Accidental Reunion

by Carol Marinelli

  *

  She was still too upset and reeling from the morning’s events to be embarrassed at being back at Declan’s.

  Well, almost.

  ‘Have you had breakfast?’ he asked, pulling open the fridge as she stood there somewhat lost in the middle of the kitchen.

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘Good. There’s not exactly a lot of choice.’ He held up half a black avocado and a lettuce that had seen better days. ‘Unfortunately Yvonne’s a worse shopper than me. There’s eggs!’ he added with a triumphant note.

  Lila made her way over and, standing beside him, peered into the bare fridge. Yvonne’s timely entrance into the conversation hadn’t gone unnoticed and she struggled to keep her voice light. ‘Eggs that expired a week ago. You haven’t changed that much! Look, why don’t you go and grab a shower? I’ll see what I can rustle up.’

  Declan grinned. ‘So you can accuse me of being chauvinist? You’re my guest, Lila, I should be cooking for you.’

  ‘I’d hardly call buttering some toast cooking. Go on.’

  Hearing the water from his shower running a few minutes later, Lila put the kettle on. She still couldn’t quite believe she was here, that the image she had dared to dream about this morning as she’d been in ICU was actually happening.

  ‘Dream on,’ she muttered, salvaging some rather stale-looking bread from the cupboard.

  But she couldn’t help it if her mind wandered when Declan appeared again, his shoulders still wet from the shower, a pair of boxer shorts the only piece of clothing covering his gorgeous body. His hair was black and curly and she could smell the soap and deodorant and the tang of aftershave. He seemed fresh, exuberant, not someone who’d been awake for the last twenty-four hours.

  His appetite hadn’t diminished over the years either and the toaster was kept busy for a while as he ravished the best part of the loaf. Lila nibbled on hers just for the sake of it. The vision of her mother falling to the floor still too recent for her to have any appetite.

  ‘How are you doing?’ he asked finally when it was obvious Lila wasn’t going to be making any small talk.

  ‘Not the best. I think I should maybe head back to the hospital. I’m never going to sleep.’

  ‘Even if you just stretch out for a while and relax, it will do you some good. I was on with you last night, remember, Lila. I know how exhausted you must be.’

  When she didn’t answer he lowered himself from the bar stool and came over. ‘Lila, don’t beat yourself up, it wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘Of course it was my fault,’ she snapped. ‘I was the one who dropped her, Declan. If Mum dies from this—’

  ‘Stop right there.’ His voice was firm but Lila ignored him.

  ‘Why? Are you going to try and tell me that there’s no chance of that happening? That she’s not going to die?’

  ‘You know I can’t do that. But, Lila, what I can tell you is that your mother is frail and her bones are fragile and what happened this morning was a simple accident—with tragic consequences, yes, but an accident all the same. You have nothing to feel guilty about, you’ve done everything humanly possible for your mother.’

  But she steadfastly refused to be comforted. The one time she had let her mind wander, allowed herself a glimpse of a life without nursing her mother, this had happened.

  ‘Come on, you.’ Helping her off the bar stool, Declan led her up the stairs and into his bedroom. Gently laying her on the bed, he pulled the curtains on the hot midday sun.

  Pickling up the alarm clock from the bedside, he gave her a lazy smile. ‘I’ll come and wake you around seven. You try and rest, you look completely done in.’

  ‘Where will you sleep?’ Lila flushed, glad of the darkened room. She hadn’t been fishing yet still she held her breath as she awaited his answer. But Declan wasn’t giving anything away.

  ‘Don’t worry about me, Lila. You try and get some rest.’

  His hand running down her cheek felt so intrinsically right, almost an extension of herself, that it took a moment to register it was even there.

  ‘You poor thing,’ he said softly.

  His sudden tenderness, the empathy in his words struck at the very core of her. Catching his hand, she held it to her cheek for a moment as if somehow his strength might seep into her.

  ‘Declan?’

  He didn’t answer, just stood there and stared down at her, his face unreadable in the dark shadows.

