Under My Skin

by Shawntelle Madison

  The door was locked. Right beside the door, there was a bar code scanner for entry. A part of me wanted to turn back and give up, since I didn’t have access to this room. Or did I?

  Des had told me the bar code on my wrist was mine, but now that their lies had been exposed, I wondered if that meant this new bar code belonged to the General. It was only natural they’d brand me with his identity now that they’ve pushed him into my head.

  I reached up and waved my wrist over the scanner beside the door. After a soft click, the door opened. The sounds of footsteps drew my attention to the darkness far down the hallway. I had to be quick. I wheeled myself into the room and shut the door.

  The office was pitch black, except for one corner where someone had left the drapes open. The darkness closed in and crept around my throat, so I wheeled over toward the window. The glow of twilight brought a faint light into the room. I reached for the window and touched the chilled glass. Outside this window was freedom from my prison. Well, at least the house. For a second, I did think about breaking the glass and escaping. I was on the ground floor. Beyond the window was grass with a heavy layer of frost. The early spring hadn’t come here yet. Even farther, past the wintry lawn and an imposing wall, were snow-capped mountains that glared back at me and reminded me that I was only a simple girl. I wouldn’t survive if I left this place alone with no food or proper clothing.

  Looking out the window was a waste of time, so I approached the desk. The communications console was a standard issue unit with a few advanced features. Another bar code scan would be required to activate it. With one swipe, I’d have access. I ran my wrist over the scanner and waited for the screen to pop up. The viewer flickered from black to gray and then finally white.

  A nagging feeling pestered me, telling me my time was running out and I needed to move faster. I’d dawdled too long at the window. A set of footsteps outside the door confirmed my suspicions. Someone tried the doorknob and it didn’t open. I sighed with relief. The General’s bar code helped me a little tonight.

  My gaze darted to the screen with hopes of seeing the network logo and the fields necessary to begin navigating, or a search screen—anything other than what I saw: a form asking me for General Dagon’s passphrase.

  I heard a beep near the door and my insides melted as it opened. Rebecca strode in. The dim light from the hallway surrounded her silhouette and gave her an ominous appearance.

  My lips formed a hard line and I stiffened my back. Let her reprimand me. What difference would it make?

  “Is that you, Master? Do you have the passphrase for me?”

  My silence was her answer.

  Rebecca took me back to the master suite. Captain Belfry was waiting for us. All I could do was avoid his gaze. If I looked at him, I know I’d glare right back, so I looked elsewhere.

  The Master’s assistant didn’t say anything until she pulled a personal comm-unit from her pocket. “Bring Cecelia. It’s time to have her in place. We can’t have the guards in here twenty-four hours a day.”

  I remained in the wheelchair and stared at my clenched hands. So what did they plan to do to me now? Rebecca took her seat across from the General’s bed and faced me. I expected her to lecture me about what I’d done. All she did was sit there with a face like granite.

  I finally found my voice. “You just can’t do this to people without letting them reach out to their family.” I licked my dry lips. “This isn’t fair—”

  “Life isn’t fair, Ms. Sullivan.” Her biting words interrupted mine. “I am but a pawn in this chess game that you’ve already lost. Get used to it and things will be a lot less painful.”

  A single tear wet my cheek. I wanted to complain and cry, but what good would that do with someone like her, who was a liar and had no heart?

  The doors to the suite opened and an older girl entered the room. I’d seen her before. At the initiation. This was the girl who had pushed the General’s wheelchair. She crossed the room with confident strides. Her Water Bearer uniform was perfectly pressed.

  “How may I be of service, Miss Rebecca?” Her black hair was pulled back so tight I thought her eyes bugged out from her head, but she just had large eyes.

  “Cecelia, it’s time for you to assume your role as the Second Water Bearer now.”

  She nodded.

  “You are to follow her everywhere, as the Master would expect. This girl’s unpredictable and there’ll be dire consequences if she gets hurt. Especially if it leaves the Master in a bind to find another body. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Cecelia strode over to my wheelchair and stood behind it.

