my house, we all went straight to work.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Betrayed

  My friends got permission from their parents to sleep over this time. The four of us were up almost all night working on our projects.

  After we finished, we got a few hours of sleep in the blanket fort before we had to get up and head back to WADD.

  When we got to school, there was a line at the security hole, but eventually we made it through without any problem. If our school had had an X-ray machine, like the high school did, the guards at the security hole might have noticed that under our clothes we were wearing some very unusual outfits.

  We were prepared to do whatever we could to pass the test and get our scores to the District Compound.

  After the morning announcements from Darth Susan, all of us students were marched into the auditorium by governme
nt officials and told to take our seats.

  We were then forced to listen to the Pep Liaison blather and blather, which is a better-than-average way of saying he bored the snot out of us.

  After he was done, the SLAP tests were passed out by Staffers. The Pep Liaison honked a bike horn to officially start the test.

  Sadly, WADD was home to a good number of students who were kind of dolt-like. Also nobody cared about doing well. The Goths hated tests, the Sox couldn’t hold pencils correctly, the book-loving Pens just liked to read the test, and the Jocks used the paper to floss their teeth. Sure, there was always the possibility that someone besides us would rise to the occasion and do their best, but there was a better possibility that only us Geeks would even complete the SLAP.

  At noon, Lunch Lady Sniddle served us rubbery carrots and canned tuna, and we had to eat it while taking the test. A couple of students got tuna juice on their tests, so they had to start over.

  By the end of last period, my head hurt and I was sweaty—it didn’t help that I was secretly wearing more than one outfit.

  The Pep Liaison honked the bike horn, letting us know that the test time was over. I filled in the last answer quickly.

  We all lined up and handed in our tests to Mr. Peppy.

  “And remember,” he said as he took each test. “You’re never fully dressed without a smile, which means when you frown, you’re half naked.”

  Finn screamed out.

  Everyone left the auditorium and made their way off campus. We Geeks snuck into the cafeteria and headed straight to the Geek Cave.

  Owen moved the pots and pans cabinet, and we slipped inside.

  The darkness caused Owen’s eyes to glow and light up the secret room. Fortunately, there was still no sign of bugs. It’s tough being a superhero when you’re scared of spiders.

  Xen pulled the cabinet closed, and we all took off our top clothes to reveal the costumes we had stitched last night.

  Together we were LAME. We were also nervous, but there was no time to be scared. We had something we needed to take care of.

  “We should probably find out what kind of spiders those were that bit us,” Mindy said. “It might help us better understand our powers.”

  “If we live, that’s a good idea,” I said.

  “If we live?” Owen asked.

  “No time for fear,” Xen insisted. “Do your thing, Owen.”

  Owen tilted his head and lifted his right ear up. He could hear Darth Susan telling some kids to leave her office, followed by the sound of her kissing Becky.

  “Eww,” Xen said. “Nobody told me this mission would be repulsive.”

  “Sorry. Wait, I can hear the Pep Liaison coming into the office. He’s telling Darth Susan how the test went off without a hitch and that he has all the tests in his bag. Once he turns them into the District Compound, they will be tallied, and the results will be final.”

  “What else?” Mindy asked.

  “Darth Susan just told him good job, and Peppy said thanks.”

  “Your hearing really is impressive,” Mindy said.

  Owen didn’t hear her, but he continued to repeat what Darth Susan and the Pep Liaison were saying.

  “Darth Susan just asked Peppy for our four tests so that she can take them home and burn them. I guess she didn’t trust us to fail. Now he just told her that he’ll hand over the tests when she hands over the tape.”

  “He’s going to give her the tests?” I asked in shock. “So the Pep Liaison’s bad?”

  “I can’t believe it,” Xen said. “He always seems so happy.”

  “There must be something really awful on that tape he wants,” Mindy said. “Maybe it’s some footage of him frowning.”

  “I don’t know what it is, but if our tests don’t get turned in, it’s outpost #72 for all of us.”

  Owen continued to repeat what he heard: “Darth Susan just gave him the tape, and it’s not a videotape—it’s three rolls of Scotch tape. He’s saying that he needs it for scrapbooking.”

  “What?” Mindy complained. “He’s selling us out for Scotch tape?”

  “Scrapbooking can be addictive,” Xen said.

  “Forget about the tape,” I insisted. “What else is he saying?”

  “He gave her our four tests, and now she’s informing him that she wants Nerf and his goons to escort him to the District Compound. That way she can make sure things go right.”

  “This is bad,” Mindy said.

  “They’re moving out of the office!” Owen reported. “I can hear the door opening and closing behind them.”

