by Anne Choma
A curious by-product of Miss Walker’s illness was the friendship that formed between Anne Lister and Catherine Rawson. Catherine’s poor opinion of Anne had altered significantly on witnessing her tender care of Ann Walker first-hand at Lidgate:
Miss R said she used to think me all that was disagreeable, and how wrong she was. She said what good I had done her, and wept over the injustice she felt she had done me.
2ND FEBRUARY 1833
Catherine had originally perceived Anne to be ‘the most dangerous friend and the worst enemy’ anyone could have, owing to uncharitable society rumours (4TH FEBRUARY 1833).
Anne was intrigued by Catherine’s loan to her of Humphry Davy’s Consolations in Travelling, Or the Last Days of a Philosopher, finding herself perplexed by the scientist’s anti-empirical approach to life. Davy had made landmark discoveries in electro-chemistry. His latest work was, interestingly, ‘More philosophical than thoughtful, more imaginative than demonstrable . . . from the pen of a man who’s mind was led by scientific interest’ (27TH JANUARY 1833).
To Catherine, Anne gifted a bespoke seal. Its motto, ‘faites-bien laissez dieu’, was accompanied with the following words: ‘More than human the teacher makes the devil turn preacher, and good stead of evil fulfil, when in scandal’s despite he bids Catherine do right, let serpent-tribe hiss as it will.’ The motto encouraged Miss Rawson to do good and put her trust in God.
Trusting in Anne too, Catherine was happy to collude with the Scotch Plan. She was asked not to reveal the nature of her cousin’s illness to the wider network of their relatives, should their alarm scupper the effort to remove Ann from Lidgate. A routine of backgammon, garden walks, botany lessons, prayer and night-time vigils continued as the two women prepared for her departure.
In the meantime, Anne had also been consulting with Dr Belcombe. He suggested a complex ‘sleeping draft’:
Take tincture of Henbane – 40 drops, Laudanum – 6 drops, syr. of White Poppies – 1 drachm, Cinnamon or Nutmeg water – 1 ounce. Mix and make a draft to be taken at bedtime. The proportions of these may be increased to 1 drachm of tincture Henbane, and 12 drops of Laudanum.
30TH JANUARY 1833
Miss Walker would have to wait to receive the prescription, for heavy snow had begun to fall at Shibden by the end of January, and when Anne was begged by Ann Walker to go and spend the night with her, Anne was unable to, having been kept indoors by Aunt Anne who had made herself ‘wretched’ thinking about the prospect of her niece attempting the walk up to Lightcliffe (31ST JANUARY 1833).
Ann Walker’s distress at the prospect of a night without Anne was stifling:
‘I will try to get over the night tolerably and pray that the ill I fear may not come upon me but it is very difficult without you. How I long to see you . . . Yours faithfully and affectionately forever.’ Poor soul, she is quite beside herself and I cannot stand all this long.
31ST JANUARY 1833
With the snow falling from four in the afternoon until eleven in the evening, there was no option for Anne to travel to Lidgate. ‘Poor soul,’ she remarked, ‘she is quite beside herself and I cannot stand all this long.’ Recording the temperature in her room as an uninviting 41 degrees Fahrenheit (5 degrees Celsius), she retired to bed.
‘My conviction is unchanged, that no time ought to be lost in placing your sister under the care of a skilful medical man accustomed to the various shades of mental suffering’
A letter from Elizabeth Sutherland, in which Ann’s sister suggested that Anne Lister might accompany Miss Walker to Scotland herself, elicited an indignant response. With a toddler still in recovery from the measles, Mrs Sutherland was worried about her husband’s prolonged absence from home:
‘As for the reduced state in which our own little boy is (not having yet recovered the use of his limbs) he would feel reluctant to be absent for the greater length of time than is absolutely necessary. It would confer a lasting obligation . . .’ Wishes to consult Dr Abercrombie in Edinburgh. No mention or allusion to Dr Belcombe.
1ST FEBRUARY 1833
Anne Lister’s reaction reflected the emotional price she felt she had paid throughout her relationship with Miss Walker, as well as the potential expense of the trip: ‘Pretty journey I should have, and must have been paid for into the bargain. No, no, surely I do not deserve to pay so dearly for my folly’ (1ST FEBRUARY 1833).