  Sadness turned to anger in a flash. So Rebecca had given me a leash? “So what is a Second Water Bearer, if I may ask?”

  Rebecca laughed softly. “I shouldn’t have to spell it out, but perhaps I should do this one thing for you.” She walked toward the door. “You are the new vessel. Cecelia is the insurance policy in case you—break. Right now, she is also a guarantee that you’ll stay out of trouble.”

  Cecelia remained in my room overnight and slept on the couch. Captain Belfry left before we went to bed. I hardly slept, constantly thinking about how the Captain could come for me. Even with Cecelia in the room, I still found it hard to feel safe.

  When Des came the next morning to check on me, she brought two trays of food on the cart. She had an assistant with her who was hesitant to offer the meal. After two tentative footsteps, the other woman, a blonde with a generous bust line, kept her gaze on the tray.

  Was it my face or the prospect of speaking with the General that frightened her?

  “The Master’s not awake right now, Penelope,” Des said with reassurance. “Go ahead and work.”

  Penelope set about her work and placed the tray on my lap. She did the same for Cecelia.

  As Des checked my back, I asked her an obvious question. “How do you know when he’s sleeping?”

  She paused for a moment and chuckled. “You’re not difficult to read, girl. There’s one thing I do know. The General was never as pensive as you are.” She finished applying a fresh dressing and checked my vitals. “I’m glad you’re still tinkering around in there. You have a visitor coming today, and I expect you to be much more cooperative than he would be.”

  I made an annoyed face. “Who’d want to come see me? Do they know that…I’m here now?”

  Des appeared as if she considered her next words before she spoke them. “The Master is still a high-ranking officer in the military. His men visit on occasion to discuss business. As to what business his visitor is here to conduct is no affair of mine.”

  Des took the cover off the tray and gestured toward the food. When I didn’t move, she turned to Penelope. “Get her bath and clothes ready. Miss Rebecca expects her to be in the sitting room by noon.”

  Breakfast ended as quickly as it had begun. Cecelia either played the piano, sat around, or helped Des whenever she asked for assistance. Since I was the one who was expecting company, I had to bathe, get my hair done, and get dressed.

  The master suite had a huge closet. The moment Des wheeled me inside, I expected to see nothing but men’s clothing. My mouth dropped at the sight. What I didn’t expect was a room half the size of the suite with women’s and men’s clothing of every shape and size. In one corner to my left, row after row of glamorous shoes had been arranged. In another corner to my right, black dress suits hung on hangers, freshly pressed and ready to be worn. It was almost as if he anticipated a new body, and accordingly, kept dresses or pants for that person.

  This had to be the craziest thing I’d seen yet.

  No one spoke to me while Des selected a dress. Penelope hovered behind her.

  “The hem of this dress is way too long,” Des complained after she put it on me. “Get Hilda on your personal-comm, Penelope. I’ve got forty-five minutes to make this dress perfect.” As my personal nurse, Desdemona took on many roles in this household. Rebecca would probably walk in any
minute now with her critical eye, but Des handled things.

  The house seamstress arrived, and she raised the hem of my dress. The dark red gown was made from a smooth material, most likely silk, definitely expensive from the embellishments on the bodice. I barely had a chest to fill it, but it was pretty to look at nonetheless. At that moment, I wondered what Zoe was doing. Was she suffering right now? Or perhaps, she’d gotten lucky and the people associated with Claire had rescued her. Not likely, but positive thinking and planning was all I had left.

  As Penelope fussed with my hair, I asked another question which bugged me the minute I put on the dress. “Why would the General pick me if he’d have to live out his life as a woman? Wouldn’t it be weird for a girl to show up instead of a man?” He’d also have to contend with the things girls dealt with and not boys. Breasts, mood swings, and monthly cycles.