  It was time for us to take action.

  “Okay, are you guys ready?” I asked.

  Everyone nodded.

  We left the Geek Cave and stood in the doorway just outside the cafeteria. Down the hall I could see the Pep Liaison coming our way. I could also see all the other students’ tests in his bag. Next to him were Nerf, Weasel, and Mud. We needed to get to them, but first we needed to get to Darth Susan.

  Unless our tests were included with the others, we were doomed.

  Darth Susan always takes the south hall to get to the security hole. So LAME darted across the hall and ran through the empty auditorium. We all made it to the doorway of the AntiSocial Studies hall and hid ourselves behind Tyler’s supply and trash castle. If our calculations were correct, and most of our calculations are, Darth Susan would be coming in our direction any moment. We quickly worked on a plan.

  What we were going to do wasn’t too complicated. As soon as Darth Susan got close, I would shut off the hall lights. Then Mindy would aim, clap, and break Darth Susan’s glasses. Being in the dark without glasses, she wouldn’t be able to see anything. The second her glasses fell to the ground, I would jump out and grab the tests from her bag. Then before she knew what had happened, we would be out of the school and tracking down the Pep Liaison.

  Darth Susan was getting closer. She was holding Becky over her shoulder.

  We all held our breath. Mindy began softly counting down to herself.

  “Five, four, three, two, one.”

  It was time.

  Mindy reached her hands out from around the trash cans and clapped. At that same moment, I imagined the lights being off.

  The hall went dark, and Darth Susan hollered.

  “My glasses!”

  Mindy’s power had worked. Owen stepped out right in front of her and flashed his eyes.

  The blinding light startled her, and she dropped Becky and fell to her knees. Owen kept flashing his eyes to make things even more confusing.

  Darth Susan was screaming for Becky. She grasped at the floor and air, trying to find her lizard.

  Unfortunately, instead of grabbing Becky, she grabbed Xen.

  She picked Xen up and flung him over her shoulder. I thought she was going to spank him, but with her glasses off, she thought he was Becky.

  I saw our four tests sticking out of her bag and grabbed them as Xen cried in her arms. I unzipped the front of my costume and put the tests inside. I zipped it back up. Owen and Mindy picked Becky up off the floor, and as gently as they could, they tossed her directly at Darth Susan.

  The lizard collided into Darth Susan and Xen, and all three of them fell to the floor. Xen squirmed away while Becky scratched at both of them.

  “Ahhh!” Xen cried.

  “Becky? You can speak!” Darth Susan said excitedly.

  Mindy helped Xen up, and the four of us took off down the hall, leaving a disoriented and blind Darth Susan to wrestle with her lizard alone in the dark hall.

  We all squeezed through the security hole.

  “That was way too close!” Mindy yelled.

  “You’re telling me!” Xen replied.

  “Where’s the liaison?” I asked Owen.

  “I can hear him driving, and from the sound of things, they’re more than halfway to the District Compound.”

  I should have done it earlier, but quickly I thought of turning off his car.


  “What do you hear now?” I asked.

  “A lot of swearing,” Owen reported. “He’s starting his car back up.”

  I turned it off again.

  I ended up turning it off with my mind five times before Owen said that Peppy had given up and gotten out of the vehicle. He could hear him telling Nerf and the others that they were going to have to walk the rest of the way to the District Compound.

  We had no time to waste.

  Being heroes is not always easy. And sometimes it’s disgusting.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Striking a Blow

  It was overcast and already growing dark as the sun was covered with polluted clouds. The air was charged with a tinge of static electricity.

  I saw a couple of cars driving on the street and imagined them turned off. They all shut down and rolled to a stop, making it a little easier for us to dash up the road.

  “Can you still hear the Pep Liaison?” Xen yelled to Owen while trying to manage the group.

  “Yes,” Owen said. “They’re down Bleak Street and just over that hill.”

  “We need to move faster,” Mindy ordered. “The District Compound’s at the end of Bleak Street. If they turn those tests in without ours, we’re done for.”

  As much as we wanted to move faster, we were all hurting. It had been a long time since I’d run this much, and I was pretty sure that I was in better shape than the rest of LAME. Still we tried to move as quickly as we could even while Owen hacked up stuff, Mindy wheezed, and Xen whimpered.

  “What are we going to do when we reach them?” Mindy asked.

  “If we reach them,” Xen said, huffing.

  “We just have to distract them long enough to slip our four tests into Pep Liaison’s bag. I’m hoping when they see us in our costumes, they’ll tremble. Then, while they’re trembling, we can put them in.”

  “So most likely we’re doomed,” Mindy said with worry.