  ‘I know that we’re just friends, I know it’s over between us, but…’ She swallowed nervously, unsure of what she was saying, her words utterly unrehearsed, her feelings at this moment unprecedented. All she knew for sure was being alone right now was the last thing she wanted.

  And Declan, however unattainable, however out of her life, was the one person who might be able to give her the peace she craved. ‘Can you lie here with me, just for old times’ sake? I don’t want to be alone right now.’

  He didn’t say anything for an age, just stood there in the darkness, his breathing heavy, his hand still resting on her cheek.

  ‘Sure.’

  She felt the mattress move as he lay beside her, felt the warmth that radiated from him. They lay rigidly apart, Declan’s hands tucked behind his head as he gazed at the ceiling.

  It had been a stupid idea, Lila realised all too quickly. She had been a fool to suggest it. Declan obviously didn’t want to be here and she had forced him into it. He felt as awkward as hell, and so did she.

  But just as Lila thought she would die with shame she felt the tension suddenly seep out of him.

  ‘Come here.’ His voice was thick, soft and she felt his arm reach out to her, pulling her into his embrace.

  With her head on his chest and his arm tightly around her, she lay there, breathing him in, his free hand stroking her thick blonde hair.

  And slowly her awkwardness diminished, the horror of the day receded and in Declan’s arms she drifted into the sweetest, deepest sleep.

  Only when dusk crept in, when the hum of the rush-hour traffic died down and the shadows around the curtains were replaced by darkness did she wake up.

  Stirring gently, the drama of what had happened filtered in, overwhelming her in an instant. But nothing, not even her mother’s fall, prepared her for the loss she felt when she reached out and felt an empty space. Declan’s side of the bed was cold and the alarm clock was gone.

  Hearing the whirring of the automatic garage door opening, Lila lay there, frozen. Yvonne was home.

  Was that the reason for his defection? Declan didn’t want to answer to his new girlfriend!

  Her ears on elastic, she lay there in the darkness, listening to the key turn in the door, willing Declan to speak, but the silence of the house only grew louder. She heard Yvonne’s footsteps on the stairs, the echo of her heels on the floorboards, the creaking of the next door as Yvonne entered her bedroom. Pulling the duvet over her head in an effort to block out the image that had suddenly invaded her mind, Lila lay there praying for a reprieve, praying she’d somehow read it all wrong.

  But when she heard their muffled voices, heard Declan stretch and yawn, it was as if a knife had been plunged straight into her heart.

  ‘Poor Lila,’ he had said. Poor Lila all right, poor desperate Lila, desperate for any crumbs of comfort he offered. Living in the past, unable to move on.

  It took every ounce of effort she possessed not to go get dressed and run out of the house there and then, and even more to smile brightly when Declan walked into the bedroom an hour later and placed a steaming mug on the bedside table beside her.

  Rubbing feigned sleep from her eyes, Lila yawned widely.

  ‘How long have you been up?’ she asked innocently.

  ‘Only just.’

  Taking a sip, she lifted her eyes to his face. ‘Really? I didn’t hear you move.’

  ‘You were sound asleep,’ he lied so easily. ‘I thought I’d let you sleep for a bit longer.’

  Her only cons
olation was that his eyes didn’t quite meet hers.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘SIT down, Lila, for heaven’s sake. You’re making me nervous.’ Shirley patted the chair beside her. ‘The theatre nurse said it would be at least another hour before we heard anything.’

  ‘Do you want a coffee?’ Lila swung round, completely oblivious to the words her aunt had just spoken.

  ‘No, Lila,’ Shirley replied patiently. ‘I want you to sit down. Come on, darling, tell me about Declan. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me he was back on the scene.’

  ‘He isn’t,’ Lila said grimly. ‘We just happen to work together.’

  ‘So what was it like, seeing him again after all these years?’

  The incessant pacing starting again. ‘This is hardly the place for a cosy girls’ talk.’

  Shirley, completely unperturbed by her niece’s sharp words, rummaged in her bag and produced a bar of chocolate. ‘I’d say it’s exactly the place. What’s wrong with a touch of reminiscing to take your mind of what’s going on in there?’ Shirley gestured to the bland beige swing doors with STAFF ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT emblazoned across them. ‘Your mum would have loved to catch up with Declan again, she thought the world of him. It seems fitting somehow that he’s the doctor treating her.’