Anne made her position clear. She would not be making the arduous 300-mile carriage journey to Edinburgh:
My Dear Mrs Sutherland. I have this moment received your letter. It would have given me great pleasure to have been able to be of the smallest service to you in anyway, and in this particular instance, it would have been the greatest satisfaction to me to have had it in my power to accompany Miss Walker to Edinburgh, but I am really sorry that my leaving home just at present is utterly impossible. Had not the urgency of my various engagements detained me, I should have been already on my way back to the continent.
1ST FEBRUARY 1833
In truth, foreign travel seemed more distant than ever. With her aunt’s health still fragile, Anne could not anticipate leaving Shibden before the summer. A visit to Mariana Lawton in Leamington seemed more likely. ‘I have rather a fancy for going to town with you to have my teeth looked at,’ wrote Mariana, in a note expressing her delight at the ‘cheerful, satisfied way’ Anne had spoken of the future in her latest letter (2ND FEBRUARY 1833). Anne had provided Mariana with a well-curated account of recent events at Shibden (‘fuller than ever of things to do’ – 18TH JANUARY 1833).
Mariana still believed that Anne was holding out for her husband’s death and the opportunity it would afford for them to live together. Reporting that ‘Charles’ constitution stronger than ever, tho’ not his mind, and he is “more likely to live twenty years than two years ago he was to live as many months”,’ Mariana warned Anne against ‘dwelling too intently upon an event which, to me, every year seems less likely to happen’.
In reality, Anne was dwelling upon nothing of the kind. ‘Well, I am reconciled and happy and thankful,’ she wrote, ‘quite assured that providence orders all things wisely’ (2ND FEBRUARY 1833).
A week later, Anne finally received word that Captain Sutherland would arrive at Lidgate with his elderly mother on 16th February. ‘What a God-send to have things settled!’ she wrote on hearing the news. ‘Well, there is at last a prospect of me being free of all this once again’ (9TH FEBRUARY 1833).
Meanwhile, Ann Walker suggested that they burn the souvenir of their short engagement, the purse with the ‘yes’ note in it:
Then above half an hour in Miss W’s room, hesitating whether to burn the purse or not – she, not liking to see me do it. At last, threw it into her fire, purse and ‘yes’ in it. I, glad enough to get rid of anything like a tie. She seemed after all very composed after it, and went quietly back to my room.
9TH FEBRUARY 1833
The next morning, Anne, Ann and Catherine conducted their own version of the Sunday service from home. Anne had deliberately kept Miss Walker away from church:
Stayed to keep her from going to church, both morning and afternoon. She very low all the day . . . Prayers in the afternoon as in the morning. Should have returned home to dine but too rainy and windy and stormy. Dinner before 6 and tea immediately afterwards. All doing a little botany. Miss W much better this evening. Miss Rawson’s and my philosophical conversations on religion had done her good. Miss Rawson and I agreed we doubted the doctrine of everlasting torment in hell-fire.
10TH FEBRUARY 1833
The following day, Catherine Rawson left Lidgate. In a mark of their new intimacy, Anne promised to consult Dr Belcombe about Catherine’s menstrual ‘complaint’, the ‘three-year stoppage of her cousin’ (11TH FEBRUARY 1833). The intense environment at Lidgate had acted as a remarkable social lubricant for the two w
omen over the past few weeks.
On 16th February, with the snow having all but disappeared, Captain George Mackay Sutherland and his mother finally arrived at Lidgate. Captain Sutherland (‘good looking, very good Scotch countenance’) and his mother (‘must have been rather handsome – looks perhaps 60, stout and well’) were greeted with tea and a thorough appraisal from Anne: ‘Good people, but almost vulgar-ish’.
As soon as Mrs Sutherland had retired to her room, Anne cut to the chase about Miss Walker and her illness:
Some talking with Captain Sutherland. Said thought the complaint chiefly on Miss W’s mind, but she was perfectly herself on all subjects but that of religious despondency . . . She would require very good management. Required a physician accustomed to mental suffering. Mrs Sutherland said Dr MacDonald recommended Dr Hamilton of Edinburgh – at about 70 – but still lecturing there and in great practice. Quite a lady’s physician. I agreed to this.
