A Dream to Believe In

by Kay Correll

  “As any mother would be.” Annie walked up and hugged Beth.

  “Thanks for riding with him in the ambulance. I couldn’t stand to think of him in there alone without a familiar face.” Beth’s eyes were full of gratitude and relief.

  Annie could only imagine what it would be like to hear your child had been in a serious accident. Something she would never experience. “Of course. I’m glad I was there to help.”

  “I’m going to go back with Trevor, I just wanted you all to know he’s going to be okay.”

  “Mom, I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” Connor stood to the side.

  Beth walked over and hugged him. “It’s not your fault that Trevor didn’t follow the rules. He paid a hard price for this lesson, though. I’m just glad it’s not worse.”

  Annie wasn’t sure even with all the reassurances that Connor wasn’t going to blame himself. Poor kid must have been scared to death to see the car hit his brother.

  Beth left to go be with Trevor, and Nora turned to Annie. “Connor and I are going to stay here a while, aren’t we kiddo? I called Jason, and he said he’d get here soon and he can take Connor home with him. You two should go. We’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure? I can stay with you.”

  “No, go home and get cleaned up.”

  She looked down and saw blood on her shirt. “I should probably do that. You promise you’ll call if you need anything?”

  “I will.” Nora led Connor back to the chairs.

  Annie turned to Nick. “We should talk.”

  Nick drove Annie back to her cabin. They didn’t say a word on the drive even though Annie had said they should talk. He walked her up to her door, and she unlocked it and swung it open.

  “Why don’t you come in for a few minutes?”

  “I—” He really wanted to just run away. A skill he seemed to have perfected.

  “Please, let’s talk.”

  He followed her inside. They slipped off their jackets and headed into the kitchen. Annie put on the tea kettle and turned to him.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

  “What do you mean?” Though he knew exactly what she meant.

  “You froze. I needed your help. Trevor needed your help. You’re a doctor. But you just froze. There has to be a reason.”

  Nick looked down at his hands. They both shook, and none of his tricks like clenching his fists or counting to ten did anything to help.

  “Nick, what is it?”

  “I… I can’t.”

  “He’s going to be okay. The doctors said he’d be fine in a little while. Just needs time to heal.”

  “Or Beth could have just as easily lost him. You never know.” He stared at his quivering hands. “I can’t… I can’t lose another one. I just… can’t.”

  “Nick, what happened? What made you leave Los Angeles?” Annie put her hand on his forearm, but he didn’t allow himself to feel any connection.

  He closed his eyes, trying to blot out the past, obliterate the memories.

  “Talk to me.” Annie’s low voice pleaded with him.

  He sucked in a deep breath, looking for courage. Wondering if he could actually talk about it. If he could talk to anyone about it, it would be Annie. He walked over to her kitchen window and looked out into the darkness. “It was this patient of mine. I mean, I worked in oncology. It came with the job that I’d lose some patients. It was hard with each child I couldn’t save. But it was so rewarding when I could cure one of them, or at least put them into remission. That… that was what I lived for in my job.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “But then… this last patient. His name was Billy. William Franklin Evers the Third.”

  “Like that William Evers? The owner of Evers Financial?”

  “Exactly like that. His son. He was six years old. A fighter. His eyes… his eyes were that same shade of brilliant blue that Trevor has.” His pulse thrummed in his temple. “But nothing anyone had tried would help Billy. I read about this experimental procedure they were doing out of the country and suggested they contact the organizers of the trial. They flew the boy to the research center where they were doing the trial. He seemed to be doing better, and after a while they brought him home.”

  “But?” Her eyes bore into him. Waiting for him to explain.

  “But… he was back in my hospital within weeks and in much worse shape. Maybe some kind of delayed reaction to the treatment, maybe the treatment hadn’t really worked. Billy looked at me with his blue eyes so filled with pain, begging me to take his suffering away.” Nick swallowed, every tiny detail of the memory etched in his mind. “I couldn’t help him. He looked at me with such hope, sure I would save him. But all I could do was try to ease some of this pain.”

  Annie reached out to touch his face.

  “His last words?” Nick closed his eyes. “His last words were ‘it’s okay Dr. Nick.’”

  “Oh, Nick.”

  Nick opened his eyes. “But it wasn’t okay. He died that night. I sat by his side for his last hours on this earth, unable to help him. Unable to give him any more time. Maybe if I hadn’t suggested that trial out of the country. Maybe if we’d continued on a more conventional path…”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Nick. You were trying to help him.”

  Nick shook his head. “It was my fault. And the torment in his father’s eyes as Billy slipped away. I’ll never forget it. He wasn’t a man to lose at things in life. He blamed himself for taking Billy over for the trial.” Nick raked his hands through his hair. “He shouldn’t have blamed himself. He should have blamed me. He trusted me as Billy’s doctor. I suggested they try the trial. My decision. My failure. I failed him. I failed Billy.”

  Nick turned from the window and paced the floor. He felt Annie right beside him. “I can’t imagine how it would feel to lose a child. I’m sure his father was torn apart. But Nick, you tried to save the boy.”