  Lila had had her doubts in the past about the planet that Shirley inhabited, but now her suspicions were confirmed—Shirley really did dance to a different drum!

  Swinging round, she gave her aunt an incredulous look. ‘She hated Declan, didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him—and those were Mum’s words, not mine.’

  Shirley broke the bar and handed Lila half. ‘Rubbish, that was just her illness talking. Most of the time she adored him.’

  With painstaking slowness she peeled the silver foil back from her half of the chocolate. Carefully breaking a piece off, she popped it into her mouth. Only when Shirley finally looked up did she register the look of utter confusion on Lila’s face.

  ‘Your mother adored him,’ she said. ‘Remember our wedding anniversary, that turkey dance Declan did…?’

  ‘Chicken dance, but—’

  ‘That’s the one, and then the hokey-cokey. I’ve never seen your mum laugh so much.’

  ‘She said he was a no-good student, good for nothing…’ Lila argued.

  ‘But he stood up to her. ‘‘Ah, but one day this good-for-nothing student will be a doctor, Elizabeth, and won’t you be proud of your daughter then, married to…’’’ her voice trailed off as she saw the tears streaming down Lila’s cheeks.

  ‘It was her illness, pet, that made her say those things. She didn’t even trust my Ted, said he was just like your dad. My Ted, for heaven’s sake. He’s the most decent man I’ve ever met and I’m not saying that just because he’s my husband. She even accused the vicar of pilfering the collection tray at one point.’ Shirley put out her hand, pulling Lila to the seat beside her. ‘Oh, sweetie, she loved him, we all did. We were devastated when you broke up. I know we all said you were better of without him and all that, but that was just what family say—that was just us sticking up for you.’

  No respecter of a crisis, Shirley popped the last of the chocolate into her mouth then nearly choked as the realisation dawned.

  ‘You didn’t finish with him because of what your mum said?’

  ‘No,’ Lila answered defiantly, but her voice broke as the word tumbled out. ‘Well, partly. He laughed at me, Shirley, he laughed when I said I was going to do nursing. He should have been—’

  ‘We all laughed, Lila,’ Shirley said gently. ‘We all laughed at the thought. Heavens above, you fainted at a gory movie. None of us ever thought for a moment you’d do it.’

  ‘But I did.’

  ‘Yes, pet, you did, you proved us all wrong. Is there any chance of you two making it up after all this time?’

  Lila sniffed, accepting the handkerchief her aunt offered.

  ‘I thought there might be when he first came back, but I messed everything up—again,’ she added, blowing her nose loudly. ‘I thought he was living with another woman. It turned out he wasn’t, they were just house-sharing, and anyway it just seemed so impossible, with Mum being sick and everything.’

  ‘But nothing’s impossible. If you love each other you can work anything out.’

  ‘A nice theory.’ Lila shook her head. ‘I treated him terribly, and now he’s decided to move on once and for all. I can’t say I blame him. He told me he was going to ask Yvonne, that’s the woman I was worried about, out for a drink.’

  ‘A drink?’ Shirley scoffed. ‘That’s hardly a marriage proposal. You can deal with that!’

  ‘That was a while ago,’ Lila said sadly. ‘It would seem things have moved pretty quickly since then. They’re sleeping together.’

  Her aunt’s arms wrapped around Lila’s heaving shoulders. ‘What a mess, what a sorry mess.’

  Lila managed a wry grin through her tears. ‘I think at this point you’re supposed to be saying it was all for the best, that I’m better of without him anyway.’

  Shirley didn’t answer for a while. The ticking of the clock seemed to suddenly grow louder and when finally Shirley did speak, her voice was heavy, full of weary insight. ‘But you’re not, Lila, are you? You’re not better off without him.’

  *

  The operation went well, at least that’s what the surgeon said, but seeing her mother so pale and fragile back on the ward Lila had never felt more scared or alone.

  ‘How’s she doing?’