  Penelope and Des exchanged quick glances before Des answered me. “That’s not a question I can answer, Tate. Nor should you try to answer it.”

  Cecelia pushed me out of the room. Captain Belfry was waiting outside of the door. I anticipated his resentment, but hadn’t expected his gaze to trail from the top of my head down to my ankles. His gaze lingered momentarily on my face. His expression was hard to read, neither malevolent nor interested. He just took me in for longer than I wanted. “General Dagon’s guest is waiting in the sitting room,” he said.

  He led us through the hallways to the grand sitting room. Someone had left a tea service and cake. Across the coffee table from the steaming tea sat two people on the sofa: Rebecca and a young man I’d never seen before.

  His face was pale and blank. With such boyish features, I guessed he had to be no more than a few years older than me. Once we exchanged glances, the young man nodded my way. “It’s good to see you again, sir.”

  When I didn’t answer, he smirked at Rebecca. “You’re right. She is a most unusual choice. But then again, General Dagon isn’t like the others.”

  Captain Belfry took a spot near the door while Cecelia came around from the back of the wheelchair and offered her hand so I could sit down on the couch across from them.

  My legs wobbled a bit, but they held me and I managed to reach the sofa. I tried my best to arrange my dress in a flattering way, but the folds of fabric refused to play nice.

  “Some tea?” Rebecca glanced my way. She hadn’t addressed me as the General or used my name. I shook my head.

  The way the young man across from me kept staring at me was disarming. Using the first response my mom taught me—to smile—seemed appropriate, but I just couldn’t do it. Instead, my hand snuck up and covered my scar. “It’s not polite to stare,” I said.

  Rebecca smiled that cold smile of hers and sipped her tea. “If I remember right, Alphonse, you took over your second host in a matter of days, did you not?”

  “Yes, I did, but that body was far too fragile. The mind broke like a reed in the wind.” He leaned forward and the corner of his mouth slid into a half-smile. “I guess the General has his work cut out for him. Is he awake?”

  I bit the inside of my mouth as apprehension jolted my insides. They talked about all these other bodies as if they were clothes you wore from day to day.

  When I didn’t answer, he continued his light conversation with Rebecca. “The ride here from Easton was rough. There’s unrest in the New Amesbury due to Adam’s temper.”

  “The capital’s rife with such things, but yes, I’d heard rumors the Prime Minister’s new body isn’t working properly.”

  “He should’ve acquired one through the auction, but he’s determined to keep the one he has.”

  Rebecca laughed. “You have the keys to the universe, and yet some of you prefer to hold onto the vestiges of vanity.”

  “I’m like any other man. I tire of taking on the body of a boy every few decades.”

  “You are spry and young now. Don’t you enjoy all the new things you can do?” The jovial expression on her face appeared artificial, as if she made conversation with someone she wanted to impress. What I wanted was for both of them to leave me alone.

  He sighed and took a sip of his tea. “The body I have at the moment is just another role to assume. Another face that must take control of my household and my lands. This past year hasn’t been easy. But enough about me.” His gaze shifted back to mine.

  “There are problems in New Amesbury, sir. You need to make an appearance there as soon as possible. With the unrest in the north, the other high-ranking officers are vying for power to help the Prime Minister.” His voice took on a more serious tone. “I know you are in the middle of your transition, but it is most important you take control soon. Neighboring islands have been fighting with us. The Prime Minister will be looking for someone with experience to help end the conflict.”

  I waited for something to happen—for the tingling sensation to come, but the General remained silent. Hope slipped through to me. Maybe something had happened to him and he disappeared?

  “There’s another thing you need to worry about. You’re not the only one who’d be great to rally the troops. Two other generals would like to take control as well. And they are more than willing to kill you to take it.” Our gazes locked.

  “Do you understand, sir? Are you there?”

  Silence filled the room and my fear intensified.