  “But… I couldn’t. Then… I started being cautious of making any decisions on treatments for my patients. I was so afraid I’d make another wrong call. I pulled back. Walled off. I just couldn’t bear to lose another one.” He turned and looked Annie right in the eyes. “So… I left. Ran away to this teaching job. Turned my patients over to my partners. I was no good to them anymore anyway. But I feel terrible I deserted them. But even more terrible that I didn’t seem to be able to help them anymore.”

  “You just needed a break, Nick. You did the right thing.”

  “Did I? They’re all still back there fighting for their lives. I’m here… hiding out. But I’m no good for anyone as a practicing doctor.” He walked back over to the window, finally sure of what he had to do. “This is why I’m going to take that research job. For all those patients I left behind. For all the Billys of the world who need us to come up with a cure.”

  The rightness of his decision settled firmly on his shoulders, and he refused to think about the consequences of that decision.

  The fact he’d chosen his career over Annie once again.

  Annie reached out and touched Nick’s arm, turning him to face her. Pain seared through his eyes. She reached up and touched his face, and he placed his hand over hers. Without thinking, without caution, she took her hand from his face and wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. His heart beat in a riotous rhythm. His strong arms slowly encircled her.

  All she could think about was taking away some of his pain, taking away the torment that hovered in his eyes.

  “Ah, Annie.” His words lingered around her, wrapping her in their desperation and pain.

  As she leaned against him, comforting him, she knew what she had to do. What she had to do for Nick. There was no way she was going to tell him her true feelings for him because it was clear he needed to take this research job. In some way, he felt like it would be an atonement for leaving his patients and for what happened to Billy.

  There was no way she would ever take that away from him. She may love the man. She
did love the man. And the fact she loved him so deeply meant she would watch him leave again, let him go follow his career, and never tell him that she loved him.

  Chapter 22

  Beth sat on a bench by the lake at the lodge, watching the boys play. Trevor was recovering quickly as kids do. But she still kept a close eye on both of them. She could barely stand to let them out of her sight. She knew how lucky they’d all been. She knew how an accident could change your life in an instant like it had when Sophie’s parents had been killed in that car accident. But her family had been lucky. Trevor would be fine.

  Footsteps crunched in the pine needles behind her and she turned to see who was approaching.

  “Hey, Sophie.”

  “Hi.” Sophie settled on the bench beside her. “Trevor is looking better.”

  “He is. I count my blessings every day.” She looked over at Trevor standing and watching Connor skip rocks into the lake. “So what brings you out to the lodge?”

  “I have some news.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s not good news.”

  Beth pulled her attention from the boys… kind of… and turned toward Sophie. “What is it?”

  “I’ve heard that the zoning committee might be making some changes to some parcels in Sweet River Falls.”

  “What parcels?”

  “Well, I heard that one of them is on this lake.”

  “That’s strange. This lake is mostly zoned residential, plus it has a few resorts on it, like Mom’s, but they are regulated on how many cabins they can have and they all have to be one story. You can only cut so many trees to put in a new cabin. There are a lot of regulations.”

  “Which is good, because it keeps this place… well, special like it is.” Sophie nodded. “But someone wants to change that. I even heard rumors of a request for rezoning for a condo complex.”

  “They can’t do that. Can they? The last thing Lone Elk Lake needs is an overabundance of tourists on it. As it is, you can’t even have motorboats on it. Just sailboats, canoes, and rowboats.”

  “There is also a rumor about the motorboat code on the lake. Plans to change it to allow them.”

  “I can’t see that happening. Who is doing all this?”

  “Your friend Mr. Dobbs. I’m pretty sure it’s his piece of property right across the lake.”

  Beth looked across the water, the far lakeside covered in trees with just an occasional house or cabin on the water. “You’re kidding me. Well, we have to stop him. It would ruin this peaceful, beautiful lake.”

  Beth frowned. “So… you know how James Weaver finally announced he’s officially running for mayor?”

  “I heard that.”

  “Well, he’s on the zoning committee. He’d have to step down from that if he’s elected mayor… but he’d appoint the new committee person. And the mayor has the final vote if there’s a tie.” Beth looked over to check on the boys then turned back to Sophie. “So maybe that’s why Dobbs is pushing for Weaver for mayor? Because they’re buddies and Weaver can help push through this rezoning?”

  “They can’t really do it though, can they? A change like that?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.” She looked across the peaceful lake. “A big set of condos over there will probably hurt Mom’s business, and more than that… it could ruin this lake. We don’t need another commercial, gun-your-engines lake around here. It will ruin the… charm… of the place.”

  Beth stood, tugged Sophie to her feet, and called to the boys. “We need to go talk to Mom and let her know what’s happening.”

  Chapter 23

  Nick packed up his bags and loaded up his rental car. He took one last look around the property. He was going to miss this place. The quiet, the clean air… Annie. The last few weeks had been awkward. He’d helped Annie with a few last touches on the loft, and she’d filed for the final inspection. At least he’d been able to help her with that. There’d been no more meals or visits to her cabin. He’d gone to Bookish Cafe for coffee a few mornings and they’d made small talk. But it had all been so agonizingly tense and uncomfortable.