  Declan’s voice was a hoarse whisper so as not to wake the other patients. She felt his hot, dry hand over hers on the starched linen sheets and immediately withdrew hers.

  ‘Apparently it went well.’ She hadn’t intended to move her hand so pointedly but the conversation with Shirley was still ringing in her ears and Lila felt as if her soul were exposed to the world. That any touch, however fleeting, however well meaning, might somehow transfer the true depth of her feelings.

  He stood there awkwardly. Her blatant rebuff hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  ‘Yvonne’s going to take over her care now, that’s why they’ve admitted her to the acute geriatric unit. Of course, the orthos will review their handiwork but the geriatric team is going to oversee her recovery. From what the charge nurse said, they can arrange all sorts of allied health services for me from the ward.’

  ‘That’s good.’ His words were kind, with no trace of patronage.

  ‘We’ll see.’ With a sigh she slipped off the bed and wandered out into the ward corridor. ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’m starting to think that a home might be better for her.’

  ‘It was an accident, Lila.’

  ‘I know,’ she finally admitted. ‘I was actually coming around to the idea beforehand. It’s not that I don’t want to look after her, it’s just I don’t think I can physically do it any more.’

  ‘But maybe with the right help it would be easier. Look, Lila, you’ve had it so tough up until now. Surely now everything’s out in the open, things can only improve. If nursing your mum at home is what you really want to do, go for it.’

  His words were a revelation, the antithesis of what she’d expected to hear. ‘I didn’t think you’d understand. I thought that you’d just agree she’s better off in a home.’

  ‘It’s not about what I think, Lila, or any of us for that matter. It’s about what you want. It’s about supporting your decisions and doing our best to make it as easy on you as possible. Lila, I don’t want to upset you further but I think we both know that your mum hasn’t got much longer. You’ve come this far. If you want to see it through to the end, don’t lose your confidence now.’

  He put his arm around her as she started to weep. ‘This is about you, Lila…’

  The sudden shrill of his pager made them both jump. Looking down at the small black pager pinned to his white coat, he frowned. ‘They need me back.’

  I need you, Lila wanted to scream, but of cours
e she didn’t. ‘Thanks for coming by.’ How austere her words sounded, such a contrast to the violent emotions engulfing her as she stood there.

  Stood there and watched Declan leave.

  *

  Even though orthopaedics wasn’t her specialty, as a nurse Lila knew more or less the care her mother would receive. Or at least she’d thought she did. But though it initially felt strange, watching others deliver the care she was so used to giving, what came as a bigger and more pleasant surprise was the way in which that care was delivered. The empathy shown by the nurses, the diligent attention to detail, the kind, gentle words that soothed Elizabeth as they turned and washed her.

  What Lila had expected she wasn’t sure. Always fiercely proud of her profession, for some reason when it came to her own mother to this day she had been sure only she, Lila, could truly provide what Elizabeth needed. But now…

  ‘Dr Selles will see you now.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Putting Elizabeth’s hairbrush back into the locker, Lila followed the charge nurse to Yvonne’s office. At this morning’s ward round Lila had asked Yvonne if she might have a word to discuss her mother’s care after her discharge. It was a huge step and one Lila was still undecided about, but at least now she was prepared to listen to the options.

  ‘Lila, have a seat.’

  Yvonne looked rather uncomfortable, which came as no surprise. They weren’t exactly on the best of terms and having to deal with Lila in a professional capacity couldn’t have been easy for Yvonne.

  ‘I’m pleased you’ve asked to discuss your mother’s post-hospital care. Declan did bring your mother’s issues to my attention even before Elizabeth’s accident.’ She watched Lila’s reaction.

  ‘Good. He said he was going to.’

  ‘Now, I understand you’re opposed to your mother going into a nursing home—can I ask why? I mean, I know it’s never an easy decision, but what are your specific concerns?’

  Lila took a deep breath. She liked the directness of Yvonne’s questions, and had no hesitation in answering her honestly. After all, it was her mother’s future that was being discussed.

  ‘I’m worried that she won’t get the right attention in a home. Working in Emergency, unfortunately I’ve seen first hand the byproducts of the less than satisfactory nursing care some of the homes deliver.’