16TH FEBRUARY 1833
Anne found Captain Sutherland’s other topics of conversation less scintillating. Her commentary of the following day was particularly scathing:
I had been very sorry for myself in such company. Mrs Sutherland vulgar, which would have been sooner and more easily perceived, had she been less quiet. She had dirty nails. Captain Sutherland good-hearted and well enough, but evidently not a high-bred highlander.
17TH FEBRUARY 1833
She felt sorry for Miss Walker. ‘Poor girl, what a set she is getting amongst,’ she wrote.
‘“Heaven be praised!” said I to myself as I walked homewards, that they are off, and that I have got rid of her, and am once more free’
Anne recorded Ann Walker’s last night at Lidgate in detail:
Grubbled her last night, she on the amoroso, and wanted to be near to me – that is, have my drawers off. But I thought it better not. She would sleep in my arms, and snored so shockingly I could scarce bear it. Gooded myself with the thought of its being the last night. She seemed as if she was going to leave all she liked best, and could scarce have enough of me. Poor girl, she could hardly leave me in the morning, and this made us so late. She was a little on the amoroso again; I touched and handled and grubbled a little, but would not do much.
18TH FEBRUARY 1833
Without the promise of a future together, Anne was unwilling to give herself fully to Miss Walker.
The day of departure continued with a round of farewells. With Ann Walker and Captain Sutherland at Cliff Hill, Anne Lister was left alone with elderly Mrs Sutherland. Their conversation was illuminating. Mrs Sutherland was very keen to hear if Ann Walker ever mentioned Alexander Mackenzie, Mrs Sutherland’s penniless nephew with a benign baronetcy, who had once offered his hand in marriage. ‘No,’ said Anne, ‘I knew she did not like him . . . he must have mistaken her civility for something else – she was always civil’ (18TH FEBRUARY 1833).
Mrs Sutherland brazenly admitted that Alexander Mackenzie had large debts to clear as well as ‘his mother and her family to keep’. In fact, Sir Alexander would not have been a good catch at all for Ann Walker. He had a chequered army history. In 1830 he had asked for, and had been granted, special leave from the East India Company to ‘settle’ his public accounts. In 1832 he had been court martialled on a charge of disgraceful and insulting conduct towards his commanding officer, for the use of gross and indecent language. He had nothing to offer Ann Walker, but the family knew she had everything to offer him. The day before Mrs Sutherland had likened Miss Walker to a kind of valuable commodity, ‘Miss Walker had £1500 a year,’ she said, ‘Now she rated her £2000.’
‘I thought Miss Walker would not marry to pay anyone’s debts, nor ought she,’ Anne replied protectively. ‘Surely Captain Sutherland would take care that proper settlements [arrangements] were made?’ – meaning for Miss Walker not to be taken advantage of by anyone. It was a response that Mrs Sutherland was not expecting. ‘Poor girl,’ said Anne, thinking of her friend’s vulnerability, ‘they want her for some of their kin, if they can get her’ (18TH FEBRUARY 1833).
Mrs Sutherland’s scheme to marry Ann Walker to her penniless nephew was a stark reminder of the way Ann was viewed by her family. Rich and marriageable, she was indeed the valuable commodity who might be used to further the financial interest of her kin. It was a situation that inspired sympathy in Anne Lister, who made no link between Alexander Mackenzie’s mercenary motivations and the appraisals she had made of Miss Walker’s wealth in the past. For Anne, Ann Walker’s money was a useful resource, but one that might only be tapped after a mutual and meaningful romantic pledge. It was also important to her that she was able to bring her own, albeit far smaller, fortune to the partnership.
As the time of her departure drew nearer, Miss Walker was increasingly despondent. ‘Very low at going,’ wrote Anne. ‘Said she would rather go with me.’ Countering Ann Walker’s anticipation that she would be miserable in Scotland – ‘as she was before – felt as if she should never come back’ – Anne’s attempts to humour her inspired a little hope: ‘Smiled and rallied when I joked her about running after me. She seemed quietly bent on being back before June, when she thinks I am to be off.’ Ann gave Anne a bronze taper stick she had long coveted as a memento of their relationship.