  She knew today was the day he was leaving, and he’d said he was going to stop by her shop on his way out of town, though. He owed her that much.

  Nora came walking up the pathway. “I hear you’re leaving.”

  “I am.”

  She looked at him, and the intensity of her gaze practically seared his skin. She finally shook her head. “I knew this would happen. I knew Annie would get hurt.”

  “It was the last thing I wanted.”

  “And yet, it happens again. You leave her. You choose your career over her even after you know how she feels.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “How she feels? How does she feel?”

  Nora let out a harrumph. “Nick, I swear. You are the most clueless man I’ve ever met.”

  “She said she understands how important this job is to me.”

  “Of course she did. Would you expect any different from her?” Nora rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, Nick. Don’t come back to Sweet River Falls again. Ever. You’ve done enough damage for a lifetime.”

  She spun around and headed down the pathway. He slowly climbed into the SUV and put his head on the steering wheel. He’d made a mess of things. He knew he was hurting Annie by leaving. But it was something he had to do. He had to help all those kids. He had to atone for his past mistakes.

  Annie understood that even if Nora didn’t.

  Nick parked in front of Bookish Cafe. He sat there staring at the front window of the shop. A pyramid of books adorned one corner of the front display. A bright open sign hung on the door. In another window hung another sign, the first thing that had attracted him to the shop.

  Best Coffee in Sweet River Falls.

  Annie did have the best coffee in town. Bookish Cafe was welcoming and charming, and he was going to miss popping in here to see Annie. But right now, dread washed over him. He stared at his hands, clutching the steering wheel. He needed to let go of the wheel—it wasn’t going to save him—and get out. He needed to go in and say goodbye to Annie.

  Slowly, he opened the car door and slid out, looking down at his now-worn cowboy boots. They probably wouldn’t see much use at the hospital complex in Houston. He closed the door behind him and resolutely took a step toward the front door.

  The door swung open and Trevor hurried out. “Hey, Dr. Nick.”

  “Hi there, Trevor. Looks like you’re feeling better.”

  “I am. But Mom still doesn’t let me do anything.”

  The door popped open again, and Beth and Connor came out. Beth hurried over to Trevor. “What did I say? I asked you to wait for me.”

  “Sorry, Momma.”

  Beth looked at him. “I heard you’re leaving.”

  He wasn’t sure if he heard recrimination in her voice or she was just stating a fact. “Yes, headed out now.”

  “Well, safe travels.”

  “Thanks.”

  Beth turned away, grabbed Trevor’s hand firmly in hers, and headed down the street with her sons. Nick stared at the door to Bookish Cafe again.

  Enough of this. Just go inside.

  He quickly walked over and entered the shop. Annie looked up from behind the counter as he entered. His heart flipped in his chest. When would he ever see her again? Of course, he could come visit, but that wouldn’t really do either of them any good, would it?

  He forced a smile and crossed over to the counter. “Hey, Annie.”

  She stood quietly and picked up a cloth and started cleaning the countertop. “So, you’re headed out now?” Her head was bowed over her work.

  “Yes. On my way.”

  “Well, have a good trip.”

  “Annie…” He caught her hand and stopped its methodical swiping back and forth on the counter. “I—”

  She looked up at him then, with her blue eyes filled with emotions. He could see regret and pain reflected in their depths. Hi
s heart squeezed in his chest, and he could barely take a breath.

  She finally gave him a small smile. “Goodbye, Nick.”

  The words rang around him, taunting him, echoing in his mind. “Annie…” But what more was there to say?

  He took his hand off of hers. “I’m glad we had this time together. I’m sorry if… if I hurt you again.”

  “I know, Nick. I know.”

  His heart numb with a deep ache, he turned and walked to the door. He paused as he opened the door and turned back for one last look at Annie. She raised her hand in a half-wave. He nodded and slipped out the door. Out to his new life, his new career filled with promise. The job he’d wanted.

  So why did he feel so incredibly empty and alone?

  Annie wondered how long she’d been standing at the window in the loft, watching the river tumble over the rocks as if hoping it would wash all her pain away.

  “I thought I might find you here.” Nora walked up beside her.

  Annie turned to her friend, not even trying to hide the tears that trailed down her cheeks.

  Nora stepped closer and wrapped her in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Annie.”

  Annie let the warm embrace strengthen her. “It’s not like you didn’t warn me.”

  “Well, this is one time I didn’t want to be right.”

  Annie stepped back and swiped at the tears. “I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.”

  “So he came by to say goodbye?”

  “He did. Only stayed a minute or so. I mean, there wasn’t anything left to say at that point.”

  “You should have told him how you feel.”

  “No way I would have stopped him. This job is something he needs to do. I wouldn’t do anything to make him feel guilty. He needs to go do this job. He needs it. In some way it will make his decision to quit his private practice make sense to him. He’ll still be helping the kids. I can’t take that away from him.”