  “This is a dire situation and you need to show me you understand—”

  “Quit your blathering, boy,” my mouth growled. “I’ve listened to everything you had to say.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  The moment he took over my mouth, it was like watching a ventriloquist handle a dummy. It was my voice, but it wasn’t “my voice.”

  Blood rushed to my head. I reached for the edge of the couch. All this time, he’d been awake. “For how long have you been—” I managed to murmur.

  He chuckled in my head, soft and menacing. “Wouldn’t you love to know?”

  “My apologizes, sir.” Alphonse lowered his head.

  Even Rebecca’s face took on a stricken appearance. “Do you have the passphrase, Master?”

  My mouth moved again without my volition. “The passphrase is vital importance. Ask for the second one next time if you have doubts.”

  I clasped my left hand over my mouth. The sensation was nauseating. The way he used me was such a violation of my free will that I couldn’t stomach the idea of letting him speak again. But the General wasn’t done with me yet. Like a vengeful appendage with a will of its own, my right hand grabbed my left and yanked it off my mouth. When I tried to use my left to grab the right, he slapped me hard in the face.

  The sound bounced from the corners.

  My cheek burned from the force of the slap and all I could do was sit there, completely stunned, while Rebecca and Alphonse glared at me. As if I were the one who was violating the general.

  “I’ll be ready to journey to the capital soon enough, boy,” I snapped. “I just need more time to take control of this one.”

  Alphonse nodded.

  “You tell Kennedy that if that man wants to come for me—and it won’t be the first time he’s tried to do it—you tell him to come find me. No more slinking around like vermin in the night. If he wants to kill me, he better do it with his bare hands.”

  “Understood, sir.”

  My left hand clenched while I watched my right as he spoke. The right hand gestured as he spat curses from my mouth. He couldn’t do this to me. My heartbeat accelerated. Panic rose higher and higher, forcing me to suck in air. The General gasped between words.

  “Damn body,” he slammed my right fist into the couch. “You two are dismissed. I’ve worked hard enough today.”

  Rebecca rose, while Alphonse did the same and saluted me. They marched out of the room and left me alone with Cecelia and Captain Belfry.

  “Are you ready to go back to bed, Master?” she asked in a quiet voice.

  I waited for him to make a snide comment, but my head was silent
once again. With my left hand, I touched my right. The hand was mine again, I hoped.

  “Yeah, I want to lie down.” Or throw up in private.

  When Cecelia wheeled me past the Master of Blades, I didn’t want to look at him, but there was something about his face, his demeanor, that forced me steal a glance. His mouth formed a straight line, eyebrows furrowed, and his gaze had unwavering focus on me.

  Cecelia took me back to the room and helped me into bed. She said nothing to me when I climbed onto the mattress with my dress on. I just wanted to turn my back away from her, close my eyes, and wish I was somewhere else. I wished that my mom and dad were in the other room and that everything were okay. This somewhere I wanted to be wasn’t a place where people did horrible things to others.

  By the next morning, the General kept his promise. I woke up to him ordering Des and Penelope around like a drill sergeant.

  “Stop dawdling and bring me the food!”

  Sleep clung to me, and I wasn’t surprised, since I had trouble falling asleep. All night, I’d been worried over Captain Belfry’s murderous intent. But something bothered me even more. Why hadn’t I woken up when I started talking?

  “I bet it’s cold already,” my mouth spat. “And you,” he addressed Des, “mind your work. Don’t think just because I’m sleeping that I’m not listening.”

  They had to know this wasn’t me talking. Their faces said it all. Des wasn’t the bright woman who greeted me every morning. She focused on her work and didn’t look my way. Dread poured over me in waves. What was coming next?

  “Just shut up and leave them alone,” I said. “My head should be my own.”

  “Not anymore. This is my home now. The sooner you realize this, the easier the transition will be.” His voice took on a softer tone. “Didn’t you hear what Alphonse said? What Desdemona told you? Those people suffered when they fought against the Guild. Just like you’re doing against me right now. Do you want me to make you suffer? Do you like pain?”