As the carriage was prepared, Anne had a message for Ann Walker’s sister:
Sent my kind regards to Mrs [Elizabeth] Sutherland, and begged her to tell me how Miss Walker was on her arrival at Inverness, as I thought it better not to write to Miss Walker, as it would only be a harass to her.
18TH FEBRUARY 1833
Anne’s resolve not to communicate directly with Miss Walker during her recovery in Scotland was a deliberate attempt to open an emotional space between them. The withdrawal of her friendly support may have appeared unusual to someone ignorant of the nature of their relationship. Indeed, as Anne noted, ‘the Captain looked, said nothing, but seemed surprised’.
Just after one o’clock in the afternoon, the carriage left Lidgate. For Anne, sadness at Ann Walker’s departure was diluted by a huge deal of relief. The last few months had been draining. She had supported Ann through illness and personal trauma, balancing the duty she felt towards her with her own desire for freedom. She had courted dangerous attention, all the while questioning Ann’s experience and motives, and attempting to reconcile her own conflicted feelings for the woman whose vacillations frustrated and ‘unhinged’ her in equal measure. All told, she felt she had made a narrow escape.
‘For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep them in all thy ways’
That afternoon, Anne set about tying up a number of loose ends on Miss Walker’s behalf. There was a sovereign to be given to Mrs Armitage of the missionary society, and a message for Samuel Washington ‘to pay for two children at a little school’. For Mrs Sutherland, she posted two letters, bound to make their way from Halifax to the West Indies. She enjoyed the opportunity to re-establish her routine of home improvements and reading:
From 2.35 all the afternoon with Charles and James Howarth in the library fitting the wainscot doors to the two larger book cupboards taken down, till dinner at 6¼. Afterwards, read the first 62 pages of Latrobe’s ‘Alpenstock or Travels on Foot in Switzerland’.
18TH FEBRUARY 1833
Before the day was out there came a hint that Ann Walker would not be so easily erased from Anne’s life. Leafing through the bible Ann had gifted her for the promotion of her ‘Christian knowledge’, Anne noticed an inscription on the flyleaf: ‘18th February 1833, psalm 91.11’, and, at the back, ‘AW to AL’. Anne turned to the reference and was touched by the words she found: ‘For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep them in all thy ways’.
With sadness, Anne reflected on how different things could have been if Miss Walker had only had the courage to love and be loved. ‘Poor girl, what a pity,’ she wrote. ‘What a pity she has
not more mind to be happy herself, and make others so.’
It would be ten months before the women would see each other again.
‘Miss Hobart, nor Miss Walker, nor M, were for me. I must wait and see what heaven vouchsafes’
Over the years, Anne frequently commented that her embroilment in estate affairs stunted her travel ambitions. ‘I should have been half the world over by this time, but for the foolish potherations I have let myself be drawn in to,’ she would write later. Now, in addition to her concern for her aunt, a series of domestic issues conspired to keep her at Shibden throughout the spring of 1833.
The ‘potherations’ of March included interactions with Halifax’s over-inquisitive postmistress Tabitha Bagnold, the close supervision of Charles Howarth as he carried out her commission of a bespoke walking-stick barometer, and pressing John Oates to complete the blow-pipe she had ordered from him six months ago. At Shibden, she placed Rachel Hemingway under surveillance when a book went missing. ‘Does our reading housemaid Rachel ever meddle with my book?’ she wondered. ‘I have caught her going out quickly in the evening, not seeing her so as to be quite certain’ (28TH MARCH 1833).
At the same time, travel arrangements must be made. Sending five pounds to Eugenie Pierre in Brighton for temporary board and lodgings, Anne enclosed a warning to her new lady’s maid ‘to be in readiness to be off in a few hours’ notice’. In an attempt to save money, Anne wrote to the French customs office at Calais informing them she would be using the same carriage as she had on a previous trip, and therefore ‘wished to avoid paying duty for a second time’ (4TH MARCH 1833). Expenses were adding up in a worrying way:
