by Anne Choma
Making a calculation of what I have to pay and what to receive from this to next rent day . . . To pay everything, I shall want eleven hundred pounds and cannot make up more than seven.
5TH MARCH 1833
Before she was to leave England, Anne also needed to finance her business concerns. Her request for a £2,000 letter of credit from Rawson’s Bank resulted in a rare instance of bonding with Marian, who was misinformed by Christopher Rawson – presumably with malign intentions – that her sister had taken out the loan against the deeds to Shibden. Marian was upset. Anne was furious:
I said I had never offered any such thing. Explained, then got my business letter book, and read her the copies of the two letters, one to Mr Briggs [her late land steward] and one to Mr Rawson I had written on the subject. Marian struck at the unfairness of Mr R’s conduct – thought it was a fetch to get to know how Shibden was left . . . She owned, she thought, that if anything happened to his wife, he would be very glad to take her, if by so doing he could get Shibden.
5TH MARCH 1833
On 22nd April, Anne invited Christopher Rawson to Shibden to confront him over his ‘unhandsome’ behaviour towards Marian:
At 11½ Mr Rawson – stayed an hour. Began with the letter of credit, mentioned his mention of the thing to my sister, how much she had been uneasy and alarmed about it, wondering about the Shibden papers being offered on security, and how much I had been annoyed on hearing of this. He said, he had only joked about whether I was going to be married – all joke and, ‘she was a great thickhead – he did not think she could have been such a thickhead’, and he would tell her about it.
I quietly said it was not always easy to calculate people’s wit or the contrary, but it was always better not to joke on such subjects. I mentioned what I thought proper, and no one liked to hear of their affairs mentioned by their banker. Settled that he would give me another letter of credit (£2000 as before) – whenever I wanted it.
22ND APRIL 1833
Anne’s defence of her sister was spirited but short lived. On 2nd June, they fell back into their usual arguments. This time, Marian had angered Anne, understandably, by implying (somewhat ludicrously) that she shouldn’t necessarily be allowed to attend their father’s funeral, when the time came:
She [Marian] has changed her mind it seems, and now says not only that I may come, if I like, to my father’s funeral, should anything happen to him, but she would even rather I was here on that occasion. For all her fear was of my interfering in her affairs, and now she knows I should not do that (which, by the way, she owns I always promised her). She was satisfied.
Anne’s commission of a painting of the Shibden Dale for Marian suggests that the women were on better terms by the advent of summer. The pedigree of the local artist John Horner appealed to her aristocratic sensibilities:
Horner came at 4. Paid him for the pictures. Agrees that the painted rounding off of the pictures of my 3rd great uncle does not look well, but it was the fashion of the day. Thinks they were probably painted by [Thomas] Hudson [1709–1779], the master of Sir Godfrey Kneller – Sir Godfrey Kneller who found fault with Joshua Reynolds when he first returned from Italy . . . Saw his, and praised his sketch of Shibden Dale for Marian – to be, or rather not to, exceed 20 guineas. Subscribed (desired my name to be put down), to his views [of Halifax] about to be published. Asked to send Binns up tomorrow to paint my aunt’s likeness in oils.
6TH JUNE 1833
The paintings commissioned by Anne in the summer of 1833 still hang at Shibden Hall. ‘Marian’s View’ of the Dale can be seen over the oak stairwell, and Aunt Anne’s portrait (‘promises to be a very good likeness’ she had said on 8th June), is a feature of the central housebody, next to Anne’s own portrait and that of her uncle, James.
The first news of Miss Walker had arrived from Scotland on 2nd March. Captain Sutherland cheerily detailed that she had ‘declined having medical advice . . . wanted nothing but air and exercise – travelled from Dunkeld to Inverness on the 26th and she suffered no inconvenience.’ Anne, who may have been expecting to hear about an arduous journey, dismissed it sarcastically, privately exclaiming ‘So much for nervousness!’ Her journal entry continued acerbically:
Will she continue better? Or will she tire of Scotland and want to be back again? I shall be off as soon as I can. I do not want to be in her way soon again. I have had enough of it, and tis likely enough she means me not to escape without her. Though who knows, an amoroso fit may come on and she may marry and very luckily think no more of me.
2ND MARCH 1833
Ann Walker appeared keener to bridge the geographical and emotional distance between them. On 13th March, a conspicuously large box arrived at Shibden Hall. At first, Anne assumed it to be the willow cuttings she was expecting from her memorably named Scottish friend Breadalbane McLean.
A conversation with Samuel Washington exposed the true identity of the sender:
Washington asked if I had heard from Miss Walker as the box was from her. Said no! I expected nothing from her, had heard nothing of it. Expected a box from another friend in the Highlands. Washington surprised but persisted in it. It was the box sent to him with orders for him to send here in his cart.
Anne instructed Charles Howarth, who was working in the library passage, to open the box. It contained a round rosewood table. Inside, there was a note addressed to Aunt Anne and dated Edinburgh, 25th February 1833:
Miss Walker hopes Miss Lister will do her the favour to accept the small table which she trusts may prove a useful appendage to her work. Miss Walker begs to present her very kind regards to all the family at Shibden Hall.
Aunt Anne understood well enough that the piece of furniture was meant not for the family, but for a specific Lister. As she speculated on Miss Walker’s motive, Anne commented:
My aunt thinks Miss Walker means not to let me escape her. This, I owned, would be the natural interpretation of the table, if sent by a person knowing the world, but for Miss Walker, I know not what to make of it. She may mean it as a sort of acknowledgement of all my attention and kindness.
The following afternoon, Anne trudged through the snow that had returned to pay a polite call on Ann Walker’s aunt. Their conversation was marked by the sad news that one of Miss Walker’s tenants, William Hutchinson, had hanged himself following the breakdown of his second marriage. A lighter dispatch arrived from Mrs Norcliffe, who parted with gossip and an invitation to Langton Hall: – ‘Mr Duffin an invalid – Mrs Belcombe senior better – Burnett does not know of a place likely to suit Martha but will think of her . . .’ She bade Anne ‘write to me soon, but come where you will be welcome’ (14TH MARCH 1833).
That evening, Anne prepared to break her self-imposed ban and drafted a letter to Ann Walker. Her language was high-flown. ‘Feeling may be quick without being transient,’ she wrote, ‘and that which has lasted a dozen years, is neither the empty bubble of a moment, nor the vain imagining of an idle dream.’
The next day, Anne had second thoughts. Loathe to give Ann Walker false hope via what she now conceded to be her romantic tone, she was also aware that Ann’s sister and her brother-in-law may have access to her correspondence. ‘Corrected my letter to Miss Walker leaving out the sentence vid. last 3 or 4 lines of yesterday,’ she wrote. The resulting letter was ‘kind, but perfectly judicious and proper’. Miss Walker, said Anne, ‘May do what she likes with it’ (15TH MARCH 1833).
Miss Walker appeared to have been thrilled by the edited letter, which ‘seemed like a sunbeam and raised a hope of her getting better’ on its arrival. However, a week later, her reply indicated that ‘this hope seemed to have subsided’. Miss Walker – true to form – was doleful, sad and repentant, determined to remember what Anne Lister had said to her before she had left, that she must think of her in her hour of need:
Any prog
ress that I make one day I lose the next, and my fears accumulate upon me. I fervently trust change of scene will be more beneficial to you, and that all the unhappiness I have caused you will eventually be productive of good instead of evil . . . whatever I do it brings me no peace. I feel inexpressibly your desire to remember you in case of need. I cannot forget you, nor can a few weeks or months obliterate remembrance of the past. With every feeling that friendship can offer to yourself, believe me, yours faithfully and affectionately Ann Walker.
30TH MARCH 1833
‘Whatever you ask me to do, I consider as an especial favour conferred on myself,’ Ann had written, promising to knit Anne a pair of woollen kneecaps, and Anne was pleased to hear that she had resumed her ‘botanical drawings in pencil’. On balance, however, the letter was not encouraging. ‘Miserable’, Anne judged it. ‘She is as bad as ever. What shall I do? Write again or let it drop and leave her to her fate? I must think of it. I really feel for and pity her. But what could I do with her?’ (30TH MARCH 1833).
Anne’s tendency towards introspection had also been triggered by a dispatch from Vere. Lady Cameron had been effusive on the subject of her recent Italian tour, and of reminder a day in the past significant to both Anne and Vere:
Left Naples at 3pm on Wednesday the 6th and anchored off the harbour at Leghorn at 6am Friday the 8th inst by the Francesco Primo – very good vessel . . . Did not attempt Vesuvius – Donald been up before! Saw Pompeii . . . We are going off to Pisa where the Ussero is said to be the best hotel in Italy, kept by two cidevant courtiers . . . Think of leaving Florence the 18th, which will bring us to Nice by Lucca and Genoa 30th, and I suppose at Paris by the 15th April. Do you recollect anything of consequence on that day?’
26TH MARCH 1833
The date alluded to was the day when Captain Cameron had offered Vere his hand in marriage. Having been drawn back to her own diaries to recall the event, Anne was cast back to a time of heartbreak that she had taken pains to bury:
Casually recollecting Vere’s inquiry if I recollected anything particular on the 15th April. Turned to my travelling journal of 1829. Left London Saturday 18th April that year with V. Then, turned to the 15th April last year. The day Captain Cameron made his offer. I had quite forgotten it was that day. A tear started as I read of my then misery, but it was soon dried. I am more than reconciled, and have been for long. Some difference between her and Miss Walker. I hope to be off both?
30TH MARCH 1833
It was a month before Anne replied. She was careful not to reveal the full impact of Vere’s remembrance:
My dearest V, I see, to my great surprise, it is near a month since I received your most astonishingly agreeable letter . . . Yes! I do recollect something of consequence that happened on the 15th of this month last year, and thought of it on the morning and the evening of that day. Perhaps it is one of those circumstances I am least likely to forget. It can never be indifferent to me, unless (which seems to me as impossible as at this moment as it did 12 months ago), your happiness can cease to be one of the most earnest desires and interests of which I am capable . . . The name of Cameron has lost all disagreeable association . . . God bless you my dearest Vere, my love to yourself and Donald and believe me always affectionately yours, Anne Lister.
21ST APRIL 1833
‘Providence orders all things rightly,’ she had reminded herself. She cemented the feelings of acceptance and resolution about other former flames too: ‘Miss Hobart, nor Miss Walker, nor M, were for me. I must wait and see what heaven vouchsafes’ (30TH MARCH 1833).
As her forty-second birthday arrived, Anne remained sanguine. ‘I am more single than ever, un-companioned and alone,’ she admitted, ‘Yet still, I feel happier than this time last year.’ She spent the next twelve hours dusting her books and placing them onto the shelves of her newly constructed library passage.
‘I have more enjoyment, am in stronger health and vigour of mind,’ she wrote, and ‘Again and again, God be thanked’ (3RD APRIL 1833).
CHAPTER 10
Halifax, London, Paris and Beyond
‘Soon I took my leave, merely saying good morning, not contradicting the thought of my being back for a little while before winter’
Anne Lister had left her home county for the first time at the age of fifteen. On 25th August 1806 she recorded the excursion with excitement in her diary: ‘Rode with Mr Mitchell to Bacup – the first time I was out of Yorkshire’. Though the journey she made into Lancashire that day was of only a few miles, the thrill of experiencing somewhere new had made its impression.
As Anne grew, so did her ambition to travel. Her dream destinations became further flung and more exotic. It did not satisfy her to leave England for a week or two; throughout her adult life she spent months at a time away from home, including periods of residence in Paris.
Having also explored Italy, Belgium, Holland and Switzerland, in the summer of 1833 Scandinavia and the Baltics were in Anne’s sights. After months of indecision, she finally ‘determined to go north’ on 17th July that year, resolving to end her journey in Denmark. The protracted episode with Miss Walker had of course delayed Anne from travelling earlier, and Aunt Anne’s prolonged bout of ill-health had also kept her longer at Shibden than she had intended.
In an age of carriages and steamers, foreign travel was no small undertaking. Routes had to be painstakingly planned. Anne had mapped out a constellation of stops even before she had settled upon Copenhagen as her final destination. After York, she decided, would come Leamington, and then London. From the south coast she would cross the water and begin her travels through the continent.
On 16th June 1833, Anne left Shibden. Her farewell to Aunt Anne and Marian was brisk: ‘soon I took my leave, merely saying good morning, not contradicting the thought of my being back for a little while before winter’. Arriving in York after a journey of nearly five hours, she was irritated to find that neither Thomas Beech nor Eugenie Pierre, the servants who were to make up her much-anticipated travelling entourage, were at the Black Swan as arranged:
Reached the Black Swan, York at 5¾. Thomas not there, potheration. Met him in Blake Street coming for me. Annoyed, but he excused himself so tolerably about the mistake of his that I hoped it would be the last time and said no more.
No Eugenie at home. Had to send for and wait for her 1/2 an hour. Annoyed again, begged it might happen no more and she looked pale and was so sorry. I said I hoped it would be for the last time.
16TH JUNE 1833
It was a poor first impression, and indeed there were bumps in the road ahead for Anne’s relationship with her lady’s maid in particular.
The diary accounts of the two trips Anne had made to York the previous month displayed a growing dissatisfaction with what she judged to be a distinctly provincial place and people. She craved the society of her upper-class London set. Her restlessness was manifest in a snobbish evaluation of the East Yorkshire side of her family, the Inmans, about whom she had spoken to Mrs Henry Belcombe:
Mercy, thought I to myself, all this would never suit me, the place of one’s youth may not be that of one’s age and York will never do for me. I had spoken to Mrs HSB yesterday about the Inmans, of the relationship, but that I really did not mean to begin the acquaintance. My uncle had not wished it, and my sister went to them and I should keep aloof. She thought me right. All this and scandal and vulgar finery of some and misconduct of others would soon disgust me. The fine ones are the best, but I should soon be sick of them all.
30TH MAY 1833
In spite of this, Anne seemed keen enough to pay calls on her York friends on 17th and 18th June. After visits to the Cromptons and Duffins, she met Harriet Milne, the sister of Mariana, with whom she enjoyed a long-standing flirtation. While she couldn’t resist paying court to Harriet, it seemed that, by forty-two, Anne was wary of taking things too far:
; Latterly rather flirting but not much . . . Gave her the carbuncle ring while in the fly, obscurely or round aboutly explained that that stone was the emblem of long and deep feeling, alias passion. She said she was glad of it. Kissed her rather lovingly but not much. Might go as far as I liked but too cautious nowadays.
17TH JUNE 1833
The same day, Anne and Harriet visited another of Anne’s former lovers. In fact, Eliza Raine had been Anne’s first. The two had formed an intense bond as teenagers when they studied together and shared an attic bedroom at the Manor School in York, where Anne had been sent as a fourteen-year-old in 1805. Though the romantic relationship had broken down by adulthood, and Eliza’s mental health had suffered a sharp decline, Anne maintained contact with her for the rest of her life. By 1833, Eliza had been living in a mental institution for almost twenty years.
Went for Mrs Milne, who accompanied me to Mrs Barker’s to see poor Eliza Raine. Mrs M sat in another room while I was 10 minutes with Eliza. Her gown made straint, waistcoat-wise. Kept her eyes shut and would not speak, becoming cross so I came away. Thought her thinner in the face than when I saw her last. She is often cross and riotous – curses and swears and makes herself ill . . . and keeps the people awake all night.
17TH JUNE 1833
‘I can amuse without entangling myself’
On 19th June, Anne travelled on to Leamington to collect Mariana, who was to be her companion on the trip at least as far as London. In spite of Anne’s frequent claims that Mariana meant very little to her, her recounting of the recent flirtation with Harriet Milne was transparently intended to make Mariana jealous. Mariana’s lack-lustre reaction to the news shocked and upset Anne: ‘From the manner in which M took it, could not think she cared much. I was really affected. In tears’ (20TH JUNE 1833). She had not got the desired reaction she was expecting.
